A leading pensions expert has stated that...
...many people's expectations of their retirement incomes...
...were likely to be optimistic...
...and that in reality millions will face retirement poverty.
The latest figures have come at a time...
...when pensioners are already feeling...
...very unsure about their futures.
Social Services fear that this growing uncertainty...
...may lead to some pensioners taking desperate measures...
...in order to get by.
Hello. Have you seen outside your window today?
It's a beautiful spring morning in the South West.
That's what we like to see. But make the most of it...
...because storms are forecast for later on in the week.
But coming up we've got the Henley W.I...
And our brain of Bristol quiz...
Can anyone knock Kevin from Keynsham...
...off his five week run at the top?
We'll soon find out. Stay tuned for your chance...
...to win the quiz of a lifetime.
Morning, my love.
Thank you, Arthur.
Dear. Thank you.
As a little reward, why don't you pop in for a cuddle?
Got lots to do.
Thought I'd better make a good start.
-Morning, George. -Morning, Arthur.
Morning, Iris.
How are you today?
You're late.
Martha made you a cottage pie.
I prefer shepherd's pie.
If an adult human has a full set of teeth...
...how many is that?
-Thirty-four. -I've only got a few in me head...
...so I'm not really one to ask.
Thirty-four.
I know it's more than thirty but I'm not sure.
Come on, numskull. Everyone knows it's thirty-four.
-It's thirty... -Thirty-four.
I'm gonna have to hurry you, Kevin.
-I'm gonna say thirty-two. -Correct.
What board game was invented in nineteen thirty two...
...by an unemployed...
Come on in, he's just in the bedroom.
Is that my Steven?
Pot Noodle, you said?
It's all I got.
When I said it weren't proper food...
...they locked me in me room.
Said I were having a turn and...
...needed me rest.
But I'll tell you, Arthur.
I know whether I'm having...
...one of my bleeding turns or not.
Mr. Goode...
...I can assure you the residents receive...
...a balanced nutritional offering.
-A what? -A nutritional offering.
Calorific intake.
What they eat.
Well, why didn't you say so?
I think we're getting off the point.
We ourselves were concerned whether pot noodles were fit...
...for purpose and removed them from the offering.
The reaction amongst the residents wasn't positive...
...to say the least.
So we re-offered them.
As for being locked in his room...
...the roster shows Mr. Wilkins was assisted to his room...
...when he became fatigued.
If you have more feedback, here's a form.
Or you can action your information online.
Evening, boys.
Pint, Royston. Or should I say "Billy Fury?"
Diet lemonade please, Brian.
I'm playing Eric Liddell...
...in the Tewkesbury Players production of Chariots of Fire.
I said to myself, if I win, it's a win for God.
But, I find myself sitting here destroying it all, but I have to.
To run would be against God's law.
I thank you.
Sounds more like Braveheart.
So how's your toy boy?
Still off his game, then?
Well, let's say I haven't had a bit of tickle...
...let alone any slap for longer than I care to think about.
My Royston's not much fun now at the moment.
What with all our worries.
They take it very hard.
Aren't you a little too...
...curvaceous to play an Olympic athlete?
What are you talking about? I'm an Adonis.
Well, at least that's what my Shirley tells me.
I think you've brainwashed her somewhere back in the 50s.
Only with my devilish charm and my roughish good looks.
Look, where's this diet lemonade?
He's been like this all night.
He's just found out his pension's b....red...
...and he's finding silly excuses not to take a pint from his mates.
Your pension's b....red? How?
The little spiv that calls himself a financial advisor says...
...it's falling equity bondings or something like that.
Anyway, I can't afford to buy a round...
...so I'm covering Shirley's drinks and I'm not drinking myself.
Anyway, Arthur, there's nothing silly about having some pride.
So that's a pint for Royston.
Two more pints for us and one for yourself.
Thank you, Arthur.
It's pride.
Eats away at the man side of them...
...like trying to make them vegetarian.
Iris did that to her husband, made him go vegetarian.
For his health, she said.
Pined away for a want of a sausage, he did.
Like you and me.
Sorry, boys. That's my cue.
Come on, Shirl. Let's see it!
Off you go.
Are you going to tell me what's wrong?
Is it Charlie?
You've not been the same since this morning.
You should have seen him.
You should have seen the clever clogs running the place.
Letting him rot without a care.
As long as her balance sheets add up.
You know...
...when he went in there he could walk for himself.
Now look.
Arthur?
Remember what we said.
We said, we wouldn't let ourselves get upset about this kind of thing.
Be thankful for what we've got...
...and never forget we've got each other.
I just feel so sodding helpless.
So bloody helpless.
Hello, Mr. Goode. Sorry to keep you.
Just so you know, there's a note...
...on Mrs. Goode's repeat prescription...
...asking that you contact your doctor.
Is everything ok?
There's never been a problem before.
I can't tell you anything more, I'm afraid.
You really must contact your G.P.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Hello there.
The doctor actually said that to you?
Yeah, well they call it the postcode lottery.
Apparently if you don't live in the right area...
...you don't get your medication.
And the medication for Martha's Crohn's disease...
...isn't covered anymore.
And you reckon it'll cost you 300 pounds a month?
Well, that's just for the basic medication.
On top of that there's another thousand pounds...
...a quarter for her infusion.
Are you alright for that? That's a lot of money.
Well, I'll just have to be, won't I?
At Martha's age I can't imagine the risks.
Now, listen. Don't say anything to the girls, will you?
I'll sort it out somehow.
Yeah, sure.
...Cigarette Club and don't spare the horses.
Wait a minute. You got a little snooping to do first.
You can do your snooping but I'm going to Marty's party.
So am I. Afterwards. Don't you realise this is a chance...
...or us to get to the detective bureau?
What's the matter with the emergency squad?
Haven't you got any ambition?
Sure, but not for playing cops and robbers.
Hey, driver, drop me at the Cigarette Club.
Your mystery will keep for an hour or so.
Will you go back with me afterwards?
-It's a deal. -Come on.
Alright, love? Everything ok?
I was just making a cup of tea.
I wondered if you wanted one.
Lovely.
Well, am I right or am I right?
I see you've been given your complimentary cappuccino?
Yes, thank you.
I've, I've come about the letter that I've received from you.
Yes, it's very serious. Most unfortunate situation.
Unfortunate? What do you mean?
Trafalgar Electronics.
The letter we sent you. Your pension.
No, I don't understand.
I thought you were here because of the letter...
...we sent you on the...
...second of May, five a.m., New Delhi time.
No. No, I never received a letter from you about my pension.
I've come about the letter...
...concerning the bowls club tenancy.
Bowls club?
Ardagh Lawn Bowls and Social Club.
Up Coldharbour Road?
I see.
What's this you say about my pension?
I'll try to make this as simple as possible.
Trafalgar Electronics went into liquidation...
...on the ninth of April. This has had a detrimental...
...effect on the annual return of your occupational pension.
Leaving you with a seriously depleted pension pot.
But that's daylight robbery.
Sir, with all due respect, it's economics.
Maybe some tangibles will help at this stage.
At your age a loan is out of the question.
We could discuss taking your house off your hands.
The yield would be minimal.
I don't see any other potentials.
Potentials?
Yes, potentials.
You're going to require some extra retirement income.
Have a good day, sir.
Coming out now.
That's robbery. Daylight robbery.
With all that's happening in the news...
...we ask, are we turning our backs on our elderly?
We're following the developments in the pension crisis...
...all this week as many pensioners feel forgotten.
Thrown on the scrap heap.
We've been out and about getting your views.
Well, we're having to move in with my daughter...
...as we just can't afford to keep the house on.
I was in the bank the other day and I...
...Trafalgar Electronics went into liquidation on the ninth of April.
This has had a detrimental effect on...
You're going to require some extra retirement income.
We could discuss taking your house off your hands.
Sir, with all due respect it's economics.
Coming out now.
Mr. Goode. Didn't expect to see you and Jemima again so soon.
Well, she's been coughing a lot.
Would you mind taking a look? -Of course not.
Ok. Coughing you say?
A latte with hazelnut syrup.
No, hold on, change that to almond syrup.
No, hold on ch...
Do... Do you... Excuse me, do you have a toilet?
Sorry, but I'm serving someone.
Yeah, but I just want to use the toilet.
Do you mind? I'm ordering here.
Well, I just want to use the toilet.
Not without buying something you can't.
-I'll have a muffin. -Chocolate, lemon or blueberry.
-Blueberry. -Seriously, I was here first.
Well, you can have the muffin.
-I don't like blueberry. -Look, who am I serving?
I was first.
Alright, look, look just, just give him whatever he wants.
I just need to use the toilet.
Fine, it's on the back on the left.
Alright.
What are you doing?
What are you thinking about?
You stupid old man.
Because that's what you are.
An old man.
Stop being so stupid.
Stop making a fool of yourself.
Come on, what are you doing in there?
I've got a baby to change.
I need a wee too, Mummy.
-Apologies. -Okay.
-Sorry. -Okay.
Come on, Hattie, let's change Sebby.
Bloody hell, Dave, not so hard.
It's ringing like a bell in here.
Coming out now.
Come on, love. We'll be late for bowls and bingo.
Bowled one ninety.
Top of the shop, and that's the age of my girlfriend.
Wife said it's ok, as long as she's older than her.
Here we go.
Legs eleven. Those wonderful legs.
-That's me! -Oh, come on. Let's have a check.
Looks like we've got a winner.
It's on. Full house, darling!
Here's your prize, madam.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
And I'll see you all in a fortnight.
Fortnight? What about next week?
Phil says the club can't afford his petrol every week.
It's ridiculous.
Afternoon, ladies.
The name is Thelma.
Care to help a lady enjoy her winnings?
The daring daylight robbery took place here...
...outside Henleaze Mutual Building Society...
...at just after nine-thirty this morning.
Police are still investigating all possibilities at this stage.
And talking to several members of the public...
...as well as bank staff.
That means they don't know who did it.
Whoever done it, good on 'em, I say.
Time someone struck back.
Poppyc..k, it's theft, you quiffy pillock.
What do you think they done to me?
All them fools in pinstripes drinking champers...
...hile Shirl and me haven't got a pot to pee in.
Well, what about the guard that was hurt?
Your Byron did a stint in security, what if it had been him?
That bloke weren't badly injured. They say he just got a broken nose.
You ever had a broken nose? It bloody hurts.
And there was me and Larry.
Happy as two peas in a pod.
And the poor man has an unexpected heart attack.
How unexpected?
Let's just say...
...I had time to get dressed before the ambulance arrive.
His soul rest in peace.
I'm glad he died contented.
Must be very tough.
How many months has it been since he passed?
Months? It's been weeks, girlfriend.
And, no disrespect to Larry...
...I'm getting tired of feeling lonely.
Weeks.
Sometimes a girl just needs her coconuts.
Anyway, some plucky b....r got away with...
...seventy-five grand of the banks money.
Time they knew what it felt like.
-How much? -Seventy-five grand, they said.
Mark you, it weren't too much good for him...
...not if they set off the dye canisters.
What dye canisters?
Our Byron says most crims try to hack into the security cases...
...and that sets them off.
Covers them and the cash in blue dye.
If me wigs not on back to front by the time we're through...
...I want me money back!
Listen, ladies...
...if you ever feel the need to give yourself a little boost...
...and your fella's having a quiet spell...
...then all you need is some play t'ings.
What's play t'ings?
I ain't carrying nothing.
You searched me already. I ain't carrying nothing.
Once again it's, I'm not carrying anything.
Search him again, Cully. You may have missed something.
Will do, Chief.
No-one saw it? Outside the building society?
-How much? -No, thanks.
Seventy-five they're claiming.
Hang on.
Someone holds up a security van, without a gun...
...and makes off with seventy-five grand...
...and nobody sees them at it?
Is the whole bloody town asleep?
What's the description?
There isn't one. Nobody saw it.
No witnesses?
But the security guards must have seen them?
-Seen who? -Apparently not.
One knocked out cold, the other locked in the back of the van.
Back up there, soldier.
You're confusing the old boy.
Run it past us, we'll sort it out.
Tell him.
Without the sigh, thank you, Sergeant.
Yes, sir.
-Robbery in Henleaze. -Staffordshire.
Bristol. Outside a building society.
Security van, sir. Seventy-five...
Thousand.
Yes, thousand, sir.
-Shooters? -No, sir.
I was just telling detective Morris...
And now you're telling me.
-Witnesses? -No, sir.
Come, come, Sergeant.
I'm including security guards as witnesses.
So am I, sir. And they didn't see nothing.
Didn't see anything, Sergeant.
Not home to Mr. Double Negative are we?
So you're telling me...
...someone made off with seventy-five large...
...in broad daylight, from the security van...
...outside a building society and nobody saw anything?
Is this whole town asleep?
And we've finally caught up.
Alright, Sarge, keep an eye out for any copycats...
...connections, similar runs, word from London links.
You don't mind if I tap up a few of my contacts...
...for the word on the street, Sid?
Tap away, Stringer. Tap away.
Hello, Arthur. Everything alright?
This is coming along well.
It's a work of art.
Just wondered if you had...
...a hand held angle grinder that I could borrow?
I'll have a look. Something I can help you with?
No, no. It's not that big a job.
I'm just doing a favour for Iris next door.
Here you are.
Diamond tipped wheel, if you've got it.
You did it.
A spokesperson from the Bristol and South West Police...
...stated that the robbery would have taken months of planning...
...by a highly organised criminal gang.
Security on all vans has been doubled in a move...
...that banks say is a purely precautionary measure.
It's widely believed...
...that they money will have been laundered already and...
...passed through a sophisticated underground network...
...making it almost impossible to trace.
Arthur, it's beautiful.
The Valencia Getaway. Top of the range.
No!
And I've planned our first itinerary.
Five houses, all your favourites.
We're finally going to get away.
Oh, you're such a wonderful man!
They're opening up the Eastfield Inn tonight.
Yeah.
They've got a new chef.
Very good, apparently.
I thought we might go there for a bite to eat this evening.
Well, let's see. I might have to work late tonight.
Yes, of course. Silly me. What was I thinking?
Martha, I'm going.
Just going to go and get the fish for tonight.
Have you got your bag for life?
Ok.
Martha, I seem to have lost my...
I think we need to have a little chat, don't you?
How much?
Fifty thousand pounds.
It said seventy-five on the wireless.
They're lying.
For insurance purposes, I suppose.
Oh, fudge. Iris.
Now, you stay exactly where you are.
I will be back in a moment.
Cold food. Is that the best you could do today?
Yes.
Why, in the name of blue blazes...
...did you walk up to a security guard in broad daylight...
...and hit him over the head?
I didn't hit him over the head.
Well, I didn't.
My plan was to do it without hurting anyone.
And it was never meant to involve you.
How can it not, Arthur?
I know everything. I'm in it just as much as you are.
Whether it's by giving you your tea or living under the same roof.
I'm aiding and abetting a known criminal.
I know. I know.
But I got the money.
To be honest...
...it all happened by mistake really.
A kind of accident.
But it has made me realise that...
...it is possible.
Are you planning to do it again?
Martha, for the first time in...
...in my life really...
I felt alive.
Relevant.
I felt like I could help.
You could go to prison.
You could be shot, Arthur.
I don't want to be a widow.
I want you with me to grow old...
...older with me.
They haven't caught me yet.
It's still a crime, Arthur, you're stealing.
I don't know why we're having this conversation.
My husband's a wanted man.
Hello?
That's terrible.
We'll be right over.
From what we can make out...
...he's taken three times the dose of his painkillers.
He's stable now but we'll need to keep him in a few days...
...to monitor him as he's very weak.
I'll leave you with him for a sec...
...'cos I've got to go find him a bed on the ward.
What are we going to do with you, Charlie?
You can't be trusted on your own.
I'm so sorry...
...so so sorry.
I just wanted to go.
I just...
I'm sorry, Martha. I'm so sorry.
We have to get him out of there, Arthur.
And those other poor souls.
We can't leave him like this.
Whatever we have to do, Arthur. I'm not having this.
You know, there is a way we can help.
You might not like it but...
...it could just be the solution we're looking for.
Go on then.
We need to raise money quickly.
And I've proved it can be done...
...albeit a little unconventionally.
I think I can do it again.
With a bit more planning.
Ok.
What?
You're on. But this time...
...I'm coming with you. -No, no, no.
I haven't stopped thinking about Charlie...
...and how desperate he was.
And what you did.
Arthur Goode, I love you so much.
I couldn't stand not being with you.
I need you now....
...more than ever.
So, if we're going to rob banks to sort out this sorry mess...
...we'll do it together.
No, no, wait, wait. What about your health?
Please don't bring that up, I'm fine.
Anyway all the more reason to do it now...
...so we can plan the banks...
...around the National Trust houses and...
...I still get to get my tour.
Right. I knew there was an ulterior motive.
You know what to do.
Let's just do what we practiced.
Then we'll be fine.
Right.
Cucumber ready.
And I've got my banana.
Let's go.
Right, nobody move!
Nobody will get hurt.
Right, this is a robbery.
Over there. Stand still.
Over there.
Don't even think about it.
Right, everything you've got. Now.
No coins, thank you, if you don't mind.
Thank you, thank you. Now. Don't move.
Quickly, quickly, everything you've got. Quickly.
Stand still. You stand still.
Now, you don't move and no one will get hurt.
Right, don't move.
Stay where you are.
I can't see. Where are you?
Come here. This way.
-Martha, I can't see. -Let's get out.
No, my eyes. Where are we?
Well, that could have gone better, couldn't it?
I'm so sorry. The bank's been robbed.
-I thought they came this way. -No.
I am so sorry. Are you ok? I am so sorry.
-Come inside. Please. -No. Please.
-Can I get you a cup of tea? -No, we're fine.
-Yes, he's fine. -It's fine. Don't worry.
Let me get you an ambulance just in case.
You can sit down. We'll look after you. It's gonna be ok.
Are you ok?
Yes.
I am so sorry. You just stay here as long as you like.
Thank you.
Shopping?
Yes, a little.
A few things.
That's the detectives.
Just a moment.
The quiet Cotswold town of Little Camden...
...saw a daring raid on one of its high street banks this morning.
Thieves wearing old people masks...
...burst into the bank brandishing what are believed to be weapons...
...hidden inside bin liners.
Early reports say they made a clean getaway...
...with the contents from the cash desks.
Police want to reassure the public...
...that they're doing all they can to apprehend the gang...
...who are still at large and believed to be extremely dangerous.
They're asking for anyone who sees anything suspicious to call.
Any leads, young Sherlock?
Standard kind used in paint ball centres...
...up and down the country.
Reports say that over a quarter of a million...
...are sold in the UK each month.
They've done their homework. They know our response times.
You reckon they're pros then?
Maybe, Dave.
But if they are they've slipped up here a bit.
Something's not quite right, you know.
-Sid. -What is it?
What, you want to go home? We've barely started.
I've got another date.
Christ! If I'd known you were ruddy part time...
What happened to the one from the other night?
Didn't work out. Turns out she don't like coppers.
What did you do, handcuff her to the bed?
Jesus!
No. I won't ask about the truncheon.
It's the hot topic of the day.
Just how did the Little Camden robbers...
...just simply vanish into thin air?
Have we lost faith in our police force?
Call in and let us know your thoughts.
This is Dan David taking you through till dawn.
Alright, Sid.
You've watched it thirty times so what is it you're not seeing?
'Cos I'd quite like to go home now.
It's rather romantic.
We're outlaws. Like that Thelma and Lacey.
Thelma and Lacey?
Bonnie and Clyde, you mean.
Look, I've been thinking...
We nearly got caught today.
We need something. We need a device.
It doesn't do anything.
But we put a motion sensor on it.
Like Mrs. Robins did for her t.ts.
-What? -Well, you know...
...the blue t.ts and grey t.ts and all the other birds that come...
...when she films on her bird feeder.
Like that Kate Humbly did on Springwatch.
They used a motion sensor.
Right, so we put one of those on it...
...and we say, "Nobody moves...
...or it goes off."
That's a brilliant idea, Arthur.
What's that?
Listen.
They've come for us, Arthur.
When you're doing dogging
you're supposed to keep the curtains open.
Look, I said to this director, I said to him...
...I must be allowed to follow my impulses.
And then I said to him you can stuff your bloody play.
Don't you think you'll regret that?
No chance, Shirl. I will not be trammelled.
Trammelled?
What does that mean?
You've gone all quiet. That's not a good sign.
-Here, Shirl. -Yeah.
Looks like we gone and won a competition.
Look. "You are a winner!"
No, we haven't. We don't do winning.
Yeah. We've won 25000 pounds - "no strings attached."
Royston Merryweather, I've told you before:
These are all scams!
Probably cost a bomb to phone in and collect your winnings...
...or something. There's always a catch.
No, we don't have to call up or anything.
Stop it. We haven't won any money.
You probably have to go for a meeting...
...and they'd sell you a timeshare...
...or they'll get you to sign your house away.
No, I've not gone doolally yet, my poppet.
There's no catch.
See, the dosh is in an account in our name.
Seems it's something to do with some pools accumulator thingy...
...we done yonks ago.
All we have to do, it says go to your local bank...
...and sign on the dotted line.
Okay.
Wahey!
Royston.
Just when we'd thought we'd been scuppered.
Back to bed I think Shirls for a little...
...mid-morning celebration.
I will go and prepare the stage.
Yes!
But we've never done the pools.
Right, this is a robbery.
Nobody move.
Stay calm.
Stand against the wall and nobody will get hurt.
Come on, stand against the wall. Against the walls.
It'll all be over soon.
Your instructions are in here.
Do as your told and nobody will get hurt.
Stay calm, everybody.
This is an explosive device...
...with motion sensors on it.
Yes!
Sid. It's Alf.
We just had reports of a hold-up in Burkeley.
They're sending in an armed response team.
Stringer's all the way over in Castle Coombe. Where are you?
Christ! We're only just down the road.
Be calm.
Be calm. Stand against the wall.
Stay where you are.
Now, it's activated.
It's armed, so don't move for the next five minutes.
Otherwise it will go off.
Damn it!
They just left.
Here, Sid.
-No, that can't be... -Careful.
Come on now.
Hide that cucumber.
Excuse me, did you see a couple of men...
...or maybe a man and a woman come this way with a trolley?
They might have been wearing masks.
No, no, no. We've been here quite a while we have.
We haven't seen anybody, no, no.
We're just having a bit of lunch.
My wife's in there making sandwiches now.
Okay. Thanks for your time.
That's a nice piece of kit.
Yeah, we like it.
Much more economical than paying for hotels and B&B's.
Yeah, you can't be too careful with your money these days.
My wife says we should get one when I retire.
She wants to do a tour of stately homes...
...up and down the land.
Well, you can tell her from me it's most amenable.
-Sid. -Thank you.
They vanished. Nobody's seen them...
...and I've had Stringer going mental at me down the phone.
Well, hope you find the two men you're looking for.
Sorry to interrupt your lunch.
-Not at all. -Nice talking to you.
-Yes and you. -Nice to talk to you officers.
Would you like a sandwich?
I made a few too many, it's a shame to waste them.
Take a few for later.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
How do two people just disappear...
...after robbing a busy high-street bank, Dave?
Without arousing any suspicion?
What are the bloody chances?
We're never going to hear the end of this one.
One more I think...
...and then we can go home and see our friends.
It might be a good idea...
...if I had a little target practice first. Do you think?
Yes, that's a very good idea.
This is getting serious.
It's a fake.
It's made from DIY parts.
This is a clever bunch of sods, Cully.
I'd put money on it that they've had military training.
Maybe even special forces.
Rob, can you hear me mate? Please, Rob.
Bill, what's going on, Bill?
It's the wrinklies we let in twenty minutes ago.
They're out of control.
The woman... She's gone crazy.
Both of them...
I don't know what...
Get back here as soon as you can.
The key thing here is focus.
Look out.
If it isn't the Widow Twankey and Buttons.
More like Dobbin the pantomime horse if you ask me.
I dunno, Cully, last time I looked the pantomime horse...
...came with only one a..e.
Give it a rest, Stringer.
Look out, Sid. He's behind you.
"No, he isn't!"
"Yes, he is!"
Alright, alright, that's enough.
With fourteen forces all feeding back...
...they seem to be on something of a spree.
Three connected so far.
My press briefings...
...I would imagine, will scare them, so...
Right, thanks Stringer, I'll take it from here.
It's alright, Sid. I've got this one.
I said I've got it. Thanks.
Chief?
Sid, why don't you sit down?
I've asked Stringer to take us through some new ideas.
Sorry for the interruption, people.
Now... if I can just get back my train of thought...
So did you have a lovely time?
Marvellous. The houses were beautiful.
I wasn't asking about the houses.
As lovely as it's been in years.
What about you?
Normal service resumed.
I wanna do press briefings and TV appearances.
Purely to let them know that we're on to them...
...and make them think.
I think we can safely say that they'll be a little worried...
...that they've met their match.
Jesus!
I've written up assignments for you all.
Not for you, Sid.
You've done the donkey work here.
You can take a rest for a while.
Ride shotgun with me.
Sod this!
Sid.
Hold on.
Sid.
Come on, you're bigger than this.
That's the point, son. I'm not.
Sid!
My Shirls and me discovered a little pot of gold...
...we never knew we had.
Brought us right back from the brink.
Brian, here, he only went and got given a grand.
-Really? What for? -No, it's nothing really.
It's just some money to train new apprentices.
But, you know, it means I can keep the place going...
...that's for sure.
Hello, can we help?
I'm looking for Arthur Goode.
I'm an Arthur Goode.
Name's Taylor.
Represent the Danville family that own the land on...
...which this establishment currently sits.
Sent you a letter some weeks ago about the tenancy.
The family that own the land want to sell it...
...and gave the club first refusal.
The auction's coming up soon...
...and if we can't buy it we lose our club.
There's nothing you could of done anyway.
As you said before...
...there's no way the club could afford it.
Yeah, I know.
I just wish I hadn't let myself get so distracted.
I mean this place...
...it's not just a club where people come to play...
...bowls or bingo or have a few drinks.
It's more than that.
I mean looks at Sylvie here.
She comes here every day.
Talking to people, seeing people.
If it wasn't for that...
...she wouldn't have any proper human contact at all week.
And Frank here...
...he can barely afford to feed himself.
Phil gives him a job collecting glasses...
...and gets him a few bob.
Makes sure he gets a good meal.
This is more than a social club, Martha.
It's a lifeline for some people.
It's coming. Don't worry.
We can't let it be destroyed.
Because they'll be destroyed along with it.
How much do we need?
A damn sight more than we've taken already.
Quickly too.
There's only a week before the auction.
Come on. Let's invite the gang back to ours.
You can bore them with our photos.
Steady!
Blimey!
She really is a beauty. -Yes.
This shining carriage set in a sea of grey.
This steed of champions, this Valencia Getaway.
Blimey!
-Hello. -Come in.
I'll let you take your coat off. There you go.
Thank you.
So, where is he? The old chap.
What have you done with him?
He couldn't help it, when he saw the caravan...
...he said it's his Romany blood and it's been like that...
...since they did Carmen.
And then he had to have a nose around.
Well, he can look all he wants.
Well, he's not just looking at it, he's in it.
We'll understand...
...if you wish to rethink your friendships with us.
We know we've broken the law.
But how? I get confused just using the bank's website.
You're a pair of bloody geniuses. That's what you are.
I'd like to give you a great big kiss, both of you.
You count me in. I've always wanted to play Robin Hood.
Royston, it's not really quite like that.
No, Martha, dear, in for a penny, in for a million.
That's what I say. It'll be my finest performance yet.
Royston. Shouldn't we talk?
Remember what the doctor said about over exerting.
Now, come on, Shirl.
Now's the time to stand up and be counted with them.
Just think of the fun we can have.
"Pools accumulator!"
Very funny!
Brian? Chicken?
Look, I've pulled your a..e out of the fire...
...every time you've dropped a cigar down your trousers!
But, this...
...well, it's not just about me
I've got my apprentices to think about.
Haven't you worked it out yet, you daft besom?
This couple, who butter wouldn't melt in their mouth...
...the secret investors in your apprentice scheme.
Royston, stop your bullying.
Look, Royston doesn't bully me.
He just talks louder than I do.
I know you all think I'm the quiet one...
...but that doesn't mean there isn't stuff going on.
And it is a bloody silly idea...
...but I understand why you're doing it.
And actually I think you're being very brave.
Stupid, but brave.
And if anyone's able to think straight...
...and keep you out of jail, then that's me.
So if you think I'm gonna let you rob a million quid...
...or whatever it is without me to keep you out of trouble...
...then you're wrong.
Arthur, we're in.
What's the plan?
Sodbury.
It's where they keep the money for the bankers' bonuses.
What they call their "Golden Years" retirement fund.
Cheeky sods.
I love it.
They may take our lives...
...but they can never take our pensions.
They already have.
They may take our pensions but they can never take our lives.
Nance, you broke the yolk.
You noticed that, did you?
Nancy, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Nancy, wait love.
Maybe I should go and rob a bloody bank...
...then you'd notice me. -Nance!
I don't bloody believe it.
It's them in that bloody caravan.
Bingo!
Dial it up, Shaz.
Let's go Tropical Truffle!
Hello, Mrs. Morris. I'm really sorry to disturb you.
He just hasn't been himself since these robberies started.
He's just absolutely obsessed with them.
I've never known him bring his work home before.
I thought that was a map of the route...
...we were going to take around the National Trust properties...
...for my birthday trip.
But, no, it's all to do with the robberies.
So, all of these places are...
National Trust properties, you see.
So we'd start up here at Little Camden...
...and go round in a great, big circle.
Bloody hell.
So, where would you like to go next, after this one?
Well, there's Syon House here...
...or Grittleton Manor there.
And Sodbury Hall.
They've got the most beautiful little Victorian walled-garden.
Yeah. Yes, any of those three, really.
You little beauty.
My friend Val's a volunteer.
They're shutting down though on Friday.
They've got to clean them up for the summer season.
So, anyway, would you like one of my little coconut macaroons?
Well, I see my Sidney's trained you very well.
Pick up.
This is Sydney Morris. Leave a short message...
...and I'll get back to you.
Sid, listen.
I can't go into all the details now...
...but I'm almost certain that the next robbery will take place...
...in the next two days in one of three places...
...all within twenty minutes of each other.
There's a connection with the National Trust properties.
That's why it has to be in the next few days...
...before they close up for some sort of spring clean.
There's Syon Town, Grittleton and Sodbury.
It has to be one of those.
I hope you get this, Sid.
I've been joined by Detective Inspector Keith Stringer...
...who is leading the case. Detective, can you tell us...
...what do you know so far about these criminals?
Thanks, Stan. A crew like this...
...will have huge resources to draw on.
They'll have the latest technology at their fingertips.
Don't be fooled by their old people masks.
Underneath they are ruthless young men...
...who are highly trained both mentally and physically...
...and will stop at nothing to get what they want.
I urge the public not to approach them...
...under any circumstances, but rest assured...
...we will hunt them down and we will bring them to justice.
As Arthur approaches the bank teller...
...I take out the CCTV cameras.
And I distract the security guards by fainting.
Are you ok? Are you alright?
Are you ok? Do you want to sit down?
A lovely service. Thank you.
How are you? Are you alright?
Poor Royston.
I shall miss him...
...so much. -Yes, me too.
He was the life and soul of our club.
What are we going to do now?
If we stop now, it'll all be for nothing.
Shirley, the club, they need us now more than ever.
We've got to do something, Martha.
I know you're right...
...but we're going to need more people.
Well, then we'll get more people.
Let's make Royston proud.
We've had word from our high-level sources...
...on the street they're gonna hit one of three banks...
...in the next two days.
We'll be focusing our mission on what I'm now calling...
...the golden triangle.
Syon Town, Grittleton, Sodbury.
We've looked at the geography of the robberies...
...and this follows a complex pattern that...
...I won't go into now. -So, what we gonna do?
What we gonna do?
We're gonna cover the whole bloody lot.
Ok. Phil's in.
He jumped at the chance to help save the club.
He'll clear the cash desks with Brian...
...while Martha and I deal with the vault.
Thelma's up for it.
As long as she can play the hostage role.
So, are you doing anything nice this weekend?
I have on something that will be fun.
Sounds good.
Now, there's a lot of money,
so we'll get it out in two stages.
Charlie will act as the getaway driver...
...for the first amount.
Getting the second lot out will have to wait.
Until the time is just right.
Right, off we go.
Everything's good.
Martha.
Martha?
Martha, are you alright?
Martha.
Martha, wake up.
Martha, please.
Martha.
-You! -Yes, it's me.
I think she's collapsed. She has...
She suffers terribly from Crohn's disease.
If you could help.
Martha? Martha, can you hear me?
She seems to be breathing ok.
Eleven sixty five, to x-ray.
I need an ambulance to Henleaze.
I'll get some water.
Stay calm for me, Martha.
Nance, what are you doing here?
Well, you scribbled down an address next to a licence plate number...
...so I thought I'd come and see where you keep disappearing off to.
It's not what it looks like.
Don't be so stupid, Sidney Morris. Have you called an ambulance?
It's on its way.
Hello.
Martha?
Martha, would you like to go inside until the ambulance comes?
Thirty-five years gives a copper the chance...
...to work every kind of case you can imagine.
But you?
You just don't fit.
It just don't add up.
You think this was about money?
It was about what was fair.
Fair?
Jails are full of blokes who stole money that wasn't theirs...
...all of them claiming life dealt them a bad hand.
You wait till they steal your pension...
...from under your nose.
You'll find out what you think about your precious rules.
Martha's settled.
The ambulance will be here in a minute.
What's going on here, then?
I said what's going on?
I ain't getting talked down to by a ruddy crook.
I'm not a crook.
Yeah? And I'm not the one who's looking at a stretch.
Alright, that's enough.
Arthur, I think Martha would appreciate...
...you checking up on her...
...and I wouldn't mind a few minutes alone with my husband...
...thank you. -Nance, he could run off!
Sidney!
I have to tell you we never hurt anyone.
And we only took back what had been taken from us.
Don't buy it, Nance.
Sidney, if you take those poor people in...
...I will never ever speak to you again.
-Those poor people? -Never, Sidney.
I've put up with enough.
Years and years of going without.
Going without nice things because the pay wasn't up to much.
Years of sleeping alone...
...or just lying there in bed wondering...
...if you're gonna come home late, if at all.
Years and years of going without...
The other...
Love!
You used to take me away...
...from time to time to make up for it.
Well, that stopped happening, didn't it?
Every day I sit up there...
...like a silly teenager doing my hair...
...doing my lippy, trying to look nice for you.
Hoping you'll notice but you never do.
And tonight, tonight I'll be going to the bingo.
I've been going to the bingo every Thursday...
...for the last ten years.
Like a bloody hamster on a bloody wheel.
And do you know, Sidney, I bloody hate bingo!
Love!
Just do the right thing.
That's all that matters.
We can work out the rest.
This is our marriage on the line. Right here. Right now.
So, you drink your tea and you think about that.
You've got the time it takes me to get Martha's shawl...
...from the caravan.
Do you mind?
Sorry.
I'm just a little bit... you know. -Yeah.
I've got an awful feeling something bad has happened.
I know.
It's the waiting that's the hardest part.
Cashier number two, please.
Well, well, well.
Look what we have here.
I'll stop you there, son, if you don't mind.
DS Stringer. -Stop p..sing about, Stringer.
This woman needs help. -Pull the other one.
It's got more bells on than Santa's nob.
-I've got to take this lady for... -Shut up.
You're not feeling very well?
Nobody's going anywhere until I say so.
Especially not you two cons.
Or indeed you, Sid.
I knew you was bent from the beginning.
I couldn't work out how these two were getting away.
I decided to have a little look at the CCTV footage...
...and there you were leaning on the getaway car...
...getting all cosy with the occupants.
You two are going down.
And you, Sid.
You're all washed up.
Mess with a Stringer...
...and you've messed with a....
Found it!
Arthur and Martha are in position.
Let's go.
No one get silly and act the fool...
...and we'll all leave here with our lives intact.
-Everybody against the wall. -No. Don't shoot.
Right, you. Out of the way.
Say hello to my little friend.
And you, follow these instructions.
Five minutes and counting.
It's you, isn't it?
I can't believe this is happening to us.
Yes, alright, Chantelle. They are about to rob us, you know.
Everyone ok?
Yes, thanks.
I'm commandeering this vehicle.
Any trouble...
...and I'll arrest the bloody lot of you.
They've only hit Sodbury. It's only bloody on.
Get the boys scrambled as fast as you can.
Boss. Boss, are you getting this, boss?
I'm on my way.
Don't do anything until I get there.
Every one's a winner, baby That's the truth
Well, look at that.
Lush.
After you.
We'll get the first batch of money away,
you load the next. Time check.
Two minutes, thirty-five left.
Bang on time, Charley.
Away you go.
And the next lot, ladies and gentlemen...
...is two acres of prime development land...
...in the North Bristol suburb of Henleaze.
At present the Ardagh Bowling Club.
A great deal of presale interest. Where will you bid me.
Start me at a million pounds someone.
Thank you, Madame. At one million pounds.
At one million pounds, only.
One million one hundred pounds...
-Status? -No idea.
These guys responded to the alarm call, so did we.
The front door's been shut since we got here.
This is Detective Sergeant Keith Stringer.
You are surrounded.
Come out with your hands up.
I don't want to hurt anybody.
I'm here for the bank's money, not your money.
Your money is insured.
Nobody here loses a penny.
...with your hands up.
Shall we hand it to tactical?
No, we're not handing it to sodding tactical.
We move in sixty seconds.
You and two of yours with me and Cully.
Think of your families and don't risk this lady's life.
I'm going to deal with you later, you naughty boy.
You know what to do.
Customers to the room to the right.
And staff the room to the left. Thank you.
Ok. We're approaching the door. Over.
Are you lady-boys quite finished?
Sorry, Keith.
You push the door open and I'll lead in.
Oh, for Christ's sake.
Just one more, sir.
One million six hundred thousand pounds.
One million seven hundred thousand pounds.
At one million seven hundred thousand pounds.
And there's the bid.
You're all out at one million seven hundred thousand pounds.
Once.
At one million seven hundred thousand pounds, twice.
Two million!
-I'm sorry? -Two million.
Two million pounds.
Spread out.
Be careful.
Are you sure we shouldn't call tactical?
It's not like they're going anywhere.
Don't be such a tart.
You two go that way.
Cully, on me. -Sir. Yes, sir.
Two million pounds.
Any more at all?
At two million pounds then, at once.
Two million pounds, twice.
Make your way through there.
This one's my turn. Stand back.
I'm going in.
You're all out.
At two million pounds, the third and last time and done.
Is it over?
Thank you very much.
Go on through, sir.
Sid?
Thanks for your help.
I was very pleased to be able to help.
Don't worry, Mr. Henderson, sir.
We're just trying to find the spare keys.
And made off with what we believe was the money...
...to be distributed to bankers as their bonus.
And here's the detective who was leading the investigation.
Detective Stringer.
Detective Stringer, can you confirm reports...
...that it was your direct actions that led to the criminals...
...making away with the money?
Any comments? Comments, sir?
Sir, any comments?
It's now been five days since the Sodbury Alliance robbery.
Despite an armed cordon the gang escaped...
...with just over two million pounds...
making this their largest haul to date.
Bank sources say this volume of money...
...would be extremely difficult to move under any circumstances.
Let alone during a heist.
A police spokesperson stated that the criminals would have had...
...an extremely sophisticated escape plan in place...
...that allowed them to get the cash away from the scene unnoticed.
Bank staff are being questioned as an inside job...
...has not been ruled out at this stage of the enquiry.
Do you think they'll be alright?
Of course they will.
Anyway, you'll be able to look after them.
Just as long as you're there with me.
I love Dom Jones.
I've had him. 1965.
Round the back of Merthyr Rugby club.
Not so good up against the wall, though.
Could you please make sure that you buy tickets...
...for Tuesday's dance.
It's a fund raiser.
What for?
We're trying to raise thirty grand...
...to stop them shutting the old people's drop...
...in centre at Ashton Corner.
They want to turn it into luxury flats apparently...
Someone's stolen my cucumber.
Come on, you can sit anywhere you like.
It's a mystery tour.
Not even I know where we're going.
How are you? Are you alright?