Authentic souvenirs. Come and buy your souvenirs!
(d harmonica)
How you doing, buddy?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you're so pretty.
- See anything, Jerry? - (Jerry barks)
Some stakeout. Looks dead to me.
Thank you, sir. God bless you. Get that! God bless you, sir. Thank you.
Waiting on Jesus!
Well, our shift is through.
Time to pack it in, my friend.
(Jerry whimpers)
Come on, it's not gonna be that bad. It's starting a new chapter in our life, that's all.
Think about the free time we'll have to do all the things we wanna do, huh?
So keep an eye on that tambourine. We're gonna need the cash.
Well, how about that.
Well, I guess we get to go out in a blaze of glory, huh?
Let's go!
- (horn blares) - Get out of the way!
Down, Jerry. We're coming in the back. Go through the front.
We got you, Dooley. We're in the front.
Where's my backup? Where's my backup? I'm coming in.
I'm a cop, I'm a cop, I'm a cop.
Freeze, assholes!
(all) Surprise!
Dooley!
- "Gimme backup! Gimme backup!" - Think we'd let you go without a party?
- Oh, I can't... - Congratulations, old man!
- Oh... - It's all downhill from here!
- Oh, you guys. - Officer needs a beer.
- Yeah. Give him four beers! - (Dooley) The officer needs a lot of beer.
Happy retirement party, baby!
Come here, gimme a kiss! That's right!
Well, this is really... a surprise!
(d harmonica)
Thank you. That's very nice.
I will put this in my collection.
- What's this? - Don't know. Beautiful box.
This is from... the auto pool.
Well. Hey, look at that. Hey, how about this?
We put batteries in, so you won't go a day without a squad car.
Oh, that is really cool. Do you wanna try it? Look, he's already happy.
- Fire that thing up. - Yeah, let's see.
- Hey, Jerry Lee. Look at this. You ready? - (siren)
- (Dooley makes engine noise) - Look at that! It's a police car.
Come on, Jerry Lee. Come on, you can get it. Look out, Jerry Lee!
- There it is! - Oh!
Look out! Under your feet, your feet, your feet!
Oh, oh, you got it! You got it! Oh, don't break it, Jerry!
- Come on! All our toys!
Oh, man, you broke it.
Come here, boy.
What a good boy. Good boy. How about that?
Now, this is the last one. It's from the girls in the dispatch.
- Dispatch! Yeah! - Well, thank you.
- It's for Jerry Lee's collar. - That's beautiful.
- Very nice. Very nice. - (Dooley) That's really nice. Look at that.
- It's a picture of you and a picture of me. - (Jerry barks)
You know I love those guys. I do.
But I am so glad this job is over. I am done being a cop.
I am done with the shoot-outs, I am done with the fist fights.
Let me tell you, Jerry Lee, the next time I get punched, bit, kicked or yelled at,
it's gonna be because... because I have a girlfriend!
Here. Happy retirement, partner.
Attaboy. Attaboy, Jerry Lee.
(Jerry Lee burps)
My sentiments exactly.
- (burps) - Oh, that's bad breath.
Come on, Dooley. Whoa!
- Come on. Closing time. - I love you, Petey. I really do.
I mean, you're the best friend a man could have, except for a dog.
I love you too, but we gotta go home. Come on.
I know you're probably right, but just one more. Jerry Lee wants one more.
One more, just the detectives. Come on.
You got a big day tomorrow. It's your first day off.
I know. I'm gonna pick up my retirement cheque, my pension cheque,
then, what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna have my car detailed,
and then Jerry Lee and I... Jerry Lee and I are gonna hit the road, Jack!
- A vacation? That's nice. - Why not?
I mean, I already got it mapped out. Yeah.
We're gonna go coast to coast on Route 66.
You're not driving anywhere until you sleep it off.
- It goes to Chicago, I think. - That's got a coast.
Lake Michigan has a coast.
What? What?
What the hell was that?
All right, buddy. We slept that off.
I feel a little hung over, but I'm gonna get through that too.
I'm gonna get through this retirement. You and I are out.
We're free! We're out.
- Out... of... - (engine splutters)
Gas.
We're outta gas!
Out of gas! I can't believe it.
I shouldn't have canceled that Triple A card. I am so cheap!
All right. We're retired, we're free, we're just outta gas.
You know what? I'm gonna call a cab!
Yes! Retired people ride in cabs all the time. Where are we?
Oh, gimme that cellphone.
Retired people have cellphones! We'll call a cab!
(Dooley dials)
Can you give me the number of the Yellow Cab Company?
- (Jerry Lee barks) - Hey. Jerry Lee!
What's up?
Jerry Lee!
What's going on?
What do ya got?
Oh, no. Man!
Let me see.
Just our luck.
OK, buddy. Where are they? Yeah. Emergency.
Easy. What do ya got?
All right, buddy. These guys are serious.
Easy.
- (door creaks) - Hold up.
Attaboy.
No! Don't sneeze!
Jesus! Jerry!
Come on!
- Stop! Police! Hold it! - (gunfire)
Jerry Lee!
Hey! Wait for me!
Hey!
Get him!
Get this outta here.
Oh, shit.
(Jerry Lee barking)
Easy, boy.
Ow!
(Jerry Lee barking)
(snarling)
(barking)
- That's mine, dog. - Jerry Lee! Down!
(Jerry Lee continues barking)
Jerry Lee!
Jerry Lee! Jerry Lee, come here.
- Come here. Are you all right? - Stay where you are!
Hands in the air! Hands in the air! Now drop your weapon.
- I'm a cop. - Control that dog. Control that dog!
Drop the weapon.
- Heel, Jerry. - (police radio)
- Heel. - Federal agents. You're under arrest.
- For what? - It's all right. Now, calm down.
That's the one.
You guys make it a practice to arrest officers while you're doing backup?
- Mighty fine police work. - You're cocky for a cop who got busted.
Busted? Are you suggesting I'm involved in this?
- Got a different point of view? - Let's hear it.
I was on my way home. I observed a 2-11 in progress.
- Observed? - Jerry Lee heard something.
- The dog heard something? - We approached the premises.
I found a dead security guard and I called it in. I went in.
I found another dead guard. Jerry Lee tracked the perps,
we observed them in their heist, they heard us,
they fled, I followed in pursuit, the one guy killed the other guy,
and took off while you guys and your three-ring circus were arresting me.
And the perp who escaped? What'd he look like?
Six foot, 185 pounds, skilled shooter, agile, I'd say a military background.
- Distinguishing features? - Couldn’t tell. Had gloves and a mask.
- Just like the dead guy. - Any idea what he was after?
Gosh, I'm sorry, guys. I was gonna make him tea and biscuits
and have a chat, but they were trying to kill me.
Wanna find out what they stole? Ask the labs, or better yet,
find the guy you lost, and quit sweating my ass. I was just doing my job.
- Your job? - You have no job.
- As of midnight you were retired. - You're a civilian.
A civilian who's now mixed up in a serious federal investigation.
(Jerry Lee growls)
Calm down. Calm down.
You don't worry about a thing, now.
They got nothing on us. What can they possibly do, huh?
What?! They froze my pension?!
Tough luck, Dooley. It's department policy.
You'll get it when the Department of Justice closes its case.
Those clowns couldn't close their own zipper!
- I'll be dead before I see that money. - It's out of my hands.
- It's a federal issue now. - They have no idea who he is, how to...
The only way I'll get my pension back is find the guy myself.
Oh, no. No way, uh-uh. Look, you are retired now, Dooley.
- You're not a cop any more. Clear? - Yes, sir.
Then go home! Practice your whittling. Take a cooking class or something.
But you stay out of this!
No problem, sir. Sir.
Sure. No problem.
We're really sorry. If there's anything we can do for you, you just say the word.
Well, actually, could you spout me a hundred bucks?
Wife's birthday. Can't do it.
Hey, Petey, old pal.
Can you spout me a couple of hundred bucks, just to tide me over?
- I'm still paying off the boat. - Yeah. Sure, I understand.
Hey, everybody... Hey, listen up.
Listen, you know, uh... I'm embarrassed.
As humiliating as it sounds, I'm kind of in a financial jam, and...
I was wondering if anybody could lend, you know, one of your own
two hundred bucks to see me through this difficult transition to retirement.
It would be, you know, a great opportunity for you, now, to say so.
Anybody?
You still got your PI license, don't you?
- Yeah. - So use that.
Terrific. What am I gonna live on in the meantime?
- What are you doing, fella? - (Jerry Lee whines)
- Hey, what about breeding Jerry Lee? - Pimp Jerry Lee?
- Yeah. - I can't. He's a champion police dog.
People are looking for decorated sires like Jerry Lee all the time.
I hear you can get $1500 a pop.
1500 bucks a pop?
Hello! Hi! Dog owners?
Dog owners? Hi!
Uh... Any of you looking to breed, you know, for puppies...
Cute little puppies? You know, the cute little furry things?
I got a champion dog right here.
Here's the dad, right here.
He is a stud. And... and he's hot to breed.
Hey there, handsome. Looking to stud?
Oh, uh... I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong idea.
- I was just talking to your dog. - Oh!
Jerry! Uh, I'm sorry.
- Maurice Charles. Professional breeder. - Oh.
This is Champion. He thinks he's a big dog.
Breeder, huh? That's great. I'm Thomas Dooley. This is my dog Jerry Lee.
Oh! Please! Mr Tough Guy, huh?
- Yeah, well, he's a big one. - He's got remarkable structure.
- And just the loveliest markings. - Thank you very much.
- Does he have his papers? - Uh, papers?
- American Kennel Club, Schutzen titles? - Oh, yeah, yeah. I got papers.
I mean, this is a champion police dog.
- A-1. I mean, decorated dog. - You don't say!
- A stud! He's a stud! - You should come by my place.
- Say around... three? - Three?
- I've some clients you should meet. - That'd be great.
- Let's go poop. - Thank you, Maurice.
Did you hear that? I don't care what you think. This is non-negotiable.
- Did you bring the chips? - They're at home in my safe.
Oh, yeah? All of 'em?
Including the alpha?
You surprise me, Frankie.
When did you take an interest in computers?
About the minute I heard you were having a problem at the lab, Mr Thyer.
Don't worry about it. It's being handled.
Good. Because my client doesn't like risk.
You got till the end of the week. After that, no deal.
Tell your client he'll get his precious microchips,
but the price just doubled for his lack of faith.
Mr Dooley.
- Mr Dooley? - Yes.
- Yes. Maurice, how are you? - Hi.
- What a lovely home you have here. - Thank you.
It set you back a few bucks, huh?
Detective Dooley, I'd like you to meet Jack and Jackie Von Jarvis,
- and their bitch Jacqueline. - How do you do?
- Great, thanks. - Hello. Alert you a pretty dog!
Yes!
- Oh, that's... - Well, it's... it's so nice...
to meet you, uh...
How old is Jacqueline? Get your nose outta my ass!
- What's your problem? - Did you bring his papers?
- Yes. - Good.
I mean, they're not all, um... I got some coffee stains on 'em,
but you can see that he's a really nicely bred dog.
Um, there you go. There's his papers, right here.
- Jerry Lee. Excuse me. Jerry Lee! - (Jackie) Absolutely not.
We cannot possibly breed our Jacqueline with this unruly mate.
We demand nothing less than perfection! Isn't that right, girl, hm?
Yes, isn't it? No, we don't like the bad dogs! No, we don't like the bad...
No, we don't like bad things. We don't like the dirty dogs, do we? No!
(d "Nothing from Nothing" by Billy Preston)
Good girl. Good girl.
d Nothing from nothing leaves nothing
d You gotta have something
- d If you wanna be with me - No.
- Jesus! - Aah!
d Nothing from nothing leaves nothing
d You gotta have something
- d If you wanna be with me - No.
No, thank you.
No, I don't think he... He doesn't like her.
One more. Please. I think you're gonna love her.
Jesus!
Hi. I'm sorry I'm late. Sit, Molly. Good girl.
Detective Thomas Dooley, Jerry Lee... Catherine Coleman and Molly.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Catherine? - Yeah.
Uh... Why would you and Molly wanna have puppies?
My sisters each have kids, and I wanted to give each one of them a puppy.
German shepherds are so protective. So I was hoping we could work something out.
- Well, I, uh... - (Jerry Lee whines)
I don't see why not. Where do we sign?
OK, partner. We're home.
(Jerry Lee groans)
Come on. Come on!
Come on. Let's go.
What's with you, riding in the back seat?
You know, you've been weird all day. You all right?
Come on. Let's go.
You wanna stay here tonight?
Fine. Stay there. I'm going in.
I wanna get something to eat.
Some pizza, some miso soup.
You stay there tonight. Bye!
Come on!
Leash?
Good boy.
You know, I got you for free. I can go to the pound and get another one for free.
With this attitude like this, I just might do that.
(squeaking noises/shouting)
Ah!
You're hurting me!
You got bad, bad gums.
Pizza in there, or something. That's it.
Mm!
- Hi. - Hi.
- This is for you. - Thanks.
Come on in.
- Using the dog as cover. - Clever.
Very clever.
Come on, Jerry. Come on. Have a seat. Please...
Thanks. Sit, Molly.
- Good girl. - Uh, Molly, this is Jerry Lee.
- Jerry... - (growls)
Uh... Is there something wrong?
No, nothing.
I'll just be a second.
Jerry Lee! What's the matter with you?
Come on, I know you're nervous, and you just met this dog,
but this is how you guys do it in your world. You meet, you do it!
Excuse me. Is there a problem here?
No, I just think he's a little nervous. It's the first time he's ever done it.
I think what he needs is a little... professional assistance.
Why don't you let me help him?
Help? You mean, help?
- Help. Yes. - I'll talk to him.
Come here. Look at me. Listen, you gotta do this for the team, man.
You gotta step up. You gotta look at that girl and make it happen.
Come on. We need the cash.
You understand that? We need the money.
Believe me, you don't want the alternative. You want Maurice...
Huh?
All right, then. Just pretend!
Pretend it's... uh...
Come on! Don't fight me on this one. Come on!
- Are you sure about this? - Trust me. She's just his type.
Come on. Take a look. Will you just take a look?
Pretty, huh? You like her?
She likes you.
OK, so, half now and half when we know if it took, less my handling fee, of course.
- Thank you very much. - Well, my work here is done.
- I'll be in touch. - OK.
Stud! You're a stud!
Hi, Molly. I'm so sorry about the costume.
- But I told you it would work, didn't I? - Yeah.
- You'll give me one of the pups? - The pick of the litter.
- Really? - Yeah.
Jeez, look at this. A truck. You drive a truck!
- Yeah. - I mean, I know, it's just...
- You don't see, you know, many... - Women driving pick-ups.
- Well, you just don't, that's all. - Yeah.
Well, see, I do a lot of gardening, some landscape architecture.
- So it comes in handy. - Well, you know, I love plants.
And trees.
Sycamores.
Elm.
Willows.
- Shrubs. - Shrubs.
Shrubs.
- OK. - Nice doing business with you.
- Yeah. - We'll see you again.
Bye!
Bye-bye!
Ha, ha ha! Oh, yeah!
Look at this, buddy. Look at all this money!
You know what I think we're gonna do? I think we're gonna reinvest in ourselves.
We're gonna go to the newspaper, put an ad in for our PI business...
Just until we get the pension cheque. No, no. You can't spend money.
No, no, no. It's not yours. I'll get you some kibble out of it, all right?
Look at that.
I don't like that dog.
- Why are you guys tailing me? - You're a suspect in an investigation.
- And it's our job. - I gave you everything I know.
You already screwed up my pension.
Hey, you wanna do me a favour? Leave me alone for the rest of my life.
- Sorry, Dooley. - No can do.
Rules are rules.
I can't believe you did that!
The dog bit the Tyre.
Hey! See ya!
Good boy, Jerry.
Look at this guy.
Don't wave back.
Morning, assholes!
That is it!
Oh. Oh, how terrible.
- Suckers. - No! It's not worth the suit, man.
Come on!
Not worth the suit!
Here it is, here it is, here it is.
"K-9 Private Investigator at your service."
"Need to collect a loan? Worried about loved... ones..."
What are you doing up there? All right. That's it.
We're definitely going to the vet. Now.
There's your problem. Right there.
Jerry Lee swallowed something he shouldn't have.
- He's constipated? - Very.
- What the hell is it? - Your guess is as good as mine.
Give it a few days. It'll pass. When it does, give me a call. I'd like to know what it is.
In the meantime, you might wanna buy some air freshener.
Air freshener?
(farting)
Stop that!
(farting)
What the hell did you eat? What did you swallow?
- For crying out loud. - (doorbell)
Probably those assholes out there.
Jesus! Phew.
No, you can't use my can...
I help you? - I'm sorry. Did I come at a bad time?
- No, no. No. - Well, I was looking for Thomas Dooley.
- K-9 Private Investigators? - Yes. That's me.
Come in, please. Please, please, come in.
There you go. It's clean.
OK. So.
- You need a private investigator? - I, uh...
- I don't really know where to begin. - Well, just start. You know. Just go.
I think something horrible has happened to my fiance.
- Oh. - He disappeared a week ago.
- A week ago? - Yeah.
- Well, has this happened before? - No, never.
We were in the middle of... wedding plans,
at dinner, and we had an argument over the invitations.
Well, he stormed out of the restaurant, and I... I called him all night on his cell,
the whole next day.
Nobody answered.
And that was the last time I saw him.
Here.
- Here. Please. - Thanks.
It's... it's, you know, dirty. I mean, it's clean enough.
(clears throat) So, look. We're gonna find him.
He's out there. Now, does your future husband have a name?
- Kevin Wingate. - Wingate.
Now, did he owe any money, does he have any enemies?
Kevin? No. It's impossible.
He's never been anything but kind and reliable.
- Respons... - (farting)
(growling)
(clears throat) I'm gonna need some more specific information.
Uh, do you have any kind of social security numbers, or...
It's everything I could think of. Social security numbers, phone numbers.
Old credit card receipts, email. The photo is from our engagement party.
Please find him. Money is no object.
Well, I'm glad you brought that up. It's kind of expensive.
It's $100 an hour plus expenses. I can show receipts for all the expense...
Will $1,000 be enough for a retainer?
- It'll work. - (farting)
- Oh. - Oh!
Just step over him.
Jerry Lee.
Thank you, Detective. I feel better already. And I'm not usually like this.
Oh, well, as soon as I find something, I'll be glad to give you a call.
How do I find you?
Here's my card.
Well, Laura, don't you worry. You're in good hands, and paws.
- Is he all right? - Yeah. He's just a little jet-lagged.
He gets a little weird. When he gets some rest he'll be on the job.
- No better sleuth than Jerry Lee. - If you say so, Detective.
- Please, find Kevin. - Yes.
Why must you do that when I'm with a client?
What is with you? It's gonna be a long night.
Kevin Wingate.
Princeton undergrad, Harvard MBA, lettered both in golf and tennis.
(Jerry Lee farts)
Investment banker. Holdings in major companies.
- (farting) - You stink.
Beans.
Oh, yeah. This'll make it happen.
How about this? Cabbage?
That's good. That'll blow it out for you. Prunes?
Just one?
OK. Just one.
All right.
Dodger Dog. Yeah. Oh, yeah!
This looks like mineral oil, but it's not.
Mineral oil.
Curry powder.
Hot!
Mm! OK, buddy. Ready?
Oh, yeah! That's good. That's good!
That's gonna make it happen, brother.
Pizza! Mm!
Look at that!
How's that look? You like that? Huh?
Mm! Here we go. Come on.
Come on.
(groans)
I know this is killing you, Jer.
But trust me. You're gonna thank me in the morning.
- You want some Alka-Seltzer? - (whines)
- Want some Alka-Seltzer? - (groans)
I'll get you some Alka-Seltzer.
All right. Go poo-poo.
Come on. Hurry up. Poo-poo. Ca-ca.
You want some privacy, is that it?
Go on. I'm not watching.
Go ahead.
I'll park my butt right here. You work your butt.
- (Jerry Lee whines) - Come on, hurry up.
I'm freezing my nuts off here.
(loud farting)
Hey! Hey, Sparky. Sparky! Sparkster! Get back here!
Jerry Lee?
See? What did I tell ya?
Pizza! You feel better?
Oh, man.
Ugh... Jerry Lee...
What's this?
- So, Sato, what is it? - Don't know who you're hanging out with,
but you've got some very smart friends, brother.
Check this out, man. This is a beta-test schematic of your microchip.
See these design patterns and all those extra lines of code?
- There? - Yeah.
This has been in development for years, but no one's cracked it.
- Until now? - You got it, man. This device?
Light years ahead of anything I've even read about.
Hm. It's worth something, then, huh?
You'd be stoked if you had the whole string.
This is what we call an alpha. It's like the big kahuna of microchips.
It contains command data that allows the slave chips to function properly.
From these design patterns, there's three more chips that go with it.
With all four, there's no telling what you could do.
OK. Pretend I got 'em.
- What then? - Put the technology on the market,
start a whole new generation of computers.
And the bottom would fall out of a billion-dollar industry.
- Bingo. - Yeah.
Tom, you're not on the job any more.
What's the matter with a couple of guys just shooting the bull?
Timmons, I need to get clear on this FBI thing.
What do you wanna know, Dooley?
Thank you, Carlos. OK. I need some information on that heist at Al Microlabs.
For some reason I keep thinking that I've heard of that place before.
Isn't that the same place that had that fire last year?
- Fire? - Yeah.
A while back. Arson thought it was set. Insurance companies didn't wanna settle.
Everyone working the case had to sign a statement.
It turned into this big litigation deal. We had to sign a statement.
- Was there a suspect? - Dooley! What are you doing here?
Captain Thomas! I just brought some doughnuts.
- Would you like some? - No, I don't want a doughnut.
- And this area is for detectives only. - Yes, sir.
- Come on, Captain. He's still one of us. - Shut up, Timmons!
And you. You listen to me. You are under investigation.
Not me, not the department. You!
Which is why I don't wanna see you or Jerry Lee anywhere near this place
until your name is cleared. Is that understood?
Yes, sir.
No? OK. Come on, Jerry Lee.
- We're not welcome here any more. - What the hell is it with you two?
Don't you understand basic police procedure? The man is retired!
He is under investigation! He is not allowed in this area!
Question. Whens the last time you walked a beat?
Keep this up, you'll be renewing old acquaintances.
- Stay low. Stay low. - Next time you question my authority,
you're gonna be taking a little vacation of your own, you hear me?
- Cuesta, wipe that smirk off your face. - OK. Jerry Lee, you sit here.
Parking violations! And I'm sick of you eating your lunches in the squad room.
What is that, anyway? Smells like onion enchilada!
When I come back, I wanna see you guys doing some real work!
Come on. Come on.
Hey, Jerry Lee!
What are you doing here?
Good boy.
Oh, yeah, thanks for the warning.
OK. Come on, let's go. Easy. Easy.
- Oh. - Dooley. Why are you still here?
- I had to pee. - Why am I still talking to you?
- Go pee somewhere else! Get outta here! - Yes, sir.
What the dog sees in him I'll never know.
(distant dance music)
Hello.
- Hi. - Creep.
This is it, here. There's the stairs.
All right.
d I trade in my faith
d For staying out so late
d I wake up, I wake up
d I got so ugly, uh
d No matter what I do
d It's always all right by you
d May stand in after you tell me I'm looking bad
- d Why do you love me? - d Ah, ah, ah
- d Can't understand it
(girl) Hey!
d Woke up so ugly
d Why do you love me?
You guys know Billy Cochran?
- Billy Cochran? - No.
d You think it sounds great
d I think that I look ashamed, you love me the way I am
d I think that I would be
d I look stupid
Excuse me. Do you know where Billy Cochran is?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. No, never mind.
d No, can't understand it, girl
- Jerry Lee! - Hey, baby.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Come on, Daddy! - No, I'm not your daddy. I'm not...
Jerry Lee!
Do you know a Billy Cochran? Billy Cochran?
- Who? - Billy Cochran.
Yeah!
This is his gig.
OK. Billy Cochran. Do you know where Billy Cochran is?
- Yeah. - Where? Where can I find him?
- Right over there. - There?
- Whoo! - Oh! Ha, ha, ha!
Yeah, baby! I gotta go.
Gotta go. Uh... I'm gonna be right back.
- OK. - If you see a dog, point him this way.
Jerry Lee!
What...? Jerry Lee.
What? What? What are you... What?
Get in here with me. What are you doing with that on your head?
Come here. Let me get that. Come on. What is this? Are you a party animal now?
Can't take you anywhere - Mr Popular!
All right, come on. We got work to do. Let's go.
Hey.
Are you Billy Cochran?
- Cop! - Shit!
OK. Go get 'em.
Hey! Hey, slow down!
- I'm not a cop! - Yeah? What do ya want?
I just have some questions.
Some other time, perhaps! Go to the party!
Party? I can't party.
Good boy. Good boy. Good boy. OK.
You want the drugs? Here.
I'm losing my patience!
- I'm losing my breath. - This way!
All right, this is your last warning.
Yeah. Whatever, Grandpa.
Now I'm pissed.
Aagh!
Hell of a shot.
- I... I... I got keys. - (Jerry Lee growls)
Um... Cigarettes, and...
- Parking ticket. That's all I got. - (gunshot)
That's all I got.
Get this dog away from me!
Aagh!
- Thirsty? - Yes!
Aah! Hey, hey! Hey, what, are you crazy, man?
OK, I'll talk, all right? I'll talk. Whatever you want. Just be cool. Don't drop me!
Why were you a suspect in the Al Microlabs fire?
It was a setup, all right? They knew I had a record.
Oh, like thousands of guys like to play with fire!
- I was approached by a guy. - A guy. What guy?
I don't know what kinda guy! OK? A good-looking guy!
- Uh, he wore fancy clothes. - Pretty guy!
- Frankie the Fence made the connect. - You know him?
What do you want? Frankie or the guy?
- The guy, wise guy! The guy! - OK!
- The name!
I don't know! It was, like, a year ago.
You buying that, Jerry Lee?
- You buy these? Bad fashion statement. - Don't...
- Oh! I lost my grip! I lost my grip! - Oh, my God. Oh, God!
- Give me the name! - OK!
I think it was Shyer. Oh, I mean, Thyer. OK? I can't remember.
- First name? - Charles Thyer! That's it.
- Talk to him lately? - No. He got somebody else to do the job.
- Are you lying to me? - I swear I'm not.
All right.
- Did I hurt ya? Huh? - No.
Are you sure? You got a nipple ring?
- No. - Oh, good.
Where are you going? You can't just leave me here.
That's for calling me Grandpa.
Look at that. Search results.
No match. No Charles Thyer.
I don't get it. I don't think Cochran would lie to us.
I mean, that kid was scared to death.
Half of it's mine. Half.
Which one do you want? This one?
Attaboy!
Well, I gotta tell ya,
whoever we're looking for,
he's gonna come for this.
So we'd better hide it in a good place.
How about the little locket? The one the girls gave you. Come on.
Hard to believe a little thing like this can crush a billion-dollar industry, huh?
Now it's safe. You don't want nobody near it.
No.
No! OK, I get the point!
Charles Thyer doesn't exist on this planet!
All right. Calm down. Cool it.
Cool it. Retired people don't get crotchety like this.
We're just gonna move onto something else.
Kevin Wingate file. OK. Can you accept that?
Stupid machine.
Yes!
Born Allentown, Pennsylvania.
Technical school. Employed by Pittsburgh Steel Company.
Vietnam?
(phone rings)
- What? - Hello, Detective?
Hi. It's Catherine Coleman. I didn't wake you, did I?
No, no. Hi, Catherine. No, not at all. I was just... fighting with my computer.
- How's Molly? - Well, it's...
She... she's doing OK.
She seems a little different, though, you know?
I had this feeling that it worked.
- Really? - Yeah. I don't know, it's just little things.
But I'm sort of keyed into her moods, you know?
I know that sounds kind of silly, but...
No, not at all. I know exactly what you're talking about. I mean, Jerry Lee...
I can always tell when he's happy or he's sad or he's pissed off at me.
Yeah, they're kind of like kids, aren't they?
Yeah, kinda.
I mean, you know, Jerry Lee's my partner, but he's... he's more, you know?
He's...
special.
I thought you were going on a road trip?
Oh, yeah. We are.
I just have to wrap up this huge PI case I'm running right now.
Wow. So you're... you're an actual private eye, like in the movies?
Well, I... I mean, kinda.
- I love those old movies. - Yeah, me too.
Have you seen The Thin Man? It's one of my favourite private-eye movies.
- And he had a dog. - And he's very thin.
Yeah! He was!
Listen, um... Catherine.
I was thinking that maybe you, me and the dogs could...
- (beep) - Can you hold? I got another call.
- Sure. - Thank you.
- Yeah? Dooley. - Detective? It's Laura Fields.
- Laura? - This is really embarrassing...
(grunts) OK!
Well, that's all done.
- Thank you very much, Detective. - You're welcome.
It's just a little leak, I think. But you wanna have it fixed by tomorrow.
You don't wanna drive around without a spare.
Um... It's probably not the right time to ask,
but have you had any luck finding Kevin?
Well, let me ask you something.
How long did you know Kevin before you decided to get married?
- About a year. - Did he ever talk about what he did?
Uh... investments. Technology stocks.
Some real estate.
Well, Laura, I don't wanna sound like a pessimist,
but you're gonna have to consider the possibility that you won't find him.
- You think something's happened to him? - No. Just the opposite.
I'm not sure he wants to be found.
Right. He was looking for a way out.
Well, your fiance wasn't exactly who you thought he was.
- Who's this? - Well, according to the US government,
- this is Kevin Wingate. - What is this? Some kind of a joke?
No, it's not a joke. The social security number you gave me belongs to this man.
- And he died in 1995. - What?
- It's not Kevin. - Kevin... Whoever he is...
- Why would he do this to me? - I don't know.
- Why would he lie to... me? - I don't know. I have no idea.
- Here, let me help you. - No, I'm fine.
I've managed this long on my own. I'll be fine.
I'm sorry. Thank you for taking the case.
If you'll just send me the bill, I'll settle my account.
- Look, you hired me to find your fiance. - But you just said...
He's not who you thought. That doesn't mean the case is closed.
When you set your mind to something, you don't give up, do you, Detective?
Well, nobody's perfect.
Come on.
- Take care. - I'll call you.
OK, Jerry Lee. This morning we got some lessons.
Because... you know what? There aren't many people in this world that I trust.
But you are one of the people.
So, since we don't belong to the police department any more,
we can't just call Dispatch for backup, right?
So you and I, we're gonna have a little training session after breakfast.
And we're gonna learn how to cover each other's backs.
OK, Jerry Lee. Here's the cellphone. Here are the pencils.
Cellphone's down on the ground. I got the pencils.
I'm gonna throw 'em. Stay right there. Stay right there.
When you hear a bang, you go get 'em!
- (fires gun) - Bang, bang! That's it! That's it!
Attaboy! Bring it here, bring it here! Attaboy!
No, the phone. Pencil to the phone.
Like that. Like that.
Like this, see? No, no, no, don't knock the phone over.
- (fires gun) - Bang! Go get it. Attaboy! Any pencil!
Get the pencil! Bring it to the phone.
The phone, the phone. Pencil into the phone.
You're getting it. The phone, the phone, the phone.
No, no, no, no. We're not playing.
You're not helping. You're not working with me, boy.
Jerry, no, no, no, it's not a bone.
It's a phone. Yeah.
Jerry! Jerry, give me that pencil.
That's it. That's it, see?
Phone. Here.
I have heard that certain individuals have difficulty adjusting to life after retirement.
- But this takes the cake. - Hi, Petey.
I'm trying to train Jerry Lee here on how to use my cellphone.
Oh, I don't think he has figured that out yet.
Look, it's still a work in progress.
OK, buddy. Here. Go get it! Go get that pencil!
- I got your message. What's up? - Hey, thanks for coming.
- I think I know who torched the place. - Are you serious?
- Yeah. - Don't tell me.
If you tell me, I have to reopen the case.
If I can find him, he can lead me to the guy who did the heist.
What is this? The Misery Loves Company group? You want me off the job too?
Come on, Petey. This is your chance to be a hero!
Save me the sales pitch. All right. What do ya got?
Thyer. A name. Thyer.
- Charles Thyer. - Thyer.
Well, what makes you think he torched the place before he robbed it?
You told me that the Microlabs changed insurance companies after the fire, right?
Insurance companies need to approve blueprints before they sign a new policy.
So you think he took a look at the plans.
With all that security, he knew his way around pretty damn good.
- All right, I'll check this guy out. - Thanks, Petey.
- But listen. This is the last time. - What?
- You are not a cop any more. - I'm not a cop. Can't even spell it.
- Thanks. - Good luck with the phone.
You'll know if it works. I programmed your number into the phone.
You know, Dooley, sometimes I wonder about you.
- Most of the time, I wonder about you. - Me too, Petey. Me too.
What? Not all the pencils! One pencil!
Just one pencil. What are we gonna do?
I have a better shot at teaching you how to use a payphone.
- So? - Are you certain he was a cop?
Oh, yeah. This guy was a cop.
This guy had handcuffs, OK? He had a police-issue.9mm.
He had a big-ass German shepherd, all right? Yeah, he was a cop.
And you said... nothing that would lead him to me?
Nothing at all, man. I mean, I played this thing totally cool.
You know me. I'm a loyal guy, right? Loyalty's everything to me.
- Yeah. - Right?
- Relax, Billy. It's all right, man. - OK.
- Yeah? - All right. I swear I didn't say a thing.
- It's cool. - OK.
- Yeah? - Cos, you know, if you're good...
Hey. Don't worry about it, OK?
- Get outta here. - All right.
- Yeah? - OK.
OK.
Loyalty's everything to me too, Billy.
Here we go, my friend.
- Jerry Lee? - (growling)
- What's the matter? - (growling)
Seek.
OK, boy. Come on.
Seek.
What the hell happened here, Jerry?
- Freeze! - Oh, my God!
- Out! Out! - It's... it's me!
- What are you doing here? - Kevin was at my house.
- Who? - Kevin! Or whoever he is!
Whatever his name is! He was there, waiting for me after work.
And he knows that I've been looking for him. He knows all about you, too.
I tried to confront him about all the lies, but he just... He went...
The guy is out of his mind! He started saying things to me.
Really... really horrible things.
And then he threatened... He threatened to hurt me.
I didn't know what to do, so I got in the car. I tried to call you, but...
- OK. - There was no answer, and I got scared.
Just take it easy, OK?
Take it easy. Come here, sit down.
Sit down. There you go. There you go. Just relax, OK?
Here, let me get something for ya.
Here. Here. Take this.
I'm sorry. Are you all right?
- No, I'm sorry. - No, it's OK.
- Sorry. I keep doing this to your clothes. - Oh, don't worry about the shirt.
Listen, uh... does he have a key to your place?
- Yes, of course he does. - Well, you can't go home.
You should find a hotel.
- I can't. I've got Lana. - Who?
My dog. I can't keep her in the car all night.
- Why don't you just stay here? - I'm not sure that's such a good idea.
Oh, this mess? I can clean up in a few minutes.
- What happened in here? - I don't know.
- I don't think I can impose. - Don't worry. It's not an imposition.
I'll just clean up all of it. It'll take me a few minutes, that's all.
Then I'll make up the couch here, and you can sleep here,
and in the morning change the locks at your place.
- You sure you don't mind? - Oh, no, no. Not at all. It'll be a pleasure.
- (growling) - I'm not sure he thinks it's a good idea.
- He'll be fine. - OK. I'll go get her.
- Go. You don't want her sitting in the car. - I'll be right back.
OK.
Come here.
You see those legs?
Listen to me. I don't care what kind of rat dog she's got,
I want you to be kind, friendly, and share your toys.
- Otherwise I'll lock you in the bathroom. - We're back!
Happy now? Come on in.
Well, thanks for helping clean the place.
Oh, it's the least I could do.
Why someone would do something like this...!
Well, they were looking for something.
- Did they find it? - It wasn't here.
(whining)
Well, well, well, well.
Will you look at those two? I think we should give 'em a little privacy.
- You think? - I don't know.
Yeah.
Be gentle.
This is the bathroom. Kitchen, of course.
This is my room. The sheets are always clean in there.
You know the living room. The door is locked,
so you should feel very comfortable and safe, and...
You're all set here, so... breakfast and coffee is served at eight.
- OK. Thank you. - You're welcome.
I didn't plan on this, so I don't actually have anything, you know, to sleep in.
That's fine.
- Can I borrow something? - Oh, yeah. Sure. Um...
A shirt. I'll get a shirt.
I mean, Jerry Lee and I, we don't sleep in pyjamas, so we don't have any.
It's pretty nice, huh?
- Perfect. - Yeah. This one's clean.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
You'd like to change, wouldn't you? Yes. I'd like to step out while you do that.
- Well. It looks great on you. Huh! It fits. - Yeah.
Is there anything else I can get you before we... I mean, uh...
- You hit the sack. - A glass of water would be nice.
Agua... mineral. Water on the way.
- Thank you. - Is that enough?
Yeah.
Well, Laura, is there anything else I can get you?
You know, a nightcap, piece of fruit. Floss?
Uh, you wouldn't happen to have any raisins, would you?
Yes. Yes, I have raisins. Hold on.
Raisins.
Yeah, I got raisins. I got raisins.
Raisins are really good.
- Mm. Here you go. - Mm. Great. Thank you, I love raisins.
- I love raisins too. - They're so good.
- Well, they're actually grapes, you know. - Mm-hm.
Vineyards use grapes for wine,
and the grapes that they don't use they turn into raisins.
So we're actually eating Merlot.
Or we're eating... shitty grapes.
- Or something. I don't know. - Mm. They're very, uh...
- Moist. - Mm-hm.
- And tender. - And tender.
And low in cholesterol.
- Wait. I'm sorry. - What?
- I have to ask you something. - I got something, in the bedroom.
They're a little old, but the expiration date says they're fine.
No, no, no. Is this... the beginning of something special,
or is it just a one-night stand?
I think maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves here.
- Moving along too fast. - OK.
Maybe we should talk about it in the morning?
- Yeah. - OK.
- Good night. - Night.
- Dooley? - Yes?
- Are you OK? - I'm fine.
Son of a bitch.
- Looking for something? - Oh, you scared me to death!
Yeah, I'm looking for a pen. I wanted to leave you a note.
There's one right there on the desk behind you.
- Duh! - How about breakfast?
- I make a mean breakfast. - Oh, Dooley, I would love to, but I can't.
I've got a crazy day at work, and I still have to walk Lana.
I can do that. I'm gonna walk Jerry Lee anyway. I'm taking him to the dog park.
- One of the benefits of retirement. - It's not a good idea. She's really finicky.
Is this about last night?
Don't worry about last night.
Bye-bye.
All right. I'll call you soon.
Stop your bull. You know, I made a choice.
You're a dog.
Hey! Hey!
Who jacked my place? You were meant to be watching! Who jacked my house?
- What's going on? - You were watching it!
I can't stand this any more. I've had it up to here.
- This is an invasion of privacy! - The captain wants to see you.
- As soon as I'm done with these feds. - They can wait.
- The captain wants you in his office, now. - Now?
(Jerry Lee barks)
- What's wrong? I do something wrong? - Get in the car.
Come on, Jerry Lee. We're going downtown.
Breathe.
- What's so important I need an escort? - Sit down, Dooley, and shut up.
We found a body in the reservoir this morning. Billy Cochran.
Is there anything you want to tell us about your relationship to the deceased?
- What, am I a suspect again? - You tell me.
Somebody with your description and Jerry Lee's has a gunfight with him in his loft.
And I know you were in my office looking him up on my computer.
- Captain, I did not kill Billy Cochran. - Then what the hell are you up to?
This came from the DOJ this morning.
It's the guy you asked about - Charles Thyer.
This is Nicolas Burrows. And this is Kevin Wingate.
(Thomas) Burrows and Wingate are aliases for Charles Thyer.
According to the feds, he's an industrial terrorist with a penchant for disguise.
They think he's the one who jacked the lab.
There were four microchips stolen. They were prototypes.
But one is an alpha chip. Without it, the other microchips will not work.
I know that. Where's Thyer?
Uh, nobody knows. They almost got him twice, but both times he got away.
- He might have someone on the inside. - Well, Cochran gave up Thyer.
Cochrars dead, my house has been ransacked...
- You think Thyer's behind all this? - I'm sure of it.
Is there anybody else who can corroborate this hunch?
Maybe. Frankie the Fence.
- All right. Find Frankie. Bring him in. - You can't do that.
He finds out, Thyer'll be gone. We'll never be able to get him.
You're not a cop any more, Dooley. Let it go.
You have to understand, Jerry Lee and I have been working on him.
We know what he's looking for. We can find him, but we need Frankie to do it.
- What am I supposed to do? - Leave Frankie the Fence alone.
Gimme 24 hours. You'll get your killer,
the feds'll get their thief and I'll get my pension.
And you'll never see me again.
- 24 hours, that's all. - Not one minute more, Dooley.
Yes, sir.
Ah, if it isn't the former Detective Dooley.
- Well, hello, Frankie. How's the fagioli? - Gives me indigestion, just like you.
You hurt my feelings. So you're not gonna ask me to join you?
You wanna talk, you get a warrant.
Oh, I forgot, you can't. You're not a cop any more.
Well, in that case, get lost.
OK. I'll go.
Sorry to bother you. I know you're eating. Enjoy your meal.
- Wait, Dooley. - What?
- Tell him to let go of me. - You want me to join you?
Why, thank you very much, Frankie. I don't mind if I do. The beans look good.
I understand you're moving some hot property.
- I don't know what you're talking... Oh! - (Jerry Lee growls)
- Business has been good. - Well, I'm glad to hear that, Frankie.
- Because I'm looking for a vendor. - You're a cop.
Not any more. They took my pension away. This is for my personal growth.
No way. I got a strict policy...
- Ow! - (Jerry Lee growls)
All right. In your case, I'm willing to make an exception.
- Well, thank you, Frankie. - What are you selling?
A microchip. You heard of it?
- Mm. - Jerry Lee.
- You know what I'm talking about? - Wouldn’t be a prototype, would it?
Tell your buyer to bring the other three, see if they match.
- What's your price? - Two million.
- Hah! No... That... that's reasonable. - (Jerry Lee growls)
Well, I want him there in person with the money.
Midnight tonight at the foundry? All right?
Good.
- Come on, Jerry. - Uh... No dog.
- No dog, no deal. - Aw...
My client's coming alone. So can you. Come on! Fair's fair.
All right, the dog will stay in the car. But I want him there, in person, with the cash.
- All right. - Keep the bread. I'm on that protein thing.
- Right. - Come on, Jerry.
Hi. You've reached Kevin and Laura. Please leave us a message.
Laura, I've been trying to reach you. Please call me as soon as you get this.
OK, buddy. Here we are.
OK. Gimme that little... chip.
OK. Here's the deal.
Here's the phone. Phone there.
Pen. It's right here.
You hear anything, anything at all, you call Petey with the pen.
Bang! That's it.
Bang! Good. OK.
OK, buddy, I'll be back.
Use the phone to call Petey if you need to.
That's far enough.
Well, if it isn't Charles Thyer.
- Or should I say Kevin Wingate? - Does it matter?
To some people. The IRS? Your fiancee?
- Blockbuster Video? - Detective... put down your gun.
- You got the money? - No.
- Give it to me. - No.
The next one won't miss.
- Take it easy, Chucky. - Hey!
- Do not call me Chucky. - I can understand that.
You must have gotten trouble as a kid.
You know, the little doll with the knife? Chucky, Chucky, Chucky!
- Easy. - Back up. Back up.
OK.
Do you know what you put me through?
I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't know Jerry Lee swallowed it.
You don't wanna blow that thing off, Charles.
I mean, another bang! And you don't know who's gonna hear that.
You just keep popping those things out - bang! Bang! Bang!
You need to shut up. Right now.
(whines)
You got the chip. What else do you want?
From you? Absolutely nothing.
(gunshot)
He was gonna kill you.
- I had to stop him. - Yeah.
Thank you.
You said you'd find him, and you did.
Uh-uh!
Laura...
You are good!
Really good.
You know, I always wondered how Thyer knew his way around that lab.
And when I finally figured out that Charles Thyer and Kevin Wingate, your fiance,
were the same guy, all I had to do was take one look at your business card.
And bang! I had my answer.
Insurance adjuster. Fire, blueprints... Bingo.
You were in on it with him, huh?
What... what happened? Why did you lose interest? What went wrong? What?
You decided to split up after he lost the chip?
He always told me partners only get one mistake. That was his.
- Oh. - You're pretty smart, Dooley.
I guess that's your mistake.
You set me up. You put me onto Wingate to find Thyer for you.
I hired you to find my fiance. You did your job.
Thanks. Can I use you as a reference?
(phone rings)
- LAPD, Detectives. Hello? - (barking)
Must be a prank. Some dog on the phone.
A dog? Dooley trained Jerry Lee to dial me on the cellphone if he got into trouble.
Give me the chip, Dooley.
You want it? Go get it.
You had to be a boy scout.
Get my gun.
Attaboy. Good boy! Come on! Where were you? Damn it!
Laura? Laura, come on!
Jesus! Jerry!
Laura, you don't have to do this!
Jerry Lee!
Easy! Easy!
Watch it. Watch it.
Jerry... you go that way.
Go on.
Good boy.
Come on, Laura. You don't have to do this.
You can turn yourself in and we'll work on a deal.
A deal! No deal.
It's all over, Dooley.
(gun clicks)
Shit!
Why do I always pick the psychos?
Where are you going?
The police are coming. You're trapped, you got nowhere to hide.
Please, be reasonable here.
- Screw you, Dooley. - Nice mouth.
Hold on! Gimme... Here!
Hold on. Hold on. That's it. I got you.
Easy. Easy. Hold on!
I got you. Hang on.
Oh, Jesus.
Jerry Lee! Jerry Lee!
- Hold it! - Don't you dare let go!
Jerry Lee!
Jerry?
Come on!
Hang on.
Grab my pants!
That's it. My foot. Attaboy!
That's it. Pull!
That's it, boy. A little more!
That's it. Pull, Jerry Lee!
That's it.
Come on!
Dooley!
- Come on. - Dooley!
- Here! - (Jerry Lee barks)
I'm all right. Don't worry about it.
- Who the hell is she? - This is Charles Thyer's partner.
- Arrest her. - Guess I just picked the wrong guy.
- That was your mistake, huh? - No.
My mistake was going soft on you.
It happens.
Good work, Dooley. Your pensions in my office.
- Congratulations. - Thank you, sir.
So, Dooley. You're retired?
Yeah.
- Hell, that dog did it again. - Hey.
Jerry Lee... did you hear that?
The pension cheque is waiting. We got our money. We're retired.
We're going on a trip, buddy! A big trip!
Gimme five! Gimme five, yeah!
And where were you? Chasing squirrels while I almost died?
Leave me hanging over here? It wasn't challenging enough for ya?
You have to wait till I'm actually almost dead before you come and save the day?
You need more discipline as a dog. And you know what I need?
I need a pizza. I am so hungry.
- Hey. Hey, Maurice. - Well!
So there you are, finally.
Come on.
- How are you, Mr Studly? - I'm just fine, thank you.
- OK, where are they? - Keep your knickers on.
They're right over there. OK. Here we go.
- So, I heard you went on a little trip? - Yeah. We went across country.
Right there and... the balance of payment.
- Oh, great. - Mm-hm. Now skip along. She's waiting.
- Thank you, Maurice. - You're welcome.
My God.
Jerry Lee, you're a dad.
Come on.
- Hi. - Hi. How are you?
- I'm good. How are you? - I'm... I'm great.
I promised you the pick of the litter. So which one do you want?
- Can I have 'em all? - No. I promised two to my sisters' kids.
Oh, my God. How do you pick?
Look how beautiful they are. Jerry Lee, you are a stud.
Come on over here! Well, look at... There's one! Oh, my God!
- Look at you! - (farting)
Oh! Oh!
We'll take this one.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, Jerry Lee, look at this one!
Look at this one. Yeah, you can smell your own, can ya?
He's so beautiful.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
It's the puppy thing. I don't know.
So, what do we name him?
I don't know. Um...
- How about, uh... Nick? - Nick's good.
- Nick. - I like Nick.
- Or, you know, something like Mike, or... - Mike, Nick, Peter.
- Paul. - Peter. Paul. Mary!
- We clearly can't get a name out of this. - We're pretty good at breeding...
How about we go into business? You know, breeding dogs?
- I don't know. Um, it depends on the split. - Well, 50-50 split.
- No, I don't think so, no. Wait a second. - What do you mean, wait a second?
- Is this a negotiation ploy? - Maybe.
- You got him? - Yes, I got him.
- You're about to lose another one! - Dooley, will you relax?
So, wait. This negotiation thing's really important.
I don't wanna do... Oh, oh, oh, there goes another one! Jerry Lee, go get him!
- I think he's after that terrier. - Look how cute...