Oh, yeah.
Right there.
Yeah, you got it.
Where'd you learn to give a hummer like that?
Middle school.
That's funny.
Well, I should probably split.
Can I drop you off somewhere? Mall or...
Aren't we forgetting something?
Yeah.
Sorry about that. - Get this.
Yeah, getting all the thing.
It's only 18 bucks.
I'll... I'll get you back next time.
I don't think so, buddy.
Hey, what're you doing?
Quick, take this.
Who are they? - Smile, Dale.
You are on candid camera, motherfucker.
I just got head from a 17-year-old.
Now playing at a prison near you.
Okay, quit fucking around. Give me my keys.
I am a cop.
You're going to prison, you fucking criminal.
Okay, put the phone down.
We got your license plate on camera.
You're so fucked.
Okay, that... That's entrapment.
That won't ever hold up in a court of law.
We're not taking you to court.
We're just taking your money.
It's only 400 bucks.
Is that all you got in your bank account?
How much do you think a cop makes?
Well, that's depressing. You're a grown ass man.
We ever catch you trolling for underage pussy again,
I swear to God, we're uploading that shit to the Cloud.
Please do no do that.
That shit will spread like HPV.
You fucking... male.
Can I go now, please?
Go. Run along.
Bye, Dale.
Fuck you.
You guys wanna go to Dairy Queen?
-For sure. Yeah.
Eh, Mama, come in here.
Come and tell me hi.
How you feeling, you little nerd? - Come here.
I need some... I need love.
Come here. - I can't...
-It's a fucking nightmare!
It's like nothing is penetrating.
The finals are next week, and I'm so fucked.
Why're you studying if you don't want to?
You don't have to. Sherman's rich.
I mean, he's richer...
and I... I want to.
This is something that I want to do,
and now, finally, I'm with somebody that is supportive of that.
At least Dad wasn't some boring loser who collects old pinball machines.
Can you be nicer to Bob, please?
Just don't be so tough on him. I know he's not cool.
No, he's not.
But he's a good, good person.
He cares about you very, very much.
I don't want him in our house, in our space.
It's not just our space anymore.
Sorry. - Mom!
Although, I don't know what he'd say if he found this.
Where'd you find that?
In the bathroom, last night.
That's what I was just looking for.
Dude...
whatever you do on your own time,
is totally up to you. - Okay.
But you cannot just leave that lying around.
Sherm would have a fucking heart attack if he saw this.
Mom...
Do we need to have another chat with Dr. Demarcia?
No. Dr. Demarcia is a sexual predator.
He is! Why do you always do that? I'm not making it up!
I'm not going back to him.
I just... Come here...
What?
I just need you to not freak anybody out tonight.
Okay
You're ashamed of me or something?
No, I'm not ashamed of you, you crazy bitch!
Just, this dinner is very important.
All right, I just don't want you to... You can be scary.
So I just need you to put it in check.
Okay? I love you most.
Can you wash your hair before this evening?
It just smells a little funky.
Bye!
So close!
Why don't you ever buy shit with the money we make from these perverts?
I've been saving up.
For what?
I'm going to DeVry, bitch!
98% acceptance rate.
Dream big or go home!
Yo, check it out. Hot, old guy is back.
He's so hot.
He's old enough to be your dad.
I'd fuck your dad so hard if that was your dad.
That's a good thing.
But why is he always here?
Like, he's literally never not at the bowling alley.
I hope he's not lonely.
Oh, I don't think so.
I feel like his dick has a tax attorney.
No, his dick could like, pay off his mortgage.
He's too old, Erica.
I wanna hold his hand.
What're we doing later?
You wanna come over to my place, play Mario Kart?
I would, but I have to go meet my future step-brother tonight.
I don't understand. Your mom's been with Sherm for a year.
Like, how have you not met that guy?
'Cause he's been in rehab this whole time and now he's coming to live with us.
Cool. Maybe he's sexy and on heroin.
Yeah, like Kurt Cobain vibe.
Okay. - I want that for you.
I'll see you guys later?
All right, good luck. - Bye.
I'm so full! - Stop eating that, then.
I'm not gonna touch it. I won't touch it, but it's really growing.
Do you see that thing?
It hurts like shit.
Holy shit, is that him?
Damn. He's hot!
Oh, I know. How hot is he?
That's Shorty. That's his sponsor.
Si that's not Luke? - No.
Which one is...
Now there's Luke...
in the... That coat. Okay, you shitting me.
What's the problem?
Mom, why didn't you tell me that he's that?
What do you mean? - That he's a big boy.
'Cause I knew you'd be a fucking cunt.
Junkies are supposed to be skinny.
Shut up. Just get your shit together.
Hi, guys! - Hi!
Oh, there he is, there he is! - Hey, gang.
Erica, can you scoot over?
Erica, please?
Right. Hey, bud. Take a seat, Luke.
Plenty of room. Don't be shy. - You wanna take that jacket off?
There you go.
Okay... You okay?
Squeeze in there, I don't want to get your jacket.
You got to really squeeze yourself in there.
There we go. Here we are.
Everybody in?
So nice to meet you finally.
It's really nice to meet you, Laurie.
Oh, so polite.
So, any special music requests for DJ Sherm?
We got some hard rock, some soft rock. - You're so funny.
Country...
How about... Yeah, let's try that.
Okay. - That's pretty good.
Here we go.
I love this. It has a cool... little rhythm here.
DJ Sherm? Yes, ma'am.
This music sucks ass.
Is that a good thing? No.
Yes! Fair enough.
We'll find something else.
Oh, my God, it looks so... A real Sophie's choice.
Well, what are you in the mood for, honey? Something hot or cold?
Let's start there.
This is, uh, on the pricey side.
I don't need all these sides.
We could split apps. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not that.
So, Erica, you must be psyched to have an older brother type in the house
that can turn you on to music and movies and comic books,
and things like that.
Totally psyched.
I get to have a complete stranger living in my home.
No offense, buddy.
Well, everybody is a stranger until you get to know them.
That's true. - Just look at you guys.
You hardly knew each other. Now, you're like...
We're best buds. - Thick as thieves.
Put it up.
Hi. You guys ready to order? - How are you?
Hi. This is the guest of honor, right here.
So order anything you want on the menu.
Not exactly. - Yes, let him. Just let him.
The doctor has him on a special diet,
so no processed sugar or gluten or carbs
or red meat. And dairy is discouraged.
But, other than that, anything you want, cowboy! - Yes.
Besides that, anything else. There's a lot of options.
Maybe we could go grab some twigs from that tree outside.
I'll... I'll just order last.
- Sure... yeah take a second. - Sure.
I'll start things off. - There's so much.
Yeah, I was thinking about the hors d'oeuvres.
You know what's really looking good to me is the salad.
Oh, yes. Well, two salad bars for me and my lady.
Then we can make our own choices.
It sounds nice. - Right. Right.
So cute.
I'm gonna look like a girl.
You also want the salad bar?
I don't want the salad bar at all.
I want the buffalo wing blasters with extra bacon butter mash, and a
ice-cold mountain dew.
Thank you very much.
Okay, you're up, dude.
Take it.
Get a salad bar? - Okay, all right.
Luke... - Or jello...
It's okay. Jut count to ten.
Just count to ten. You got it. Hey, Luke, come on.
You're trained for this now. Come on, buddy.
Just do the exercises. Do the work. Count to ten.
Are you okay? - Breathe through the nose.
It's... - What can we do, honey?
What? Mom, what's going on? - Out through the mouth.
Shit! - Damn it.
He's surprisingly fast.
I think that maybe you should go after him, honey.
What? Why?
Because I asked you to. Because it would be kind.
I'll give you ten bucks.
Fifteen. - Hey, Laurie.
Stop it. Bob, this is just... - Twenty.
Twenty dollars. Twenty dollars and he better come back in.
You're not getting twenty bucks until he's back here in his chair.
Better be back here. - I got it.
It's not an effective strategy.
It's effective for us. So, that's just...
Dude? What's up?
Running away from your new fam already?
Hello?
What?
I just needed some air.
Kinda looked like you were having a heart attack or something. Are you okay?
It's a panic attack.
Why don't you think of something peaceful, like...
kitten and a baby bear making out.
That may... - Doesn't help.
Didn't help?
Unreal.
It's fine. I'm used to it, really.
What were you in rehab for?
Pills.
Oxys, mostly.
So, you like to get low. I feel you.
I don't do drugs.
People think that's lame...
but fuck them, you know.
Are you okay?
I'm not... I'm not helping?
Do you want a blowjob?
What? - Do you want a blowjob?
Like right now?
Here? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you seem very...
No. - tense and I think it could really help with
whatever it is you're going through. - Stop.
I won't ask. I just... I'll just blow you.
I like sucking dick. It's not... It wouldn't be a burden.
Are you fucking with me?
No, I'm not fucking with you.
It's not like we're related or anything, dude.
Calm down. Here, just... - Jesus-fucking-Christ!
Just, no, okay?
Fine. I couldn't find your dick anyway, asshole.
Sorry, that was mean.
And you're probably a virgin, and you're 16.
Poor boy.
I'm 18.
And you refused a blowjob from me?
Like, I know you're shy, but...
Oh, you're gay!
Why didn't you say so? - I'm not gay!
Hey, there's nothing wrong with being gay.
I just don't want a blowjob from my future step-sister.
What is so hard to understand about that?
Fuck! Leave me alone!
Okay.
Whatever!
I mean, he's literally fat as fuck.
No fucking way. That sucks.
He's also a weird drug addict and very gay.
Girl, you have a gay brother you gonna play and jerk off to the same porn.
How do you know he's gay?
'Cause I tried to suck his dick and he turned me down.
That's so fucked up. He's like basically your brother.
I'm not trying to have sex with him or anything. I'm not a psychopath.
Oh, my God, babe!
Babe are you okay?
Yeah. I wasn't gonna eat that shit anyway.
I'm sure, slut.
Hey, Ali.
Why you such a fucking bitch?
Erica, I'm having a lot of trouble hearing what you're saying...
without a dick in your mouth.
I really wanna punch you in the face right now.
I just don't wanna ruin those lip injections that daddy gave you.
At least my daddy is not in fucking jail.
Shut the fuck up!
Get her off me!
Fuck off of me... Fucking psycho!
Momma.
Hey, Mummy. - We need to talk.
It wasn't my fault. She fucking started it.
Oh no, I'm not talking about that cunt though.
Let me... - Look... It hurts.
You gotta keep it lubed up or else it's gonna scar.
I can't... it's disgusting.
Listen...
Bob says you've been really tough on Luke.
What about it? - I need you to apologize.
Apologize? - Yeah.
I'm not gonna apologize. What am I? Twelve years old?
It's not a question, lady.
I'm telling you you have to apologize. - Right and I'm not gonna.
Look.
Okay, listen.
He just got out of rehab, right? - I know that.
Okay. He's feeling really, really tender.
We don't know what that feels like.
Let's just try to be human beings.
Bob...
is internalizing his emotions and I'm feeling very worried about him.
Stop it now... Focus, please.
I know that this has been a really, really, really difficult transition for you.
And I know it's not easy. I really appreciate...
everything that you have been doing, you're a sweet, sweet girl.
And I need you to say one thing...
one nice thing to Luke... To Luke?
for me.
Please. It will go s... it will go so far.
Will you give me hair tickles?
Will you say something nice?
Okay. Practice with me.
Can we come up with one nice thing
you could say to that human being? - Yeah.
I'll tell him...
that if his plane crashes into a mountain,
he'll be able to keep a whole lot of starving passengers...
Stop it! Erica please.
It would just make my life so much easier...
It looks like he should smell crazy bad...
Still not helping. - But he doesn't.
And...
he has nice eyes.
What!
Did she say something nice about somebody?
Don't tell anyone.
I'm gonna scream it to the neighbors, and the secret will be out.
All right, everybody, hot dogs are ready...
come get them while they're hot. - Hot dogs, hot dogs.
And some steamed carrot dogs for you, Lukemeister.
Oh, there she is.
That's what I need. - Yeah.
Cheers. - Top chef.
Got some hot dogs here, got some buns in the back.
You idiot!
Erica? - What!
Why don't you come over here and do Chef Sherm a salad
and deliver these to Luke.
Okay, I'm coming.
It's all good, huh?
Why do I have to do that?
Erica, we talked about this. You have to be nice to him.
Be nice.
Thank you. - Thank you.
That wasn't too bad. - I got this.
Hello!
The Sherm wanted me to give these to you.
Great. I'm not that hungry.
Is that your rat?
His name is Titty.
You named your rat 'Titty'?
Titty boy.
He only eats Hot Cheetos and his favorite show is 16 and Pregnant.
I always thought rats were like, gross.
Rats are like the most misunderstood creatures on earth, okay?
They get blamed for tons of shit, like the plague,
which wasn't even their fault.
Gerbils are the ones that are actually sketchy as fuck.
Wanna go eat some real food?
You gonna leave soon? - Yeah.
Right now?
Are you inviting me? - Yeah.
Cool sunglasses.
I like them.
Let's go.
Where you guys going? - To go buy some crack.
You know, throw it down.
It's okay. It's okay.
They're not buying drugs, Bob.
Just let them hang out. - No, I get the joke.
Oh, my God.
Going to town on that thing, aren't you!
This is like the first real food
that I've had in months.
Don't tell Sherm. Glad to see you happy, though.
So my therapist says that...
I have a lot of anxiety issues.
And...
I get angry a lot.
So, food kinda just calms me down and...
makes me think less of those situations
that I get anxious over.
Sorry I've been such a rude bitch lately.
Never really had a brother before.
I don't know how to act around you.
Also, you and Sherm are like, in my space and shit,
and I don't really want you guys there.
I mean, I've never had a sister who tried to blow me before,
so the feeling's sort of mutual.
Offer still stands, by the way.
I'm trying to pretend like that never happened.
Dude, you need to loosen up.
I'm serious. I'm like the dick whisperer.
I'm extremely gifted.
So you don't mind doing it to guys who you don't know.
No. - Doesn't matter who?
A dick is just like a thumb without a fingernail, if you really think about it.
Aren't you worried about diseases or... - No, I'm not.
Aren't you worried about people calling you a slut.
I don't care what other people think about me.
Why you looking at me like that? It's not like I fuck these dudes.
Really? - Yeah.
If a dude goes around eating a bunch of pussy,
nobody gives a fuck. Nobody calls him a slut.
Called feminism.
Yeah, no, I get that. I understand that.
Besides dude,
it's better for you than eating burgers and popping pills all day.
I don't pop pills anymore and when I did,
it was the kind that suppressed your appetite, not make you eat more.
So are they gonna send you to fat camp next?
They tried to send me to fat camp.
I came back fatter.
Sherm was really pissed.
That's Sherm.
So, what happened to your dad?
My dad's the shit.
Is that all?
He got caught a few months ago trying to rob a casino, so...
Trial day hasn't hit, so I'm saving up to bail him out.
It's no big.
Do you wanna see what he looks like? - Yeah.
Don't we kinda look alike?
I mean, it's kind of a small picture, but yeah.
Oh, my God.
You okay?
What's up?
Just. Just calm... Luke!
Where are you going?
Luke?
Totally normal way to end a conversation, bro.
What's up, guys?
Oh, my God.
Just leave me alone, please.
What the fuck are you doing?
Get the fuck out!
Stupid.
So fucking stupid.
Oh, my God, are you okay?
Don't touch me. - I'm not gonna touch you, okay?
I'll just... Don't move.
Mom!
Is he okay?
Yeah, just gonna have a couple of stitches
but other than that, he should be fine.
Your mom's back there with him right now.
I know he's...
he's kind of messed up but I feel like he was fine a few hours ago.
Yeah, well Luke's a...
Luke's a complicated little guy.
There's a... there's lot about him you don't really know.
Like what?
Just...
Bunch of years ago... Luke... accused a teacher of...
fondling him. - What?
Touching his penis...
private areas...
and apparently...
Luke thinks he saw him around town...
but he won't say exactly where.
Okay.
He didn't say whether it was today or... No?
Well apparently, there were some... inconsistencies with Luke's story, and...
the police don't necessarily have the evidence they need to verify...
They think he was lying. They don't believe... Why would he lie?
I don't... so fucked up, Sherm.
Yeah, believe you me.
I'll tell you what...
There's nothing I'd rather do than go over to this motherfucker's house
in the middle of the night, with some car batteries and jumper cables and...
go to town on that motherfucker.
But you know, you got to let the law do its thing.
Anyways...
What we need to do right now is, we need to...
let Luke know that we're here for him and...
and we love him, and we're here to support him...
you know, that's all we can do.
That's what we got to be doing.
Sherm. - Yeah.
You can't smoke in here.
Oh, shit. - Yeah, no, no.
I cannot believe that hot old guy was a pedo this whole time!
It doesn't make any sense. It's like, he's hot.
Like, he could get somebody his own age.
I know! - Think you're missing the point.
What? - I don't know, 'cause, like...
It's not about who he could get. Like, obviously he get girls.
But he doesn't. And that's like the point.
What are you even talking about? - We're trying to make some money, dude.
You can be like a real fun sponge.
If Luke's his type, what makes you think he's gonna be into you?
You're not a boy. - Okay, but it's 2016.
Sexuality and gender are totally fluid concepts now.
Okay, so you're gonna dress like a boy?
What? No.
Look, how do you know that he's loaded?
He drives a fucking Saab!
Saab's like a mid-range car.
No, it's the European car. It's a very nice car.
Trust me.
Okay. - Are you guys in or not?
I'm in. - Cool. Cheers.
This is good. - Oh, it is good, I was craving salad.
Hi, honey.
Do you want me to...
real quick, fix you a plate? - We've some quinoa set up for you.
I'm okay.
Erica, do you think that I could speak with you in the other room?
Sure.
Ask him if he wants me to fix him a plate.
What's up, Lukey?
I wanna go back to rehab. Can...
Can you help me?
Is this about Will Jordan?
How do you know about that?
I mean...
you weren't exactly subtle back there at the bowling alley, dude.
Doesn't matter. The point is, I believe you.
I do. And, I'm gonna help you.
Just forget I said anything.
Can you scoot over? I need this side of the bed. Okay.
I deal with these sleazebags on the reg, okay. I know what goes on in...
this town behind closed doors...
and open doors.
What do you have in mind?
The way I see it, you've got two options here.
You can either superglue your asshole shut
and spend the rest of your life running away from this guy like a little bitch.
Or we can bust his pervy ass...
and make the motherfucker pay!
Think about it, okay?
I'm taking this.
So, Erica says this is like your ex-boyfriend or something.
Was it serious?
Yeah, did you like, go all the way or did you just make out and stuff?
What the fuck is wrong with you guys?
He isn't some science project for you to analyze, he is a human bean.
Did you say bean or being? - Enough!
Guys, nothing's even gonna happen. Can we please just get out of here?
No! This is a stakeout.
You didn't think it actually involved eating steak, did you?
You're so funny.
My mom keeps texting me. I should probably go home soon.
Nobody's going anywhere until we see this guy molest somebody.
I don't wanna see that.
What, you think he's just gonna molest someone right in front of us?
I don't know! - I don't think he will, he's like a pro.
That's what you get a subterranean dungeon for.
What? - Totally.
Let's get out of here.
I don't believe this shit. Are you serious?
You guys are bailing on me already? We've been here for like two seconds.
Well, it's taco night.
Look, shaking down a child molester is our moral obligation.
We're the only ones standing between Will Jordan and a whole town of innocent little boys.
If we don't act now...
then other little kids might get butt-raped like big Lukey over here,
and in 15 years from now, they'll be popping pills and eating their feelings, too.
Do you really want that on your conscience?
No, I don't... I don't want anyone to be fat.
Fuck me.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. - It's all right.
Didn't see that. - It's my bad. Sorry.
Sorry.
Just wondering whose dick I got to suck to get some coco puffs around here.
Know what I mean?
Well, I'm no expert, but I would imagine it's not in the freezer isle.
You're so smart.
Do I know you?
I'm sorry? - Do you work at the mall.
The mall, no! - Sunglass Hut?
Is the Sunglass Hut at the mall?
Cinnabon. - At the mall?
'Cause I don't work at the mall.
So, can't help you. - No, okay.
I know where I know you from.
Where's that?
Bowling alley!
You're a hot old guy, who's looking at me and my friends...
we go there all the time. We've been ogling your goodies for like, the last six months.
My goodies? - Yeah.
Oh, my God, okay. Thanks.
It's a compliment. - Great!
Hey, do you mind escorting me to the cereal isle?
You want me to escort you to the cereal isle?
Please?
So, do you have a job or do you just like, bowl 24/7?
Yeah, that's me. Never not bowling.
Actually, my buddies and I do have a league on Wednesday nights.
And you openly tell people that?
Well, I tore my ACL. I can't play basketball.
Not ready to put on golf pants just yet.
You guys have a team name?
We do. The Gutter-punks.
Badass, dude. - Okay.
You know what, we're league champs three years running.
Cool. - We've even had our own shirts made.
Very cool. - It is cool.
Well I know, that's why I said it.
Okay, what do you do for fun?
Watch movies, listen to music, worship the devil.
You know...
typical teenage shenanigans. - What kind of music, like Justin Beiber and shit?
Some shit. Do you listen to Andrea Bocelli?
No, I like hip hop, actually.
Oh, okay. Well, Macklemore is not hip hop.
Mackle... No, like...
KRS-One, stuff you've never even heard of. - Oh, my God.
Dude, I know way more about that shit than you do.
Yes, I do. - Okay, who's your favorite rapper?
Eazy-E, and may he rest in fucking peace. - Eazy-E. Oh, my God.
It has nothing to do with that movie that came out, does it?
Fuck no, okay. I know every single lyric to gimme that nut...
every single lyric. - That song is older than you are.
How are you into that stuff? - My dad.
Your dad?
That's pretty weird. - What?
Alright, this is your stop.
Here we are. - Coco puffs. There they are.
Thanks. - You're welcome.
Erica.
I'm Will. - Hey.
All right. - Okay.
Bye. - Bye.
See you at the bowling alley.
Thank you for using Jail Mail.
Please leave your message for inmate... Ray Vandross.
at the tone.
Hi, Ray... Dad.
It's me. I was just calling. I haven't heard from you in a minute.
I'm sure, you know, you haven't called 'cause you're super busy
doing whatever it is that you do.
Hey, that business that I started with my friends,
I just wanna let you know, we're killing it.
And, I don't wanna get ahead of myself, but I think actually I might.
I have enough to bail your ass out soon, so...
yeah.
I feel like they're gonna cut me off 'cause I hear that beeping thing,
but I love you, and I miss you, and...
Thank you for using Jail Mail. Your call is now complete.
Do you think it's weird that Will doesn't have a girlfriend?
Why is that weird? He's into little boys.
No, but I was just thinking, if I was a child molester,
I'd for sure have like a... like a hot significant other to...
cover my tracks and alibi.
You think he's hot?
I don't think he's hot. He's a fucking pedophile.
Granted...
He does have a banging ass dad-bod, but I mean, I don't wanna marry the dude.
You've been scrolling through his photos for the past hour and a half.
I'm looking for clues. Don't be so fucking weird.
I wanna help you.
I never asked for your help, Erica.
Unfortunately, you don't really have a say in the matter, we're vigilantes.
Okay?
What would Batman and Robin do
if they saw the Joker sticking his finger up little boys' assholes?
Batman wouldn't be talking about Joker's banging dad-bod.
You know Robin would.
I know your secret. - What?
You're jealous.
I'm not jealous. - Yes, you are.
You're jealous. You think that... - No, I'm not.
You think that I like Will and it's eating you up inside.
No I'm not fucking jealous of you wanting to date a child molester.
I know you want a piece of this.
Your mouth has like 10.000 venereal diseases, so...
I love this song!
Makes me feel like dancing.
You wanna see me dance, Luke?
No, I don't.
Are you sure?
What?
I don't.
It's so fun though.
I guess.
Do you know this song?
Come dance with me.
No...? It's a good song.
Do you like that? One of those?
I don't wanna dance by myself.
Kinda embarrassing. Come dance with me.
I can't. - Come dance.
Do you like when I do that? What about like a... like a...
No.
No? Have you ever danced with a girl before?
Come on, you know the answer to that.
Please.
I don't like this music. - Oh, I don't like this music.
I'll play different music. Come on.
Come here!
Come on. Come on, come on, come on. Let's go.
Are you excited to dance with me?
We'll see.
Come on. - Listen, you listen to this kind of music?
What'd you mean? - Never thought you'd be into music like this.
It just came up on a... I didn't pick it.
I saw you double click on it. - Fuck off, dude.
Just dance with me, don't be such a dick.
Look at me!
Look at me.
Just that...
You're like, squeezing onto a fucking giant airplane right now.
You're pretty hard on yourself.
You can grab me, I'm not gonna break.
Jesus...! You scared the shit out of me. - I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you. I forgot that guys your age
have a higher risk of stroke and heart failure.
Are you gonna teach me how to bowl or what?
You hang out here and you don't know how to bowl?
Yeah, I'm in high school, idiot. What else am I gonna do?
Maybe another time. I was hoping to get in a few frames before they close.
My name is Will and I was hoping to get in a few extra frames before they close.
Come on.
All right.
All right, straighten your wrist and point your thumb at the center pin there.
Not bad.
That ball was way too heavy for me.
Well, let's get you a lighter ball then.
Here you go.
Now, you wanna roll the ball. You don't throw the ball. Okay?
So, I'm gonna have to adjust you. You need to...
You have to square your hips. Okay?
Now you're gonna take some steps here.
Now step forward, while pulling your arm back.
Now, swing your arm forward, lower your hips.
Keep stepping forward.
Ready?
I got them!
You see? - Did you see that.
I did it. - See, you did it right.
What do I win? My part at the Gutter-punks
Can I have a shirt?
Well you win a series of points, up there on the board.
I don't get a price? - You don't win an object...
but you get... See?
There you go. That's your score. That's yours.
I thought this was like Skee-ball for losers.
Why the fuck does anyone play this?
It's a good question.
Let's go play arcade games.
What do you think is happening in there?
I don't know, I'm hungry. Let's go eat steak.
What the fuck?
Oh, my God, we got him!
Okay. Well, it was fun hanging with you.
You're not gonna drop me off at home.
Why would I do that?
Don't you know what happens to 17 year old girls
who walk home alone at night in the rain?
If I get kidnapped and trapped in some guy's basement for 30 years...
Totally your fault. - All right, okay.
I'm serious! - All right, all right, all right.
Okay.
You ready?
Okay, here we go.
Okay. You go first, you go first, right? - Two...
Three. - Oh, my God.
Shit, where's my phone? Got it.
Oh, my God.
Hurry up. It's so cold!
Fuck.
Oh, my God. - Fuck!
Oh, man!
Like, what?
Good lord. - Could you run the heat?
Oh shit! It's fucking... - It'll warm up, it'll warm up.
Kala, can you scrub the window? I can't see shit.
You okay? You seem really tense.
No, I'm good. - You okay?
Yeah, yeah. - Cool.
Oh, God.
Are you cold? - Yeah, a little.
It's kinda gross, but...
Well that's okay. I don't need that. - It'll do the trick. Here. Here!
What the fuck!
Why's she doing that?
Do you see this? - She's like totally into it.
She's fucking making out with him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey... - Sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm... that was... I didn't...
I just freaked out. I don't...
Whatta you doing?
Whatta you doing. - Giving you a blowjob.
Stop it!
Here, I'll call you a cab that's for getting out.
I don't want... - Just take all of this.
You really know how to make a girl feel special. I can find my own way home.
Asshole.
What was this all about?
Dude, what happened back there? Like, you were about to close.
That was super weird.
I literally don't know what that perv's deal was.
Everything was going according to plan and he just got weird with me. It was like...
You were making out like you were on a date in his Saab.
I've never seen you do anything like that before.
Probably 'cause she's in love with him.
Fuck you. I'm not. He kissed me.
You kept kissing him after he kissed you. - No, I stopped!
He freaked out. He was being fucking weird.
I agree.
Okay, so then, what's the plan? I want our money.
What if we break in and tie him up?
Cool... Like dom him. Like he's out little bitch.
I like that a lot.
What if we slip some drugs in his food while he's not looking?
That's a good idea. Drugs... like what drugs, like... Roofies?
That's a fucking great idea.
That is a horrible idea. - We can roofie him...
knock his ass out, right? So then, once he's out...
we all strip down, not you,
take some sexy pictures, and then extort his ass for cash.
Are you fucking serious. - Like literally, like, yeah.
But, who do we know has roofies?
Okay.
Here you go, just a little bit. - Okay.
Just a little, just a little. - Easy...
That's not a little. - Jesus!
Sorry. - Too much.
He's not gonna drink the whole thing out.
Okay. - Go get, my girl.
Wish me luck.
Bye. - Okay.
Surprise!
What are you doing here?
I'm not stalking you or anything.
I just... I came by to say I'm sorry.
It got weird the other night and...
I didn't bring your sweatshirt.
As you can probably tell, I have like, major daddy issues.
Yeah...
You know what, I feel like I'm actually the one that should apologize.
I never should have put you in that position.
Let's... - Sorry.
We're both sorry, let's start over, as friends.
Yeah sure. Why not?
I got you a dope-ass mix.
Thought maybe I could bring your music tastes into the 2000s.
Fingers crossed.
Dope-ass mix?
You gonna let me in or...
What? - I...
I don't think that's... the greatest idea, Erica.
Come on... one beer to bury the hatchet.
One beer, then I'll go. Promise.
All right.
Just one beer and I gotta like...
Well fucking have half a beer.
Half a beer! - Half a beer, okay.
Where should... is... do you have a fridge that I...
Yeah, in the... in the... - Nice house.
Where's your bottle opener? - The drawer to the right of the stove.
Found it!
Here you go.
Cheers.
If anyone asks, you did not get that from me, okay?
Okay, Dad.
Okay, speaking of...
Do your parents ever wonder where you are?
Not really, no.
My mom's busy with her new boyfriend and my dad's in jail.
So...
How did he get there?
He got caught being awesome in a casino.
He should be getting out any day now, though.
You know, my dad wasn't really around either.
Seems like no one stays together anymore.
I'll drink to that.
No?
Who's that? Sister?
That is my ex-wife, Brenda.
I propose a new toast.
To 'people sticking together'. What do you think?
Sure, I'll drink to that. - Okay.
Alright, here we go.
Beer's kinda skunky.
Yeah, it's the only beer that I could afford.
It's... gonna taste like piss.
Where did you get this?
Ninety-nine cent store.
Really? - I'm sorry.
You can't get beer at the 99 cent store.
I can and I did.
Are you going to Paris or some shit?
That was given to me by the aforementioned Brenda.
And why the fuck would you keep it?
To remind me how much I hate her.
Just kidding. Kind of.
Why'd you split up?
That is a... long story.
We got nothing but time. - No.
Complicated.
Man, come on, tell me.
You can't say it's complicated and then not tell me.
Well, a few years ago I was teaching middle school in Woodland Pines.
You were... that's... a teacher?
Okay, I didn't know that you were a teacher.
Yeah, I was also girl's basketball coach.
Regional champs three years running. Go, Roadrunners!
So, what happened?
Why did you stop? - Well, I got fired.
Some fucking punk...
accused me of molesting him.
You would be shocked...
what a molestation accusation does to a perfectly fine marriage.
Did you do it?
No I didn't do it. Of course, not.
Kid was a pathological liar.
He never even got his story straight. It was like a...
desperate cry for attention or something.
That's messed up. - Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
And the fucking... The judge threw the whole case out.
I mean, he had no evidence. But still, I lose...
my job, I lose my wife. I lose my fucking dog.
My dog!
She never walked that dog. I walked that dog.
Any idea what it's like to walk around...
in 100% shame.
Seven days a week, 365 days a year,
I am a fucking nobody.
So now, I'm in this house by myself.
And you know...
what?
Drinking terrible beer with a 17-year-old. I mean no offense, but... Jesus!
My life is awesome.
Dude... Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
I don't know why I did that. I must have tourette's or something. Are you okay?
What are you doing. - I don't know it really...
Dude, no. - What did you do?
Fuck! My friends and I thought you were a pedophile
so we were gonna drug you and take your money
but it was one big misunderstanding so let me go now.
What did you do? - I'm sorry.
What the fuck?
What just happened?
You were in trouble. - I don't know if I was.
Oh, my God, look at him. - Oh, he's really fucked up.
Okay, let's pick him up.
Erica, snap out of it. Come on!
Jesus!
Oh God. - Oh, my God.
Okay, yeah that's good.
I wanna see this.
Okay Luke, take five. Over there.
Corner.
Get your phone? - Got it.
Put in... Like on your tits or something.
Yeah, like that. Yeah, that's good.
Gorgeous. I love it. Sit next to him.
Yeah, get on top.
I like that.
Yeah, touch each other. Like that, perfect.
You look so into it.
Can you see his face? - A little bit up.
Yeah.
You get it? - No, I'm trying to find the right filter.
Dude, just take the fucking picture.
All right, bitch. I'm trying to make you look good.
Take the picture!
Perfect, we got it. That's it.
Let's get out of here.
Wait, just a minute... Leave him like that?
Let's just... Let's just get out of here. Come on.
Let's just... Luke, let's just get out of here.
Guys, his breathing is really shallow.
What do you mean?
How much did he drink? - Not that much.
You guys, come on. Seriously, we're leaving.
He just needs to sleep it off, dude. He'll be fine by the morning.
Plenty of people take roofies recreationally.
No. - Yes.
That's not right. - Dude...
you said he was a child molester. He raped you and he got away with it.
So?
Right?
Yeah.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Okay, so what's our alibi?
We were at my house watching Netflix, and making vision boards.
Okay. - Hey, what should we do with that?
What the fuck is that shit?
That was not part of the plan! - We got bored!
Oh, my God. - We thought it was funny.
The police are here. They wanna have a word with you.
I'm sleeping.
There's cops here, Erica.
I'm tired.
Get up. Get up.
This is not fucking around time!
Jesus! Sorry, Bob.
Bob, get out of my room. - I'm sorry.
All right, here she is.
She's agreed to cooperate.
Miss Vandross. - Sit down.
Have a seat, please.
We just wanna ask a few questions.
Okay.
Where were you last night?
With my friends.
Doing what? - Buying tampons, like, what's it to you?
Erica!
Well the reason we're asking is there's a man named Will Jordan
who had his garage vandalized.
His neighbor said she saw a heavy-set young man...
and a girl who fit your description, leaving the scene of the crime.
I don't know what you're talking about.
What?
What did Will Jordan say to you?
We don't know what he said. We haven't been able to contact him yet.
How about you, big guy?
You have anything you wanna tell me?
Now Luke... just tell the officer what's going on.
She make you do anything, sweetheart?
Nope.
So, is that it?
Yup, but just know. We will be back.
Vandalism is a very serious crime.
Absolutely. We got an open line here.
Let's go. - Whatever we can do to help, we're here...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. - to support you guys.
Maybe we should go and make sure he's okay. - What the fuck...
Erica?
Okay. - Why?
Oh, honey. - What's... what is wrong?
Is there anything you need to tell me?
No.
Are you gonna just stand there and lie to my face?
I'm not lying to you, I've no idea what he's fucking talking about.
Erica...
I'm gonna give you one more try. What the fuck is going on?
Nothing. - There, you just did it again.
You just lied right in my face again. - No, I didn't.
I've been swallowing so much of your bullshit for so long.
So long!
You're gonna just stand here fucking lie right to my face.
It's not a part of the fucking deal that we made!
I am not lying to you. I am not fucking lying to you.
Hey! You don't talk to your mother that way.
Oh, no, no. Oh see, you guys are teaming up behind my back?
Yeah, yeah. 'Cause I need fucking help.
'Cause I can't do this by myself anymore!
You do not get to fucking team up on me. You do not get to do that.
You're just here to fuck my mom and eat our food,
and I don't fucking like it anymore. - Hey!
I'm sorry, Bob. - Who the fuck is that shit?
You can talk to me that way all day long,
but I'm not gonna have you talk to your mom that way, you hear me?
You don't fucking parent me. You are not my father, dude.
Your dad fucking left and I got to do it by myself.
I got to do it fucking by myself, and I fucked up.
I obviously fucked up.
I don't know what to do. I have given it all to you.
I cannot hold on to anybody 'cause you scare them all away!
Everybody!
You're just a cruel, fucking, selfish twat!
You have scared away...
every man...
that has ever shown any interest in me.
And you cannot do it with this one. I won't let you.
Because he's good.
I'm done.
Thank you.
Thank you for everything, Mom.
I can't. I just can't.
Laurie, baby...
You all right?
Stupid.
You coming?
What are we even gonna say to him? - I don't fucking know.
'I'm sorry for drugging you. Here's your sweatshirt'.
Will?
Oh my God!
Do you feel anything?
Okay...
Erica...
What are we doing?
What the fuck do we do? We're so fucked.
Let's...
What are you doing? - I'm getting us out of here.
You're stealing his car?
It's only a matter of time before the cops figure out who did this, Erica.
In case. What about Kala and Claudine?
Just gonna leave them? We're just gonna go? - Claudine's gonna sell you out.
She's never gonna hold up under questioning.
What about our parents? Like, what about my fucking mom?
You can send them a letter once we've made it to Mexico.
Mexico?
You sound like a psycho, Luke.
Erica, look at me.
You're getting in this car, and we're going. Now!
Hey mama. Are you in there?
I'm sorry about earlier.
Lady?
You know what, I'm just gonna come in. I'm sorry I'm busting.
Bob, honey...
Have you seen...
Wait, Bob?
What the fuck, Bob?
Honey, what...
Oh, my God!
So, you say your son was in rehab?
That's correct. - Okay, for about how long?
About a year, give or take.
Okay. Now, in the letter he says he...
kidnapped your daughter and was running away to Mexico.
Do either of you know anyone in Mexico or...
Well...
there's a cleaning lady that comes every other week.
Her name's...
I don't think that's... - Rita.
No.
Was there anything missing from the house? Any jewelry or valuables?
Her clothes, a lot... She took some of her...
of her cute clothes, and she has a notebook.
And her pet rat. - Yeah.
Just so I'm sure I understand.
They came in, took the rodent and the notebook,
trashed the kitchen and... took off.
Well I've a full disclosure on the mess here,
I... smashed up the kitchen.
I read the note and just started punching stuff.
Heads up, guys. We got a 10-54 down the street.
What the hell's a 10-54?
It's okay, it's okay.
Oh my God. I wanna throw up.
I don't understand how this happened.
We were just shooting pictures.
The whole thing was an accident.
It wasn't murder.
Will deserved it.
Right?
Just tell me that he deserved it.
Yes!
Yes. Ab... Absolutely.
I mean I guess so. I...
What do you mean, 'I guess so'?
Are you okay?
No. I'm not okay. I'm obviously not okay.
Are you okay? Are you a sociopath?
You lied to me, and an innocent man is fucking dead because of us!
Listen, we can't stay here. We got to go.
Oh, no, no, no. There's no... there's no...
There's no 'we' in this anymore.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
I didn't lie... I didn't lie.
Okay, I did. It's...
It's complicated, Erica. - Complicated?
Did he touch your dick or not?
He didn't touch me. I saw him touching someone else!
That's the fucking truth.
There...
There was this girl at my school...
She must have been 12...
maybe 13.
I was going back to get a textbook...
and I saw him.
He had his hand...
He was... he was a bad guy, Erica. He... a fucking creep.
I was the only person who knew.
And...
she was scared.
She was really scared.
Sh... she didn't wanna tell anyone.
I was invisible.
No one knew me.
It's not like I had a ton of friends.
Figured if... even if it didn't happen to me, I could...
keep it from happening to someone else. I don't know.
You probably hate me but that's the truth.
I don't hate you.
I just puked.
I don't care.
Where are we?
How did you know where he was?
So I kinda went through your notebook.
last night when you were asleep.
Figured you might wanna...
pick him up on our way to Mexico.
Okay... How do you expect? We don't have enough money.
We didn't get the rest of the money.
Holy shit! Where did you get this, Lukey? Where...
Sherm was saving up for a new Les Paul or something stupid.
This is Sherm's? He's gonna fucking kill you.
Well, you know.
My God! - Live and let die.
Okay!
I look like shit. Do I look like shit?
No, you look great.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Go. - Okay, I am.
Next.
Hello. - Can I help you?
Yes, I'm here to bail out my old man.
Are you a licensed bail bondsman?
Shit. No, I'm his daughter.
Cash or cheque? - Cash.
Last name?
Do you want me to give you the cash now?
Hold... hold on to that. Last name?
Vandross. V-A-N-D-R-O-S-S.
Vandross.
Is that Raymond Vandross?
Well, it says here he was released three days ago.
Nope. That's not possible.
Well, it says it right here.
Did he leave a number?
Did he say where he was going or...
Could you tell me who... Who bailed him out?
Well, I'm not allowed to release that kind of information.
Is there anything else I can help you with?
Next.
Hey that was fast. How'd it go?
Fucking awesome.
Yeah? - Yeah.
It's fucking awesome.
Well, is he coming?
He's gonna come later. He's gonna meet up with us...
in a bit.
All right, let's go.
Okay.
Are you sure everything's okay?
Yes. Everything's great.
Let's go.
Why you being weird?
If anything happened, you can talk to me about it.
No. I said I'm fine.
All right. Okay.
You know what?
Fuck this shit.
Fuck Mexico.
Fuck my dad.
Let's go home.
I mean it. I don't wanna run.
I don't wanna spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulder
every five minutes, and living in fear. I wanna go home
and we can make up some story to explain why we did what we did.
We can figure that out. But, I want us to go home.
Okay, let's go home.
Do you think that's for us? - Yeah, I think so.
Okay, can this thing go any faster?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Should I pull over? - Do you understand if they catch us
before we turn ourselves in, we are fucked!
What do you want me to do? - I don't know.
I don't know what the fuck to do. Just go faster. Just go faster.
I'm going as fast as this fucking thing can go!
Fuck!
Luke, turn here, turn here.
I think we lost him.
Do you see him? - Okay.
Erica, I need to tell you something.
Okay, well now's not really the fucking time.
I know, I know. But I don't know when the next chance I'm gonna get
to tell you this. - No, Luke.
I think you're funny and you're cool. And...
All right, Luke... - and delicate.
When I'm with you, I just don't wanna be anywhere else.
What? What?
I'm not quite good at things like this, but I...
I think I love you.
I love you.
Are you fucking kidding me? - No!
I seriously fucking love you.
Fuck it!
Can I tell you something?
Sure.
Okay. I've never actually done that before.
Really? - Yeah, really.
That was weird.
No. - No in...
No. - In a good way, though.
Yeah, that was...
I can't believe we just had sex.
Sure you don't want us to go in with you? - No, I'm okay.
I love you.
Thanks, Sherm. - Bye.
How are you? - I'm fine.
It's not that bad. - No?
No!
You're okay? - Yeah.
To tell you the truth, I just play video games and watch TV all day.
Sounds good to me.
And it's all from like, ten years ago, so it kinda sucks, but...
Mario Kart though, right?
Nope. - No?
Smash Brothers?
Damn.
So, how's the Sherm?
The Sherm? He's... still pretty pissed, I'm not gonna lie.
He's also a little weirded out by the whole 'us having sex' thing
but you know... he'll get over it.
I think.
You know... my lawyer says that...
I have a really good case.
after all those girls came forward about Will.
Crazy. - Yeah.
You're a hero.
Now you're my hero.
I never got to say thank you.
Thank you.
For saving my ass.
I basically owe my whole life to you.
I'm serious.
Don't mention it.
How are you? What's going on?
I'm good. I'm so... I'm glad to see you...
and I...
cut a deal with the DA in exchange for my home movie collection.
So...
I'm about to start my nine months house arrest.
I have a few years' probation.
And they're still like, figuring out logistics, but...
I got this sick new ankle bracelet.
I'm gonna bedazzle the fuck out of that shit!
...
You look really hot.
I lost ten pounds.
Fucking shit! Ten pounds in a month?
The food here isn't terrific.
Two minutes.
Oh, my God, okay.
I have a surprise. You wanna know what?
All right. - Wait, let me find it.
It's you!
You don't like it?
Are you sure it's mine?
Of course, it's yours.
I'm a one-dick gal these days.