(woman singing gospel harmonics)
(woman) I believe in the church of baseball.
I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones.
I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms
and Isadora Duncan.
I know things. For instance,
there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary, and there are 108 stitches in a baseball.
When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance.
But it just didn't work out between us.
The Lord laid too much guilt on me.
I prefer metaphysics to theology.
You see, there's no guilt in baseball
and it's never boring, which makes it like sex.
There's never been a player slept with me
who didn't have the best year of his career.
Makin' love is like hittin' a baseball.
You just gotta relax and concentrate.
Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hittin' under 250,
unless he had a lotta RBls and was a great glove man up the middle.
You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys.
I can expand their minds.
Sometimes, if I get a ballplayer alone,
I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him.
And the guys are so sweet. They always stay and listen.
Of course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay.
I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe... and pretty.
Of course, what I give them lasts a lifetime.
What they give me lasts 142 games.
Sometimes it seems like a bad trade, but bad trades are part of baseball.
Who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake?
It's a long season and you gotta trust it.
I've tried 'em all. I really have.
And the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out,
is the church of baseball.
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock, rock
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, rock
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
Put your glad rags on and join me, hon
We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes two, three and four
If the band slows down, we'll yell for more
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight...
Skip, that Max! Hell of a guy.
- Where's Ebby? - Ain't he warmin' up yet?
No. It's his professional debut tonight, and he forgets about it.
Better find our bonus baby, eh?
- You seen Ebby? - Nope.
- Ebby! - (giggling)
Jesus!
Game starts in four minutes. Why ain't you warm?
- I am warm. - Jesus! This is your professional debut.
A million guys'd give their left nut to be in your shoes.
You're in the locker room with some piece of ass!
Skip! It is me.
I am not some "piece of ass".
Oh. Millie.
Jeez, sorry. Didn't recognise you.
Uh... don't take this personal, Millie,
but if I catch you in here again, you're banned from the ballpark.
You can't ban me from the ballpark cos my daddy donated that scoreboard.
If you ban me, he just might take that scoreboard away.
What do we need a scoreboard for? We ain't scored any runs all year.
Now you get your ass out there!
- Hey, boss, I got a question. - What?
Do you think I need a nickname? I think I do.
All the great ones have nicknames: Oil Can, Catfish...
- What was the one you were...? - Pokey.
- What do you think of "Pokey"? - You got three minutes.
Goddamn son of a bitch motherfucking shithead!
- Time for another quickie. - Jesus! You got a game to pitch.
We got three minutes.
(PA) Come on, folks! Let's hear it for Max Patkin,
the clown prince of baseball!
And now, the greatest show on dirt,
your own Durham Bulls!
I'm there. I'm ready.
And now WRDU Radio presents the voice of the Durham Bulls, Teddy Garland.
The Bulls have dropped their first three games, but hope to turn it around tonight
with the professional debut of heralded young pitcher Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
Stay out of the clubhouse. You'll get everybody in trouble.
I got lured.
No, women do not get lured. They are too strong and powerful for that.
Say "I did not get lured. I accept responsibility for my actions. "
I did not get lured. I accept responsibility for my actions.
That's good. OK, now... you got your radar ready?
- Ready. - Go to it.
Steppin' in for the Peninsula White Sox is lead-off hitter Willie Foster.
The word on LaLoosh is that he has a major-league fastball,
but sometimes has problems with his control.
(crash)
Damn!
One ball and no strikes to Willie Foster.
(crowd shouts encouragement)
No problem, Ebby! Go get 'em. One, two, three! Go get 'em, big guy!
95 miles an hour.
That's great. He looks just great.
Urgh!
(booing)
(PA) Steppin' in for the Peninsula White Sox, second baseman Allen Powley.
What's it say?
That he's not bendin' his back on his follow-through.
Scotty!
Baby, take this to Ebby Calvin.
All right, honey, let's get down to it. How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh?
Well, he fucks like he pitches.
Sorta all over the place.
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock, rock
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, rock
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
Put your glad rags on and join me, hon
We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
My!
- He walked 18. - A new league record.
- Struck out 18. - Another new league record.
In addition, he hit the sports writers, the public address announcer,
the Bull mascot twice. Also new league records.
But... Joe,
this guy's got some serious shit.
Yeah, serious shit.
Who are you? Who's he?
I'm the player to be named later.
Crash Davis? I'm Joe Riggins.
And you, Larry Hockett, should recognise me.
Five years ago, you were pitchin' for El Paso, I was hittin' cleanup for Shreveport.
You hung a curve ball on an 0-2 pitch in a 3-2 game in the bottom of the eighth
and I tattooed it...
over the Michelin tyre sign. Beat you 4-3.
I remember. I should've thrown a slider. Damn, Crash, how you doin'?
I'm too old for this shit. Why the hell am I back in A ball?
Cos of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. Big club's got a hundred grand in him.
He's got a million-dollar arm, but a five-cent head.
Had a gun on him tonight. The last five pitches were faster than the first five.
He got the best young arm I've seen in 30 years.
You been around. You're smart. You're a professional.
We want you to mature the kid,
to room with him on the road, stay on his case all year.
He can go all the way.
Yeah? Where can I go?
You can keep goin' to the ballpark, keep gettin' paid to do it.
- Beats the hell outta workin' at Sears. - Sears sucks, Crash.
I once worked there. Sold Lady Kenmores. Nasty work.
Even if it is the Carolina league, this is a chance to play every day.
You don't want a player. You want a stable pony.
- No. - My triple-A contract gets bought out
so I can hold the flavour of the month's dick in the bus leagues.
Well, fuck this fucking game!
I fuckin' quit.
I quit.
- Who we playin' tomorrow? - Winston-Salem.
Batting practice, 11.30.
How's it feel to get a professional win?
It feels out there. It's a major rush.
It doesn't just feel out there. It feels... out there, you know?
Kinda radical in a tubular way, you know?
- But most of all, it's out there. - This is hopeless.
This is utterly fucking hopeless.
Only a memory
Of what our love was going to be
Only a memory
Now that we are history...
Hey, I'm Millie.
- Tony. I play second base. - I know.
Max, how do you just keep comin' back every year?
You gotta love the game, Annie. I love it.
- Here you go. - We didn't order these.
- He did. - Who?
The guy in the booth.
Who's that?
That's Crash Davis. Hey, Crash! Come here.
Come over here.
He's kinda cute.
He's played at more ballparks than I have.
Hell of a guy. You know, he's really different.
I actually saw him read a book without pictures once.
- Hi, Max. - How you doin', Crash?
Come over and sit down.
I'm Crash.
Annie Savoy. Wanna dance?
- I don't dance. - How embarrassin'.
What is that?
( "Born to be Bad" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers)
- Who's he dancin' with? - All of 'em, I think.
- You Annie Savoy? - Uh-huh.
- Thanks for your note. You were right. - You got a live arm there.
Thanks.
Uh... Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
- You need a nickname, honey. - I've been tellin' everybody that.
- You wanna dance? - Yeah.
Uh, she's dancin' with me.
Afraid not, pal.
You boys gonna fight over little old me?
- Nah. - Let's go. Step outside and party, man.
Oh, don't be such guys!
- Hell, Max, let's dance. - Oh, sure.
If you want some lovin', yeah
That I'll give to you
You comin' or not, homeboy?
If you want some huggin', baby
I can hug for two
All I want, baby...
Come on, man, let's go! We're waitin'!
- Let's go, homeboy! - Come on, Ebby. There he is.
- Send him back home. - Yeah!
- I don't believe in fighting. Let's just... - Whooo!
That's really sweet! Fuck you, you pussy.
All right. Take the first shot at me.
No way, man. I don't hit no man first.
All right, then.
Hit me in the chest with that.
- I'd kill you. - Yeah?
I hear you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fuckin' boat.
Ow!
Throw it, man. Throw it, come on.
- Right in the chest. - No way.
Come on, meat! You're not gonna hit me cos you're startin' to think about it.
How embarrassin' it would be to miss in front of these people?
How somebody might laugh?
Come on, rook. Show us that million-dollar arm, cos I got a...
I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours.
- Nail him. - Drop him, man!
Fuck!
- Ball four. - Who the fuck are you, man?
Good punch.
I'm Crash Davis. I'm your new catcher and you just got lesson number one.
Don't think. It can only hurt the ball club.
Come inside. I'll buy you a drink.
He's my new catcher.
( "I Idolize You" by Ike & Tina Turner)
We fight, she gets the clown. How's that happen?
God, I like this song.
You boys stopped fightin'?
Pals now? That's good.
I love a little macho male bondin'.
I think it's sweet. I do.
Even if it probably is latent homosexuality bein' re-channelled, I'm all for that.
OK, shall we go to my place?
Which one of us?
Well, both of you, of course.
Ah, well. These are the ground rules.
I hook up with one guy a season. It usually takes me two weeks to pick him.
It's kind of my own spring training.
And, well, you two are the most promisin' prospects of the season so far.
So I just thought we should get to know each other.
Time out. Why do you get to choose?
- What? - Why do you get to choose?
Why don't I get to choose? Why doesn't he get to choose?
Actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other.
It's all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction and timin'.
There are laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart.
It's like pheromones.
You get three ants together, they can't do dick.
You get 300 million of 'em, they can build a cathedral.
Is somebody goin' to bed with somebody, or what?
Honey, you are a regular nuclear meltdown. You better cool off.
Where are you goin'?
After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't try out.
Besides, I don't believe in quantum physics with matters of the heart.
What do you believe in, then?
Well, I believe in the soul,
the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back,
the hangin' curve ball, high fibre, good scotch,
that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent and overrated.
I believe Lee Harvey Oswald was alone.
A constitutional amendment should outlaw Astroturf and the designated hitter.
I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography,
opening gifts Christmas Day, not Christmas Eve,
and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
Good night.
Oh, my!
- Crash. - Annie, what's all this molecule stuff?
- Crash? - (laughs)
Crash, wait! All's I want is a date. I'm not gonna fall in love with ya or nothin'.
I'm not interested in a woman who's interested in... that boy. Good night.
- I'm not interested yet. - You callin' me a boy?
- See you at the yard, meat. - Nobody's ever said no to me before.
He's crazy. I want you bad.
( "La Vie En Rose" by Edith Piaf)
Honey, hold on. Slow down.
I wanna watch.
Go ahead. Put it back on.
Jesus! What kind of chick are you?
When you know how to make love, then you'll know how to pitch.
I know how to pitch.
Good. Now take it off... slowly.
That's nice.
Oh.
Oh, my! What a nice back.
Honey... sweetheart...
Try takin' off your shoes and socks first.
My socks? It's cold in here.
- What? - Does Gooden leave his socks on?
Ebby, honey...
Have you ever been tied up in bed?
Whoo-hoo! Bring it on, baby!
- I heard about shit like this. - You ever heard about Walt Whitman?
- Who's he play for? - He pitches for the Cosmic All-Stars.
- Never heard of 'em. - Oh, good.
Listen to this.
"I sing the Body electric
The armies of those I love engirth me, and I engirth them
They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them
And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the Soul
But the expression of a well-made man appears not only in his face
- It is in his limbs and joints also... " - Excuse me.
Are we gonna fuck, or what?
"It is curiously in the joints of his hips and wrists
Love-flesh swelling and deliciously aching
Limitless limpid jets of love, hot and enormous... "
Listen up, guys! Can I have your attention for a minute?
I'm gonna be leadin' a daily chapel service here at 3pm.
(player) Amen, brother!
You're all invited to worship before batting practice.
Jimmy, goddamnit, loosen up and get laid.
I know y'all think I'm pretty square, but... I believe what I believe.
(wolf whistle)
Jesus, Ebby! You look like a truck ran over you, man.
Nuke. Call me Nuke.
Annie says it's my new nickname.
OK, Nuke. Go get 'em, man.
Annie nailed ya? That's great. It means you're gonna have a great year.
Is she... as good as they say?
No, man, we didn't fuck.
No, she read poetry to me all night.
It's more tiring than fucking.
(Ebby) Ohhh!
"Limpid jets of love. "
Hey, Crash, does that mean what I think it means? "Limpid jets of love"?
Your shower shoes have fungus on 'em.
You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes.
Think classy, you'll be classy.
If you win 20 in the Show, you can let the fungus grow back on your shower shoes
and the press'll think you're colourful.
Until you win 20 in the Show, however, it means you're a slob.
(PA) Y'all don't forget, Saturday is Bull Day down at the Northgate mall.
- Strike! - Whoa, too bad, Butch. Too bad.
You're not gettin' that cheese by me, meat.
And now, batting for the Bulls, number eight, Crash Davis!
Foul ball!
You stupid fuck, Crash. Why are you swingin' at a breakin' ball? Fuck me.
You usually start me off with a hammer.
(thinking) You're thinkin' too much.
Get out of your fuckin' head. Don't let him in your kitchen.
Come on, Crash, just relax. You got it, honey.
All right, here we go now. Stay back, relax.
Quick bat, quick bat...
Foul ball!
Throw that shit again, meat. You throw that weak-ass shit again.
OK, this guy's easy, babe. Hang tough. You got it. One more, babe.
All right, he's gonna throw the deuce now.
He's gotta waste one. Stay back and wipe that silly grin off his face.
Come on, bring it. Bring it.
- (Crash) Jesus Christ! - What the hell was that?
Son of a bitch throws hard.
It's OK, Crash. You take it easy, honey.
All right, one and two. You can hit this shit. Relax.
Annie. Annie...
Who is this Annie?
Jesus, get out of the box. Where's your head? Get the broad out of your head.
Time out!
Give me the rag.
Get a hit, Crash.
Shut up.
All right, you've seen all his pitches. You've seem 'em all.
Just shorten up, Crash. Now bring me the gas, kid. Bring me the gas.
Bring me the gas.
Quick bat, quick bat...
Strike!
Scotty, baby, take this to Crash.
(PA) Folks, we have a little lost girl up here, says her name is Lyda Anne Baker.
It's for Crash.
- Crash? - What?
- Letter from Annie. - Read it.
"Dear Crash, you have a lovely swing, but you're pulling your hips out too early. "
"I'd be happy to meet with you tomorrow at the batting cage to discuss it. "
"Signed, Annie. "
If there's one chick who'd know you were pullin' your hips out early, it'd be Annie.
It's kind of a personal note, kid, so don't read it.
There you go.
Here, Millie.
What's it say?
It says "I wanna make love to you. Crash. "
Oh, my.
- See my hips? - Yep.
And I think Susan Sontag is brilliant.
So is this gonna happen? Us?
I'm committed to Nuke for the season.
Oh.
You had your chance the other day.
What is it that you see in this guy? He's a young, wild, dim pretty-boy.
Young men are uncomplicated.
And he's not dim. He's just inexperienced.
It's my job to give him life wisdom and to help him get onto the major leagues.
That's funny. That's my job too.
Damn!
- You're pulling your hips. - I know, I know. But they're nice hips.
- I looked up your records. - You what?
You hit 227 home runs in the minors. That's not bad.
- Don't tell anybody. - Why not?
Hit 20 more this year, you'll be the all-time minor league champ. The record's 246.
Well, 247 home runs in the minor leagues would be a kinda dubious honour.
I think it would be great. The Sporting News should know about it.
Just no. Please?
OK.
Last chance. Your place or mine?
Despite my rejection of Judaeo-Christian ethics,
I am, within the framework of the baseball season, monogamous.
- Gimme a break! - It's true.
Stop it.
Jeez! The fact is, you're afraid of meeting a guy like me, cos it might be real,
so you sabotage it with some bullshit about commitment
to a young boy you can boss around. That's a great deal(!)
- Nice. - I know women like you.
I know 'em. I do.
You're a regular patron saint.
Stray cats, lost causes or 6ft 3in homeless studs.
Oh, Crash, you do make speeches.
(Annie) Oh, Crash! That was fabulous.
Crash?
You mean Nuke. You said Crash.
No, honey. No, I did not. I said Nuke.
- You said Crash. - Oh, no.
You shouldn't listen to what a woman says when she's in the throes of passion.
- They say the darnedest things. - Yeah. You said Crash.
Honey, would you rather have me makin' love to him usin' your name,
or makin' love to you usin' his name?
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Welcome to the Eastern Seaboard Tobacco-Growers
City Council Little League Cash Drop Day.
These young fellas - young men, I should say - over here, to my left...
Hi, 18. Hi, 12.
Hey, Dino.
Hey, Millie.
Hey. I'm Millie.
I'm married.
(other players laugh)
- What is that? - Chicken bone cross.
Takes the curse off the bat. That brings me hits.
What are you? A goddamn witch?
Yes. A switch-hitting witch.
- Will that work for me? - If you believe in voodoo.
Jose, I am zero for 16, a big fucking doughnut-hole for 16.
I can't remember the last time I had a base hit. Let me have some of that stuff.
Man, that is not belief. That's desperation.
Jose, come on! Just touch my bat once.
Come on, just once. I won't bother you the rest of the day, I swear to God.
(Mayor) Ladies and gentlemen...
Five, four,
three, two, one...
Let 'er go!
One thousand big ones!
(crowd groans)
Cull it!
Time out.
Stay there. Gimme the ball.
Hey.
Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out.
Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they're fascist.
Throw some ground balls. It's more democratic.
What's he know? If he's so great, why's he been in the minors for ten years?
And how come Annie wants me instead of him?
Oh, hey! And another thing, meat. You don't know shit.
You wanna make it to the Show? Listen to me.
Annie only wants you cos she can boss you around. Got it?
So relax. Let's have some fun out here! This game's fun, OK?
It's fun, goddamnit.
And don't hold the ball so hard. It's an egg. Hold it like an egg.
What's he know about fun? I'm young. I know about fun.
He's an old man. He don't know nothin' about fun.
(Crash) All right, nobody's gone out there.
Why's he callin' for a curve ball? I wanna bring heat.
Shake him off. Throw what you want.
Goddamnit! Time out. Hey!
Why you shakin' me off, huh?
I wanna bring the heat, announce my presence with authority.
Fuckin' authority? He's a first-ball fast-ball hitter, lookin' for heat.
Oh, yeah? So what? He ain't seen my heat.
All right, meat. Give him your heat.
Why's he always callin' me "meat"? I'm the guy drivin' a Porsche.
Fastball.
Come on, Nuke. Slow down, boy. Take your time.
(bellows)
(PA) Home run for Bert Crook of the Fayetteville Generals.
What are you doin' standing here?
I give you a gift, you stand here, show up my pitcher? Run, dummy!
Gimme the ball.
Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn't he?
- I held it like an egg. - Yeah, and he scrambled it.
He hit the fuckin' bull. That gets a free steak.
- You havin' fun yet? - Oh, yeah. I'm havin' a blast, thanks(!)
Sucker hit it like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball.
- He did know. - How?
I told him.
Come on, Nuke, get 'em out. No batter. Chuck hard, kid.
Don't think, just throw. Don't think, just throw.
Strike!
God, that was beautiful. What'd I do?
( "So Long Baby, Goodbye" by the Blasters)
Hang on, Millie. Here we go again.
I know I've been foolin' myself too long
I'm never right but always wrong
Goodbye baby, so long
You know you never let this thing catch on
You never let me be that strong
So long baby, goodbye
(PA) That's the first home run of the year for Crash Davis.
That brings the score up to Fayetteville 14, Durham 2.
Hell of a shot.
Sorry it got wasted.
I don't know what to do with these guys.
I beg, I plead, I try to be a nice guy.
- I'm a nice guy. I don't... - Scare 'em.
They're kids. Scare 'em.
That's what I'd do.
Yeah.
Everybody in the shower!
Anybody who ain't in the shower in ten seconds is gonna get fined $100!
- Larry! - One Mississippi,
two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi...
Get in there! Hurry it up!
seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi, nine Mississippi, ten Mississippi.
You guys!
You lollygag the ball around the infield.
You lollygag your way down to first.
You lollygag in and out of the dugout.
Do you know what that makes you?
- Larry? - Lollygaggers!
- What's our record, Larry? - Eight and sixteen.
Eight and sixteen.
- How'd we ever win eight? - It's a miracle.
This is a simple game.
You throw the ball,
you hit the ball,
you catch the ball.
You got it?
Now we have got a 12-day road trip, starting tomorrow.
Bus leaves six in the morning.
Goddamn son of a bitch motherfuckin' shitheads!
- Yeah, skipper? You wanted to see me? - Yeah, Bobby. Shut the door.
This is the toughest job a manager has.
But... the organisation's decided to make a change.
We're releasing you from your contract.
Skip, I know I'm in a goddamn slump, but I hit the ball hard today.
Couple of flares drop in for me, I'm right back in the groove.
I'm sorry.
Hey.
- Let's go. Come on. - Nuke? Honey?
Let's go. We got a five-hour drive comin' up. Move your asses over here.
Honey, I want you to wear these when you're pitching on the road.
They're garters. They'll hug your waist and dangle off your thighs and buns
in such a way, it'll help you see things differently.
Plus it'll remind you of me, which is nicer than thinking about all those nasty hitters.
Jesus, Annie, I don't know.
You been pitching on the wrong side of your brain. This'll put things right.
Big league pitchers don't use these.
They did when they were in the Carolina league.
Nuke! Excuse me. Time to go to work.
- Bye. - Bye.
Bye, y'all! Bye!
Bye! Go get 'em, boys! Hit 'em where they ain't!
(out of tune) She may get woolly
Young girls, they do get woolly
Because of all the stress
Yeah
When they get woolly
Try a little tenderness, yeah
Stop it.
- Thank you. - What?
It's not "woolly". Nobody gets woolly.
Women get weary. They don't get woolly.
Nobody's "got stress". They're wearin' a dress.
I hate people that get the words wrong.
How come you don't like me?
Because you don't respect yourself, which is your problem.
But you don't respect the game, and that's my problem.
- You got a gift. - What have I got?
When you were a baby, the gods reached down
and made your right arm a thunderbolt.
It's a hall-of-fame arm, but you're pissin' it away.
I ain't pissin' it away. I got a Porsche, I got a 911 with a quadraphonic Blaupunkt.
You don't need a quadraphonic Blaupunkt. You need a curve ball.
In the Show, everybody can hit a fastball.
How would you know?
You've been in the majors?
Yeah, I've been in the majors.
- Yeah? Where were you? - You been in the Show, man?
Yeah, I was in the Show.
I was in the Show for 21 days once.
The 21 greatest days of my life.
You never handle your luggage in the Show. Somebody carries your bags.
It's great. You hit white balls for batting practice.
Ballparks are like cathedrals.
The hotels all have room service
and the women all have long legs and brains.
- They're really hot, huh? - Yeah, and so are the pitchers.
They throw ungodly breaking stuff in the Show - exploding sliders...
You could be one of those guys.
Nuke could be one of those guys. But you don't give a fuck, meat.
I am sick and fuckin' tired of you calling me "meat".
- You wanna step outside? - Yeah, I'll step outside.
- Hey, come on, Crash! - (everyone shouting)
Hey, hey, hey!
What's the problem? Crash, Nuke, what's happening?
I was just gonna ask Crash to show me how to throw a breakin' ball.
Good idea. Anybody got a ball? Let's get a ball.
- (cheering) - A double off the wall by Higgins.
The Durham pitchers are unable to get the first out of the inning.
The Bulls will try to end a six-game losin' streak
against the Greensboro Hornets, with Nuke LaLoosh on the hill.
- Base hit to centre field off LaLoosh. - (cheering)
That closes the book on LaLoosh today.
Five earned runs, five hits, five strikeouts, five walks and five wild pitches.
Time to tell it like it is. This is the most wretched road trip I've seen in 20 years,
and possibly the worst Durham team in half a century.
Is this the modern-day athlete, a pale imitation?
Only Crash Davis stands out this year.
Beggin' the question.: What are these boys thinkin' about? It sure ain't baseball.
Hey, Mr Hormone. Check out this.
- Ice-skaters! - God, look at 'em!
That's what we need. One night with these skaters, we can get right back on track.
Yeah, right(!) We just need a night off to end our losin' streak.
- What we need is a rainout. - I can get us a rainout.
There ain't been a cloud in the sky in weeks.
Hundred bucks says I can get us a rainout for tomorrow.
You're on!
(Tony) I ain't payin' for this. Crash, pay for this!
Shut up! You'll wake everybody up! Let the bonus baby pay for it.
Whoa, whoa! Jesus, man.
- Hey, look... - Sh! Quiet.
Hey, Crash. What are you doin'?
Oh, my goodness!
We got ourselves a natural disaster.
( "I Got Loaded" by Los Lobos)
Last night
I got loaded
(screaming)
On a bottle of gin
Last night
I got loaded
On a bottle of gin
But I feel all right
Well, I feel all right
I feel all right
Feel all right
( "Try a Little Tenderness" by Dr John and Bennie Wallace)
She may be weary
Women do get weary
Wearin' the same old shabby dress
And when she's weary
Try a little tenderness
Huh?
Hey. Hey.
Wake up. You're awake.
You're OK.
You were dreaming.
You're OK.
(mumbles) I was playin' damn near naked.
- What? - I was naked.
Playing naked.
I know.
I know. I have that dream all the time, too.
We're almost home.
All right, watch your head!
Hi!
( "When Will I Be Loved" by the Everly Brothers)
I've been made blue
I've been lied to
When will I be loved?
God, I'm tired.
What a trip.
I was lousy. I mean, I was worse than lousy.
Every time I pitched, it was like throwing gasoline on a fire.
Pch! Pch! Pch!
- I mean, I... - What is all this "I, I, I" stuff?
What about me, huh? Aren't you glad to see me?
Don't I look nice?
You look great. I'm sorry.
- I'm just totally exhausted. - Well, good.
Physical exhaustion can be spiritually fabulous.
What you need is a good game of catch.
- Catch? - Mm-hm.
Mm, baby, come on! Fire one in here!
- This is ridiculous. I'm a professional. - Will you just give it a try and lean in?
Thank you.
Now, I want you to breathe through your eyelids,
like the lava lizards of the Galapagos Islands.
Some lizards have a parietal eye behind their heads to see backwards.
Ever noticed how Fernando Valenzuela doesn't even look when he pitches?
He's a Mayan Indian. Or an Aztec. I forget which one. I get 'em confused.
- So do I. - Stand up for a second.
Be aware of the chakra connection between your feet and your testicles.
- Chakra? - Your right leg and your left testicle.
- And your left leg and your right testicle. - I like that!
- I bet you do! - Gimme the ball. Come on.
- I'm tired of hearin' this. - All right. Fire one in there!
OK...
You're patronisin' me. I will not be patronised.
If I throw it too hard, I'm gonna hurt the girl.
This "girl" has handled pitchers whose records are a lot better than one in seven.
One in six. Gimme the goddamn ball.
- How do you like that? - Better! Your delivery was integrated.
You weren't thinkin' about it cos you were pissed off at me. Now, that's progress!
Get your butt up here. Bend over and I'll show you...
I give up! Let's go inside and make love
and fall asleep until it's time to go to the ballpark.
Or... we could just take all that sexual energy
and... kinda hold onto it for a few hours,
and then... re-channel it into your pitchin' tonight.
You're a powerful young thing, Ebby Calvin.
- You want something for that shoulder? - Yeah, that shit that don't smell bad.
- It's on back order. - (Skip) Get him some of that shit.
That's hot.
No, I mean it. That's very hot.
Annie says it'll keep one side of my brain occupied when I'm on the mound,
thus keepin' my brain slightly off-centre, where it should be for artists and pitchers.
OK.
She also said that I should throw whatever pitches you call for.
Annie's a very smart lady.
What?
The rose goes in the front, big guy.
(PA) Now batting for the Salem Buffs, centre fielder, Joe McCorkle.
This underwear feels kinda sexy.
That don't make me queer, right?
Breakin' ball.
- Yeah! - All right! Good way to start, baby!
I ain't queer. I know I ain't.
Fastball.
Strike!
96 miles an hour. He looks good, but why is he all twisted up like that?
He's usin' his parietal eye, just like Fernando.
Whoo! That was a humdinger.
Fastball again? Why's he want the heat? I just threw heat.
Don't think, meat. Just give 'em the gas.
Strike!
Jeez, what's got into Nuke?
He's wearin' garters, and he's breathin' out of his eyelids like a lava lizard.
- It's an old Mayan deal. - Aztec.
Aztec deal.
(crunch)
I got my mojo workin'! You know what a mojo is?
- Sure. - No, you don't.
I was great, huh?
Your fastball's up, your curve ball's hangin'.
In the Show, they woulda ripped you.
- Can't you let me enjoy the moment? - The moment's over.
This guy starts me off with a breakin' ball,
I'm takin' him downtown.
Whoo!
I dare you to throw me the hammer. You ain't that stupid.
(PA) Steppin' up to the plate for Durham, our own Crash Davis.
Come on, put your hands together for Crash! Let's hear it.
- Let's go. - (thinks) Come on, meat.
Bring me that weak-ass shit, huh?
Bring it, bring it, bring it...
(cheering and screaming)
Oh, my!
Whoo!
2-0 Bulls in the second. First time the Bulls have been ahead in weeks.
Let's see if the real Nuke LaLoosh will show up.
(man) Back! Back, back, back!
You got room! Back!
You got room!
(cheering)
(man) Yeah! He's outta there!
What are you doin' out here? We're cruisin', man.
- Throw the next one at the mascot. - Why? I'm finally throwin' where I want.
Just throw it at the Bull, huh? Trust me.
He's the boss.
A staggering start by LaLoosh, throwin' five outs on nine pitches, all strikes.
He's got pinpoint control here tonight, Bull fans. Here's the pitch.
- This guy's crazy. - Yep.
I wouldn't dig in there if I was you. Next one might be at your head.
I don't know where it's gonna go. I swear to God.
You're the man, Nuke! Easy game!
Top of the ninth. One out away from a stunning two-hit shutout for LaLoosh.
Bear down, meat. Don't let up.
You own these guys.
Dad would love a shutout.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no. He's lookin' for heat.
Let me give him the deuce.
Oh, no. He's shakin' off the signs. Big mistake.
He's throwin' a two-hit shutout and he's shakin' me off. Do you believe that shit?
Charlie, here comes the deuce.
And when you speak of me, speak well.
- No, no, serve it up. - Yeah.
(PA) Home run. Jimmy Powell.
Gimme the ball.
- You told him I was gonna throw a deuce. - Yep.
Man, that ball got outta here in a hurry.
Anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?
( "Centerfield" by John Fogerty)
(screams)
(Annie) When Nuke listened to Crash, everything fell into place.
He started throwin' strikes and we started to win.
But Nuke was still confused.
He was so encouraged by his victory that he vowed not to have sex until he lost.
Unfortunately, he kept on winnin', and for one extraordinary June and July,
the Durham Bulls began playin' baseball with joy and verve... and poetry.
The two sides of my own brain were all jumbled up and cross-wired.
While one side was neglected, the other was in paradise,
watchin' our Bulls play like big-leaguers.
We won four games at Kinston, two at Winston-Salem,
and kicked the holy shit outta Greensboro in a three-game set.
And Crash, who kept hittin' dingers, was approachin' the minor-league record,
though I told nobody.
After sweepin' the July 4th double-header, the Durham Bulls were tied for first.
Beautiful as the winnin' streak was, I was gettin' damn lonely.
Somethin' had to be done. I needed a man.
Yeah! I love winnin', man!
I fuckin' love winnin'!
You hear what I'm sayin'? It's, like, better than losin'.
Teach me somethin' new, man. I need to learn. Teach me somethin'.
You got somethin' to write with? It's time to work on your interviews.
- My interviews? What do I gotta do? - You're gonna have to learn your clichés.
You're gonna have to study them. You're gonna have to know them.
They're your friends. Write this down.
"We gotta play 'em one day at a time. "
"Got to play... "
- It's pretty boring. - That's the point. Write it down.
".. one day at a time. "
All right. "I'm just happy to be here. Hope I can help the ball club. "
I know. Write it down.
"I just wanna give it my best shot. "
"And the good Lord willing, things will work out. "
".. good Lord willing... "
".. things will work out. " Yeah.
How's Annie?
She's gettin' pretty steamed, actually, cos I'm still re-channelling my sexual energy.
I figure I'm just gonna cave in and sleep with her, you know? Calm her down.
- Are you out of your mind? - Well, I'm just talkin' about one time.
If you give in now, you might start losin'.
Never fuck with a winning streak.
(Annie) Hi, boys!
Hi, darlin'. Get in here, you sweet thing.
Hey, Jimmy! Want a ride?
Do you accept that Jesus Christ is your personal saviour?
No.
Can I give you my testimony?
You can do anything you want.
Hop in.
I am so proud of you guys.
- You want some more soup, honey? - No, thanks. That was great.
How about a little... back rub?
No, I'm OK. I think I'm gonna just take a little nap.
- You want me to tuck you in? - Annie, you can't seduce me.
Oh, sweetie! I'm not gonna try to seduce you.
- What's that? - That's my leg.
- I know what it is. - We could work on some fundamentals,
since we're not gonna make love, and improve your hand-eye coordination.
- My hand-eye coordination? - Mm-hm. Unsnap my stocking.
The other day, Crash called a woman's pussy...
Well, you know how the hair is kind of in a "V" shape?
- Yes, I do. - He called it "the Bermuda Triangle".
He said a man can get lost in there and never be heard from again.
- What a nasty thing to say. - He didn't mean it nasty.
He... said that getting lost and disappearing from the face of the earth
was sometimes a good thing to do, and especially like that,
but he also said that there are times for discipline and self-control.
- And I think this is one of those times. - Well, Crash is a very smart man.
Now, honey, let's give it a try.
Here. Watch.
Now you try. Go ahead.
Mm-hm.
Yep.
Mm. Yeah, that's...
- You're playin' with my mind. - I'm tryin' to play with your body.
- I knew it. You're tryin' to seduce me. - Of course I am!
I'm doin' a damn poor job of it. Aren't I pretty?
Oh, God. I think you're real cute.
Cute?! Baby ducks are cute!
I hate "cute"! I wanna be exotic and mysterious.
You are! You're exotic and mysterious and cute and...
- That's why I'd better leave. - Nuke, you got it all wrong!
There's no relationship between sex and baseball. Ask Crash.
- I did. - And what did he say?
He said if I give in to you, I'll start losing again.
- He did? - Yeah.
I'll be back when we lose.
Dammit!
(mutters)
How dare you tell Nuke to stay out of my bed! You are messin' with my private life!
Knock, knock, you know? "Come in. "
You're confusin' him, bendin' his mind all out of shape.
What? I'm confusin' him? You got him breathin' out of the wrong damn eyelid,
paradin' the locker room like a fruit!
That is a religious ritual, and it happens to be workin'.
Wait a second. Who dresses you?
What?
You think this a little excessive for the Carolina league?
"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. " William Blake.
- William Blake? - William Blake!
- What do you mean, William Blake? - I mean William Blake!
Who are you? I mean, do you have a job?
I teach part-time at Alamance Junior College.
English 101 and beginning composition.
Having a conversation with you is like a Martian talking to a fungo.
Oh, cute! Just because sometimes you can be clever and you have a nice smile,
- does not mean you are not full of shit! - I'm full of shit?
- You are full of shit! - His chastity was your idea.
- I know! Just keep your hands out of it! - I never told him to stay out of your bed.
- You most certainly did. - I never told him that.
I told him that a player on a streak has to respect the streak.
You know why? Cos they don't happen very often.
If you believe you're playing well because you're not getting laid,
or because you wear women's underwear, then you are!
And you should know that!
Come on, Annie. Think of something clever to say.
Something full of magic, religion bullshit.
Come on, dazzle me.
I want you.
What?
- I said, I want you. - Stop it.
You're scared.
Maybe I am.
But I still think you should leave.
OK, well...
This is the damnedest season I've ever seen.
The Durham Bulls can't lose and I can't get laid!
Damn!
Come on, Nuke! Show 'em what you got! Show 'em Super Nuke! Super Nuke!
LaLoosh! LA Loosh! LA Loosh!
Just relax out there. Don't aim the ball.
Nuke's overthrowing it. It don't look loose.
- Anything botherin' him? - He says his chakras are jammed.
He's havin' trouble breathin' out of his...
- Right eyelid. - Right eyelid.
- (crowd groans) - Fuck!
- Time out! - (PA) Up to the plate, Junior Chavre.
- What's wrong? - I'm nervous. My old man's here.
Your dad's here? Where's he at?
He's right behind home plate. Don't look.
(Ebby) Shit.
Look, he's wavin'. He's just your old man. He's as full of shit as anybody.
- What's goin' on? - You usin' the wrong eyelid?
- Shut up. - You guys hear about Jimmy and Millie?
They got engaged. Can you believe that?
Wait till I tell him she's gone down on half the Carolina league.
Anybody says a word against Millie, I break his neck.
Guys, I got a game to pitch here.
(mumbles in Spanish)
Guys, don't throw me anything. My girlfriend put a curse on my glove.
- I'll take the hex off the fuckin' glove. - You gotta cut the head off a live rooster.
(man) Come on! Let's play ball!
- What the hell's goin' on out there? - Looks like a convention.
Pretty soon they oughta call the roll.
- Get your ass out there and check it out. - You bet.
(man) Let's play some baseball!
Excuse me. What the hell's goin' on out here?
Well, Nuke's scared cos his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here.
We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove,
and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.
That about right? We're dealing with a lot of shit.
OK, well, candlesticks always make a nice gift.
You could find out where she's registered. Maybe a place setting or silverware.
OK, let's get to it. Let's go get 'em.
(radio) LaLoosh looks for the sign. Here's the pitch.
Ball hit deep in the right field, off the wall.
- You should be at the game, Annie. - Nm-mm. I'm fine.
Beautiful night for baseball here in Durham, and as the batter steps in...
Millie, how much time did you and Jimmy spend together before he proposed?
About five hours, I guess.
We both just knew.
Annie,
do you think I deserve to wear white?
Honey, we all deserve to wear white.
(Larry) Come on, Nuke! Go get 'em!
- (crowd groans) - Shit! Piss! Fuck!
- Right, right, right! - Bring it, bring it!
- Come on! - He's comin'! Go home!
Home! You got him!
- Safe! - No! No, I got him!
- I know I got him. - You missed him.
Jesus! He still hasn't touched the plate!
- Don't bump me. - He still ain't touched the plate!
Ah, fuck it! It was a cocksucking call!
- Did you call me a cocksucker? - No, I didn't.
I said it was a cocksucking call. You can't call me for that.
- You missed the tag! - You spit on me!
- I did not spit on you! - You're in the wrong business.
- You're Sears and Roebuck material. - You're pushin' it!
- Want me to run ya? - Want me to call you a cocksucker?
- Go ahead, try it. Call me a cocksucker! - Pretty please, beg me!
Call me a cocksucker and you're outta here.
- You're a cocksucker. - You're outta here!
Shit!
What the fuck is that?
(all shouting)
- He called me a cocksucker. - No way!
(radio) I've never seen Crash so angry.
And frankly, sports fans, he used a certain word that's a no-no with umpires.
Crash must've called the guy a cocksucker.
Mm. God, he's so romantic!
(Annie) When Crash got thrown out, the game got out of hand.
Jose made three errors with his cursed mitt,
Nuke never quite got in the groove, though he didn't pitch bad,
and the winnin' streak came to an end with a 3-2 loss.
The good news was that a man was about to come callin'.
The bad news was... it was the wrong guy.
( "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien" by Edith Piaf)
(knocking)
Annie!
- (knocking) - Annie!
Come on, I know you're in there. I can hear that crazy Mexican singer.
We lost.
It's OK.
Oh. Annie, I'd like you to meet my father.
- Oh, my! - Ebby's told me a lot about you.
He tells me you've taught him a lot about discipline and self-control.
We worried he might get in with the wrong crowd.
We're so pleased he met a Christian woman.
- Praise the Lord, eh? - Praise the Lord.
- (phone rings) - Excuse me.
Excuse me, Dad.
Hello? Ooh! What?
- We got a lot of catching up to do. - Your father!
Crash tells me I gotta quit worryin' about him, so I think...
- Sweetheart, we gotta talk. - (phone rings)
Hello?
Uh-huh. Yes, he most certainly is here.
Here, it's Skip, for you.
Hey, Skip. It's me.
What?
My God.
Oh, my... OK.
- Yeah. All right. - What?
I'm goin' to the Show.
Dad, they're sendin' me up to the majors. I leave first thing in the morning.
Can you believe it?
- Let's have a quick word of prayer. - Oh, let's not.
- I gotta find Crash. Come on, Dad. - Oh, wait.
Not so fast. He'll be right with you.
Come on, sweetie. I just want to have you alone for a second.
- So... we can say goodbye. - Oh, I'll be back.
If someone leaves Durham, they don't come back.
I mean, later.
Oh.
Oh, God. Annie, jeez.
- What do you have in there? - Oh, nothin'.
You're not gonna be needin' these any more.
- I'd better take 'em. - No, you're ready.
Do you think so? You think I'm ready for this?
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh...
Don't think too much.
I won't.
You know somethin', Annie?
You can't breathe through your eyelids.
Well, of course you can't. Whoever told you such a ridiculous thing?
Now, git. Come on.
Drive careful.
Oh, my!
(Ebby) Hey, hey! There y'are!
Crash.
Hey, Crash. Guess what.
Guess what, man!
I'm goin' to the Show.
Big club's expanding its roster to finish out the season. Nice shot!
And I am goin' to the Show.
- So why don't you go, then? - Well, let's celebrate!
Congratulations.
Hope you end up on the cover of Sports lllustrated or maybe a cereal box.
What's your problem, man? I'm tryin' to thank you. Let's get out of this dump.
Hey! Are you callin' my place a dump?
No, he's not.
- He's not. Are you? - No.
He's not, all right?
Nuke, you know who this is? This is Sandy Grimes.
Sandy Grimes hit 371 in Louisville in 1965.
376.
I'm sorry. He hit 376. That's a career, man.
- In any league. - You got that right.
Did you hear what I said? I'm goin' to the Show.
You know what the difference between hittin' 250 and 300 is?
It's 25 hits.
25 hits and 500 at bats is 50 points, OK?
There's six months in a season. That's about 25 weeks.
If you get just one extra flare a week, just one: a gork, you get a ground ball,
you get a ground ball with eyes,
you get a dying quail...
Just one more dying quail a week and you're in the Yankee stadium.
You still don't know what I'm talkin' about, do you?
Get the hell outta here.
All right. God...
I'll send you a postcard.
- Hey, I made it. - You made it? You made shit.
Hey. Hey!
- Are you crazy? - What the hell's wrong with you?
- I'll be all right. - I'm talkin' about my mirror.
- Shit, I'm sorry, all right? Hey! - I'm not gonna fight you, man.
- What do you mean, you fuck? - A fuck? Why am I a fuck?
Because you got talent. I got brains, but you got talent.
See this right arm? Worth a million bucks a year.
All my limbs put together aren't worth seven cents.
- What? You're a great catcher. - I'm a great catcher?
- Shit. Just fuckin' forget it. - Hey, meat!
Damn!
I didn't mean to hit you, man.
You hurt my eye.
Sorry.
Did you hit me with your right hand or your left?
- My left. - Good.
When you get into a fight with a drunk, you don't hit him with your pitchin' hand.
I can't keep givin' you these free lessons, so quit screwin' around and help me up.
You look great, man.
Careful with the bags.
We got a boy goin' to the Show.
Sorry about last night.
Forget it.
I have been known on occasion to... howl at the moon.
You understand?
Um...
No.
Well, you will.
Look, Nuke...
These big-league hitters are gonna light you up like a pinball machine for a while.
Don't worry about it. You be cocky and arrogant, even when you're gettin' beat.
That's the secret.
You gotta play this game with fear and arrogance.
Fear and ignorance.
No. Fear and arrogance!
- All right, you hayseed? Not ignorance! - I know, I know.
I just like seein' you get all worked up.
Listen, uh...
Thanks... for everything.
Hey, Nuke?
- Good luck. - You too... meat.
I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
(cheering)
Whoo!
Jimmy, we all pitched in, man, and we got you a little gift. Tony?
Kind of a special wedding cake from the Durham Bulls.
Oh, my Lord!
Yes, Skip?
You wanted to see me?
Crash... shut the door.
This is the toughest job a manager has.
But...
The organisation wants to make a change.
Now that Nuke's gone, they wanna bring up some young catcher.
(Larry) Some kid hittin' 300 in Bluefield.
(Skip) I put in a word for you with the organisation,
told 'em I thought you might make a fine minor-league manager someday.
There might be an opening at Visalia next year.
You had a hell of a year, Crash.
You know how it is.
I got released.
I heard already.
Oh, my.
I think, with my love of four-legged creatures and hooves,
that in another lifetime, I was probably Catherine the Great.
Or Francis of Assisi. I'm not sure which one.
What do you think, honey?
How come, in former lifetimes, everybody's somebody famous?
I mean...
How come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmo?
Because it doesn't work that way, you fool!
God, you are gorgeous.
You wanna dance?
- Yes. - I guess you do.
( "Sixty Minute Man" by the Dominoes)
Sixty minute man
Look-ee here, girls, I'm tellin' you now
They call me Lovin' Dan
I rock 'em, roll 'em, all night long
I'm a sixty minute man
If you don't believe I'm all I say
Come up here and take my hand
When I let you go, you'll cry
"Oh, yes, he's a sixty minute man"
There'll be 15 minutes of kissin'
Then you'll holler "please don't stop"
There'll be 15 minutes of teasin'
And 15 minutes of pleasin'
And 15 minutes of blowin' my top
If your man ain't treatin' you right
Come up and see old Dan
I rock 'em, roll 'em, all night long
I'm a sixty minute man
- Sixty - Minute man
- They call me - Lovin' Dan
I rock 'em, roll 'em, all night long
I'm a sixty minute man, oh yeah
Sixty minute man
(Annie) Crash took off at dawn,
said there may be an openin' for a catcher in Asheville in the South Atlantic league.
A woman should be strong and powerful, so she's not affected by such things.
I mean, it wasn't the first time I went to bed with a guy and woke up with a note.
At least the son of a bitch left me breakfast.
You have to respect the ballplayer who's just tryin' to finish the season.
At least, that's what I told myself.
Baseball may be a religion, full of magic, cosmic truth
and the fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it's also a job.
(thinking) Come on, meat. Throw me that weak-ass shit.
Come on. You ain't gettin' that cheese by me.
Bring it, bring it, bring it...
(Annie) When Crash hit his 247 th home run, I knew the moment it happened.
But I'm sure nobody else did, and "The Sporting News" said nothing about it.
"Full many a flower is born to blush unseen
And waste its sweetness on the desert air. "
Thomas Gray.
Or William Cullen Bryant. I get 'em mixed up.
Anyway, my attempts at housekeepin' were feeble, as usual.
I sometimes get easily distracted.
Funny thing was, I stopped worryin' about Nuke.
Somehow I knew nothin' would stop him.
The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness.
Crash was right. Nuke had a gift.
I'm just happy to be here and I hope I can help the ball club.
I just wanna give it my best shot and, good Lord willin', things'll work out.
You gotta play 'em one day at a time.
Raye Anne, right? That's a beautiful name. Is that Greek?
It's a beautiful name, though. There's a great song by Mötley Crüe.
"Raye Anne, she's a-stayin'."
Anyway, a good friend of mine used to say "This is a very simple game. "
"You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. "
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
Sometimes it rains. Think about that for a while.
What happened?
I quit.
Hit my dinger and I hung 'em up.
I'm quittin' too. I mean boys, not baseball.
There might be an opening for a manager in Visalia next spring.
Think I could make it to the Show as a manager?
Oh, you'd be great.
You'd be great.
I mean, because you understand about non-linear thinkin'.
And baseball seems like a linear game, with all those lines and the box scores,
- but the fact is, it's a spacious... - Annie!
What?
I got a lot of time to hear your theories.
And I wanna hear every damn one of 'em, but...
Now I'm tired, and I don't wanna think about baseball.
I don't wanna think about quantum physics.
I don't wanna think about nothin'. I just...
I just wanna be.
I can do that too.
(Annie) Walt Whitman once said
"I see great things in baseball. It's our game, the American game. "
"It will repair our losses and be a blessin' to us. "
You could look it up.
( "Woman Loves A Man" by Joe Cocker)
Sometimes love can't explain
Each and every rule of the game
It still remains a mystery to me
By any other name
Why she can't make up her mind
Why he decides to stay
Why one surrenders
And the other runs away
But it's too much to understand
Still a man loves a woman
When a woman loves a man
A woman loves a man
She does what she can do
He does the best he can
When a woman loves a man
A woman loves a man
She does what she can do
He does the best he can
And I'll look into her eyes
When the world is out of hand
- And I'm so happy - When a woman loves a man
When a woman loves a man
A woman loves a man
No moon tonight
No, nothin' to guide me
But still I will find her
Standin' beside me
No moon tonight
There's nothin' to guide me
But still I will find her
Standin' beside me
There's darkness everywhere
But still I'll find her
Standin' beside me