Man: Hello, Detroit.
What a pleasure to be here.
Ladies and gentlemen, we in the exciting field
of dental supply sales
are here in the motor city for a reason...
To provide quality, precision tools
to professionals
who demand the very best.
Thank you.
Whoa-ho-ho, thank you very much.
Please be seated.
Oh.
I was just going over my speech.
You've been going over it for two weeks.
Honey, you know your speech. I know your speech.
- The kids know it. - It's a big one, Susan.
It's a speech for every sales rep in the northeast United States.
It is a big one.
You've done very well for yourself, Andy Fiddler.
Now get dressed. Your plane leaves at 7:00.
You know, Detroit's quite a sports town, honey.
Maybe I'll bring you back a piston.
Do me a favor, just bring yourself back.
Detroit ain't Wisconsin.
%% one, two, three, four %%
%% I... yeah yeah %%
%% rah rah rah rah %%
%% I... yeah yeah %%
%% I just want to celebrate another day of living %%
%% I just want to celebrate %%
%% another day of life %%
%% put my faith in the people %%
%% but the people let me down %%
%% so I turn the other way and I carry on anyhow %%
%% that's why I'm telling you i just wanna celebrate %%
%% yeah yeah, another day of living %%
%% yeah, I just want to celebrate %%
%% another day of life %%
%% had my hand on a dollar bill %%
%% and the dollar bill blew away %%
%% but the sun is shining down on me, and it's here to stay %%
%% that's why I'm telling you i just want to celebrate %%
%% yeah yeah, another day of living %%
%% yeah, I just want to celebrate... %%.
- Man: Dude! Hold up! - %% another day of living %%
%% I just want to celebrate %%
%% another day of life %%
%% don't let it all get you down, no no... %%
60 ar-15s,
30 m-4s, 6,000 rounds of 5-5-6 ammunition.
And three dozen m-16s, all of it stolen from the vault.
In this building.
But that's not why I rolled you out of bed at 5:00 A.M., agent vann.
You wanna tell me how your partner winds up a speed bump.
On the 94 freeway? I'll tell you how.
Your partner was the inside man on the job.
Once they had the guns, he became a loose end.
I'm gonna tell you something else,
something I've learned in 20 years with internal affairs...
If a cop's dirty, nine times out of 10, his partner's dirty too.
Wouldn't surprise me if you were the one who popped him.
You got a bug up your ass about me?
Well, let's get it out right now, right here, you and me.
No, huh?
So step off, stop wasting my time.
You don't seem too upset about your partner.
You want to charge me with not being upset, go right ahead. Be my guest.
Hell, I'll write a full confession about how I don't give a shit.
If he was dirty, he got what he deserved.
I'm not finished with you.
Well, I'm finished with you, and let me tell you
what I learned in all my years on the job...
Don't trust anyone.
That includes partners.
And especially internal affairs skid marks.
I'll be seeing you, vann.
I tried to keep i.A. Off your back.
Booty. Mmm, don't get into this.
I'm already into this.
You know those weapons will be out of the city within 24 hours.
- Yeah, well, you can't set up a buy in 24 hours. - Watch me.
Vann, nothing stupid.
Yes, lieutenant.
Bye-bye, enjoy your stay. Bye, hope you had a nice flight.
I had a wonderful flight, and I'm wondering if you can do me a favor.
I was talking to one of the stewardesses back there,
and we were discussing tongue scrapers. I found one in my bag.
I'm wondering if you can pass this along.
- I'm a dental supply salesman. - Yes, I will.
Sir, you might have to step aside.
Just tell her it's daily tongue scraping
and antibacterial conditioning
which will assure her the freshest breath.
See this right here?
This is a nickel-plated ladysmith nine Mary-Mary chrome inlay. Go on,
- feel that. - It's got a nice weight to it.
- Yeah, so do you, baby. - What?
- Oh, shit! - Oh, hold up... that's a cop car!
Get your ass off my car, Booty!
Come on!
Your ass is still on my car, Booty!
Run faster, Booty! Pump those arms! Get those knees up!
- Your form is all jacked up, dawg! - What you want, man?
- I want to buy some guns! - I don't know what you're talking about!
- I'm talking about a telephone pole. - What?
Why do we have to do this every time?
It's these repetitive ass-whippings that cause guys like me
- to burn out on the job. - Du... ah-ha... ah!
Somebody wiped out our vault last night. Who was it?
- How the hell should I know? - I'm gonna check the front of my car.
If it smells like ass, I'm gonna beat you like a runaway slave.
- No no, all right, all right, all right. - All right what?
- Maybe I heard something. - Tell me what you heard.
Something about a lot of merchandise in play. That's all.
Ooh. You know how i can tell you're lying?
I can smell the bullshit coming out of your mouth.
No, all right! Maybe i know one of the guys, huh?
Well, hook me up. Tell him you found a buyer.
Oh, man, he already got a buyer. You're too late.
Tell him I'll double his price. I can get 20 grand cash right now.
20 grand? Man, that'll only get you a taste, dawg.
Taste is all I need.
Hook me up. Now.
- $38.50. - That was very nice drive in, Mr., uh...
- Is it bedwetter? - Bedwe-teer.
I see you're from Turkey, Mr. budweeder.
I've got $20, $40. There you go. Keep the change.
- - I was in Turkey recently, uh...
Santos, what's cracking, dawg?
- Yo, I need 20 grand. - Yeah, don't we all?
I need that in non-sequential unmarked bills, and I'm in a hurry.
I'm not your personal atm, man.
Come on, Santos. You know you're gonna give it up,
- so cut the bullshit. - Hey, I don't have that kind of cash down here right now.
Nuh-uh. See? You're lying. Now i personally logged a million in cash
into that vault right over there just last month
on a case we both know hasn't gone to trial yet,
so you're still holding.
What happened between us, Santos?
Where the love, dawg?
You realize it's my ass if you come up short again.
It's just flash money. I'll have it back this afternoon.
Come on, now go and get that.
I'll have the paperwork done by the time you get back.
All right, but I need that money back here by 4:00.
You can trust me, man.
Come on now. I'm in a hurry. Chop-chop.
Work that combination, baby.
Look, man, they'll give you a taste, then they'll tell you where to bring the money.
They don't want the goods and the cash in the same spot.
Booty, I do this for a living.
Look, I don't know these guys. They're from out of town.
What do you know, Booty?
This is the place, man. He'll give you a gun and a phone now
and call you later for the money.
Take the corner seat at the counter
and be carrying a "usa today." A "usa today," the newspaper.
Look, man, I did what you asked me to do. I'm done with this.
You better hurry up, man. By this time tomorrow, the guns will be gone.
- You want a taste? - Pardon me?
- There's your taste. - That's my taste?
Wait for our call.
Hey!
What?
He's got a gun.
No no, this is not... no no no, it's not my gun.
It's the man that was sitting here j... he just left.
Man: Oh oh! He's got a gun, man!
It's going back in the bag. Back in the bag.
- Drop the gun! - Ah!
- Drop the gun! Now! - Yes.
- Yes, the gun's going down. - Drop it!
The gun is going down. Gun is down.
- Gun is down. - Just shut up.
All right. Ah!
You picked the wrong day to pull a stick-up, dickwad.
It's not my gun. Some guy gave it to me.
- What guy? - Some guy. He gave me a bag,
- and he said, "taste it. Taste it." - He said what?
- Something about a taste. - Tell me what he said,
exactly word for word what he said.
He said, "that's your taste," but there was nothing to taste,
just a phone and a gun. Look, i just went in for a cof...
- Oh shit. They think you're me. - They think I'm black?
No, they don't think you're... a.T.F.
You're coming with me.
What? I have done nothing wrong!
- Well, Simon? - It's coming.
All right, I got him.
"Fiddler, Andy. Milwaukee, Wisconsin."
He's not federal, he's not local, no law enforcement.
- No sheet. He's clean. - Yeah, he's too clean.
- Screw him. - No, wait a minute.
"Istanbul, Turkey. Customs.
- "Trafficking." - Turkey? He do any time?
- Interpol shows an outstanding warrant. - He got away from the turks?
No shit. This guy's gotta be smarter than he looks, huh?
Well, he can't be any dumber than he looks.
So what's this guy look like?
Well, he, uh... He had very good teeth.
- What does he look like? - He looks good. He looks good.
He had a very nice face, very handsome face.
He was a very attractive man.
N... not to me.
Uh, I mean, I am married to a woman.
And even if I wasn't married, i don't mean that kind of attractive.
- Personally, he was not attractive to me. - Describe him to me.
Short hair. Short hair
which made his head look smaller than it actually is,
and I only mention that because I've been told my head is somewhat large,
and when I looked over at his, it's like... you know when you look
through binoculars the wrong way, it-it-it looks...
That's you. Answer it!
Hello.
- Turk. - Just a moment, please.
- Can you believe this? - He wants to talk to the turk.
- That's you. - That's me?
- That's you. - I'm the turk?
Look at you.
This is the turk.
Okay, listen, turk. When this phone rings, you answer it.
- You understand? - Yes, I answer it.
- You and you alone. Are we clear? - Me and me alone, right.
Great. Now listen, you put the package in the trash can
on the northwest corner of fort and woodward in five minutes.
- Hello. - So what did he say?
Something about a package and a trash can.
Look, I have nothing to do with this. I'm here for a convention.
I don't give a shit.
Now what trash can?
Fort and woodward.
Whoa!
Take this package, put it in that trash can,
and you can go.
I should point out to you, sir,
that I am taking a mental picture of you
just in case there's...
Any... trouble.
Hey, you know what? Th-this... This is not for you.
Who's it for?
Well, it's... it's, uh, for somebody else.
- Who? - Just someone. Someone you don't know.
- Try me. - No, I'm not trying you. This is not garbage, okay?
This is business,
so just please don't touch it.
All right, give me the bag.
- Give me the bag. - Oh, Jesus.
It's not your bag. See what he's doing?
- He took my bag. - Who is this guy?
- Andy: This bag is mine! It's not his. - Damn!
Okay okay. What is the matter with you?
- Just let me go. All right. - Get up. Get up!
- Get in the car. Get in the car! - I think we should...
We should look for another can.
What the hell is the matter with you?
I ask you to do one thing
and you screw it up.
- Hello. - What the hell's the matter with you?
I ask you to do one thing and you screw it up.
Yes, well, this was not planned well.
No no, listen, turk. You know what?
You just bring the package to first and Bagley
and wait there.
So what did he say now?
Hey, get back here!
Excuse me.
Now you pay.
Man: Get off my car!
Woman: Get down! Oh man, he's got a gun! Ah!
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
Ow! Oh! Ow! Oh, boy! Oh!
Ah! Ah! Ow ow ow ow!
- - Woman ♪2: 9-1-1. What's your emergency?
- Yes, hello, I've been shot. - Can you give me a location?
- I don't know. Downtown. - Where downtown, sir?
A man in a black car kidnapped me.
Do you have a license plate number?
Yes, just give me a second.
"347dnb." Hurry.
I just called 9-1-1,
- and you are in serious trouble. - Get up.
- You shot me. - I grazed you.
Well, that's still shooting me!
- Watch your ass. - Ow ow ow ow!
You could have killed me back there.
If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead.
I wanted to graze you, you're grazed. It was a training bullet.
Well, I'm bleeding, although you might call it "training blood."
Here, use this.
Taco sauce?
Yes, it's a natural antiseptic.
Sprinkle some of that on your ass so you don't get an infection.
Yeah, well, I don't even wanna know how you discovered that.
So what, you keep this in your glove compartment and just
splash it on a salami sandwich and then splash some on your behind?
Use it or don't use it. It's your ass.
You got any guacamole in there? I hear it makes a great cold compress.
- Just put it back! - All right, I'll use it. I'll use it.
Don't you have traffic to look at?
Oh, shit. You gotta be kidding me.
Get out of the vehicle with your hands in the air!
Get out of the car and show me your hands!
Turn around! Hands on your head!
- No no no no no, I'm not with him. - Your hands!
I don't know him! He just...
He... he... He kidnapped me.
He took me against my will.
He... look. You see?
He wanted to put taco sauce on my butt.
The guy is nuts.
Nuts.
- Hands! - Run my plates!
You! Back in the car.
- Your hands! - You wanna see my hands?
Here.
Federal agent. Run my plates!
- The car is federal, sir. A.T.F. - That's right.
Federal agent.
Federal prisoner. Back in the car!
You are interfering with a federal investigation.
Move your asses!
That was fun.
Give this to him and walk away.
Hey. If you try to run this time,
I'm gonna put a bullet in part of the ass you really need.
Ooh-ooh! Oh!
So you like the merch?
- The merch? - The merch.
Well, you know, there are days
that I like it and days that I don't.
It depends. I'm on the fence.
- Do you like the merchandise, turk? - Yes, I do...
Like the merchandise.
I, uh... Thanks for asking.
So there's gonna be 20 grand in there, right?
In the bag. Come on.
Good.
Good first step. We'll be in touch.
And, uh, one more thing, turk...
No more fruitcake stuff, okay?
- Sure. - Good. Goodbye.
Get in the car.
- Why? - I'm not done with you yet.
- You said I was done. - I lied. I do that.
- Now get up. Get in the car. - No.
Get up!
Hey... don't make me chase you.
I'm tell...
- Hey! - Stop!
Stop! Help me!
- Hey! - Help!
You're under arrest. Hands on the car.
On the car!
Who the hell is this guy?
Run that.
He's international.
- Ow! - Watch your head.
Okay, that's it. I am writing a letter.
- Number three. - Number three.
Man: Three, step forward. Three, that's you.
- That's him. - You sure?
I'll never forget that face.
- Carbone: All right, thank you. You can go. - Excuse me.
I'd like to speak to whoever's in charge, please.
All right, number three, stay. The rest can go.
Thank you.
Boy, sometimes you just have to speak up.
- Are you in charge here? - Yes, I am.
- Oh, boy, have I been waiting to talk to you. - Really?
My name is Andy Fiddler. I'm in dental supply sales,
and believe you me, I never thought I'd be standing here
in a police station with a bullet wound in the keister.
- Hmm. - But I am extremely upset with this man here,
and I must confess with your whole operation in general,
because quite frankly, I have nothing to do with any of this.
Well, that's not what it looks like, Mr. keister.
The weapon you used in the diner,
stolen from a.T.F.'S vault...
The gun you're robbing the cashier with.
Oh, no no no no. No no, there's no robbing.
I'm not robbing, you see, although I can certainly see
how you'd get that impression.
We also got a red notice from interpol when we ran your name.
There's an outstanding warrant for your arrest.
- What? - Istanbul, Turkey ring any bells?
Oh. Oh, yes.
It does ring some bells,
and believe it or not, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation
for that, and you will find it very funny,
- 'cause it's quite a story. - Tell it on the way.
- Place your left hand here. - So I took the family to Europe
in the summer of '98, and one of our stops was Istanbul in Turkey...
A must-see if you've never been.
- Anyhoo, my wife has this thing about, uh... - Yo, vann, phone call.
Persian rugs. Okay, I'm not a complainer,
but that officer was very abusive.
I mean, not only was he physically violent,
but... but more disturbing to me, he... he was just rude.
- Vann. - Woman: Your daughter wants to know.
If you're coming to her recital tonight.
Oh you know, i can't.
Uh, I'm in the middle of something right now.
Um, I gotta go. Would you tell her for me?
You need to tell her.
So when we got back to the hotel,
we discovered the rug is too big for the suitcase.
So we decided to leave the rug at the hotel
to be sent to us when we got back home.
- Turn right. - So we finally get home, but we never got the rug.
Long story short, we get a letter from the hotel.
That said the rug had been seized at customs.
Now evidently this rug had been stolen.
It was a 1,000-year-old prayer rug,
and... and it was stolen, but how was I to know?
I didn't know, and I'm the one that's out $230.
Yeah, it was all very innocent,
- as I'm sure you can now understand. - I see.
- Lock him up. - What?
- Let's go. Let's go. - What?
- Get him out of here! - What? Wait a minute.
- Wait a minute! I have done nothing wrong! - This way.
- Come on. Move it. - I have... I... I...
I haven't... I haven't done anything!
Yo, this is the number to this phone.
I want you to put a trace on it.
I want the owner and an address. Call me when you got it.
Okay.
Lieu, you looking for me?
Explain the Wisconsin kid.
I set up a buy with the bad guys,
he got in the middle of it, now they think he's me.
- So you're telling me the guns are still in play? - Yeah.
- How do you know this isn't a setup? - With this guy?
- Yeah, with this guy. - Not with this guy.
- Okay, where is he? - He's in holding, and he's gonna stay there.
Yes, ma'am.
Shit. They ate him already.
Caucasian gentlemen. Big glasses.
Oh yeah, didn't have the heart to put him in there.
Ah-ah!
Thank you.
- Come on. - So, am I free to go now?
Go? Oh, hell no. They're fixing a shit sandwich upstairs,
and you're the mayonnaise.
Possession of a stolen weapon, armed robbery
and the turkish government wants to have a little chat with you before we're done.
Okay, I want to talk to an attorney.
I get one phone call, and i want to call an attorney.
Let me lay your options out for you here...
You can come with me as a suspect who's cooperating,
or you can stay here and get married tonight.
- So what's it gonna be? - Okay, just so we're clear...
I am not choosing to go with you.
I'm choosing not to stay with them.
- Uh-huh. - Okay.
Man over radio: Lag escort, first-time session.
Hang on.
This is one screwed up crew.
All right, just so there's no confusion, here's the deal...
You're in my world now, not yours.
And in my world, your responsibilities begin and end with me.
And what would those responsibilities be?
Well, these guys think you wanna buy guns from them.
I need you to meet 'em one more time and set up a buy,
- so I can bust their ass. - Okay, I am developing a slight phobia
about meeting these guys. The whole meeting thing, quite frankly,
is getting irritating. I have to be honest.
Look, I have done everything you've asked me to do.
Why can't I go?
What does any of this have to do with me?
Because every time these guys meet somebody new,
they're on the lookout for the man.
And you most certainly do not look like the man.
Oh, I don't look like the man.
Well, thank you, because that clears up absolutely nothing.
Who... who is the man?
The heat, the pig, the po-po, 5-0,
the undercover agent that's gonna bust their ass.
You're such a white bread son of a bitch, these assholes trust you.
Well, you know, people do trust me.
- That's not a compliment, shit stain. - Okay, you know what?
Why do you swear so much? Do you think it makes you sound tougher
when you just swear all the time?
- Fuck you. - Okay, that's good. That's really good.
Really classy. You know, I could go around all day saying,
"f-u. F this and f that
and f-ing this, you mother-f-er."
But I don't because there has to be some civility in the world.
Incidentally, there is a trick you can use to curb that habit.
Every time you feel like saying the "f" word, just go ahead and say it,
and then add, "crying out loud."
Fuck crying out loud.
And before you know it, you're saying, "oh, for crying out loud."
Andy: Let's see here.
- Oh, boy. Well... - Woman: You did make her a promise.
You always break your promises to her.
You want your daughter growing up like you, not trusting anybody?
- That's not the point. - It's exactly the point.
- No, it's not. - You promised her you'd be at her recital tonight.
Something came up.
You know, my little girl's a ballerina too, and she's exactly your age.
- Really? - Yeah, I help her with her pirouettes all the time.
That's not what this is about.
This is about you not wanting to go
- because her stepdad's gonna be there. - Oh.
Is he dancing tonight, too?
Andy: And with the right feet positioning...
There you go, okay. Well!
Yeah, that's good.
Daddy, can Andy come with you tonight?
Um...
Look, honey...
Daddy can't come tonight. I'm sorry.
But I promise I will be there next time. I swear.
I'm gonna make it up to you.
Oh, fuck... Crying out loud.
Hold on.
Look, daddy's gotta go, okay?
Go ahead. Goodbye.
It was very nice meeting you, Kate.
- You too. - So what you got?
- The owner of that phone? - Yeah.
- It's Cortez. Manny Cortez. - Who?
- Katie. - Thanks.
Come inside, sweetheart.
Man: Hang on.
Man ♪2: Cortez's is back elevator, second floor.
Oh, shit.
- Don't get up. - You scared me, man.
What are you still doing here, Cortez?
You were supposed to meet us at the warehouse over three hours ago.
Do you mind? I'm, uh...
I'm in the middle of something here.
I truly don't care.
Hey, look. There's too much heat on those guns, all right?
I mean, you killed a cop. That was not in the deal.
Yeah, well, he became a problem.
Listen, we got the merchandise.
You need to pay us for it.
I'm out, all right? I cannot do shit with those guns.
You know what, Cortez? That's your problem. You got the money or not?
Find another buyer, all right?
And you know what? I suggest you get out of town
as quickly as possible.
Hey. Yo. Close the door on your way out.
Sure.
- Well, I guess that just leaves the turk. - I guess so.
Well, you've got a very nice family.
You've just got a wonderful daughter and a lovely wife.
- Ex-wife. - Ex-wife, yes, well, she seems like a very nice person.
- Yeah. - Yeah, so... so... so it just didn't work out, huh?
Well, whatever.
- Would you like to see my family? - No!
Well, I would like to see my family.
This is my oldest... Hannah, she's 12.
I'm trying to get her interested in the dental equipment game,
but I guess at that age, you know, it's just not cool yet.
This is my little ballerina right here.
And this is my wife Susan, holding our newest addition... Emily.
Just turned two. Already talking a mile a minute.
Just talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk
talk talk talk. A regular little chatterbox.
- I wonder who she got that from. - I think she got it from me.
- You think? - Oh...
Well, I am, uh... I'm sorry about your... situation.
What situation would that be?
Well, you've got people who love you,
and yet you seem like a very sad and lonely man.
- I'm not lonely. - Well, I think you're lonely.
- I'm not lonely. - Fine, you're not lonely. You're alone.
Yes, I'm alone, but I'm not lonely.
It's two different things.
Does the expression "no man is an island" ring any bells?
Does the expression "shut your ass up" ring any bells?
What now?
I have to go visit a friend of mine.
- Can I go with you? - No.
Oh, well, I would really like to go with you.
Look, everybody in this neighborhood knows my ride.
- Nobody messes with it. - Okay.
- %% big Booty bitches, well, i like to touch... %% - oh!
%% like to Dutch, another one bites the dust... %%
Cortez.
Manny, where you at?
You hiding under the bed again?
Woo! Manny.
- Man: A.T.F. - Yeah, this is vann.
Would you send a bag wagon over to Manny Cortez's place?
- The gun dealer? - Yeah, he took the deluxe cruise.
Up shit's creek...
Compliments of a .45 to the chest.
No.
Hey! Hey!
Good afternoon. Out of the car.
- Oh! Oh! Oh-ah! - Man: Whoa! What are you doing?
Ooh.
- Oh! - Hey!
This was not a good idea.
Oh boy! Oh!
Oh!
Drives pretty good.
Man: You idiot! Moron!
Well, you left the keys in the ignition.
Not the smartest thing to do for a policeman.
This would be a good time for you to be quiet.
I know that's nearly impossible for you,
but if I hear the sound of your voice right now,
I can't be responsible for my actions.
So this would be a very good time for you to shut up!
I have a small question.
I still have a question,
- and I think I'm entitled... - What?
- Do you have a plan? - What the hell is that supposed to mean?
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
Just a little constructive criticism, okay?
- That's how two people working together help ea... - Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
We're not working together, so get that thought out of your mind.
- Nobody said we were working together. - Excuse me.
You dragged me into this,
and I'm giving a speech at 10:00 A.M. tomorrow,
- so the sooner you start treating me like partner... - Hey!
We are not partners. Ain't no way in the world that can happen.
Well, what am i then? Hmm?
What are you?
You are my bitch,
that's what... My own personal bitch.
I pulled you out of lockup as an s.W.C.,
which means "suspect who's cooperating,"
which means i own your ass,
which means when I pull the strings, you dance.
Till then, you sit there, keep your mouth shut
and don't say a word like the puppet you are.
Man: Hey, yo, Booty.
Hey, Booty, what's up, man?
Let's go, come on.
- Pass the ball, yo. - What up?
Booty!
Oh damn, man! Hey! Come on, man!
Ah! Ah... ah... hey!
- - Booty, we never finished our conversation.
Man, I told you everything I know, man!
I will cheese-grate your ass through this fence.
Oh, come on, dawg. Look, i don't know no more! Wha... ah!
All right, all right, all right! Shit, all right!
Would you get that phone book over there for me?
- Who's this guy? - Man, I don't know his name.
Look, would you get your car out of my ass, please...
- Thank you. - Dawg. Ow!
Now who are those guys you hooked me up with? I need names.
Man, they gonna kill me, dawg! They gonna kill my whole family!
- Names! - Ow!
- Hey, just give him the name. Give him the name. - Name!
- Look, I can't! - Just... just let's have a name.
- Look, I can't! Ow! - You know what? Make up a name!
- Give him something! Look, there's no name here. - No, they'll kill me.
He doesn't have the name, uh...
Look, all right, all right! Look, the dude in the picture, his name is, uh...
- Joey Trent, man. - Good, good name. That's a good name.
- That's a good name. - No no no, that's... that's a real name!
- All right, keep talking. - Look, I didn't know nothing about no cop getting killed.
Yeah, right. Well, who's Joey's boss?
I don't know. Some dude from out of town.
- Then give me an out of town name! - I don't know his name, man!
- Oh, shit! Uhn! - I'm out of it. I'm out of it.
Look, the dude's named Kane!
The crew boss name is Kane, man. Now that's all I know,
other than he have a bad rep.
- Dawg, look, I swear on my moms on that. - Who hooked you up with Joey?
Man, Cortez, dawg.
Ooh, not a good sign. Cortez is dead.
Man.
Excuse me. Hello.
Okay. Well, that was him.
You lucked out, Holmes,
- but we will continue this conversation. - Shut up, man.
Oh, and, Booty...
Watch your ass.
Man, you broke my gold tooth, dawg!
- Where we going? - Uh, lucky's bar and grill in one hour.
- Is that all he said? - No. No, there was something else.
- What did he say? What did he say? - You're not gonna like it.
- You're gonna get mad. - Tell me what he said.
- He wants me to bring money. A lot. - How much? How much?
- Look, I'm just the messenger. - How much money?
- Half a million dollars. - What?
- I know. It was a heart thumper. - Shit!
- Where we going? - My atm.
- Yo, Santos. - Thank god.
I need that 20 grand back.
I.A. Wants to look at my books.
I need some more.
Are you out of your mind? You think there's any way in hell
I'm gonna give you another $20,000?
I need a half mil.
It's just show and tell. I'll have it back in an hour.
Go away.
Santos, open up. I got something to tell you.
- What? - Open up and I'll tell you.
What?
Look, here's the thing.
You give me the half mil, I bust the bad guys and make this right.
You don't, you lose the 20 grand,
and you take a shit bath for coming up short.
At least this way, you do what I ask, you got a shot.
Why you doing this to me?
You trusted me.
Come on.
- I'm hungry. - You'll live.
No, no, no. I... I... I'm really hungry.
- Come on, man. - No, my blood sugar is low,
and I'm feeling faint. I haven't eaten all day.
- I would like some food. - Okay, I'll get you a burger.
- I would rather have something else. - It's a tasty burger.
Red meat...
Quite often doesn't agree with me.
Am I gonna make it to my speech tomorrow morning?
I don't know, man. That ain't a priority to me.
You know what?
You're not a very nice person.
You don't care about anyone, you don't trust anyone.
Trust can get you dead.
"Trust can get you dead."
Well, there's not one person
- in this world that you trust? - Nope.
- Your mother? - Oh, hell no.
How can you not trust your mother?
- She could be playing me. - How can a person
go through life like that?
Hey, at least I'm honest about it.
What, you trust everybody you meet?
I give everybody the benefit of the doubt, yes.
- And what happens when they screw you over? - Who's gonna screw me over?
What, do you think people are just waiting to screw people over?
You think the world is one big screw over?
I couldn't live my life like that. I never met anyone
I wasn't friends with eventually.
Well, I never met anyone whose ass I didn't kick eventually.
Well, you must be very proud.
Guns and shooting and kicking ass.
You know, problems can be solved without ever touching a gun.
Situation: You're walking down the street with your wife,
a guy comes up out of nowhere, grabs you from behind,
puts a gun to your wife's head. What do you do?
- Bite him. - Bite him?
Do you have any idea how powerful the human bite is?
The masseter muscles in the jaw
can exert 600 lbs. Of pressure per inch,
and I'm not even discussing bacteria.
Masseter muscles?
- It's Latin. - It's bullshit.
Come on, finish this shit. Let's go.
You can afford this, right?
You all right?
I told you I have a problem with red meat.
You've gotta admit that was a good burger, though, right?
You sure you're all right?
Yeah, it doesn't last long.
Oh! Oh oh, damn! Let the window down!
- Oh, it's just a little flatulence. - Oh, "a little flatulence"?
An elephant could take a shit in the back seat, and it wouldn't smell that bad.
Can we just let it go?
Oh oh!
Oh, man!
Oh!
All right, let's do this.
This is real simple.
Show 'em the cash, get a time and a place,
and you're back at the hotel giving your speech tomorrow.
Uh, quick question. Uh, you can't just go in there
and arrest him because why?
I want his boss and the guns in the same place
at the same time. That's what this dance is all about.
Here, now go.
Remember, this is strictly flash cash.
Show it to him, close the bag, bring it back.
Now what if something goes wrong?
- Nothing will go wrong. - Yeah, but what if it does?
- Nothing will go wrong. - Uh, yeah, but what if it does?
What if something goes wrong and the deal doesn't happen?
- I'm gonna be doing this for the rest of my life! - Nothing will go wrong.
Hey, remember... Time and a place.
A time and a place.
Oh! Son of a bitch!
Hello.
- Ah! Excuse me. - Hey, just checking for a wire, mate.
- Okay. - Oh, you're good.
- Well? - Yes.
- Born lucky. Yeah, am I good? - Okay.
Oh, I would think. I would think. Okay.
Great.
Good.
Now...
All we need is a time and a place,
and we have ourselves a deal.
And we have ourselves a little problem.
What?
Nobody... Nobody comes up
with half a million dollars in cash in an hour.
So you tell me... Who are you?
- I'm a businessman. - Businessman, right.
And what kind of business is that exactly?
What business?
I provide quality precision tools
to professionals who demand the very best.
Period.
Now are we gonna do business?
Look, turk.
I need to speak to my boss.
Well, why am I talking to you, Joey?
How do you know my name?
Because... I know your name.
I... I know names.
Let's just say i was born lucky, okay?
You're lucky, huh?
And another thing, from now on I only talk to Kane.
Look, turk, you know, I... i can't just go and tell Kane
he should walk away from a deal he already has in place
just 'cause some guy that he doesn't know
flashes some cash at me. You understand?
Keep the money. I don't care about the money.
You think I care about the money? Don't care about it.
I can get money. Just consider that a good faith deposit.
And you tell Kane there's a lot more where that came from,
but only if he stops wasting my time.
Oh, one more thing...
From now on...
I call you.
- Comprende? - Comprende.
Excuse me.
- Where's the money? - I gave it to him.
I told him I'd call him with a time and a place, and I walked out!
- You should have seen it! - You gave a half million dollars in cash
- to some gun-running killers? - Correct.
- God damn you! -
Asshole! Son of a bitch!
I've never seen anyone that pissed off before.
- Okay. - God damn it!
You said nothing unexpected would happen, and guess what...
Something unexpected happened!
What's to stop them from taking my money and running?!
Because they know they'd be giving up a lot more where that came from.
He was about to walk. I had to change the game plan,
- so I'm... I'm now calling the shots. - Oh, so you in charge now?
- I am indeed. - You the man!
Yes. I am the man.
Well, what are we supposed to do now, man?
Well, I think we just let them stew for awhile.
You know what I mean? And then we call them
- in, you know, a couple of hours. - Well, what do we do.
In the meantime, man?
We go to your daughter's recital.
Oh no.
- Daddy! - Hey, star.
I knew you'd come.
Thanks for reminding me about tonight.
That's the first time
I've heard you say thank you in a long time.
- I'm sorry. - "Thank you" and "I'm sorry"?
- I think your new partner is a good influence. - You have no idea.
- Andy, this is mark. - How you doing?
- Nice to meet you. - Vann.
Mark.
Well, we better go.
- Come on, Katie. - Come on. Come on, baby.
- Bye, daddy. - Bye, honey.
- Can I say something? - No.
I think you're still in love with her.
And if you don't get over this,
you may lose the other woman in your life.
Just a thought.
- You were so pretty. - Well, Barney bunny
should be in the bottom dresser drawer, honey,
because that's his very own bed. Oh.
Oh, good, sweetheart, don't you feel better?
Okay, honey, is mommy there?
Hi, Susan. Oh, no no, things are fine, yeah
yeah, convention's going great great great.
You know, I'm... I'm the man.
Yes, I'm going to be home tomorrow night,
so I'll, uh... I'll see you then.
I love you too, hon.
Bye.
Thanks.
Why don't we go ahead and do this thing
- so you can get back to your family? - Really?
Just do this one thing, and you're done.
Okay. Question:
When you say "done," do you mean "done" as in finished,
as in no more, nothing else, "done"?
Make the call.
I've a question.
Um, isn't it normal
to have, uh... you know, some... Some kind of backup, uh,
for a situation like this?
- I didn't hear you call for any backup. - That's right.
- Oh. - Here we go.
My hands are sweaty.
Just be the man.
Who's this?
Well, I came to meet your associate.
- This is my associate. - Well, you know what? He looks like a cop.
He does. He does look like a cop,
but he is most definitely not a cop,
so let's put that to bed right here and now.
- So like I said, turk, who is he? - Who is he?
He's, uh... my bitch.
Your bitch?
He's my own personal bitch. Hey, bitch, come here.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
I pull the strings, and he dances.
Is that right? You his bitch?
Why don't you answer the man?
You can talk, bitch.
I want to hear you say it.
Who's my bitch?
- I am. - I didn't hear that. Did you hear that?
- No. - I couldn't hear anything. We can't hear.
Who's my bitch?
- I'm his bitch. - Attaboy.
All right, well, get in... bitch.
Why don't you get in the back, bitch?
Crotch grabbing time?
- Yeah yeah, we'll take care of it. Get in. - All right.
- Andy: So where's your guy? - He's here.
- Where? - You're looking at him, asshole.
I am Kane. Eh, you can still call me Joey,
I answer to both. The real question is... who are you?
I'm the man with the money.
Better yet, I'm the only man with the money.
There's just one small problem, moneyman.
- What's that? - I think you're a cop.
Oh. Yeah, I am.
- Huh. - My name is vann. Wade was my partner.
I've been tracking what he was doing from the very beginning.
Could have busted him, you, your whole gang,
but I was waiting for the right time.
I want in.
It's true. He's a.T.F.
- So you knew about the heist, huh? - Hell, yeah.
Think I don't know what my partner's doing?
How do I know you're not here to settle the score for your dead partner?
Please. He played in the rain, he got wet.
So you just wait for your moment and this is it?
I can take the heat off you from the inside and I can move the guns.
You know I got the money, 'cause my man here
just gave you that half million dollars like it wasn't nothing.
You're not the only one with connections, agent vann.
- I have a buyer. - You had a buyer.
Manny Cortez. Unfortunately, somebody put a .45 slug in him.
The same kinda bullet they took out of my partner Wade.
Now, some people might call that a coincidence,
but I don't believe in coincidences. Do you?
Not really.
See, I figured you'd take my deal over Manny's
because you're greedy.
But now I see you're just plain desperate.
You're stuck with a truckload of guns and no buyer.
So what's it gonna be, Joey... Kane?
You've got it all figured out, haven't you, agent vann?
We'll see. Let's go.
Enjoy your swim, ladies.
Tell me you didn't pee in the pool.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
We gonna make a deal with this cop?
Get in. Vin.
Go. Now.
- Well, I guess this is it. - Yeah.
You can go back to the world of dental supply.
Oh, ho-ho yeah.
Yeah.
Listen, if you want to show up tomorrow, you know,
- I can make it happen. - No, I'm still in the middle of this thing.
Oh, yeah yeah yeah, well, sure.
Aw, just a thought.
It's been interesting.
Yeah, well...
Hey, maybe next time I'm in town I'll look you up.
Or not. It doesn't, uh...
D... boy.
I hate these long goodbyes.
So, uh...
Well... see you later.
- Yeah, you take it easy. - Okay.
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Thank you!
Thank you.
Oh, you killed them!
- You killed, Andy. - You think? Yes!
- Oh! Yes? - Mr. Fiddler.
Come with us.
- Where are you taking me? - Watch your head.
He said I was done. Uh, what is going on?
We're hoping you might tell us, Mr. Fiddler.
Look, I don't know who you people think I am.
We know exactly who you are. What we don't know
is how a guy like you could go so wrong so fast.
Here you are meeting a gunrunner from overseas.
Name of Joey Trent.
And here you are doing the 411
with Hector Babcock, aka Booty,
a gun dealer who we just found in the trunk of his own car.
You've been running with a rough crowd,
but you might be confused about who the real bad guy is...
Agent Derrick vann, your new best friend.
He's the one that put the bullet through Booty's head.
Oh, no.
- He wouldn't do that. - No?
- No. - Check out Manuel Cortez.
Another gun dealer vann paid a visit to.
Last but not least, his own partner,
or ex-partner i should say.
So you have a dead a.T.F. Agent,
a dead snitch and a dead gunrunner.
The only connection? Agent vann.
Yeah, well, i-i... I don't believe that.
Why not? 'Cause he's such a nice guy?
Why do you think he never called for backup?
He didn't want cops around.
I don't know anything. I... I... -
- that's bullshit! - I don't know anything!
That's bullshit! You're up to your neck in it, pal.
- What do you want from me? - You're gonna wear a wire
and get vann to admit he was in on the heist
and he killed his partner.
- Oh, is that all? - You don't have a choice.
Really? What if I just say "no, thank you"?
Then the U.S. department of justice
will take a giant shit on you.
H... how very pleasant.
Believe me, Mr. Fiddler, your best option
is to go along with this s.W.C., that's "suspect..."
"Suspect who's cooperating." I know, I've been that.
It, uh, didn't work out too well.
Uh, let me get this straight.
You sprung him from holding, gave him half a million dollars,
then you let him go?
The guy's a salesman from out of town.
Oh, really? You think it was a coincidence
that he showed up at exactly the right place
at exactly the right time in the diner?
I don't believe in coincidence. For all you know, he could be an undercover I.A. Agent.
Did you ever check him for a wire?
I didn't have to. The guy was scared shitless half the time.
I can't believe that you of all people bought his story,
Mr. i-don't-trust-nobody.
How'd you get so stupid so fast?
Now they got you tied to the heist,
your partner's murder and your snitch.
Booty's dead.
Peters: Remember, this guy is a stone killer.
If he senses anything wrong, he'll toe-tag your ass.
I just need to get a sound check.
- You want me to say something? - Good, I got it.
- I got it.
- Hey. Hey, I said I got it.
I don't think i can do this.
Just do this one thing for us and you're done.
Okay, you know what? You guys have got to stop saying that.
The guy helped me set up a buy
that's gonna go down any time now.
What I need from you is an assault unit to back me up.
Forget it. I want your badge and your gun. You're on suspension.
Bullshit.
Your badge and your gun now!
- You're serious? - I'm trying to protect you.
We got a dead agent on our hands and i can't account for one damn thing
you've done for the past 24 hours
except lose a lot of money and make best friends with the I.A. Agent
who's gonna bust your ass.
And that look does not scare me.
I am one inch away.
An inch too far, okay? Gun and badge.
You're wrong. The guy's at a convention
right now, giving a speech.
Really? Then who's that standing behind you?
Guess who?
- What the hell are you doing here? - I knew you were gonna ask.
I, uh, just finished my speech,
and I had a little time before my flight
and thought I would just stop by and see how you're doing.
Chit-chat?
Is... is there someplace we can talk?
- Yeah? - Kane: Avenue a, warehouse three, right now.
Don't forget the money.
Why don't we, um, talk in my car? Come on.
In the car? We're going to the car.
Over.
Pilot: Mission one, vehicle leaving Michigan and first.
Okay, I read you, air support.
Stay above audible range but don't lose them.
Pilot: Uh, copy that.
So, where are we headed?
- Do you want to get a smoothie? - We're going to see our old friends.
Oh. Well, I've got a 5:00 flight,
so I... I don't know whether I'll have time to...
- Hey, you wanted to chit-chat? - Yes, I do.
- So, let's chit-chat. - Okay, good.
- So, how you doing? - Good.
You wired?
Yes. Yes, I am wired.
I'm, uh, you know, white-knuckle flier,
I... I get preflight anxiety.
So, I get... I get very anxious before a flight.
I didn't think it showed.
- So, I guess you got your money. - No, I didn't.
Did you call for backup?
Do I ever called for backup?
No.
You think I'm dirty.
You tell me.
I ain't telling you shit, you I.A. Piece of crap.
- What?! - Thought you had me played, didn't you?
Feeding me all that bullshit this whole time.
- I've been feeding you bullshit? - That's right.
- Bullshit! - Oh, now, you wait just one minute, mister!
You shot me, you dragged me all over town,
you used me to set up your dirty deals.
Hey, I've got news for you, homie,
I'm not your bitch anymore!
Now, I want the truth and I want it now.
I think you're involved and i think you killed Booty.
Aw, shit! He just blew it.
- I killed Booty? - I said, "i think you killed Booty."
How the hell did you even know Booty was dead?
Exactly, how would I know? I would not know. I wouldn't know,
so I could not be more wrong on that point.
Let's do this, gentlemen.
- Mmm. - Inside.
Peters over radio: The target is stopped, the deal's going down now.
- They told me to get a confession from you. - I know.
Shall we?
Down!
Peters: Shots fired, repeat, shots fired!
Get me an assault team!
- Get out. - We're gonna die. We're gonna die.
Hey hey! Just calm down.
- We are not going to die. - Oh!
- Trust me. - Trust you.
There are the guns, where's my money?
Let me ask you something,
did he say I was his bitch or his dumb bitch?
You think I'm just gonna roll in here with a truckload of cash
so you can take it from me and kill me? I look that stupid?
Well, just in case you are, I'll speak real slow.
If you don't have two and a half million dollars in your car,
you're both gonna die. Right now.
- I don't think so. - Yeah, why's that?
'Cause we brought company.
You son of a bitch.
- You're under arrest. - That's a cue.
Peters: What's my assault team's eta? I need 'em here now.
So, tell me...
Which one of you spice girls blew my partner away?
- That would be me. - So, I guess that makes you scary spice.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Gentlemen, let's not lose our heads here.
'Cause we all have people we want to see again.
I have a family.
And you have a daughter, I'm sure you have someone.
- I have no one. - Well, let me finish.
You have someone not in the traditional sense of having someone...
Well, fucking now i have you.
I have got to learn to stop talking.
- Now back off! - Or what?
- Do I really need to say it? - You shoot him, I shoot you.
Better yet,
this gun can put a hole through both of you.
- You won't do that. - Wanna bet?
You won't shoot your friend.
Ah, yes, he would and he did,
- but I hope he won't. - Shut up.
Nigel, take his gun.
Now, you give your gun to Nigel and you get on your knees slowly.
Huh! Let it go.
You're alone, agent vann.
It might appear that way,
but my man masseter's got my back.
- Who? - Mr. masseter.
Latin dude. 600 lbs. Of power.
Nice try.
See, now I'm gonna count to three,
and if you don't give your gun to Nigel
and get on your knees,
I'm gonna put a bullet between your eyes.
One, two...
Three!
Ah! Oh!
Move in now, go! Go! Go!
Oh!
Ah! Oh! Oh!
- SWAT team! Don't move! - Shit!
Man: Go! Go! Go!
Are you alive? Oh! Are you hit?
- Yeah. - Where?
In my ass.
In your ass? Let me take a look.
Oh, shit! Get off me!
I'll get the taco sauce.
- All right. Easy. - On your face! Get down! Now!
- Man ♪2: All right, let's go! - Man ♪3: Watch your right! Watch your right!
Can I assume that agent vann
has been cleared by internal affairs now?
No, not so fast. I want to see every penny of that money.
Heads up.
How about now, you bean-counting moron?
Look, I appreciate the ride, I really do,
but I think I can get on a plane by myself.
Yeah, I'm sure you can,
but I just want to see it with my own eyes.
Woman over P.A.: The white zone
is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.
There is no parking.
Tell me I didn't hear what I think I just heard.
It's really nothing, I... uh, i wouldn't worry about it.
- It's nothing. - Did you eat lunch when you went back to the hotel?
- I had some lunch. - What did you have for lunch exactly?
- I had a sandwich. - What kind of sandwich?
Steak sandwich.
- - Shit! You rotten-ass son of a bitch!
- Nun: Oh my. - Sisters.
Oh... woo! Woo!
Oh, sweet Jesus!
Female announcer: This is the boarding call...
Right through, please, sir.
You're fine. Sir, right through.
Uh.
Um, sir, could you come with me, please?
On the mat, please.
Arms straight out. That's it, thank you.
Huh.
Uh...
Is there something in your butt, sir?
Yeah. A bullet.
It's permanently lodged in my ass
that I received in the line of duty,
- saving his ass. - I can vouch for that.
I'm gonna have to ask you to step behind the screen, please, sir.
- I'm gonna need to get a cavity search team, please. - Oh, hell, no!
That ain't happening! No no no no no no.
- Sir, uh, you cannot step past this point... - Don't worry.
I am never going past this point.
See what you done? I can't even leave town now.
Sorry.
Well, I guess i should get going.
You say goodbye to your beautiful little ballerina for me.
Mmm. Tell yours i said hello too.
Oh.
- Well... - Whoa whoa, hey hey!
- Let's not and say we did. - Okey-doke.
Told you I never met anyone i wasn't friends with eventually.
Bye, vann.
Andy.
- Cavity search team? - Yes, sir.
Where the hell you guys been?
Guy's getting away.
Grey plaid suit, brown bag.
Hurry!
Sir! Excuse me, sir!
%% all right... %%.
Yeah yeah, we, uh, need to perform a cavity search, please.
- What? What? - Yeah, just this way.
Who's my bitch?
- Uh, it'll just take a few minutes. - I have done nothing wrong!
%% it's your thing %%
%% do what you wanna do %%
%% I can't tell you %%
%% who to sock it to %%
%% it's your thing %%
%% do what you wanna do %%
%% I can't tell you %%
%% who to sock it to %%
%% since yay-high, spend little all day %%
%% mama's first-born cooked corn %%
%% so I guess I'll command this kernel %%
%% external broadcast, tune your receiver %%
%% internal thoughts is cold, behold %%
%% it's a strong-eyed vision, I'll interfere your sight %%
%% build blocks on your map and play the pipe %%
%% perched on rooftops, I'm the birdman %%
%% singin' that song of freedom %%
%% fists balled tight "Joe fras-ing" your phrases %%
%% fantasia, Mickey mouse raps... What's happenin'? %%
%% rerunnin' 86 like 86 %%
%% gazelles and overweight laces and kicks %%
%% traces of flicks pose like statues %%
- %% hey, you're doing it girl %% - %% god bless your "ha-choos" %%
- %% I can't tell you %% - %% how to shake your tattoos %%
- %% they gotta do you %% - %% it's your thing %%
%% do what you wanna do %%
%% I can't tell you %%
%% who to sock it to %%
%% it's your thing %%
%% do what you wanna do %%
%% I can't tell you %%
%% who to sock it to %%
%% it's your thing %%
%% do what you wanna do %%
%% I can't tell you %%
%% who to sock it to %%
%% it's your thing %%
%% do what you wanna do %%
%% I can't tell you %%
%% who to sock it to %%
%% it's your thing %%
%% all right %%
%% you best believe I used to weave 'em, I'm telling them dames, y'all %%
- %% y'all just fish %% - %% and the water that claims y'all %%
%% I used to do it all so I'm not gonna refuse %%
%% to view the ball in the hands of a player %%
%% play on, slayer, get slayed %%
%% I just want a piece that i can manage like Mr. Kincaid %%
%% men paid for what you swallowed from out of the glass %%
- %% I'm from outta the mass... Eastern side of long island %% - %% stylin' wild %%
%% my profile ain't to buy drinks but try drinks %%
%% placed in front of me by throwing charm your way %%
- %% what? %% - %% my profile's not the verily dashing %%
%% you ain't trying to come with me %%
%% but if you want to have fun with me %%
%% with these j-hats I'll promise I'll enter wise %%
%% won't be mad if right after you hop from star to starlet %%
%% I'm all up in your enterprise %%
%% it's your %%
%% it's your thang, yeah %%
%% gotcha %%
%% it's your %%
%% it's your thang, yeah %%
%% it's your %%
- %% gotcha %% - %% it's your thang %%
%% yeah %%
%% I gotcha. %%