Zane, Zane, Zane. Wait, can you hear this song right now?
This is, like, my favorite song. Zane, wait, hold on.
Wait, shh, seriously. I'm talking right now.
Listen, can you hear the song?
Can you hear...
If you can hear it, you should sing along with me.
It'll be like a duet. It's super romantic.
- - Did you hear the song?
You don't? Well, I think you should like my singing.
That's mean of you to say.
Yeah, I know I got all the words wrong. I've only heard it once,
but it's, like, the best.
No, shut up, I have a really good voice.
Hey, Zane? How do you spell
"antidisestablishment- Arianism"?
I'll never get over it.
Because it was the sixth worst day of my life.
You've seen my list, okay? I'm never gonna forget that.
What the... turtle? Holy...!
Wow. So, this is your big birthday surprise?
Yep. You know, I think my dad misunderstood
when I told him I wanted something "small and sporty."
Yeah, well, it definitely is small.
You know, I had all these dreams
of packing up the trunk of my new car
and driving off to college,
independent and adventurous
and in charge of my own destiny.
Now I'm more likely to get run over by a semi truck
before I even hit the suburbs.
Here, you could use this.
Is there something wrong with my hair?
Uh, no, nope. I just think you need a little touch-up.
Oh, yep.
Like, all up in there, yeah.
Okay, yeah you... it's better. Much better.
- Oh! - You look good.
You know, the blue is pretty, though.
It's, like, good for your skin tone, your eyes.
I'm feeling it.
- My eyes are brown, though. - Yeah.
- Uh-huh. - That was what I said.
- Okay. - Come on, we're gonna be late.
Okay.
Here's your brush.
Came out of nowhere, like some kind of ninja turtle,
which I think is where they got the title from.
Anyway, if it wasn't for my fear of retribution
from animal rights activists, I would've just mowed the thing down,
but I made the conscious decision to, like,
swerve out of the way and save its life
- because I'm a hero. - Yeah.
Well, they don't really go over the whole turtle thing in driver's ed.
They don't, which is extremely upsetting to me,
because it put a serious dent in my dream
to be a taxi driver- slash-male model.
Dude, that was never gonna happen.
- I couldn't be a taxi driver? - No, I'm sorry.
On the plus side, a scooter is super easy to park.
I guess so.
- And it's environmentally friendly. - True, that's good.
And on the weekends, you can make Chinese food deliveries.
- Mmm, okay. - Specifically to me.
What...?
As if my day wasn't bad enough.
Where is that obnoxious weasel?
I just don't understand why my dad won't get me another car.
It's every teenager's right to have a car, okay?
That's in the constitution.
Thomas Jefferson was all over that one.
I'm actually kinda on your dad's side about this one.
Because this is like the third car you've totaled.
Like everyone hasn't been through that.
It's part of learning how to drive!
- I've never totaled... - Whoa. Ahem!
No. No, no, no, no, no.
You know, you can be arrested for that?
- Oh, can I? - Uh-huh.
Arrested, for committing this public service?
This is part of my campus beautification initiative.
You can read about it in my five-step program,
"how Farrell Bennett will become president."
Okay, yeah, you know, if you wanted to clean this campus, Farrell,
- you'd leave it. - I would never leave this campus.
Did you hear the news? Big Jim is having a contest. You can win a new car!
I could win a new car.
That's what we were just talking about. It's fate... thank you.
I don't know who that guy is.
Bye, friend.
- We'll finish this later. - Yes, we will.
Let's go, Emerson.
- Uh... - Okay, em, come on.
- Emerson.
Arrested.
Hey, there! I'm big Jim!
Like you don't already know.
And as always, I'm here at big Jim's car depot,
- with my loyal dog, Bo!
Hey, wave hi there, Bo!
Now listen up. Here at big Jim's car depot,
we feel your pain.
You're a teenager, and all you want is a new car.
Well, how would you like to win this car?
It's as simple as putting your hand on this beauty,
and then it's all about who wants it the most.
The teen who can stand with their hand on this car the longest
drives her home.
If you're between the ages of 16 and 19, you can enter,
just text "dreamcar"
to 06578.
Don't you get caught sittin' in the slow Lane for too long.
You may get left in the dust!
- Come on, Bo!
Okay, so I downloaded an app that will robotext in entries to the contest,
I've calculated that by 3:00,
I'll have entered 1.2 million times.
- Oh, you're gonna win. - Oh yeah.
Wait, dude, this is the wrong number.
No, it's not. Maybe it is. I don't care.
- It'll get there, okay? I promise. - Okay.
Wanna get lunch?
Therefore, fellow citizens of these great classrooms,
I guarantee that if elect...
Excuse me...
When elected class president,
I will endeavor to eliminate nuclear weapons,
not only from this campus,
but from the entire world.
I will make the importation of ivory
illegal in all classrooms in the upper school.
And I will negotiate
a unilateral cease-fire
that will effectively end the war with the junior class.
And also, I want to reinstate the soda machines in the cafeteria
because we don't want no stinkin' juice boxes anymore, yes!
- Oh, okay.
You guys have been great vote Farrell, not Amy. Thank you.
Ahem.
Whoo! Tell 'em, Amy!
Not only does my opponent promise the impossible,
he promises the incomprehensible.
- Love you, girl! - Elect me as your president,
and I promise to have my opponent expelled.
- Whoo! - Yes.
- Yes. Whoo! - They're announcing the contestants
for big Jim's dream car contest
- right now, online!
- It's mine. It's my phone. - Let me just see.
- Hi, I'm Maya. - And I'm Mia, and together...
We're M&M. - And we're here to introduce to you
all the things you don't want to miss out on.
Today, we're giving you an up close and personal look
of the totally awesome teens who have been chosen to be contestants
in big Jim's dream car contest.
Let's meet them now.
Here's contestant number one.
I am so stoked to be the first dude chosen.
I mean, some may question the physical toughness it takes to compete
in such a grueling sporting endeavor, but I say
your "physical" is my "metaphysical," man.
I'm all about the adrenaline, all right?
I have outrun avalanches on my snowboard.
I have gone ice climbing on the glaciers of Antarctica.
And I have fearlessly surfed alongside
great white sharks in South Africa.
Nothing is too extreme for me.
If it's got wings or wheels,
or it could end in sudden death,
oh, it's got my name written all over it.
All right. Keep living the dream, bros.
Here's contestant number two.
Oh, hi, everyone. It's Sophie here.
Welcome to my awesome channel where I clue you in
on all the latest tips and trends in the world of beauty and fashion.
Today, we'll be discussing the importance of sunscreen.
But, before I get into that, though, I want to share
with all of my thousands of super close friends out there
the incredible news that I have been picked to participate
in big Jim's dream car contest!
Now I know, there are a ton of you
who are probably thinking,
"OMG, she's already beautiful and now she's lucky too?"
And you may be feeling just a little bit left out,
but, not to worry, I have got you covered.
As always, I will be documenting everything
that happens during the contest,
on YouTube, Twitter, vine, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, Wechat,
Foursquare, Habbo, Odnoklassniki, Renren,
and of course, my own website.
So you'll all be able to go on this very special journey with me.
And don't forget to like me. It lets me know you care.
So now, on to my beauty tip of the day.
Sunscreen. You should totally wear it.
Here's contestant number three.
I'm a three-time Indy champion.
I took first place in Daytona and Talladega in the same day!
I completed the 24 hours of Le mans in 22 hours!
No one's more qualified to win this competition than me.
Here's contestant number four.
Hi. I'm Lala Zzyzx.
You know, how in every teen movie there's that awkward shy girl
who just needs a transforming makeover
so that she can win the affections of a good-looking, popular boy?
Well, that's not me.
My hair may not be as shiny as yours or my teeth as white
or my clothes as literally cool.
You may not invite me to your parties or even know that I exist.
But guess what? I don't care.
Because I'm smarter than you.
I'm captain of the science team.
We're three-time state champs.
Oh, you don't think that's cool?
It's not. It's freezing,
as in the formula for freezing-point depression,
but you probably don't know that
because you've been too busy playing that dumb app with the mad birds,
an app that I invented, by the way, when I was nine!
So you may ignore me and my friends now,
but one day when we're tech billionaires,
you'll be fetching us coffee
and picking up our hoodies from the dry cleaners.
Winning a car at big Jim's?
I don't need to be better-looking, or stronger,
or tougher, or more popular than you to win.
I just need to be me.
Here's contestant number five.
Whoo! Colby Mann, defensive end,
r-r-Roosevelt high!
My game plan to win this car is simple.
I'll use my superior athletic conditioning
to send each and every one of my opponents
at home on a stretcher in absolute tears.
Until I remain the last one standing
and I take home the championship.
Whoo! Go Spartans!
Dude! I wasn't ready!
Can we do that again?
Here's contestant number six.
I think everyone should give back.
It's really our duty as Americans.
Personally, I get up at 4:00 A.M. every day
to work at the donut shop,
then head to work at the rock quarry after school.
But... mmm.
But I still find time every week to volunteer here,
helping out good citizens like Mr. Adams.
Here you go. Because...
That's what my dad taught me to do.
He's away fighting in Canada,
defending our country, but he said, "son,
everyone can serve in some way,
even if it's just by serving our fellow man."
And contestant number seven.
Yeah, yo.
Wow, Mia, those sure are seven lucky teenagers.
Wait a second. Did you say "seven"?
I did say "seven."
But there should be eight contestants.
Well, silly, the eighth one is a surprise.
They don't even know they've been picked yet.
- From Northside high...
Contestant number eight
of big Jim's dream car contest is...
- Farrell Bennett! - What?
Yes! Oh, yes, I win.
I win, everyone.
Thank you so much. I don't care about this anymore.
I'm gonna win a car! Yes!
Yes, we did it.
- Ooh! - It's kinda scary.
It's horrifying.
Look at this, man. This is where it all goes down.
This is the end of the road.
This is for all the marbles.
This is where we separate the men from the boys.
This is for the whole kit and kaboodle.
- You make that up? - No. That's legit.
"Kit and kaboodle." People say that all the time.
- No. - Yes.
- You don't even know what a kaboodle is. - It's a...
It's a Korean poodle. A "kaboodle."
Seriously. You didn't know that?
Very aggressive breed of dog.
Really?
- My money's on him to win. - Thank you, Zane.
Uh-huh, concussion brain.
I'm gonna spell this out for you because you probably can't read.
- "F," as in "failure."
You know, Dorka, I hear you've been talking trash about winning this.
Oh, I don't talk trash. I talk truth.
Words aren't gonna help you win this competition, babe.
This is all physical, and I've been trainin'.
Really? How do you train for this?
Well, I've been standing around a lot.
- 11 hours, 23 minutes. - What's that?
How long you been hanging out with your
"doctor who" action figures last night?
No. That's how long you'll last in this competition,
according to our scientific calculations.
Sorry. It's just like,
he's a football player, and you're not.
Like, he's used to physical punishment.
I think the last thing you tackled was a bag of Cheetos.
I carried this cooler.
Oh, look at this guy.
Thinks he's all that.
He is all that. He's all that with a side of fries.
Why's he need a car? He's already got a motorcycle.
I know, right? He's probably just getting the car
so he can jump over it on his stupid motorcycle.
Loser.
Dude. I'm sorry.
My money and everything else
is on her to win. Sorry, man.
I forgive you. It's understandable.
You're the guy from the cat videos!
Hey, and you're the girl in the girl videos.
I love rapping cat. I retweet everything he says, he's so funny.
I don't know where he comes up with some of that stuff.
Actually, he comes up with that stuff through me.
Oh. Right.
'Cause he can't type with his little paws.
And he can't rap either,
because, you know, he's a cat?
Right.
Why isn't he here?
Because he's at home, being a cat.
I see you've got your entourage.
Oh, that's a crazy cat lady.
She follows me everywhere.
She wants to meet the rapping cat,
but I'm afraid she wants to eat him.
Well, as far as I'm concerned, any fan is a good fan.
Speaking of fans, where are your supporters?
I have all the friends I need right here.
- Well, good luck. - You too. Oh... okay.
Hi! Oh.
All right, I gotta go set up camp.
- Gotta represent, buddy, okay? - Gotta represent!
All right, you gotta win one for all the semi-intelligent,
moderately handsome guys out there.
They need me as their leader.
- Be the leader! - Be the leader!
- Meditate, meditate.
- You got it. - I'm ready.
- You got it. - Okay. Don't drop that.
All right.
- I miss you. - Miss you too.
Hey, you're Farrell, right?
- Contestant number eight. - Yeah.
You must be Chris, right? Number seven.
Actually, I'm number one. Or I will be when this is over.
Just messing with you, man.
Actually, you know, I'm kind of pulling for all of us.
We all deserve to win. Just that...
Maybe some of us deserve it a little bit more than others?
Are you messing with me again?
I can't really tell when you're being serious.
Oh, look at her.
Beautiful, isn't she?
I don't know.
Kind of like in a Kardashian way, I guess?
She's not really my type, though, but like I see how...
Oh, no. Not her.
Her.
Oh, my goodness.
You... are...
A total...
Loser!
Seriously, tool, get out of my car.
Your car?
Unless you came here with a checkbook today,
this ain't your car.
No, no, I'm not gonna... Not gonna buy a car.
I'm gonna win one. It turns out,
"gameninjaking4.0" didn't realize
he actually had to leave his house to be in the contest.
So they had to draw for a replacement...
- No. - And guess...
- No! - Who they picked.
- No!
Ah! How do I look with the car? Good, right?
What do you think, huh?
What are you doing?
I'm just testing out the waters.
Look, I'm already athletic and good-looking.
All I need now is a cool car and I can get any girl I want.
Really? That's why you want the car?
So you can score chicks?
That's the only reason any guy wants a car like this,
'cause a girl finds a guy more attractive if he drives a nice car.
And that's a scientific fact.
Am I right?
So "scientifically" speaking,
what kind of car does a girl need to drive to get a guy's attention?
A guy could care less what car a girl drives.
We only care about the way that you look.
That's not a scientific fact.
That's biology. Am I right?
That is so neanderthal of you.
And why do you want the car?
Because I want to prove that a strong mind
is more powerful than a strong body.
So this contest is just a science experiment for you?
It's as good a reason as any other. Why do you want the car?
I'm using this contest to boost
my social media profile. Same with Jerome.
Yo, I just want to be able to do something without a cat for once, you know?
Okay, does anyone actually want the car just to have the car?
I do. I want it so I can jump over it on my motorcycle.
I knew it! I knew it, dude! Do you remem...
Oh, you weren't there when I said that, I'm sorry.
Okay, so you don't even need the car?
- That doesn't seem fair. - Fair?
Oh, we're talking about fair stuff now, are we, Amy?
Your dad's rich.
You could buy any car you want. Why are you here?
Just because she's rich doesn't mean she can't win.
We all have our reasons for being here.
Yeah, what's yours? You want to donate the car to charity
so you can, like, save a handicapped whale
or an underprivileged puma or something?
Actually i... I wanted the car
so I could sell it and pay for my mom's kidney transplant,
before it's too late.
I'm just kidding!
- My mom is fine! - That's a horrible joke.
I just wanted the car to give it to her so she didn't have to walk
to her job as a janitor at the prison every day.
It's 15 miles each way,
and it gets cold in the winter.
- Hi, I'm Maya. - And I'm Mia
- and together... - We're M&M.
And we're here at big Jim's
for the start of his dream car contest.
As you can see, all of the lucky contestants
are already here surrounding the car.
If I were them, I'd be sitting down as much as I could right now.
That's because you tend to be a little bit lazy
and let other people do the work for you.
Let's say hi!
Here we have Jerome Bryant.
You all know him as the man behind rapping cat.
Literally, he's the guy who stands behind rapping cat.
And then we have none other than Sophie Jackson,
- Internet sensation. - Maya: Aw!
She's almost as pretty in person as she is online.
- Then we have Klyde Kosar. - And Colby Mann,
our stud muffin athletes.
I love athletes. They're so athletic.
- Call me So do I, although
a few more sit-ups wouldn't kill you, Colby.
And then we have all the rest.
Big honor to be here.
- Do you hear that? - Hear what?
The sound of dreams about to come true?
It's big Jim!
Hey there! Hello!
How you doing? Hey there, good to see you, pardner.
Hey, how's it going? Hey, hi, everybody!
Welcome to my car depot!
It's great havin' you here, I was just telling Bo.
It's like having a family over for a barbecue, ain't it, Bo?
We should be servin' hot dogs or something, shouldn't we?
No, no, no, we ain't...
We ain't here for hot dogs today.
- We here for hot rods. - All right!
We are here for that magnificent machine.
Ain't she a beauty? And one of you beautiful youngsters
is gonna take that car home very soon.
Or maybe not so soon? Who knows?
We may be here a few hours,
we may be here a few weeks. I don't know.
But before we get started,
I do have to tell you a few things that I am legally bound
to communicate in your direction.
So, girls?
Participation in this contest
can result in, but is not limited to,
swelling in the feet and lower legs,
numbness in the hands,
confusion, dizziness, indigestion,
severe constipation,
nausea and vomiting, muscle aching,
neck pain, sleeplessness, sudden vision loss,
deep vein thrombosis and in some cases,
spontaneous combustion and sudden death. Good luck!
Well, whoa, whoa, whoa, there, girls,
nobody's gonna die, okay?
Maybe from happiness, but not from standing around for a few hours.
Thank you, girls.
Anyways, I can tell what you all are thinkin'.
You're thinkin', "I'm just standin' here now.
Why don't we get this thing goin'?"
Well, there are a few things that you need to know
before we start.
First off, you will get one
10-minute break every two hours
at the top of the hour.
Now you can eat, drink or pee, I don't care.
Just as long as you're back in time, 'cause if you're not,
you're out! Okay?
And when you hear this sound...
Ooh, that means that someone's time here has come to an end.
Next, do not under any circumstances
lift your hand off the car, except for on a break.
If you lift your hand even the teeniest,
Li-ttlest bit...
You're out!
And next, no sittin'.
Just stand there with your hand on the car.
It's as simple as that.
Last man... or woman... Standing
wins that magnificent machine.
And one last thing.
You are all on the honor system.
If you see any of your fellow contestants lift their hand,
you are obligated to report it.
But to avoid any kind of moral conundrum,
two of you have to see it for it to be official.
Helps keep things on the up-and-up.
Are we clear?
- Everybody ready?
Good luck.
Girls, count 'em down.
Ten, nine, eight,
seven, six, five,
four, three, two,
one, go!
Dude, whoa. Are you okay?
How can they expect us to do this, man? We're just kids.
Oh, this is so brutal.
I don't know how much longer I can last.
Hang in there, man. Just breathe.
I can't see.
I can't breathe!
I can't feel... I can't feel my legs!
Okay, two people saw that, right?
It was 11 minutes, 23 seconds.
Not 11 hours, 23 minutes.
If this would've been a Mathcathalon,
that would've cost us everything.
Would you look at that?
Kids these days, huh?
With their world wide web and their "on demand."
Just ain't willin' to put in the time, are they?
Bo, why don't you go clean up that big, gold mess, huh?
11 minutes. That's sad. That's sad.
That's just sad right there.
A tragic turn of events today as Colby Mann collapsed
and died mere moments into the contest.
- I'm not dead. He will be dearly missed.
One down, six to go, ha.
Do you ever do anything in life without posting it?
The real question is, if I don't post it,
- did it ever really happen?
Well, things certainly have
picked up around here, haven't they, huh?
I got a feeling this contest may just work out for us.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go sell me some cars.
Bo, why don't you go fetch some brochures?
Aw, come on, big guy.
I wasn't tryin' to be disrespectful.
You know what? You look tired.
Why don't you just take a load off?
Sit, boy! Sit!
Aw, come on, now! It's just a joke.
You don't have to actually sit.
Stay.
Stay... stay!
Oh, come on now. I'm just playin' with you, Bo.
Huh? Let's talk this out.
Speak! Speak, good boy!
It's been one hour and 58 minutes,
and this contest has gone from friendly to fierce,
from chummy to cutthroat.
From serene to...
To... to...
- What's an "s" word? - "Stupid."
You're looking for a word that starts with an "s."
It's not that hard, sister.
Oh, two in a row.
I don't know what's going on between you two,
but we're already in a competition, okay?
- We don't need another. - Seriously.
You guys aren't trending at all.
I've posted like five things about you and you have zero likes.
It's kinda sad.
Okay, first of all, there's no competition here.
At least not from my side.
She's competing with me, but she just always has.
Oh, really? Is that right?
Yes, that is right. It all started when we were six,
and you just swooped in out of nowhere and stole my crown
- for the... - The what?
At the junior sunburst beauty pageant.
Yeah, because that pageant was for girls.
That was never specifically defined in the rulebook!
Okay, well, how about the time that you joined the girl scouts,
just to prove you could sell more cookies than me.
Yeah, and I did sell more cookies than you, and you cried.
I did not. He's lying. I did not.
Middle school. How you convinced our basketball coach
to make you center instead of me.
Well, it's not my fault you hadn't hit puberty yet.
Ninth grade, how you challenged me in the spelling bee,
and that whole competition was fixed
- - for you to win, and you know that.
"Fixed?" If by "fixed," you mean
you actually had to know your vowels,
then yes, everybody, it was fixed.
You know what?
By the way, I do know how to spell a word.
It's a hard one. Let's see if I can do it.
"Amy," b-r-a-t. "Amy."
Aw, that is the cutest thing.
Have you been practicing with your alphabet soup again?
You know what, you are just so salty right now,
because someone failed a class this year!
- It was P.E. - Yeah, who fails gym?
I failed because I refused to participate
in a potentially life-threatening sporting activity!
- Ping-pong? - Yeah! Okay, ping-pong!
Thousands of people die each year from playing ping-pong!
Oh, you googled that, Amy, because that is a lie!
Oh, I just... "googleable.
Google that, why don't you, Amy?" Ooh!
Oh, I cannot stand that obnoxious little jerk!
He just knows how to push every single one of my buttons.
Every last one!
It's like he's this sniper that's just
picking off all of these pieces of my soul.
Get out of my chair. I'm mad and I need a friend.
She is the most annoying,
self-centered person who has ever
walked on the face of this planet.
I have had to deal with him since the first grade.
Year after year,
for 11 years, Emerson, 11!
- Scone? - Please.
You know what she's like?
She's like this little worm
that's burrowed its way into my my mind,
and she's just eating away at it
with her mindless, endless chatter.
Yeah.
Um, who are we talking about?
- Amy! - Oh, Amy?
I like Amy. She's not that bad.
Not so bad? She's the definition of bad!
B-a-d. The "a" stands for "Amy."
See that? I know my vowels!
I am beginning to think that his only reason for existence
is to torture me, because there doesn't seem to be
any other evolutionary reason as to why he is on this planet.
Well, at least he's not too bad to look at.
You know, he's got that kinda tall, cute hair thing.
I'm just saying, all right? If you have to stand
around someone for that long, it helps that they're cute.
Oh, my gosh. Is the world ending?
Because you calling him "cute" is like the third sign of the apocalypse.
- Jam? - Thank you.
Ooh, elderberry. I love elderberry.
- It's so good. - So good, right?
- Delicious, oh. - What was I saying?
Oh, yeah, I was talking about how much
I hate Farrell Bennett.
What are we gonna do? I cannot stand her anymore.
Whiz me. Uh-huh.
We have to figure out a way to take him out.
- Clotted cream? - Clotted cream?
You think of everything.
I try.
Well, you know what they say.
Anyhow, you know what they say.
The way to get a woman is through her heart.
The way to get to a man is through his stomach.
- Well, they are right. - Oh, my gosh, you're right.
- They do say that. - Yeah, they do.
- I just got an idea. - I have an idea.
I need my phone. I need my phone! I'm a genius.
- But I'm gonna need your help. - Okay, I'm in.
See? I knew it.
Little miss type a, going to the car already.
I guarantee she just wants to be the first one there
to prove how perfect she is to everyone.
How much time is left on the clock, chief?
Um, looks like you got about...
10 seconds.
Ten, nine...
- Thanks, dude. - Eight, seven,
six, five, four,
three, two, one...
No!
- He made it. - Ooh, how awkward.
Hey, everyone! It's Sophie here.
It's been seven hours and there are still seven of us left!
Honestly, it hasn't been as hard as I thought it was gonna be.
I mean, I waited four times as long in line for the new iPhone.
Okay, well,
I'll update you guys when the next one bites the dust.
Until then, hugs and kisses.
I always get more attention when I do the kiss at the end.
- People like that. - Is that really
what you want to be known for, though?
Talkin' about yourself on camera?
It's not about what you're known for,
it's about being known at all.
I mean, we all want people to know we exist.
I don't. I don't care if anybody knows I exist.
Of course you do.
That's why you look the way you do.
That's why you enter all those brainiac competitions.
I mean, everything about you screams "look how smart I am!"
I mean, it's not like you're hiding in a laboratory somewhere.
I just want to share my knowledge with people.
Yeah, we all want to share something.
I mean, Jerome has his cat thing,
and Klyde jumps through, like, flaming hoops or something.
We all just want the world to know that we're here.
Think I'm with Lala on this one.
I'm not like that at all. I don't even have social media.
Oh. Well, you're just weird.
All you care about is that Amy knows you exist.
- Amy? - Mm-hmm.
That's not even kind of true.
Oh, okay, yeah. Okay.
Why are you laughing? It's the same with you.
What? No, come on.
- It's actually kinda true. - Yeah, sorry, but it's true.
See? We all want someone to know we exist.
Mmm.
You done good, Emerson. Mmm.
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey. What's up?
Just makin' some brownies.
Here. This one's for you.
For me? Wow, thanks.
- Yeah. - Oh, my gosh.
Hey, I mean, just because Amy and Farrell can't get along,
- doesn't mean we can't. - I totally agree.
You know, as a peace offering,
I think I should make a brownie for Farrell too.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You're so nice. - I know.
Hey, could you get me some more chocolate chips?
I think they're down there in my basket.
Yeah!
Could you do it now?
- Oh, you want 'em now? - Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, cool, man. - Yeah, cool.
Eh. There we go.
- I got 'em. - Oh, cool.
Are you wearing my shirt?
No, this is my shirt.
Well, it looks a lot like my shirt.
- You mean the one you're wearing? - What?
Oh.
Who is that?
That's Jack Guthrie,
the most popular, best-looking,
most attractive guy at Northside high.
How do you know who he is? You don't even go to our school.
It's Jack Guthrie! You think you can keep
a guy who looks like that all to yourself?
Psst. Psst!
- Hey, Amy. - Hi, Jack.
Would you accept this rose?
You know, I've been thinking.
The prom is just around the corner.
- In five months. - In five months.
And I was wondering, well, if you don't have any other plans,
you'd maybe like to go with me.
What...? Wait, me?
Oh, my gosh!
Yeah, yeah, of course! I'd love that.
Great! Well, let's go.
Um, but it's in five months.
Well, I'm sure you need to pick out a dress
and do your hair and all that stuff,
so we should probably just, you know, get going.
I'll go with you right now.
- I'll go anywhere with you. - I'm sorry.
It can't be you. I'm supposed to ask her.
You're supposed...?
Who told you to ask me?
No one. Just take my hand
and we'll be on our way.
Seriously? This is the best you can do?
You thought by dangling some shiny object in front of me
I would be tempted to leave the contest?
Question, do you have any self-respect?
- Not really. - Okay, yeah. Thought so.
Nice try, Farrell! Better luck next time.
What was that?
I told you to ask her on a date, today!
Not to prom in five months!
You think I'm giving you 200 bucks for that performance
of a lifetime, you got another think coming, pal.
Well, you still owe me 50 bucks.
- For what? - My appearance fee.
Oh, and $18.95 for the roses.
Keep the change. Buy a brain!
Hey, miss congeniality!
It's not a beauty competition.
If it was a beauty competition, there'd be no competition.
You know, you could be pretty if you wanted to.
So you're saying I'm not pretty?
Oh, no. Let me rephrase.
You could be prettier if you wanted to.
What if I don't want to, okay?
What if I'm fine just the way I am?
I think you're afraid of being pretty.
I think you're afraid of the attention you'd get.
- That's not true. - Isn't it?
I mean, you hide behind your brains,
and you let your hair grow out like an over-fertilized chia pet
and you dress like a boy,
and not even a cute one.
I mean, if you just changed a few little things,
everyone could see how beautiful you really are.
I don't need to be beautiful, okay? I'm smart.
But why can't you be both?
- Step into my office. - So surprisingly strong.
Dude, how's it goin'?
Is this really all we have left?
What kind of Sherpa are you?
How about a brownie?
A brownie? Zane!
I love brownies. This is... oh.
- This is so good! - I know, it's so good.
Oh!
I want you to have these.
Token of my appreciation. I appreciate you, you know that?
- You got these for me? - For you.
- Thank you, man. - Mm-hmm.
That makes me feel so special.
You are.
And so is this brownie. Well done.
Oh, I'm in such a good mood now.
Thank you, I really needed this.
- Okay. - I really needed this. All right.
- Go kill it, buddy. - I'm gonna win.
Go get us a car!
You look amazing!
- I feel amazing. - Ooh.
Yeah, this should fit you. You have to try it on.
How many clothes did you bring?
Oh, I brought my entire wardrobe.
Okay, I'll give you some privacy.
It's time to show the world the real Lala...
Whatever your last name is!
Zzyzx! Nobody ever gets that.
Oh, that's good.
- Hey, where's Lala? - I don't know.
- Who's that? - Is that her?
Wait, what?
It can't be. I know that I'm not late.
I just checked the time on my phone.
I mean, I double-check...
You!
You changed the time on my phone
so that I wouldn't get back here in time!
All I did was give you a makeover.
You look amazing, by the way.
I look like you!
Yeah. Like I said, you look amazing.
How could you?
You know, I thought that for a minute, we were friends.
No, we could still be friends.
I'll pick you up in my car when I win, and we can go shopping.
I'm sorry to interrupt, little lady,
but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
It's over for you.
I won't forget this.
You may have outsmarted me but I am smarter than you!
Oh, you just wait. You'll regret this!
You are gonna rue the day you ever messed with Lala Zzyzx!
Ooh-whee! I'm gonna miss her, huh?
- She's a feisty one. - She looked good, though.
You okay, man?
Uh... Fine, yeah. No, I'm fine.
- Hey, what's up? - Hi.
Hey, um...
So, you know, I've always kind of...
Admired you from afar.
I guess you could say I've had a bit of a crush on you.
But because of the whole Farrell-Amy thing,
I've never really gotten a chance to know you, you know?
Um, so I was wondering,
will you accept these flowers?
- Yeah. - Okay.
- Ah, that's okay. - Okay.
Thanks.
My knees hurt, so I'm gonna get up.
Okay.
Hi! It's Sophie here.
Still. I am still here.
It's like this is never gonna frickin' end.
You know what? Here's my tip of the day.
Never do this.
Six... Oh, will you stop it?
Can't you see we're all exhausted? Stop being so energetic.
You knew what you were signing up for. This is an endurance contest.
I came to win, all right?
You know what? I think the winner of this contest
should be based on popularity, not perseverance.
Yeah, but if that was the case, Jerome would win
- because he has more followers than y...
- than you. - He doesn't, his cat does.
The cat does, right.
You don't look so good.
Well, I feel amazing, so...
- I'm gonna be fine.
You know, maybe this contest should be based on need.
If that were the case, Chris probably deserves it most.
- No, he doesn't. - Guys, I'm willing to fight for this
just like the rest of you.
I'm sure we all really need it.
Well, one of us already had a car,
and wrecked it.
Personally, I think you've already had a chance,
you should step aside for those more deserving.
Oh, personally, I think that you're a spoiled brat, so...
Oh, god, if this were based on who deserves it,
then you'd be the first one to go.
Okay, I know you're not feeling good, okay?
- The bathroom's right there. - I feel fine. I feel fine.
I could really use a break, though, hey.
- Yes! - Hey, twins! When's the break?
- Oh, less than a minute. - Yikes.
- Oh, my god. - Farrell, I don't think
- you're gonna make it to the break.
I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna make it.
Oh, god!
Something's coming!
- Which end is it coming from? - I don't know!
What do we do? What do we do?
We're not gonna make it!
- We're not gonna make it! - We're gonna die!
- Come on. Come on!
Get out of my way!
Aw, dude, come on. There's like five minutes left.
I really gotta use the bathroom, come on.
Back off.
A little privacy, please.
All right, I'm gonna see if there's another bathroom in the garage.
All right, hold my place, please? Just in case?
Absolutely.
Ooh-hh...!
Ah, god, okay. Open.
- Oh, yeah.
- That's the stuff.
Oh, come on.
All right.
Ah... hello?
Door... door is... Door is stuck.
You put somethin' in his brownie, didn't you?
Maybe.
- You're so clever! - And you're so cute.
Is anyone there?
Come on, come on, I gotta get out of here! Hello?
- - Oh, help me.
Whoa! Okay, what is...
What is going on here?
Ahem! Emerson! He is the enemy!
Emerson!
You know, to be honest, I just feel embarrassed for you.
You know, if you were to see yourself right now,
you'd realize just how far you've fallen.
Yeah, don't come crying to me when you wake up one morning
and you look at yourself in the mirror,
and you say to yourself, "what has become of me?"
Yeah, because I will be off,
living another life that doesn't involve... That.
Can I at least have something to eat?
Wow, thanks.
I bet you think you're real funny, don't you?
I... I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't you think that I don't know
that you were behind whatever...
Problem I just had.
Well, I am not saying that I had anything to do with it,
but if I did, you totally deserved it, Farrell.
- Hey, guys, could we have a truce? Six, five, four...
Eh, just let 'em fight.
I mean, the more they distract each other
the better chance we have of winning.
Go!
- Hey, where's Klyde?
Not Klyde.
God, you guys, it's getting like
"the hunger games" around here.
Yeah, except we can't kill each other.
Can we?
Well, thank you there, Bo.
Oh, look at them, hmm?
Kids.
What with their eatin' of the fast food,
and using Emojicons instead of words,
and wantin' everything yesterday.
They won't last much longer.
My money's on the funny-lookin' one.
Hey.
Hey, Jerome!
Hey, Jerome.
Jerome. Hey, it's me.
Everyone's laughing at you, Jerome.
They all think you're a fraud.
They all think you're a talentless wannabe.
Give up, Jerome. Come home and scoop my poop.
It's all you'll ever be good for.
You're nothing without me.
Hey, crazy cat lady,
do you see that cat right there?
I'm always seeing cats.
You're nothing without me.
Oh, that's right.
Get outta here!
I'm the talented one. I'm the one that sings.
You don't even have lips! Ha!
Did you see that cat right there?
What cat?
It was a... It was a big, giant,
like, horror movie cat.
It was just talking to me. He was...
Hey, how... how about we go get you some coffee?
Cat food? I don't want no cat food.
- I just... - Coffee.
I said "coffee," Jerome.
- Coffee. - Yeah. It's this way.
Yeah, I need some coffee.
- Yeah, coffee's this way. - He was right there.
Zane?
Zane!
Where are you?
Hey, buddy.
What were you doing in there?
Nothing. Little bird watching. Just chilling.
Bird watching in a tent?
Yeah.
You alone in there?
Yeah.
You're fraternizing with the enemy.
I don't... I don't know what "fraternizing" means,
but if it means making out,
yeah, I've been fraternizing quite a bit, my brother.
- Gimme a high five. - No. No high five for you.
This was not part of the plan.
You have been compromised!
Dude, i... I have feelings for Emerson.
Feelings? What kind of feelings?
Feelings of mistrust? Feelings of disgust?
Murderous feelings?
What kind of feelings
do you have for her, Zane?
No, like, I think I want to ask her father
if I can court her.
"Court her?" Are we in the 19th century?
You been watching "downtown Abbey" again?
No, you don't understand, man...
You're right about that. I don't, Zane.
I am very disappointed in you.
All these years of friendship
and I don't even know who you are anymore,
but I see you've made your choice, so fine!
You know what? I don't need you either!
From now on, you are dead to me.
Well, what about the basketball game Saturday?
Are we still on for that?
Yes, we're absolutely still on for the basketball game.
- It's gonna be tight! - So psyched.
But until then...
- You're dead to me. - Yeah.
- You understand. - Yeah, I get it.
This was a really good chat for me.
- Monumental, I think. - Dude. Wish me luck.
I'm running out of angles for these selfies.
Even I'm getting tired of looking at myself.
Hey Jerome, how does the rapping cat do it?
I'm not talking about the cat.
I mean, he always looks so good
in every single one of his photos, right?
Does he have a stylist?
Not talking about the cat.
He should come guest in one of my segments!
We can talk about, like, beauty and hair.
Does he deep condition? Does he use mousse?
Which he probably calls mouse!
- Ah, I get it. - Get it? He got it.
Can you ask him for me?
Okay! Enough about the cat already, okay?
Can we please stop talking about the cat?
- Just lay off the cat. - Oh, my gosh.
You sounded just like rapping cat when you said that!
You totally did!
Has anyone ever told you that
- you sound just like the cat? - Okay, I don't sound like
the cat, the cat sounds like me.
Do you want to know why? Because I am the cat.
Cats don't rap. They don't talk.
In fact, I'm pretty sure they don't do anything
but eat, sleep, and pee in every other place
but the litter box you so thoughtfully put
in a convenient location.
It was a joke, people.
I didn't know 33 million people
were going to watch this.
And I didn't know folks were so ignorant
that they could think that a cat...
A freaking cat... Could rap!
It's just stupid.
I'm more than just some backup singer
to some untalented,
ungrateful, freeloading furball.
I'm the talented one.
Me!
Okay, Jerome. Show us!
- Come on, bring it! - Show us!
- Come on, go Jerome! - Come on!
- Yeah? - Yeah!
Okay.
Ah, here we go!
Oh!
Jerome in the house!
Mm.
Oh, man!
Does that video really have 33 million views?
Just leave me alone. Go home, already.
But look what I'm making for rapping cat.
Great, now my cat has something
to snuggle with at night.
Thank you.
And then there was four.
How did you do that?
Voodoo lady.
Stay still!
You smell like pizza.
That's because I haven't really, like,
showered in a week.
That's so cute!
I have to be honest with you and tell you that
I am really attracted to you.
You remind me so much of my mom.
What? I remind you of your mom?
Yeah.
- I mean, no. I just... - What?
- Oh. - Yeah, so, like,
you're... you're smart like my mom.
Right? You're cool like my mom,
and you're hot like my mom.
What... "hot?" Like your mom?
What kind of a sick person are you?
No, I mean, like, you're not hot like my mom,
- she's hot like you. - Yeah, that really... it doesn't help.
That's not... That's not helping.
I don't think you or my mom are hot.
- Just... you know what? I lied. - Okay...
Okay, you don't smell like pizza.
You smell gross.
Get out of my tent.
Where's my makeup bag?
Have you seen my makeup bag?
No, I haven't.
All I could find was the stupid red lipstick.
It doesn't even match this outfit.
I need my makeup bag.
I'm sure you're just as pretty without makeup.
That's what they say to ugly people!
Don't patronize me!
Get out! Don't look at me!
Oh, god, I need to find it. I need to find it.
Okay, come on.
Get yourself together. You can do this.
You have ziplined over volcanoes.
You can do this. Just deep breaths.
Deep breaths, all right.
Oh, where's the light? Where's the switch?
Come on. There it is.
Okay. Uh...
I don't know how long I've been in here.
It could be hours. It could be days. I'm totally...
- totally lost track of time at this point...
What was that? Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no. This is not happening.
Okay, I want to die in a tragic fireball accident,
okay, not in a toilet.
This is ridiculous.
Okay, come on, just breathe.
Just breathe.
Maya. I'm doing it.
I am balancing it on my head.
Oh, my apple!
- Hi, I'm Maya. - And I'm Mia, and...
We're still here.
It's been 31 hours so far.
And five minutes. Thirty-one hours and five minutes.
You can't forget the minutes
because every minute counts.
You were definitely adopted.
- Hey, Soph. - Oh, hi, Lala.
Oh, what are you doing?
"At big Jim's with the Sophie Jackson.
She's never looked better."
No, don't. Don't post that.
- Just did. - No, you didn't.
I can see how this can be so addictive.
It already has like 3,000 likes.
I'm gonna kill you!
I just thought you wanted to be noticed!
I'm gonna shove that phone up your...
What?
No. No!
Stop taking pictures of me!
Stop looking at me!
Are you looking at me?
Stop looking at me!
My taste for revenge is like pie.
It's never-ending.
- Good luck everyone. - Thank you, Lala.
All right, so it's been 70 hours
since I left on my bike from horseshoe trailhead.
Wait, that... That wasn't even me.
That was James Franco in that movie
where he cut his arm off.
I'm not cutting my arm off, right?
That's been done.
Okay, I'm... I mean, I could...
I could cut my leg off.
That'd be different, right?
Would it be different, though?
Oh, my god, what am I saying? I'm losing my mind.
I am losing my mind right now.
I'm hungry. I need food.
I need...
Oh, I need water. So, so thirsty.
I mean, there's gotta be water somewhere.
Think, Klyde. Come on.
There's gotta be water.
Sink doesn't work.
God, okay, come on.
Aw, god.
Just do it. Just do it.
Damn it.
Don't look at this.
Sooner or later you're gonna have to look out
for yourself in this world.
I mean, life is just so tough.
You can't just let people walk all over you.
And sometimes, if you want to get what you want,
you have to stop trying to be everybody's best friend.
Hey, listen, thank you so much for listening.
I mean, it just feels so good
to talk to somebody that understands.
Can I actually have some of this? 'Cause...
Mmm.
Okay. Thank you.
- Hi, I'm Maya. - And I'm Mia.
- And were still here! - It's been like, a million hours,
- and yes, we're still here. - Yep.
This is ridiculous.
How long are they going to be standing there?
- Well, I think. - No one cares what you think.
Well, I was just going to say...
No one cares what you have to say.
In fact, without me, you would have nothing to say.
That's... wha... What?
You know what? I'm finished.
I'm... I'm outta here.
I am done with this stupid competition and I'm done with you.
Without me in your life, you would have no idea what to do!
Oh! You scared me.
I'm sorry. I need to talk to you in private.
About what?
Farrell.
It makes me so angry to see how he treats you.
In any other situation I might have to
just give him a punch to defend you.
- O-okay, thank you. - You're welcome.
Yeah, but I think I can handle him myself, so...
Well, I think that
I have a way we can get Farrell out
of both of our lives.
- What do you mean? - You know how big Jim said
that if two people see someone lift their hand,
they can have them removed from the competition?
Yeah.
Well, what if we see Farrell lift his hand?
Okay, well, obviously if we see him lift his hand
- we're gonna say something. - No.
What if he doesn't, and we say something?
No. No, okay? That wouldn't be right.
I couldn't do that.
Funny, because he didn't seem to have a problem with it
when he asked me
if I would help him do that to you.
- Wait, what? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, he thinks we're gonna do it
right after this,
that we're gonna get you out of the competition.
- I can't believe he would do that. - I know, right?
What can you do?
Oh, I know.
We can do it to him instead.
Take him completely unawares, Amy.
He'll never know what hit him.
Anyway, think about it, okay?
- Excuse me. - Mm-hmm.
What?
Hi, everyone. It's Mia.
And, eh... I'm...
Antidisestablishmentarianism.
That was the word...
That kept me from winning the ninth grade spelling bee.
Not that I'm bitter or anything. Hmm.
Antidisestablishmentarianism.
A-n-t-i-d-i-s-e-s-t-a-b-l-i-s-h- m-e-n-t-a-r-i-a-n-i-s...
Nope.
A-n-t-i-d-i-s- e-s-t-a-b-l-i-s-h-
m-e-n-t-a-r-i-a-n-i-s-m.
I just did it!
- He just did it! - I just did it!
He just did it! He just lifted his hand!
- I... what? - Hey! Could...
Could we get big Jim over here, please? He lifted his hand.
No, I didn't. What are you doing?
Well, what's going on here, kids?
Hey, big Jim.
He... he lifted his hand, so...
- He's out. - Are you a psychopath?
I did not lift my hand.
Now, the rules state that two of you
have to see it happen.
So, Princess?
He take his hand off that car?
You saw it, Amy? Right?
She didn't see anything, because nothing happened.
Yes.
I saw it.
But it didn't happen.
He never lifted his hand off the car.
What?
- She's lying! - She's not lying. Amy wouldn't lie.
Oh, yeah, maybe you're both lying.
Yeah, maybe you're in this together, against me.
Big Jim, you should listen to me.
Everybody knows I'm the good guy here.
- Good guy? - Farrell: Ho, ho!
Yeah. You're no good guy, dude.
Klyde, what happened to you?
I just climbed out of a sewer,
that's what happened to me.
I was stuck in the toilet, and it was dark,
and it was scary, and...
Unspeakable things happened in there.
Yeah.
I escaped by crawling through a pipe
under the toilet,
the same toilet I've had to...
- Drink out of for the last three weeks
to survive, so.
We saw you yesterday.
Klyde, can you just tell us what's going on?
He locked me in the bathroom.
- Me? - You, yeah.
That's ridiculous.
You were the only one
that knew where I was going, okay?
- I know what you did! - Oh, you know nothing.
Oh, I know plenty, Chris.
I've had nothing but time to think.
I've contemplated everything
from "why does the universe exist?"
To "what do vegetarian zombies eat?"
Whoa.
Look, the point is,
I thought about you,
and all the bad things you've done.
What? Oh, god.
- Don't get any closer. - Or you'll what?
Change the time on my phone like you did with Lala's?
Wait, you did that?
He also stole Sophie's makeup bag.
And took Jerome's headphones to make it seem
like the cat was talking to him.
Hold on, wait. You weren't even here for that, though.
You hear things when you are alone in the bathroom, all right?
It's quiet.
Wait, so you poisoned my brownie?
No, no. That was me.
Wait, but you had Jack Guthrie come here
- and try and lure me away? - That was me.
- Oh. - But we're not talking about that right now.
We're talking about you!
- I always knew you were a fraud. - Mm-hmm.
You said that you worked at a donut shop
every day before school.
How is that possible?
There is not an ounce of fat on your body.
Everyone knows you can't be around donuts
without eating all of them.
Second, you told me you worked
at a rock quarry every day after school.
Go ahead and feel his hands, Klyde.
I think they feel like a newborn baby's buttocks!
You haven't seen a day of manual labor
in your life.
We're going in now.
You said that your father was fighting in Canada.
Well, I googled it.
There's no war in Canada right now.
Not a single one.
Your dad isn't serving our country.
He's serving drinks at a nightclub in Toronto!
I am so on to you right now, Chris.
Global warming.
Was that you? Huh?
Bieber fever, did you do that?
What do you do in your spare time,
hunt manatees?
And finally, you said that you just love
working with old people.
But I know that the only reason you have that job
is so that you can nurse your addiction
to prune juice!
- That's a lie! - It's the truth!
No...
It's true.
That one was a total guess.
I need that. Klyde, give me that!
- I need that!
You almost got me! You almost got me.
I'm just gonna put my hand back
on the... you know.
We're all... We're all good.
Well, son, unless you have some
mystical third hand that none of us here
know about...
You're out.
Big Jim...
They tricked me.
And I think they should be the ones that...
That get out of this competition,
not... not me.
You'll pay for this, Farrell!
You will pay in retail!
And you!
I thought we had something special.
Oh, I'll be back!
Klyde!
It's in my contract!
I'm back for the sequel!
Well, then.
Unless my math fails me, I believe we are down to two.
Ew.
Klyde, I am so sorry.
It's not fair you're out of the contest.
You should at least have another chance to win the car.
Hey, no worries, you know?
It's not about the destination,
it's about the journey, you know?
And I got to body surf on a hundred yards of raw sewage.
Anything after that will be a letdown.
So, goggles.
Thank you.
Helmet. Thank you.
Motorcycle.
Dude, you...
What'd you...
Did you sell my motorcycle?
Jim.
Did you sell my motorcycle?
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
- What? - I don't know!
- Me neither! - I can't...
I didn't know you could make pies like that.
Well, I'm a pretty good cook.
What do you want?
Look...
- I know I might be a creep... - Hmm.
But I'm not the type of creep
who would say weird things about their mom.
Like, that's just not me.
And I want to express to you in no uncertain terms
that I do not think my mom is hot in any way.
Like, at all.
But I do think you're hot.
I think you're so hot.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, you're foxy.
I mean, you're hotter than any mom could ever be.
Yeah.
- I mean, not like... - Whoa.
I mean, if you decided to become a mom
- that you wouldn't be hot. - You know what, it's okay, it's okay.
- You would be. - It's all right.
Hey, can we just not talk about moms?
- Right. - Yeah.
- No moms. - No moms.
So, are we good?
- Yeah, we're good. - Okay.
Is that your underwear?
Yes.
But I promise that they're clean... Ish.
Hey.
Thank you.
For what?
For defending me with Chris.
Being a jerk to you is my thing.
Come on, I can't have him encroaching on my territory.
Um...
Can I tell you a secret?
- You would trust me with a secret? - Oh, no.
Heh, okay.
You're just the only one here, so I...
Um...
The real reason I need this car is because, um...
My family can't afford to get me one.
Aren't you, like, super rich?
Actually, my dad got fired.
My dad's looking for a new job,
and my mom is looking for my new dad.
- Wow. - Yeah.
As far as secrets go,
that's kind of a lame one, though.
I'm just saying, it's not...
Everyone goes through that kind of thing.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Can I tell you a secret?
Yeah.
Okay.
Sophie was right.
I always compete with you
because I want you to notice me.
I really like being around you.
That's definitely something you shouldn't keep a secret.
Farrell.
- Farrell. - - What?
Farrell, stay awake.
Ugh, I'm so tired.
Yeah. Yeah, me too.
I can't believe I used to take sleep for granted.
I mean, all those mornings I woke up early
just to vandalize your locker before you got to school.
I could've been at home in bed.
I just can't believe how much time I spent
up late at night hacking
into the school's computer system...
To change your grades from as to cs
or slash your service hours or give you detention
or take points off your sats.
I'd trade it all in
- for like, four minutes of sleep right now. - Yeah.
Wait, that was you?
It's always been me.
It's always been you.
Ahem!
Hi there.
I am truly sorry to say this,
but you are both out of the competition.
- What? - Wait, no, no.
Both of us? That's not fair.
After 50 hours and eight minutes,
- we have no winner. - No.
No, no, no. That's not right.
There has to be a winner.
I'm sorry. Rules are rules.
Now, I would like to thank both of you
for your participation
by awarding you
these authentic big Jim key rings, huh?
- I don't want that. - You sure?
- I'm positive. - All right,
'cause I ain't gonna offer it again.
Anyways, I want to wish both of you a fantastic day.
Thank you for playing.
- Can he do that? - I don't care if he can or not.
- We're not gonna let him. - This isn't fair!
Dude, come on. We stood there for three days.
- Stop ignoring us. - Is this just some big scam
to get people to come to your dealership?
Were you even gonna give us a car
or are you just a crook?
Me?
I'm the crook?
What about you? You cheated!
You tried to lure her away
with that good-lookin' guy.
And you, you poisoned him!
I got a news flash for you.
Both of you were looking for the easy way
to get what you want.
That's what you all do now.
I'll tell you something, when I was your age,
I had to work for my first car.
Okay, I worked, and I saved money for a year
so that I could afford the car of my dreams.
Now, you guys think life is just,
I don't know, what, some big popularity contest
and whoever has the most friends wins.
You want something bad enough?
Well, you've gotta work for it.
You ain't gonna get it for free.
And you sure ain't gonna take it
from somebody else.
We're not like that.
The contest is over!
Read the rules!
It says very clear
in section three, paragraph five, line six,
"the last person with their hand
on that car wins!"
There was no last person and you both lose!
Now if you will kindly excuse me,
I have a business to run.
Wait!
Wait, no, I remember now.
There was someone with their hand on the car.
It was Amy. She won.
No. No, no, no, no, no. It was Farrell.
I lifted my hand first, okay?
Farrell won, fair and square.
No, I definitely did not win, that did not happen.
Yes, you did, okay? Stop trying to be so competitive.
If I said you won, you won.
I admit it, total loser, right here.
No, you won, Farrell.
So shines a good deed on a weary world.
That was it.
Right there, that is what I was waiting for! Huh?
So, were we competing for a car
or for your chocolate factory?
Don't you see?
Guys, you were competing
for all that's good in the world.
Hmm, you were competing for virtues and values
and honor and all that's right.
Well, yes, true,
you were competing for yourselves...
But you were also competing for each other.
I was competing for the car.
Yeah, listen, about the car...
Mommy made me eat my M&Ms.
Mommy made me eat my...
- Hi, it's Maya here. - And Mia.
- And... - We're back!
And back together because we're the only ones
who can stand to be around us.
Love you forever.
Oh, I love you too.
We all know you're wondering
who won big Jim's dream car contest,
and we're here with all the gory details.
We'll get to the winner in a sec,
but first, let's take a look at all the losers.
Colby Mann didn't live up to his name
and went all girly less than 15 minutes in.
Now, instead of wearing an athletic supporter,
- he is one. - Aw, poor Colby.
Lala Zzyzx didn't win, and to be honest,
I like the way she looked before her makeover.
Oh, my gosh, so glad you said something,
'cause I totally agree.
You should never give into peer pressure.
Don't change to be like everyone else.
Seriously, just keep it real.
Klyde Kosar didn't win,
which is really sad because he was really cute.
- Oh, yeah. - Although he later attempted
to set a record for jumping his motorcycle
over 53 food trucks.
How impressive.
He's my man crush Monday every single Monday.
Unfortunately, it didn't work out
quite how he planned.
We wish you a speedy recovery, Klyde.
We really do. Call me, Klyde.
Call me. Call me.
Jerome Bryant lost the contest,
but won a recording contract.
More importantly though,
how did he teach that cat to rap?
- Yeah, how? - That cat is so talented.
Seriously, I wish I had half the talent that cat has.
Sophie Jackson...
- Wait, what even happened to her? - I don't know.
She hasn't tweeted in three days.
It's like she's fallen off the face of the earth.
Sophie, if you're okay, please let us know by
tweeting a selfie or something.
Hashtag "sophiewhereareyou?"
Which of course leaves just two,
our very own Katniss and Peeta.
Katniss and Peeta?
- They're here? - N-no.
Amy Robertson and Farrell Bennett.
Oh.
So, which one won?
Who was the ultimate winner of their dream car?
It was a tie!
Fifty hours.
I did not think you would make it past four.
What can I say?
I can wait years for something I want.
Yeah, you might want to keep your hands
on the steering wheel there, don Juan.
Okay.
You, uh, you might need this.
Yeah, okay! This is so awesome.
Let's go, let's go.
Thank you.
That, my friend,
is the future driving off there.
It don't look so bad.
Come on, Bo. I'm gonna take you for a walk.
Ah, ah. I'm sorry.
That was wrong of me.
I can't walk you without a leash!
That'd be against the law!
Come on, Bo!
You know, that was actually a lot of fun.
- Were you just gonna kiss me? - No.
You were totally just gonna kiss me just then.
Do you have a problem with that?
I have a huge problem with that.
If anyone's gonna kiss anyone, I'm gonna kiss you first.
No, because the thing is, is I thought of it first.
You did not think of it first.
I literally guarantee you that I thought of...
No, no, no, no, that is not true.
- Pretty true, I'd say. - Hey, guys.
Can you just kiss already?
Yeah, that's just fine.
- Cool. - Okay.
- Hey, when do I get to drive? - Tomorrow.
We agreed, I get the car on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,
and you get it on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.
And we get it on Sundays. - Maybe.
See, we can all work together.
Everything doesn't have to be a competition all the time.
- Cool. - Wait, guys, was that...
Pay attention to the road. - Okay,
I don't need you telling me how to drive.
Well, obviously you need someone telling you.
I thought we were past this.
- I thought you changed. - Changed from what?
A licensed driver? I know what I'm doing.
- You just need to calm down. - Okay, Amy, this is really...