[distant sirens wailing]
[thunder rumbling]
(Teddy) There's no stopping--
Who stop--
Stopping"
Someone who will stop--
Who stops at nothing. You can get--
[thunder rumbling]
(E-Ruption) There's no stopping someone that will stop at nothing.
There's no stopping someone that will stop at nothing.
So if you want something,
you have to decide how to get it
because no one else is going to get it for you.
If you're stuck in your job or some stale relationship,
if today always feels like yesterday
and you can't see a new tomorrow,
then guess what.
You're what needs fixing.
So stop blaming your parents,
stop blaming your boss,
your spouse, the dog, the neighbor,
everybody else for your problems.
Look, stop the crying, all right?
Because the point is, you have the power
to transform your shit at the snap of a finger.
Make the decision to become a success.
No one can make it until they first decide
that they are going to become a success.
You are on fire this morning.
(interviewer) All right, so this book, Reach Me ,
seems to have transformed your game, E-Ruption, yes?
It transformed my attitude.
It's transformed my relationship with my father
and my son.
(Colette) Don't change that.
Put it back, please.
Kiss my ass, bitch.
[cartoon music on TV]
Yo! Don't you touch that.
Ah! (Woman) What are you doing?
[all shouting]
That's it. That's it!
[all shouting]
Yeah!
(several inmates) Get up!
(black woman) Dumb-ass.
[cheers and applause]
Yo. Where you going, Colette?
I told you to kiss my ass.
(inmate) Yeah, kiss her ass, ho. Ho.
You really want me to kiss your ass?
I don't give a damn about you getting out tomorrow.
I want you to kiss my ass.
I want your lips on my ass.
Let's go.
NOW! Let's go!
Bring it over here! Let's go! Bring your ass over here.
(inmates) Hurry the hell up. What you waiting on, bitch?
Come on!
[all shouting]
(black woman) Yeah, come on. (inmates) Come on, kiss it.
(all) Kiss it'. Kiss it!
Kiss it. Kiss it.
Get 'm there. Hurry up!
[groan] (woman) Oh, man!
(woman) Oh, Jesus.
[cartoon voices over TV]
(E-Ruption on TV) Last year, I was in the joint.
This year I'm sifting here with you with the number one single.
You can't beat that.
(Ann) I think I need to read this book.
Who wrote W? See, that's the enigma.
There's not even a picture of the author on the jacket.
No bio, nothing. Just a name, Teddy Raymond.
And I bet that's not even his real name.
Strange. Yeah.
It's like he doesn't want to be known.
He just wants his words to speak for themselves.
And in a day where everybody wants to be a celebrity,
even me, I respect it.
I think it's very interesting, and I think it's dope.
(Anne) I understand that since he is anonymous
there are some people that are staging live readings
via Internet chat right now. Twitter's blowing up,
social media's blowing up because of this message.
It's like people are empowering themselves
all over this world.
[phone rings]
[sighs] [been]
Yes, Gerald?
You're watching Good Day in the Valley?
I am. (Gerald) Interesting story, huh?
Stupid bumper sticker quotes.
Why would a best-selling author go into hiding?
Who cares?
I care. Get over here now.
[beep] Sh it.
(Frank) What are you doing?
A birdie.
What do you want me to do, cheat myself?
What are you getting mad at me for?
You made a great putt.
Huh?
What are you looking at? Go get it!
[muttering]
(man in suit) Look, son. Look.
[groan]
Tommy lives in Redondo Beach, California.
Here's the address.
But do not harm his girlfriend, Denise-Denise.
Denise-Denise?
Yeah, her doo-wop moron parents
named her after that old song, you know?
Fl Denise-Denise Oh, how I love you so fl
(both) fl Denise-Denise fl
fl I got a crush on you flfl
Anyway, she was so hot, I took a class with her.
I used to stare at her tits in Spanish.
You can stare in Spanish?
Spanish class, moron.
Oh. A night class, Spanish.
I thought you meant--
In a few years, half the country's going to be speaking in Spanish.
You want to loan them money or sell them dope,
you better speak their language, anyway.
Look, Tommy borrowed 100 grand to make this hi-def movie.
Made a few payments, then skipped.
Now, he's German. I want him hurt bad.
I want you to turn his nose into mush.
You hit him so many times
that there's nothing left of it.
Take pictures.
Done.
Reach Me? What are you going to reach for, you Scottish ape?
Another banana on a tree?
Some kind of motivation book he found.
Yeah, maybe it'll motivate some of those dead brain cells of yours
to get moving around your brain. Here.
Oh, yeah, and Tommy's got this little dog.
Little wiener dog named Beezy.
Shoot him.
[dog whimpers]
[door slams, bottle breaks]
(man) I'm going stir crazy!
I'm losing my mind. I really am.
(Denise) Tommy, calm down.
What if the motel calls the cops?
You'll get arrested, and we'll be in worse shape.
Calm down? We have no money.
$0 let's move. With what?
"So let's move." We have no money, Denise-Denise.
I am broke. Stop worrying about money.
Oh, "stop worrying about money."
[speaking German]
How are we going to eat, huh? I'll get a job.
Don't say no. No!
So German. Nein!
[speaking German]
Should've left you in Phoenix.
What's wrong with me?
Why did I take that money from Frank?
[speaking German]
Beezy. [crying]
[growling] I made you take me. Remember?
You borrowed that money for a good reason,
to make a movie starring me.
I just wish you would've read more books on directing.
(man over radio) Make a beeline by Douglas Appleman and Eric Sacarny.
[soft music]
I'll give you fen points for a cripple.
[changing radio stations]
(woman singing) fl I can see my dreams fl
(man rapping) fl Tears, the sweat fl
Hey, don't play rap in this car.
Turn that off.
Passing by the station, man.
Well, you can pass by it faster, man.
That isn't music. It's jungle jingles.
Ah. Can't believe they give Emmys for that shit.
It's Grammy, not Emmy. What?
Grammys for music. Emmys for TV.
Oscars for the movies.
I forgot what they give you for plays.
Hey, let's go over this plan one more time.
Hey, what are you doing?
Put that joint out, Wolfie!
The weed helps me focus.
What happens if a little piggy squeals by?
Well, I could dust them.
Where did you get this guy?
What kind of gun is that, man?
I had this special made, man.
You can't miss.
You just point and shoot.
Hey, let' me see that'- Are your hands clean?
Oh, give me the gun. Jesus.
All right.
Oh, that's nice.
Wow.
Let me use this, just for this job.
Man, I told you, I had that special made just for me.
Do you want to do this job or not?
All right, car running.
Let's do it.
(backseat henchman) Oh, baba, it's Tonys.
That's what they give for the plays, Tonys.
[laughs] Yeah.
[upbeat music playing over radio]
[music continues]
Drop them!
[passersby shouting]
(henchman) Damn!
You bastard!
Drop them!
Aaagh!
[groan]
[gasping]
Nice work.
You all right, Captain? Yeah, I'm good.
You all right? Yeah, I'm all right.
We shared that one. [siren approaching]
You know that, right? Get out of here.
Okay. I don't want your face on the news.
All right, hey, there's some oregano joints in the car
if you want to get crazy.
Get out of here.
[engine turns over]
[engine revving]
[siren wailing]
Do I want to hear a political joke?
No, because the trouble with political jokes
is they usually get elected.
(Gerald) Uh-huh. (senator) Please.
So why would I hold breaking news of your peccadillo, senator?
Right, I know. It's humiliating.
I guess we all live with humiliation.
My prized muckraker dresses like he just fell out of a hamper,
and I think he's looking for a raise
because he can't afford a razor.
Got something for you. Uh-huh.
If you want me to keep your indiscretion quiet,
you got to give me more than two senators switching sides.
The story's bigger than that. Right.
I'm not going to anybody else.
Nobody loves a favor more than me. It'll be yours exclusively.
But it better have veracity, truthfulness, and authenticity.
If you can bring that, you call me back.
If you can't, forget it.
All right. All right, bye.
These guys get elected.
This is obviously a pseudonym.
Yeah, I'd say so. So why's he anonymous?
I don't trust anonymous people. Something stinks here.
Gerald, look. There's wars breaking out all over the world.
There's massive unemployment, global warming.
I need to write about something with some sort of substance. You need.
Please, my brain is atrophying.
Yeah, we don't want that.
Could we chat out on the patio?
When are you going to stop being a slave to your addiction?
Really, it's a disgusting and repulsive habit,
and that's why you don't have a girlfriend.
What woman wants to kiss an ash tray?
Now, look around.
Women are fine-tuned instruments.
Like a lute.
Man, you, me, we're like blunt instruments,
and we get what we want by smashing through things with sheer will.
Women? They use sheer skill.
That's why we're never going to meet in the middle.
That's why you're never going to out-debate a woman,
because logically she will bury you.
That's why you say,
"You're right, you're right."
And you'll do anything for her.
You'll keep your breath fresh for her
so you're appealing, so you can be kissed,
because empires are built on a kiss.
You're not following this, are you?
Let's go. I've tried everything. All right?
Gum, pills, the patch, hypnosis, acupuncture.
Christ, I even tried chime therapy.
Nothing works for me.
Will you please give Leland the story? Thanks.
I don't want Leland. I want my favorite weasel, you.
Gerald-- Gerald what?
You don't want to do this anymore?
He went to Yale to be a serious writer,
but what he is, is a serious Internet journal hack.
He wants to be a great novelist,
but what he's great at is gossip
and doesn't know his limitations.
I think it's more important to know what you're not than what you are.
By the way, no one's writing great novels.
They're writing sexy books.
People are more interested in what's going on
in each other's underpants than in their soul.
Thanks. Take it easy.
Tell you what, Roger.
Shave your beard, cut your hair,
put on a sport coat, make yourself presentable,
and then you find this Teddy Raymond.
If he turns out to be the Elephant Man,
I'll put you in the hard news
right at the top of the home page.
Do not fail me.
Shut the door.
Ciao.
[door buzzes]
(woman) If! catch you with a cigarette
or a pack of matches or anywhere near fire,
that will put you in violation of your parole.
I want to hear from you the minute you're settled in.
Has anything I said been unclear?
No, it's very clear. Who's picking you up?
I'm taking the overnight bus to Redondo Beach.
My niece is picking me up. She's from London.
Have you any idea what you want to do?
I'm wearing it. What?
I made this dress in Vocational.
Here's a book of my designs.
Have you ever heard of Teddy Raymond?
You know, you're a very lucky lady, Colette,
because I know it was you
who cracked that chair over Gloria's back.
You better be a good little girl outside,
or you're going to be right back here
serving out your time and more.
I'm ready to go.
(glen) a fl I you?
Dates.
[conversation in Spanish]
[man speaking in Spanish]
Hey, Dom, you ever sat' down and outlined your goals?
(Dom) Goals?
Yeah, you know, what you want to do.
Like what? I don't know.
Look, you got this book in a McDonald's bathroom.
Forget about it!
[groaning]
(Thumper) It' tells you how to realize your full potential.
What's potential?
It means doing what you're supposed to do. Okay?
I can't kill Tommy's dog.
If Frank's paying us for that, that's what you do.
I can't.
You know I can't. You do it.
There's no way I'm getting near that Nazi dog.
When I was in second grade,
best friend, before I met you,
he lived next door to me.
His name was Jimmy, and Jimmy had one.
He got in an argument with this Indian kid.
Like, he's from India with the red dot and the turban.
Anyway, the Indian kid goes to hit Jimmy,
and Jimmy's dachshund jumps up, and he--
he bites the Indian kid on the lip, and he won't let go.
I'll never forget it to this day.
I'm seven years old,
and the poor turban, it's ruined for life.
All because of this Nazi wiener dog.
No way I'm getting near it. No way.
Gracias.
Besides, he told you to shoot it.
He looked at you when he said it.
[bell tolling]
[tolling continues]
[tolling stops]
Hi.
You want to go first? That's not funny.
All right, I was just kidding. Why are you here?
You sound stressed. Are you stressed?
No, I'm not stressed. I'm fine, yes. Are you all right?
Okay, okay. All right. How about you'?
Well.
Father--
I did it again.
Bank robbers this time.
Bank robbers. Bank robbers.
How many men have you killed, Wolfie?
Forty-three and a half.
A half? Yeah.
A half? Well, two of us did this one guy, you know,
but that was at the same time, so we both got credit.
Forty-four men.
They're all bad guys, Father.
These are bad guys, you know?
They're all killers.
I mean, the world's a better place without these men.
Yeah, well maybe, maybe, but you're not a good guy, Wolfie.
You're using the law as a shield.
That's why you come here to absolve your sins,
because you feel guilty.
You've appointed yourself
an agent of divine retribution,
but that's God's role, not yours.
Thou shall not kill!
[whispering] I can't help it.
Yes, yes.
You can help it. How?
Quit the L.A.P.D.
I don't know how to do anything else.
Five Hail Marys, three Our Fathers.
You know what to do next. Yeah, wait, Father.
Wait. Hey.
(assistant) Let's lock it up. Nice and quiet, please.
Picture's up.
Is this your first time doing a love scene? Yeah.
Well, don't worry. I've done a hundred of them.
Best thing to do is not think about it too much, you know?
Otherwise you can get inside your head.
You know what I mean? Right.
Just relax and let it happen, okay?
Okay. Thank you.
Yeah.
Uh, governor?
[mouthing] Bra strap.
Oh, Eve, can you take your bra off?
We're only going to see your face.
We're shooting you from the shoulders up.
Now, if it's a prob/em, they can Band-Aid your nipples.
Band-Aid my nipples?
Yeah, you know, if you feel uncomfortable
with them touching my chest, you know?
After all, we have only just met each other.
No.
No, it's--it's--if the--
If the camera's not going to see anything then--
No. I guess it's okay.
You sure? Because I don't want you doing anything you'll regret.
No, it-- no, it's fine. Yeah?
Uh, I'll just-- Okay.
Wardrobe, go! a bra coming out here.
Okay, Kersey. Yeah.
You're making love, phone rings. Yeah.
There's a triple homicide.
Leap out of bed, grab your gear, and you're out of here.
Adios. Cool, got it.
Got it? Okay.
When do I say my line?
Um, I'm getting my S.A.G. Card.
This will be my first speaking role.
Oh, okay.
Oh. Thank you.
Um, so he--he gets out of bed,
and I'm meant to say,
"Hannibal, where are you going?"
But is it okay if I change it
to "Thanks for nothing"?
I just--I know it's just a bit part,
but can I give it a bit of pizazz?
"Thanks for nothing"?
Yes, I like it. It's funny. Okay, give it pizazz.
All right. Okay.
Okay, hold on. Hold on.
[humming]
[grunting] Okay, okay, okay!
Hold on, governor!
Because I'm working here, huh? All right?
Bloody hell.
[groaning and grunting]
And Okay!
Ready under the covers.
(man) Go under the covers.
Kersey, let's go. Under the covers.
(man) Speed. (director) Rolling.
And action.
[moaning]
[grunting]
[phone rings]
Yeah? [moan]
I'll be right there.
Adios.
(director) And--cut'! Great!
(boy on TV) Until you're off this planet, you have another chance.
Until you stop trying, you have a new opportunity. [applause]
If you'll try, it's an opportunity to succeed.
God, that's so trite.
(all) There's no stopping somebody who will stop at nothing!
[clapping] (Kate) That's great, guys.
You really brought his words to life. Wow.
And who are you, miss?
I coordinate these events.
What's your name? It's Kate.
It's nice to meet you.
(Roger) Oh, that's nice.
Stare at her lip, you schmuck.
Do you think he'll ever come out of seclusion?
He's not in seclusion. He just wants the book to speak for itself.
Yeah, but if he would do shows, he'd make bank.
Maybe he doesn't care about money.
Money isn't everything.
Yeah, wait till you're 21.
[clapping]
[phone rings]
Hello?
(man on phone) Hello, is this Roger King? Speaking.
You were inquiring about Teddy Raymond?
Uh, yes, yes. Yes, I did.
We actually have a guest on Good Day in the Valley today.
Why don't you come down to the studio?
I was in this little park in Myrtle Beach
and this kid is insulting his girlfriend,
saying that she's never going to make it
because she had a harelip and stutter.
This stranger just butted in
telling the kid he was full of shit.
The stranger went into a rant.
"She's perfect," he said.
"It doesn't matter what anyone said about her."
The stranger looked like a street person
but he was going wild, and a crowd started to form.
When he was done, I took off my hat
and passed it around.
I gave the stranger the money, minus 10% of course.
As I introduced myself,
the harelipped girl came up to thank him,
and he offered to cure her stutter.
And?
He cured her overnight.
Kate!
Thanks. Appreciate it.
[recorder clicks]
(Wilson) Kate, say hi to Roger King, a reporter for the, um--
Daily Contact.
With Gerald Cavallo?
Yeah. How are you?
See? No stutter.
How'd he do it?
He dragged her to the ocean-- Don't bother.
He thinks all this is bullshit.
If Teddy Raymond has spoken publicly before, why not now?
See, back then, it wasn't planned.
Look, he's not a public speaker.
In fact, he hates motivational speakers.
He thinks they're all trying to get rich and make themselves famous.
He sounds like an intelligent man.
I want to interview him. No interviews.
Why? Is he hiding something?
He wants to remain anonymous. He's not hiding anything.
Write about the movement, Roger, not the man.
(woman) Okay, people, magic happens in a few seconds.
Four, three, two--
Welcome back. I'm Anne Greenwald.
Well, you guys seemed to love yesterday's show so much
that we've brought on, today, Jack Kinsey.
Now, he's a successful Hollywood stuntman-- Hollywood,huh?
Whose own motivational story inspired me
to pick up and read the book Reach Me.
And I! is quite a story, Jack.
And you're here today to talk about?
I have Tourette's syndrome.
It's, uh, you know,
it's a very complicated biogenetic disorder.
Not only does it affect you physically,
it affects your thought patterns, how you think.
Sometimes you-you-you-you can't filter the thoughts
before you speak.
The good thing is no one has to wonder what's on your mind.
I love your dress. I'm going to talk about success.
The only place sex-- [grunts]
The only place success comes before work
ls in the dictionary, so if you-you-you want something,
stop wishing and hoping and praying.
Stop going, "I'll never make it big
because I'm too young or too old or too fat or too thin."
"I got a bad back or a big nose.
I'm black, I'm brown, I'm red, I'm green."
[grunting]
[silence]
Ooh.
Tourette's is like a demon inside you,
but I overcome it.
Sorry. No buts. I overcame it.
You go home, and you take the word "can '2'. "
You take the word "but." No buts!
You take the word "never,"
you take the word "impossible,"
and you dig a hole, and you bury them!
Or I promise you, you will go to your grave
with your sweetest song unsung.
And don't wait! Green light!
Hello?
Yeah, hold on.
Um, excuse me.
It was nice meeting you.
You just let it, your life happened. I love your eyes.
As if you have no control over it.
I got to take this call.
Is that Teddy? (Jack) Bu! you do. Because--
(both) Because there's no stopping somebody--
Once again, you should've been here.
(Teddy) I said no public appearances.
[grunt]
(Roger) Sorry about that.
My bad. Good interview.
[yin] No!
[guys shouting, girl screaming]
(man) Girl, you got some nice titties.
Come on, yeah.
Hey, hey, what's up, man.
Going to pull a train on these girls.
(mm Let me QM (man) “Ev, hey“
(man) Hey, gel' her purse- (girl) No, no!
No! Get her purse.
[overlapping shouting]
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, quiz'.
Relax, relax.
(girl) Let go of me! Let go!
[girl shouting]
(man) Hey, get' that girl out' of here.
You little bitch.
Come on.
Sucker.
(girl) Watch out!
[gunshots]
I've got to talk to you, Father.
[doorbell chiming]
Father?
What are you doing here? It's 4:00 in the morning.
Hey, Father, I know. I'm sorry, but I-l figured--
Well, can I-- can I come in?
You just kill somebody?
Well, I-l need to make a confession.
I don't want to hear it.
[knocking]
The purpose of confession Father, come on.
Is to examine your conscience honestly and thoroughly.
To seek forgiveness out of the simple fear of hell,
which you don't give a damn about.
I do. I do! No, you don '2'!
Because you have every intention of committing that sin
again and again and again!
Let me 'm. Therefore you're not sorry for your sins,
and you will not be forgiven!
Get out! I'm not getting out.
I'm staying right here. I'm going to make my confession.
This is a house of God. You're a representative of him.
I'll do it right here.
Get up. Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.
It's been one day since my last confession. Get' up-
I said get up!
I'm sorry. Here.
There you go.
Right here.
Okay.
Sorry, Father.
I'll come back.
When you're feeling better, I'll come back.
Aunt Colette! Eve!
Oh, you look beautiful. Oh.
There's this man, and, um,
he wrote this book, this amazing book,
and it's just filled with all these, um, positive messages.
And he's trying to remain incognito,
but I just have this feeling,
you know how I get them, that, um--
that this--this Teddy Raymond, he needs me, you know?
Hey, how were the costumes?
On the show.
What'd you wear?
What--
What is it? You had a speaking part, right?
[crying] I was, um-- What happened?
I was--
He grabbed my--
God!
[horn honking] He what? Oh, my God!
[tires screeching, glass shattering]
Ow.
Jesus Christ. (Colette) Eve?
[Coughing] Wake up!
Are you okay?
[groan] (Colette) Sorry.
Are you okay? Are you all right?
I'm fine.
I don't know about her. I don't know--
I don't know about her.
Give me a second here.
I'm going to have to get her out of the car.
Are you sure? Yeah, come on.
You know what you're doing? Yeah.
You appear to know what you're doing. She's got a pulse, and she's breathing,
so, no broken bones for me.
Are you a doctor? It's just a nasty bump.
No, I just know about this stuff. Oh, my God.
She'll be alright. Oh, are you sure?
Let's just lay her down. Oh, my God.
Honey, are you okay? She really got knocked out.
Sorry, I don't even know what happened.
We didn't even see it. It's alright.
We didn't even see the stop sign.
We didn't see anything. Things happen, okay?
We're going to be fine. Let's just call an ambulance.
No, no, no, no. No police.
We don't need to. Why bother?
Hi. Oh, honey.
Can you hear me? How are you?
You're hurt. No, no, I'm fine.
Here, I'm going to sit you up a little bit, okay?
Are you sure? Just breathe.
Don't try standing up. I'm sorry.
[groan] Oh, oh! Oh, my gosh.
I'm fine. I'm just a little dizzy.
I'm a little dizzy. That's all.
I just got to lie down. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just for a minute.
(Eve) He's a policeman.
Are you kidding me? Oh, just my luck.
Oh, man!
Take me home.
Redondo Beach, it's not far. Okay.
No! No, no.
Why? If he's hurt, we shouldn't move him.
Aunt Colette, he's a police officer
and he's asking us to take him home.
That's exactly why we shouldn't take him home.
We shouldn't take him home because I'm on parole.
Do you forget about that?
Are we getting up? Yeah, yeah.
[both women muttering]
[groans]
(Roger) Great painting.
Love the colors, the attitude.
The tone.
[can rattles]
It's the wrong color, the wrong attitude, and the wrong tone.
There's no flow.
Did you find out who he is?
Not yet.
I traced that phone number back to a pay phone
in Veteran's Park in Redondo Beach.
You understand that everything 's about flow?
Everything?
And I'm here, trying to flow,
and you come here and interrupt me
and tell me that you're a failure?
Well, I haven't failed!
If you haven '2' failed, why don't you go out' and find him?
I'm doing the best that I can!
I've been in that park all morning!
I haven't even eaten breakfast!
So what?
What do you mean you haven't eaten breakfast?
When you're on a mission, nothing else matters!
Not food, not hygiene, not women.
I would throw my mother under a bus, under four buses,
to complete a mission. You see?
That's the difference between you and me.
And I ain't saying I'm proud of it, because I'm not.
But when I'm focused on something,
everything else around me dies.
I'll try to bring her back to life later on.
But it stays dead until I complete the mission whereas you
try to keep everything alive and that's why you're a loser!
You're the third man through the door! You're a fart-catcher!
You're either toothless or ruthless!
Now, you go out' and find this guy, this Teddy Raymond,
because his destruction is your salvation!
His demise is your transition from jerk-off
to journalist!
You're a finger-painting!
Be a masterpiece!
Now get out.
I'm flowing.
Teddy Raymond? Teddy Raymond?
Teddy Raymond?
[screaming]
(Teddy) I don't want to appear in public.
I said no public appearances.
No public appearances.
[hangs phone UP]
Teddy.
You are him, aren't you? Who?
Teddy Raymond, the guy that wrote Reach Me.
You got the wrong guy.
[camera shutter clicks]
Well, if you're not Teddy Raymond,
I guess you won't mind me running this picture
on the Daily Contact tomorrow saying that you are him.
(Thumper) "Go back and remember whet you wanted to be as a kid.
"Is that who you are now?
"It's never too late to grow up and be special.
"It's in you, the voice that no one but you can hear.
"Once in every man or woman's life,
they will be tested--"
Don't hurt my book!
Mind if I record this, Mr. Raymond?
Yes, I do.
Okay, I'll take notes. No.
You said I could interview you. I didn't say that. You did.
What are you hiding? I'm not, I'm--
Yeah, you want the words to speak for themselves, right?
What, do you have a prison record?
What? Drug rehab?
No. Look, it doesn't matter what you're trying to cover up.
Most motivation men use what they've overcome in the past in their acts.
That's exactly why I don't want to talk to you
because i don't have an act.
Yeah, well, I know there's more to it.
You really are an arrogant bastard. You know that?
No. I'm offended by that lame story
of you curing some harelipped, stuttering girl overnight.
It just doesn't happen that fast.
You have a problem? Yeah.
I smoke, and I want to quit,
but breaking habits aren't that easy.
Life isn't that easy.
There's no magic cure. It's just bullshit.
This is just pointless. Interview's over.
I'm going to run the photo. You go ahead and do that.
Good-bye. I knew you were a fraud.
What'd you call me?
Ow! Let's go.
Let go of me. Come on.
Let go of my scarf.
You're going to break my neck.
[groans]
Hmm.
Hi.
We brought you home.
Oh.
(Eve) No,no,no,no,no.
Shh, shh. Just rest, just--
[groans] You want some water?
Okay.
I'm going to leave you.
[groans]
You have to file a report.
Oh, no, I won't. Yes.
What was I going to do? I couldn't say anything. I could see the news.
"Actress molested on camera. Film at 11:00."
You cannot let that scumbag go free.
I'm not going to be a victim.
I may be a nobody, but I'm still my own nobody.
No, Colette.
Nobody's going to take me away from myself.
Not today. Not ever.
We can't just let him walk! He can't get away with this!
I'm not saying anything, and neither are you.
But he's going to do this to somebody else.
I'll go with you. I'll walk you in there.
We'll walk in there together.
(Roger) You're going to break my goddamn neck. Let go.
Get up!
All right, stand up straight.
You want to quit smoking, you arrogant prick?
Do you? Answer me.
Yeah, of course I want to quit. That's a stupid question.
All right, then look out there, over the water,
and say your name, and you say you don't smoke.
You're kidding me, right?
Do it.
[clears throat]
I'm Roger King, and I don't smoke.
Louder.
I'm Roger King, and I don't smoke.
You don't have to say your last name.
Oh.
I'm Roger, and I don't smoke!
Can you squeak any louder than that,
you arrogant little mouse?
I'm Roger, and I don't smoke!
I'm Roger, and I don't smoke.
Say it again, louder, louder, louder! I'm Roger, and I don't smoke!
I'm Roger, and I don't smoke!
I don't hear you!
That's because you're nuts and you're deaf,
and I'm not some stuttering, harelipped girl.
This shit's never going to fly.
You let me be the judge of what flies!
You just shout it out there at the top of your lungs.
Go on! [clears throat]
[exhales]
I'm Roger, and I don't smoke!
I don't believe you!
Stand up straight!
Shoulders back, chin up.
And the next time someone asks you
if you want a cigarette,
you don't whine and say, "I'm quitting."
Quitting intimates that you're struggling
with something that you like.
You're not struggling. You don't like smoking.
You don't smoke.
I'm Roger, and I don't smoke!
[snoring]
[growl]
[dog whimpers] It bit me!
[tenderly] Beezy, come here. Bad boy.
I've had it with this dog.
He's jealous of me, and I hate him.
Aw, come on. I've been thinking.
We could breed him and make a lot of money, hm?
Breed these demons for a living?
Get another girlfriend. I quit. [knocking]
Shh.
[speaking German]
Shh.
[knocking continues]
Shh.
[speaking German]
Quiet.
Huh.
[knocking continues]
Who's there?
I'm the assistant manager.
There's an emergency call for Denise-Denise.
[chuckles] Just put it through.
I'm sorry. Our switchboard's down.
No one knows we're here.
[gun cocks]
Only my mother. Your mother?
Oh, my God, it's her heart.
What are you doing? Coming right out!
No, don't open-- [screaming]
[screams]
[grunting] [dog growling]
Quiet, Beezy.
How high can he jump?
Jump?
To the ceiling. He's a jumping dachshund.
Shoot him while you have a chance! What?
[dog growling] [speaking German]
Shoot it. Frank told you to.
No, don't shoot him. Please, don't shoot him. Don't shoot my dog.
Please, I love my Beezy. Frank told you to!
Shut up, Denise-Denise!
(Roger) I'm Roger, and I don't smoke!
I'm Roger and I don't smoke!
Come on, get up.
You know what? That's it.
Enough, man. I'm done, I'm toast. What, whoa.
That's it.
Okay, Mr. King, would you like a little smoke?
No. I think you would.
I think you'd like to have one until it kills you.
You know, my wife died of lung cancer.
Three million people a year do.
And I think maybe you'd like to as well.
No. No?
I mean, I'm Roger, and I don't smoke.
You quit smoking? No, I don't smoke!
All right, well, then this pack of cigarettes,
take it, and let's just throw that into the sea.
Ceremonial. How quaint.
Oh, yeah. There we go.
Why are you always touching me? Stop touching me.
What's the matter? You afraid of intimacy?
All right, we'll work on that one later,
but right now, I want you to yell with all your soul,
if you even have a soul.
I'm Roger, and I don't smoke!
(director) Do you wan! it good or you wan! it fast?
Then fire me. I've been fired before.
(Kersey) I'll see if I can get' you a few lines.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, girls. Mind how you got it.
(girl) Bye. [laughing]
Sorry, mate, I don't do autographs while--
[choking]
What is your major malfunction?
Come here, you little bitch.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no.
[bell tolling]
[gun clicks]
Look, look, she wanted it.
You know? Ah!
No! [loud crunch]
[groaning]
[dog whimpering and barking] [muffled talking]
[muffled talking]
What?
Mmm.
[dog barks, growls]
Is that a fake Robert de Niro mole?
[groaning and whimpering]
[muffled crying] [£709 barks]
[groans]
[grunts]
"...'The habits
that don't get you towards your goal."
Shut up.
[whimpers] "You can't live the same old life
and expect a different result."
Thumper, shut up. Okay? Shut up.
"If you want success,
you've got to love being successful."
Didn't have to do that.
I don't want to hear any more of that stupid book.
It's all garbage! It's meaningless garbage!
Self-help is for punks. You want to be a punk?
I don't want to do this anymore.
Well, then go! Go.
You're a half-wit and a retard.
I've been taking care of you since I was in the third grade,
and I'm tired of it!
So you want to go? Go.
I'll finally be free. Go!
[muffled moaning]
[slam]
Hm?
Wait!
Thumper, where you think you're going?
I'm going to go realize my potential.
Thumper, you think I want to work for Frank all my life
like my father worked for his father, huh?
End up dead at 45 from a heart attack?
With nothing to show for it?
That's not what I want for my life.
Look, I know my time's running out.
I never said this before,
but I got a heart murmur like my dad did.
So every night, I go to sleep
wondering if I'm going to wake up the next morning.
You're a good cook.
You always wanted to open up a restaurant.
Let's do it now.
It'll be less stressful for your heart.
Courage means moving forward
in spite of your fear.
You understand?
Courage means moving forward
in spite of your fear.
Let's do it.
Let's do it now!
Come on.
(man) Someone's go! a new driver.
[phone rings]
You going to hit another bucket?
[phone rings]
Domenic! Yeah, it's me.
Hey, you take good pictures?
No pictures.
You can't find Tommy and Denise-Denise?
I told you right where they were.
My heart ain't in it.
This ain't who I want to be.
Just do what I tell you to.
You hear me?
We don't want anymore. We quit.
You--
It ain't allowed. It ain't allowed!
It ain't allow--
[phone closes]
[door closes]
(Teddy) A man is only as good as his word.
If you give your word and then you break it,
you're nothing but a worthless, vacuous loser.
Do you hear me?
Yeah, I hear you.
Now, Roger, I want you to close your eyes
and promise yourself
that you will never, ever smoke again.
This is between you and you.
Now, you close your eyes.
You promise yourself.
Now, just do it, man. Just do it.
[horn honks]
Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
What the--
(Colette) Oh!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I must be in the wrong apartment.
Are you looking for Wolfie?
He's--he's not here right now.
He--he went with my niece to go pick up some breakfast.
And you are? I'm Colette.
Are you from around here?
No, actually, I just got out of prison.
My husband-- we had a problem with a fire.
Actually, I burned the whole house down.
I'm just sorry he wasn't in the house.
Want a cup of coffee?
No.
Get him out of Chicago.
I have a job for him in California.
Hold on, hold on.
A couple guys quit on me.
I want them taken care of.
Yeah.
I'm on the green, yeah.
Ah, the weather's beautiful.
Yeah, so do that, okay?
Yeah.
L got to go-
Sir, we do not allow carts on the green here, w--!
Heard your men quit.
I'm going to get the money.
Out here?
On the sixth hole?
What par? Par four?
You're here in two?
You're here in two? Answer me!
Yeah. I mean,yes.
So while your men make a fool of you,
you're out here trying to make par.
I'm going to get the money.
I just need to find out where they are.
What is wrong with you?
Why are you always such a screw-up?
I make you captain. I promote you.
Why? Because I believe in you.
I must be delusional.
You're not delusional. You're--
When your men make a fool of you,
you are making a fool of me,
and that is unacceptable.
Do we have an understanding?
You will take care of all of them.
Tommy, Domenic, and Thumper.
What about the girl?
[grunts]
This is what's wrong with you!
Your mind is still on that bimbo you met in night school!
Well, this is why you got in trouble in the first place.
Take care of business, Frank.
Okay.
If you don't...
I will take care of you.
Hey!
Wait up! Where you been?
I've been looking all over for you. Ah.
You going to go to this thing tonight?
No. How could you not want to hear your words read out loud?
[sighs] Because i don't want to.
Where's your cigarettes? Why would I have cigarettes?
I don't smoke. Hmm.
And I've been smoking two packs a day since I'm 14.
Haven't even thought about one since you mentioned it.
Is that what you did with Kate?
Made her shout at the ocean? [sighs]
Man, people would dig you if you appeared in public.
Look, don't write a story on me, okay?
Please. Something's not right with you.
It's more than just grief.
Just let it go. I can't.
Why not? Because if you do have a dark secret,
then you would be a fraud.
What do you care? I just do.
Why? Because you belittled me so badly last night
[distorted] that I was humiliated into quitting smoking.
That's really what you did.
You got me to a place where I was so disgusted with myself.
I'm better than a cigarette. I know that now.
[distortion fades] It's weird the way your stuff worked.
Maybe not the way you intended it to, but it worked.
You broke me down, and you built me back up.
And I will never smoke again. Okay.
I'm ready to make that promise,
but you got to walk the walk, Or I'm going to feel like a fool.
Okay. You Okay?
If you expose me, then what about those people
that gained some confidence and solace
will doubt themselves!
Look, your book's gone viral, all right?
If it's not me, it's going to be some other journalist that finds you out.
Well, then let it be someone else! No, it's going to be me,
and I'll call it payback or a return on your investment in me,
but I'm going to be on that pier tonight and so are you,
because if you're not, I will blow the whistle.
I ought to kick your ass. I'll see you tonight.
What is going on? What is he doing here?
That guy there says if I don't show up
at that public reading tonight,
he's going to reveal me as an imposter.
Reach Me will be a joke, and so will I.
I won't be made a joke.
Hey, wait!
I've been trying to get him
to face his fear for...a long time.
My ex is a super mega-successful real estate guy.
Makes a lot of money, but I don't want any alimony.
I don't want a penny from him, not a cent.
I'm going to make my own money.
I design clothes.
I'm going to break into the fashion industry.
Like Project Run way.
So what do you do?
I'm a priest.
You're a priest? Mm-hm.
Where's your collar?
That's convenient.
Sometimes people relate to me better without the collar.
People or women? People.
Just asking.
You're very suspicious.
Was there ever a woman?
Yeah, before I went into seminary.
I was engaged to be married.
What happened?
The relationship ended.
She preferred my best friend.
I know that one.
Thanks for the coffee. Oh, you're welcome.
It's the first pot I've made in three and a half years.
It's amazing the things you take for granted.
Hey.
Father Paul.
[grunts] Ma'am.
(Eve) Oh, thank you. That is so sweet.
Well, he could use a positive influence.
Couldn't we all?
Hey. (Colette) Hey.
Everything all right?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Hello, I'm Father Paul.
Hi. Oh, yeah. This is Eve.
At St. Rita's church.
If you want to come by. No pressure.
Yeah. I want to talk to you.
You can wait inside if you don't want to--
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
I refuse to hear your confessions.
I'm starting to feel like an accomplice.
Find a new church.
You're disowning me? Yeah?
You can't do that. What would Christ do?
Huh? Look, I'm not Christ.
I'm just a reasonable facsimile with a problem.
No, don't put your crap on me, man.
Hey, this is not about me! It's about you!
How many people do you have to kill
before you realize it's, it's wrong?
All right. All right, Father. Two hundred, three hundred?
All right. Four hundred?
All right.
Forty-three and a half men ?
What do you think I am? A violence junkie or something?
That's an interesting relationship.
Slapped.
He fucking slapped me.
Laughed at me.
[tire hissing]
[echoing] Shit!
[rabbit squeaks]
(Anne) Well, we're starting to see the crowds
roll in here at the Redondo Beach pier
where at 8:00 tonight, the reclusive Teddy Raymond,
author of the very inspirational book Reach Me
that everyone is talking about,
will be performing live,
his first public appearance ever.
Joining us now live is his promoter, Wilson Mizner.
Business partner. Business partner, excuse me.
Yeah, I'm actually the one who convinced Teddy to do this book.
Really? Yeah.
Well, he lost his wife.
They were high school sweethearts,
and many of the sayings were hers.
She was very upbeat, and so I urged Teddy
to write this book as a memento to her memory.
I'm sort of his inspiration. Wow.
So he writes about you in the book?
Well, it's not about people.
It's about, uh, people.
Hey'
Respectable crowd downstairs.
Good.
Where is he?
In a coffee shop around the corner.
So he's coming?
You didn't leave him much of a choice.
Listen, that story about him curing your stutter--
Yeah. What about it?
Isn't that something that's dealt with when you're younger?
It was.
I don't understand.
It came back when my mom died.
[stuttering] I'm K -Kate, and I don't stutter!
What? Come on, sweetie.
I'm K-Kate, and I don't--
I can't hear you. I can't hear you. Come on.
I'm K-K-Kate, and I don't stutter!
Yes! I'm Kate, and I don't stutter!
God, yes! I'm Kate!
Are you staring at my lip?
Yeah.
I was thinking about how soft it felt when you kissed me.
[rap music approaching]
Yo, which one of you all is Teddy Raymond?
(Kate) Why? Because I want to talk to him.
You him? Definitely not me.
Well, where is he?
What can I do for you?
You Teddy Raymond?
No. He represents him. Why?
What can I do for you?
You know who I am? E-Ruption.
I was talking to him. [shutter clicking]
Look, ten months ago, I was in the joint.
I served 1,092 days, 3 hours, and 42 minutes
for manslaughter. I was innocent.
1, 032 of them days I spent being mean and angry,
until I found this book right here in the library.
Not only did it change everything, it saved my life.
I sat' in my cell, reading this shit' over and over.
His words had a profound effect on me.
So much so that I stopped blaming everybody
for my problems and realized that my shit was my shit.
I'm glad to hear the book had some meager effect on you.
"Meager effect"?
Yo, didn't you hear me? Didn't I just tell you?
This book right here changed my life, yo.
Obviously not enough, because you have no respect for women.
You're in the presence of a lady.
Watch your mouth. Hey.
You consider yourself a leader, right?
Damn right. Where I go, they follow.
Then what are you afraid of?
I ain't afraid of nothing.
Hey.
Why, you think cursing makes me less powerful?
It makes you common.
Okay, look.
From now on, no more fucking cursing!
[laughter]
From now on, whoever does, they out.
Look...let me make a donation.
I mean, for the cause, of course.
You know what?
(Kate) Give I! to them- They need I! more.
(hotel manager) If you don't like the service, move on.
Uh, can I help you? Yeah.
A guy, a beautiful girl with big tits,
and a wiener dog.
Oh, I remember her.
You know where they went?
Uh, no. I wish I did.
They skipped out on the bill.
Sad but true.
Find anything?
Guess what I found tacked on a telephone pole. What?
I hope this makes you appreciate me. Oh, what?
[chatter]
(Frank) What are we doing here?
I don't want to be here. They might be here.
Don't you want to see what all the fuss is about?
This is the book the slow guy was reading.
This is why you weren't beaten up.
Hey, there.
(Thumper) I never knew about your whispering heart.
It's a murmur. It murmurs?
Yeah, it murmurs.
Does it hurt? No. Look, don't worry about me.
Dom. What?
You really think I'm a retard?
We're here right now because of you.
Oh. Roger,
don't let these people get too close to the stage.
Relax. You're going to be fine. I need distance.
Distance!
(Colette) Excuse me- Just' right--
What are you-- Just right here. Just right here.
I suppose if I crash and run, this becomes a disaster.
I'd be a great story for you.
Teddy. Teddy. Teddy. Teddy.
Yes, it will.
Who are you?
It's my boos.
You found this guy but you didn't call me.
He's not the Elephant Man.
A journalist doesn't get sentimental.
You don't understand. I made a promise.
He made you a promise?
In this business, promises don't count. They're meaningless.
Promises are written on what they sink.
You don't compromise because you like somebody.
You don't do that.
It' doesn '2' mean you're a Teddy bear, i! means you're a vermin.
Is that what you are? That and more.
I want you to go online and expose this frightened fool
for what he is, or you're fired.
Yeah, well, I can't do that.
I won't do that.
I know. I know you won't.
I knew that. That's why you're fired.
Now, why don't you go and write that great American novel
that you're probably never going to write?
Good luck.
See you, boss.
You like rowing over people, don't you?
No, I don't, Teddy.
I really don '2'- I mean, I! looks like it', but' I don '2'.
If something gets in my way, I go through it.
I don't cruise.
Why should I cruise?
Back in the '70s, long time ago,
when my generation was portraying to find themselves,
and I found myself backpacking through Europe, can you believe it?
Hungry, frozen.
What is life? What is life?
Then, one day,
I'm going to Costa Brava.
I'm starving. I'd eat a snail.
And there, in front of these mountains, I stopped,
I reached into my pocket
and I grabbed my ass!
Can you believe it?
There I was. Whole time.
I found myself.
Mystery solved. Case closed.
Grab your ass, Teddy.
It's real simple.
You're either yesterday or you're pan' of today.
You sink or you swim- No floating allowed- Those are your words.
You wrote it.
Why don't you go out there,
and thank those people for showing up,
and look somebody in the eye.
Why don't you pick out a cute, sympathetic face,
and talk to her.
Flow.
[crowd clapping and cheering]
Kill that light! He can't see!
Kill it!
[fan cries out] Teddy!
Thanks for coming.
You, too!
Colette!
Look at that. He's looking right at me.
Do you see that? He's talking right to me.
My name is, uh...
Teddy Raymond.
And I'm pretty nervous.
(man in crowd) Don't be afraid.
Actually, I'm scared to death,
but I guess we all have fears.
There are six basic fears that we all suffer from,
and you're really lucky
if you don't have all six of those fears.
The most common is the fear of going broke.
Frank.
(Teddy) Next' is-- Don't even think about it.
the fear of criticism. You--
Father, hold my dog, please?
(Teddy) It will be self-perpetuated.
Please? He's Beezy. [dog whimpers]
Father, you know that guy? No.
Then there's the fear of failure,
of not living up to your expectations of yourself,
of not being who you want to be.
Hey. See the arcade?
Now, you go tell Domenic and Thumper
there was some kind of emergency and to meet me over there.
What kind of an emergency? Hey.
Take your hand off me.
Hey, listen, you're a creative girl. Make one up.
Go with her.
[dog whimpering]
And there's the fear of abandonment.
Fear of losing a loved one.
He is your father, isn't he? Yeah.
And fear of sickness, fear of dying.
I suffer from all those fears.
And I have one bonus fear to boot.
And that is, I am afraid of--
You.
All of you.
Right now, my heart's racing,
and I'm terrified of being trapped in a crowd,
and I always have since I was a kid.
Doctors have a name for that.
It's called ochlophobia.
I'll be right back.
At least it's not alektorophobia,
which is a fear of chickens.
[laughter]
Where you going? Hold on.
Hold, hold, hold.
Give me your gun.
Or arachibutyrophobia,
fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
[laughter]
(Thumper) Wait, wait, wait.
[grunts]
Hey. Get the car.
Bring it around back.
(Frank) Let's go.
Hey!
Put the gun down.
(Wolfie) Hey, hey!
Turn around. Show me your palms.
Don't look at me.
Hey, hey! Hey!
Whoa, whoa! No, no, hey!
Hey, hey, fellas. Fellas! Fellas!
Everybody off. Everybody off.
I'm a cop, guys. Come on.
Where's your gun?
Drop the gun, turn around, and show me your palms.
Show me your palms. Turn around.
[crowd screaming]
There are guys with guns in there!
[screaming]
No, wait! Don't panic!
Stay calm!
Don't panic! Please, stay calm!
(Roger) Teddy!
Hey!
[distorted shouting]
[distortion disappears]
You're okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm okay.
Thank you. I'm Colette.
I'm real glad to meet you.
All of you, put the guns down.
Whoa, ho!
You know you guys are not realizing
your full potential here.
Don't focus on failure, Frank. Okay, okay, back up.
Focus on the positive. Back up, get back!
Life's a chess match,
and the opposite player is time, Frank!
Time! (Teddy) Whoa, easy.
Easy, easy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Get' back. Get' out' of here- Hey!
He)', Whoa, hey! Easy, easy!
L-I realize that you're uncertain
and obviously very frustrated--
The worst that can happen to you is happening right now!
Shut up, you moron! (Teddy) He's right, you know?
Because if you can get through this,
you can get through anything. Get through what?
And what am I so uncertain and frustrated about, huh?
These assholes?
No, it's about you. You.
I've never been uncertain about a thing in my life, you retard.
Hey, where you running to, you two-faced turncoat piece of shit?
It's not like that, Frank. I just want to be my own man for once.
(Frank) Yeah, and you, I loan you money and you run out on me?
Like I'm going to forget about it?
Oh. Uh-uh.
I don't think so. Hey, Denise.
Denise. Come on back, honey.
Come on. (Teddy) Hey, hey, hey.
Is this really all about money or is about--
(Thumper) No! Don't--
(woman) No! Wolfie!
(Father Paul) Sic 'em, Beezy!
[dog b Huh? arks]
[screaming]
What'd I tell you?
Beezy, Beezy. Come to papi.
Come. (Frank) Oh, my nose is ruined.
Did he hurt you? (Father Paul) Wolfie, Wolfie.
Oh, Holy Father, let him be okay,
and I'll never have another drop.
[Eve crying]
I heard that.
[grunts]
You son of a bitch.
Give me back my gun.
[bagpipes playing]
(waiter) Hi, can I help you?
You're ready? Great.
You deserve a drink.
How you doing? Hi.
What do you want?
Uh, one sausage and mash.
Haggis, the neeps, and--and the tatties.
Hey, chestnut twice, turnips, and mash!
Yeah, I got it. You don't got to yell!
Huh?
Take this other order.
[speaking in German] [dogs barking]
Let's go. Come on.
[speaking in German]
(Eve) Everything about you is a lie!
The bars, the women,
the shady phone calls, the people whispering,
you think I don't hear them?
Well, what do you think? That was good.
That's it? Did you believe me?
Sure. Yeah.
You believe me because you like me a little.
Can you just do that accent again?
How was my accent? Just do it again.
[American accent] How was my accent?
[phone ringing]
Oh, boy.
Got me another bank robbery.
Vest? Yeah, yeah, I got it.
Try not to shoot anybody. I'll try.
You better come back to me tonight.
I'm not going anywhere, doll.