I know.
I'm not what you expected.
Honestly, I'm not what I expected either.
But what my mother expected.
You could say I'm unexpected all around.
I install shower doors. Glass ones.
On the side I paint pets.
Not paint the pets, I do portraits of pets.
You figure, wait a minute.
Shower doors probably means he gets a lot of lonely housewives coming on to him.
Maybe an average looking, but with a friendly manner
and an optimistic outlook of life, then I can say yes.
It happens sometimes.
Or at least once.
With a good-looking lady, that is.
It happened another time, but I rather not think about that.
Whew!
Anyway, I was finishing the installation
when she walked in.
Contrary to popular belief...
Beg your pardon?
Kittens love taking showers.
Contrary to popular belief.
Yeah?
Do you mind if I try out the shower and make sure it doesn't have a leak?
The shower's not gonna leak.
No...
My work is guaranteed.
Oh!
Oh.
Yes.
Oh.
I hate awkward silences.
I know what you mean.
You are a very difficult man to read,
Eugene.
Am I?
Because 'Oh' could mean several things.
It could be an encouraging ohhh...
Or it could be an 'Oh, I play for the opposite team.'
Is that what you think? I hope not.
Oh, what about your husband?
I don't want to talk about him.
But he's not gonna walk in now while you're taking a shower?
No, no, lately he comes home late if he comes home at all.
It's a heavy workload at work, he says.
She was a little redundant. I noticed that right away.
But I don't mind that in a woman.
You know?
I know, times are tough.
Do you wanna keep talking about him?
Or...
do wanna watch me take a shower?
As you can probably imagine,
I had 200% of zero interest in talking about her husband.
I just wanted to make sure it wasn't some kind of kinky ruse
where he was gonna come busting in with a baseball bat
and I end up gagging in some cellar.
I'd rather watch you take a shower.
Great!
I've never showered in front of someone else.
I could turn around.
You're a real gentleman, aren't you?
I was raised by a single mom, so...
she made sure I respected women.
It's... it's not easy for you guys with us calling the shots
or thinking we do anyway...
and all we do is mess things up.
All you guys want is a little attention. Somebody who...
holds your hand during dinner and listens...
you know,
says thank you
and tells you your hair looks nice.
I knew the holding hands bit was overkill.
At least I didn't offer to give her a massage.
The damage was done. She was drop dead gorgeous.
All that oxygen pumping in and out of her lungs.
I didn't ask for this, you know?
The first weekend we got together he took me on a trip to Cabo.
And I found out later he had conned his way
into getting an upgrade using someone else's name,
which at the time I thought was reckless and cute.
Maybe it was the heat or the ceviche that went to my head
but somehow I had nineteen orgasms.
From eating ceviche?
With him in the room.
And I just thought, Holy Moly, you know...
This is the one. I guess.
He knows how to make me feel.
I had to listen to my body.
I think there are a lot of guys who can listen to your body.
You're sweet. No, no, I mean...
your body really speaks loud and clear.
You think I'm vulgar?
No, no, I don't... Not at all.
I think you're articulate.
Physically, is what I'm saying. You think I'm fat.
My mother has gotten so fat.
No, no, you're not at all fat.
Let's talk about what you were talking about before.
No, I don't wanna talk about him.
Me either.
No, words just get in the way of emotions.
Yeah. Yes.
Yeah.
But somehow I feel I can really talk to you.
And so she talked...
and talked.
I knew I was in trouble when I noticed my right leg was asleep
and I started wondering how late I was gonna be for my next appointment.
It was clear this woman was in no emotional state to throw herself at me.
Plus the nineteen orgasms given to her by her husband were looming over me
like a monster.
And that Russian tramp had hypnotized him...
and he had blown all of the missing cash on her.
How many days? Excuse me?
How many days were you in Cabo?
Two, why?
No reason.
Oh, listen to me!
Saying I don't want to talk about him and then going on, and on, and on about him.
You must think I am such a mess.
No... Yes, you do.
No, I don't.
Cause what I want...
Check that, no, no, no...
what I need...
I need for you to ravage me.
Can you do that for me?
Even if I look like I'm not enjoying myself?
Can you just have your way with me like some sort of savage?
It's okay, it's okay.
It's okay.
I love him so much... We shouldn't do this.
He's a great guy. You would get along. You would like each other.
I'm sure we'd love each other. I am the worst person in the world.
I have no right to drag you into this. I'm so sorry.
So anyway, that happens once in a while.
But for the most part...
shower door installation is not consonant with seduction.
Which makes the tale I'm about to tell you all the more peculiar.
Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Who?
I don't know. I'm Sevilla.
Oh, Eugene Portland.
At your service.
Is that your dog?
No, that's a er...
a painting, it was commissioned by a lady and...
Can I help you?
This is not room 43.
No, it's room 34.
I have a condition. What kind of condition?
A dyslexic condition.
I'm sorry to bother you.
I'm late for an appointment.
No bother at all. Come back any time.
Before I can tell you about Sevilla's story
I gotta tell you about Felix.
He's the real protagonist of this tale.
Even if he's not gonna make it through the night.
Main thing you gotta know, he was a great detective.
He didn't think he was a hot potato, he just was.
But then he fell for the wrong kind of dame.
Who doesn't?
And he borrowed... scratch that...
stole some money in order to get away with her
to live happily ever after.
He planned the whole thing perfectly, outwitted his opponents...
misdirected like a magician, switched the bag...
lost the tail, and waited for her.
Sorry.
I thought you were someone else.
I read this book once.
That book is out of print.
Time passed to fast before you saw her.
Then it stopped short.
Short on a dime.
Time passed to fast before you saw her.
Then it stopped short. Short on a dime.
She's so pretty, She's so pretty...
She's so pretty, you've never seen so pretty
in all of your time.
And you can get the governor on the line
and win it with all of your might.
But you can't change the fact that she's a diamond,
shiny diamond
and you, sir, are merely just a man.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh...
Men have tried since she first grew into
the golden masterpiece that she is.
Whip smart and bright,
bright as lightning.
But they weren't ever on par
with the miss.
You can be stranded on an isle with her
and hope she gets bored with herself.
You can't change the fact that she's a diamond,
shiny diamond
and you, sir, are merely
just a man.
What're you looking at?
Excuse me?
What're you looking at?
Not at you, buddy. What's that supposed to mean?
I'm not looking at you, I'm looking at her.
Well, that's what it looks like. Then we're in agreement.
Well I don't like you looking at her.
What do I care what you like?
Cause that's my girlfriend and I don't like you looking at her.
She's a singer. Everyone's looking at her.
Not the way you're looking at her.
Relax.
Just watching her sing.
You're thinking dirty thoughts about her.
Actually I wasn't.
You can be stranded on...
Prove it.
Vance, stop it! Baby, I'm handling this.
Just leave him alone.
You said this wasn't gonna happen again tonight.
I warned you not to serve him.
Leave the man alone. I'm sorry, mister.
You probably like the way he's looking at you, you sick twist.
Drop dead!
Just let me talk to you.
If you don't finish your set tonight,
you're gonna have to play an extra 15 minutes tomorrow.
You need to leave now, please.
It isn't so much, baby, just let me talk to you.
I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you, or in hearing you talk ever!
I'm crazy about you. You are crazy, period. Let go!
Where would you be without me? You're about to find out again.
I'm sorry about that. Hold it.
Miss Click, you signed a contract specifying two full sets...
What part of I'm in the middle of something here do you not understand?
The management doesn't take these things lightly.
Oh, I shudder. I quake.
And I quit.
Come on, baby. Come back!
Oh, you had a flip?
You should probably go home and sleep it off, huh?
Please, mister, don't tell anyone about this.
I only shut my eyes for 5 minutes, but I meant no harm, honestly.
If the management finds out that I fell asleep in a client's room again, that's it.
I'm out on the street.
I've been working double shifts plus school
so I haven't been getting much sleep. Last time they said I was a thief
because the woman in the room dropped her earring down the drain
The time before that they implied that I was soliciting sexual favors which the management grounds upon,
Not the soliciting so much as the not cutting them in on the profits
so I yelled at them and told them,
Who the hell do they think I am? Just because I fell asleep on the man's bed
doesn't mean I slept with the man.
I don't think you're a thief.
Really?
Really.
Well, that's very perceptive of you, because I'm not.
I swear on the Virgin of Guadalupe.
You probably don't know who that is, but she means the world to me.
However I did manage to notice that you had a superhero costume in your suitcase
so I hung it, so it wouldn't wrinkle.
That's Tiltawor's outfit, isn't it? She's my favorite.
Not that I have time to waste to go to the pictures
but my little sister's obsessed, so she relays all the stories to me.
Where did you get it?
A friend of mine works in one of the studios.
It's an exact replica of the one in the pictures.
Holy Toledo, that is really neat.
In any case, I'd best get back to work so I don't lose my job.
Would you like to keep it?
Oh, I need it.
I have to pay for my sister's school and I'm the only one she has.
No, I mean the costume.
What do you mean?
The person I got it for doesn't need it anymore.
Would you like it?
Really?
What's your angle?
What angle? Are you a costume salesman?
Because I don't have any money.
You're in luck. I'm not. Then what's your angle?
In my life so far nobody ever gave me something when they weren't expecting something back.
Not that they gave me very much, mind you. But I give a lot back.
You could say that's my problem. I give too much for too little.
But that sounds dirty. I mean emotionally.
If I tell you something, will you promise not to take it the wrong way?
I talk too much. Bingo!
Only around smart people. It's a complex.
Rest assured, I'm not smart.
You're just saying that.
Who are you gonna believe?
Maybe not smart, but a shade less dumb than the others.
I'm Sevilla. Like the Spanish city.
Felix, like... Felix.
So, you sure I can keep it?
Keep it, don't keep it, suit yourself.
I'll come back after I finish my rounds and model it for you.
That was quick.
Hi.
Mind if I come in?
I hate drinking alone.
Come in.
I wanted to thank you for earlier.
I didn't do anything.
You got the show stopped. That's more than most.
It was a good show. If you like wakes.
Where's your friend?
Oh, friendship's got nothing to do with it.
Very tiresome fellow if you don't mind my saying.
I don't mind.
Funny meeting somebody nice on a night like this.
I wouldn't go that far.
I once stole a crutch from a cripple.
Somebody modest, then. Real estate, maybe.
I'm sick of realism.
I hope I haven't disappointed you.
I don't disappoint that easily.
Years of practice.
Don't go changing your habits on my account.
Tell me.
What?
The primary reason you're here.
At the show, in this room, tonight.
You first.
Just passing through.
Three night engagement. Didn't you read the sign?
Not till then.
You know the drill. I had dreams.
What kind of dreams?
The kind that have been tried and found wanting.
Such as?
Trade on my natural charm and talent and...
become a big singer.
Then maybe graduate to pictures and who knows,
when I get old and deaf I'd open a restaurant, a little bistro, a bar...
On the beach.
Sure. I like the beach.
Who doesn't?
My ex-husband.
Didn't like the beach?
Didn't like any sand in the shoes. Still you married him.
Had to get out of Monroe City, Indiana, somehow.
He had a car? He had a truck. Are you a cop?
Why? You ask questions like a cop.
How's that? Like you're not really interested in the answer,
but the way I answer.
I'm a cop. No kidding.
You're on a stakeout?
I was gonna hop a train. Changed your mind?
Missed my train. When's the next one?
7 a.m. My bus leaves at six.
Where to?
Away.
So you missed your train,
checked into the closest hotel not realizing you might meet the woman of your dreams.
The woman of my dreams stood me up.
Penny drops, bad girl.
You don't know the half of it.
How'd you meet the woman of your dreams?
Why do you wanna know?
I'm a fundamentally curious person. Undercover bust.
Got this stuff in pictures, cops falling for robbers.
She wasn't a robber, just an accessory.
A guy like you needs a woman more than just an accessory.
A guy like me? What's that supposed to mean?
First tell me about her.
Beat it, ladies. You can stay.
You're Swedish Mary, aren't you?
Excuse me? Make this easy on yourself,
we got hours of tape conversations where he talked about you.
For the record, he's nicknamed you HM.
High Maintenance.
I'm not the person you think.
You're not Swedish Mary?
No.
I'm Italian. Italian?
Si, from Milano.
What's your name?
Rosa. Rosa.
Let's write this down. Rosa what?
Rosa Magnoni. You're Italian?
Yes, why?
Cause your accent ain't so hot. Ain't so hot? No capisce.
It sounds foreigny. Funny?
Foreigny. I think your accent sounds foreigny.
I don't have an accent. Everybody has an accent.
What is your name?
That's not important now. How long have you known Otto?
In one way it is like we've always known each other.
And in another way? Six months.
You want a cigarette?
Are you his mistress? Just a friend.
A kind of friend who likes to do errands for him, right, Mary?
What do you mean? Drop things off...
pick things up? Like his dry-cleaning?
I do not like your insinuation. I don't like your accent.
This is your problem.
I thought you said your name was Rosa.
I know what I said.
You didn't flinch when I just called you Mary.
I know what you are trying to do. It won't work.
He liked giving gifts?
I do not remember. Jewelry, diamonds?
I want a lawyer.
Then get one. The city's full of them.
I mean I want a lawyer now, here, to answer your questions.
You're not charged with anything, we're just having a chat.
Oh...
You think you're so tough with your big gun, don't you?
I do.
Why are you smiling?
The only good thing about this moment
is I'm sure that as long as I live
I'll never feel this lonely again.
Am I free to go now?
Took me by surprise.
I liked that she dropped the accent to say it.
The whole thing just clicked.
And I decided then that I liked Swedish Mary.
Patience is an overrated virtue, but I waited.
Then I pounced.
Took me only one year.
Have we met before?
I think I'd remember.
Otto kept all the loot intact.
Except for one harmless little diamond.
I guess he couldn't resist.
Who could blame him?
Sometimes I hate my job, you know?
What job?
Mary...
We've been tailing Otto and his crew for three years.
I've gotta close this case.
What are you talking about?
Sorry.
I thought you liked her.
More than I'd like to. Love? You don't say.
It wasn't in love yet.
Something nearly identical.
But still you busted her.
No, I gave her an out.
You had her turn against Otto.
Well, they call it between a rock and a hard place for a reason.
I don't like snitches. It's an ugly word.
Ugly job.
Sounds like you're talking from experience.
Your husband downstairs? Vance?
Not my husband.
You said you were married.
I got married at sixteen to a travelling salesman.
What kind of salesman?
A nice and boring one who talked a lot.
What did he sell? What's the difference? The point is...
a young wife gets left alone at home all day in the big city
she's bound to get restless.
That's how I met Vance.
Before he was a victim of the Santa Ana racetrack
he was a jazz guitarist.
A good one, too.
He offered you private lessons.
I told him I was married.
What did he say?
He said many great guitar players were married.
Vance's gambling took its toll pretty damn fast.
Next thing I knew I was a... what did you call it?
An accessory.
Is she alright? What question is that?
Two. Kinda keeps you out of jail.
Two.
She'll keep her mouth shut, just leave her out of it.
I got a different idea.
Yeah? Since when do you have ideas?
I think we should use her as a decoy.
I mean, there's no sense in cutting in another piece of ass if we got her around.
Who gave you permission to talk about her ass?
What would I have to do? Stay out of this!
Don't talk to me like that.
I'll talk to you however I wanna talk to you.
In front of your friends, you mean?
Why did you put up with him?
I don't know.
Guess I can think of a couple of reasons.
But when his partners got pinched after the job
I lost all respect for the creep.
Bad day. Bad day?
It was a roll of the dice. Why not you?
Cause I have a lucky charm. You.
I saw you at that pay phone, Vance.
You got it all wrong, baby. Do I?
Right, now look... if you wanna split
if you wanna say we're history, that's fine,
but don't go running your mouth about stuff you know nothing about.
That can make my life pretty messy. Your life is a mess.
You can't pin that on me. I'm warning you.
You're threatening me! You call it what you like.
I don't like being threatened.
You're a coward and a cheat.
But I love you.
You don't love anybody.
Baby, I wanna make you a star, alright? I have the money now.
I can take you all the way.
Get out of my sight.
Or what?
Or I'll throw this vase at your head.
I'll duck. Not quick enough.
Anyway, he ended up in the hospital with thirty stitches.
How did you manage such perfect aim?
Captain of my high school softball team, all star.
I can almost see him now. Then what?
I skipped town. Travelled the country several times...
the pursuit of happiness and all that.
I pursued it everywhere, with different guys...
even with a nice lady tennis player once.
It didn't take.
I kept singing, some crackpot idea.
Turns out I'm not the world's greatest singer.
Sounded good to me.
Do you mind if I ask you a question?
Is it about the nice lady tennis player?
It caught my attention, I won't lie.
She was the wife of a club owner.
Couldn't believe a modern girl such as myself had never played.
Played what?
Tennis, detective.
She offered to teach me.
More private lessons, like the guitar player.
I can see how you'd make that leap.
You don't get all your facts,
just your bits of someone's life story
you maybe take me for a person who gets
lots of offers for private lessons.
I've never met anyone with said proclivity before.
I never met a detective who said proclivity before.
So, what happened to you? Had a few private lessons, then what?
Decided you didn't like the game?
Call me old fashioned.
But it wasn't just that.
Lady tennis player was complicated.
The lady tennis player was alright.
The problem was... Let me guess.
Her husband.
What makes you say that? My job description.
What is? Intuition.
Ten bucks that he liked watching the lessons.
No, that wasn't the problem.
He was a club owner who once a month performed in his own club.
He had a famous act called...
The Concubines.
Of the cunning Calibenos.
I woke up alone in a room...
no idea how long I'd been there.
But shortly after the three concubines came in and began to undress me.
I tried to fight back, but they were expert ticklers.
Ticklers?
I know how it sounds, but they were vicious. I was powerless.
Ticklers... They undressed me,
and then he walks in, still in costume.
They held me down and caressed me.
I have never been caressed like that before.
And then...
And then?
I fell into a deep sleep.
The next morning I woke up...
in my hotel room, still naked.
No sign of my clothes anywhere.
I found out later I had slept for two whole days.
Or at least I couldn't account for two whole days.
Like time just vanished into the ether.
Who is it?
Maureen came to see me.
Who's Maureen? The lady tennis player.
Not Maureen Chapman?
Associated Press female tennis player of the year?
Three years straight. Her husband was murdered.
I read about that. It was a big deal. Philadelphia, right?
Didn't realize you followed tennis. I might not have told you this part.
Do you know what actually happened?
All I know is she came to tell me.
Hector's dead. Who is Hector?
The cunning Calibenos, my husband.
He might have been killed.
When? How?
I don't know.
That's a tragedy.
You should probably leave town.
Alright.
If you think that's for the best.
You can wear this.
Maureen.
I'm sorry.
She paid my bill and gave me a train ticket.
I never did find out what happened to her husband.
They had to dreg the lake to find him.
Boating accident, the report said.
What do you think?
About what?
Was it an accident?
Time slows down before an accident, you know?
My last ten years were pretty slow.
Coming back here was the accident.
What's in the briefcase?
Money.
I don't believe you. Like I care what you believe.
A lot of money? Enough to make your dreams come true.
Why would you tell me just like that? I'm not worried about you.
I don't know if I should be offended or not? Who's money is it?
Who says it's not mine? Intuition.
It's a long story. It's a long night.
I'll tell you what.
What do you say...
we get a refill downstairs?
I'm not too popular down there, remember?
Let's see if we can't do something about that.
What about the money? Don't worry.
No one's gonna take it without making sure I know all about it.
We're closed.
Official business.
What did she do? That's the official part.
Oh, real smart guy. I don't care who you are.
I'm not allowed to keep the place open for you.
Fix us a couple of sandwiches, will you?
What do I look like to you?
Like a barman who knows how to fix a sandwich.
Go on. I know it's been a quiet night. I may make it worth your while.
Fix yourself one. That'll be it.
Hope you like grilled cheese.
My favorite.
My partner Jim and I were put on Mary detail.
Funny choice of words in retrospect.
What took you so long? I had to stop for gas.
What's the news here?
She watched some TV, now she's taking a bath.
I had a thought. End of day, it's nearly eleven.
Hypothetical.
Yeah. You meet a young lady.
Yeah? She's adventurous.
You mean like Betty? Keep Betty out of it.
Why do I keep here talking to you, Jim?
Different sort of adventures.
Maybe you're not up to her. You can't be a mountain climber... What?
Nothing. She's singing.
What's that? That's Spanish.
What I'm driving at is this.
All men agree on one thing, and that is:
that man needs variety.
Oh, I agree with that.
This is a deeply flawed argument.
Is this the way Betty taught you the story?
See, glass half-full mentality right there.
The way I see it
if you don't get action every day
that's the win.
You, I don't know why any woman in her right mind would let you anywhere near her,
holiest of holies, but let's say you get lucky, somebody's willing.
You protect that.
A guy comes along and says you like beer.
But you gotta like beer every day of your life?
Well, why not?
I love football. That means I gotta watch it every day?
Sure.
Aren't I gonna get tired of watching football, drinking beer day after day all my life?
Maybe.
But I am willing to do the work to find out that truth.
And if it turns out that that's the case,
I trust myself to find other interests.
Jim, you know this feeling that you're feeling right now.
Contentment in the sacred bond of marriage?
This restless fever of romantic delusion, you know it's not got lost, don't you?
You know what you are? Yeah, I'm a cynical bastard.
Or I'm a curmudgeonly naysay who calmed you out, I should receive a compliment.
It must be hard work being you, but mark my words.
You'll meet a charming young woman...
It's the hardest thing to find in American life...
You'll jump on that train gladly, you'll go off...
Good old Jim, always trying to drag me down to his level of misery.
What he couldn't possibly foresee
is that this charming young woman he was conjuring for me
was presently right next door.
Hello?
Hi, Otto.
I'm taking a bath.
Of course I'm alone.
I may catch a cold if I don't put something on.
But I'll be ready for you, don't you worry.
You just come on over.
I'll see when you get here.
Bye.
Whoa, you look weird.
If you had a lick of sense, you'd grab your stuff now and get out of here.
I don't have a lick of sense.
This experience could make a decent chapter in an autobiography.
Chapter 12,
I was born of modest means so I've always had a fascination with buff.
God, it's a lame excuse for liking money.
I have no self-esteem.
My father was a misunderstood poet, my mother was a masochist.
Does everybody think all this nonsense to themselves?
Is everybody as bad inside their head as me?
It can't be. I mean, some people must have wonderfully perceptive epiphanies
that trickle down like rain water and make them feel all cozy inside.
Why can't I think of stuff like that?
Why is my brain so boring?
Why is it anything?
But I can change, right?
I mean, I have to at some point.
Grow up, take charge.
Make something good out of all this misery.
Subvert the codes.
Oh, God...
There's a dead giveaway written all over your face.
I do not trust words.
Language is a disease of the throat.
What am I thinking now?
Am I thinking of not thinking?
It's like concentrating on your breathing.
It can drive you crazy.
C-R-A-Z-Y
Petrie Savorin said so.
Don't play the word game.
I'm not doing this.
This is not me.
I'm not impulsive. I'm pragmatic.
The meandering, the waiting.
The not doing anything or getting anywhere.
Gives me kind of relief.
Like I'm finally dropping the charade.
There's a second life underneath the real life.
Like a subway underneath the city.
Oh, my imagination is working overtime.
I don't care what people do behind closed doors.
Or open doors.
I don't care.
Yeah, this is what I'm talking about.
This is what a youthful nonconformist was born to do.
I own this world and I feel all tingly inside.
A surge of excitement pulsing through my entire being.
Like the man said...
I'm a street walking cheater with a heart full of napalm.
The world's forgotten girl.
What was that? Sounds like she fell.
Where is this scumbag?
I'm going in.
What the hell are you talking about?
Otto's due here any second.
I have had feeling about this.
Don't you dare go in that room!
Have you ever saved anyone's life before?
It's not pretty.
There's sticking your fingers down their throat and when that fails,
pumping of the stomach, peculiar kind of animal gurgling,
noise they make... No matter how fetching they are in person...
there's this infantlike smell when you're pushing their face down the sink
or running them a bath and their knees keep going
and they're falling all over the place, you know what I mean?
I do now.
But all of it goes away the second you realize they're alright.
Hi.
This isn't real.
I must wake up now.
No, you're awake.
Get some clothes on her.
And get rid of the deadbeat.
At this point things get a little screwy.
That was just a warm-up. This one's gonna hurt.
Who are you trying to convince?
Yourself?
Or your little playmate?
He had a point.
It hurt.
Funny what near-death experiences do with people.
I don't think Mary and I ever discussed being together. We just suddenly were.
This wasn't as easy as it sounds...
and compromises were made on all sides.
Otto hadn't killed me because a cop is still a cop.
But I was yanked from the case. Hell, I pretty much destroyed the case.
So I was put on extended leave.
Jim came around once in a while, but...
otherwise Mary became my nurse.
And my cook
and my obsession.
Lest it all sound bleak and dreary,
rest assured we found ways of entertaining each other.
Not that we had that much in common,
I like jazz. I like comic books.
I like westerns.
I like rip-roaring tales about singing pirates.
What do you make of that?
Personally, singing pirates never did it for me.
No, I mean the fact that we had nothing in common.
I don't think people look for a copy of themselves in other people.
I think they look for someone they're compatible with.
At least they should.
Never thought of it that way.
Is that what you do?
What are you drinking?
My whole life I never thought of anyone but myself.
I think you're just saying that.
You strike me as an unselfish person.
Trust me, I wouldn't know what an unselfish act looks like.
I suppose the one thing me and Mary did have
in spite of anything else was compatibility.
Tell me a secret.
Ladies first.
I'm a terrible driver.
Honestly, I can't believe I haven't run somebody over.
Something personal.
I secretly wish I were a superhero.
I thought we were being serious. I think about it all the time.
My life is so unexciting. I just hate the everyday world.
I wish I had a secret identity and went around beating up bullies.
That's what you do.
Not exactly.
We both have victim complexes. We're just different sides of the same coin.
Where do you get this stuff?
You ask because it makes sense or because it's weird?
I ask because you're a girl.
Girls don't need to be that smart.
You ever wonder what superheroes are like in the sack?
No.
Never? No.
You never wonder what it might be like to be with a woman if you're Superman?
Superman's an alien.
How can he altogether be interested in a lady?
He is so into the ladies. I mean...
the poor guy can barely speak to Lois without getting all flustered.
Walking around with all that power between his legs.
This conversation is a little weird.
You've never thought about Tiltawor.
Who's Tiltawor?
How old are you, Grandpa? Tiltawor, she wears the black mask...
and carries around the ray gun that her scientist father bequeathed her on his deathbed.
Say "bequeathed" again.
And she spins like this and she can drive vault through concrete.
I mean, she's my favorite.
What took you so long, Mary?
Don't get excited.
Who did this to you?
He didn't mean it. I provoked him.
Otto? What have you been doing talking to him?
It's not like I have a choice. Why not?
Don't make me spell it out.
Try me.
He still owns me, Felix. Nobody owns you.
That's a pretty postcard. Where do you think I go after work...
when I come home late? Why are you doing this?
I don't enjoy it, but it's part of the deal.
We're not children. Let's not pretend.
What does this mean? I'm sorry, but you've known all along.
If I knew, then why did I let you?
Because you're like me.
There's this sickness inside of you...
that needs to hurt.
Or to be hurt.
Because we're the same.
From that moment my life changed.
Or should I say, my death sentence was signed.
You like the love story so far? Sure, kid.
A real kick in the head.
What happened next?
Next...
Next I put a six-week plan into motion
that came to fruition only a couple of hours ago.
Details are tedious, take my word for it,
but the basic premise is simplicity itself.
I received inside information
that Otto's crew was to rob DeFalco's steel factory payroll...
and stash the money at a safe location...
and return to claim it next morning when the coast was clear.
All I had to do was wait and walk out rich.
That was the plan anyway.
But plans do what plans always do.
They go wrong.
While I was busy improvising,
my inside man's only task for the evening
was to keep Otto drooling over her at the Vixenville.
You know, there's a moment in the current review
where she goes backstage to change
before other dancers come out right on time before she rejoins.
A fifteen window while she changes.
Just enough time for her to slip out the back,
jump in a cab, and join me in the station.
And?
She didn't show.
What happened?
Either she changed her mind...
or she's dead.
This makes no difference for the outcome.
You're drunk.
My God, it took a lifetime to happen.
What if she's in danger?
You dames are all the same, you're always looking out for their sister.
Have you not been paying attention? I've played my cards.
Maybe I had a lousy hand, you know?
It looked good enough at the time, by the way.
That's it for me. She's gone.
And I'm dead, game over.
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking he's drunk.
I've come here to take his money.
But don't tell him.
Don't tell him.
I'm not... I'm not saying that just because of your bountiful presence
I mean, I'm beautiful.
No, I mean...
Keep it down, please. People are trying to talk out here.
Who do you think you are? Shhh! Wait, let's not...
It's the police! Open up!
Sorry...
Open up! It's the police...
You?
Take that off!
You don't deserve to wear that costume...
Please, mister, keep your voice down.
You'll get me fired.
What's the rumpus?
What's all this? What are you doing?
I know everybody here.
Is she the one you were talking about?
Is this creep your new main squeeze now?
He said he had a lot of aggression to take out on someone
and he has not let up on taking it out.
Who are you calling a creep, little snit? I got your number, mate.
Better watch your language, sport.
Vance... It wouldn't hurt you, my friend,
to show a little bit of politeness.
Maybe it's time for you to crawl back to your room and dry out.
You stupid animal.
You really are...
an animal.
Congratulations. You just assaulted a policeman.
Ah, he's bluffing.
Why didn't you tell me?
You'd better go.
Why try to get me out of the room so fast?
Because I don't want him to wake up and arrest you.
Suddenly you care about me?
Vance, let's go.
Go back to the room,
put your face in the pillow, lower your superhero pants and wait for me.
But hurry. I can't afford to lose this job.
What's this guy to you?
Nothing, a friend.
You're all nervous. Practically in a sweat.
What are you doing? I don't know.
Something's keeping you here.
Vance...
Don't!
Vance
Holy Moses.
Hey, do you have any idea...
how much money's in here?
Vance!
Okay, okay, uh...
Okay, I'm gonna figure this out.
Right, uh...
Right, I'm gonna say this one time.
I'm gonna take this money and I'm gonna live like the king of kings.
Everything else is water under the bridge. A brand new start.
I'll make all your dreams come true.
A do over. You and me.
You coming?
Crazy as a couple of waltzing mice.
So long, sweetheart.
Follow that car.
Vance!
I'm sorry he hit you.
I know when you wake up you're gonna want to have a word with him.
I'd like to have a word or two with him myself.
Who is it? Housekeeping.
Go away.
I do not need my room cleaned. It's me!
Sevilla.
Sevilla. It's really you. What are you doing here?
Can I come in? No, no...
Oh, are you in the middle of something?
No... Why did you say you were the housekeeper?
I am the housekeeper.
Dressed like that? Oh...
It's not my uniform. You're the housekeeper.
It' s not like I'm a third-class citizen. It's only a job.
No, no, I didn't mean it like that.
Housekeeping is a noble occupation. What do you want?
Are you a doctor? No.
I'm a salesman.
I install shower doors.
I was really hoping you were a doctor.
What's wrong?
I think he's dead. But I'm not sure.
Who's dead? The fellow I was gonna go see.
How did he die? I didn't say he was dead. I said he might be.
But I'm not sure. But I hope not.
You should call an ambulance. Oh, no, I can't afford to get fired.
And if they were to find out that I was doing anything unusual...
Like what?
Nothing.
Can you come up with me?
Sevilla, I wouldn't be any good. I don't know what to do in a situation like this.
Please, please, please. I don't know anything about that.
Let me put my pants on.
Okay...
Were you in the bathroom?
Just took them off.
You're very quiet.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Not dead. Dead drunk.
Why did you hit him?
Oh, not me. A man named Vance.
A real brute of a man. Subhuman.
One of those people who just takes what he wants and never apologizes.
No manners.
I wish I was more like that.
Reckless.
We could all use to be a little bit more like that, I guess.
Some things we do, some things we don't.
You have a very soothing demeanor, Eugene.
You remembered my name!
Of course I remembered.
Don't be too sure because people forget it in a second.
Not me. It's my favorite name.
My mother used to read me that book Eugene Onegin when I was a child.
Have you read that? No.
Oh, it's a wonderful story...
about a selfish Russian man and this wonderful woman
who loves to read books.
And she falls in love with him. She declares her love for him and he rejects her
and then he ends up shooting this innocent young poet.
That sounds very sad.
It is.
It's about the death of innocence.
I'll never forget this horrifying passage
where Tatyana has a nightmare being chased through this
frozen landscape by a terrifying bear.
And then she hides in a hut and is confronted by demons and goblins.
You say your mother read this to you when you were a child?
A lot. It was the only book we had in the house.
It was left there by a Russian pianist when he came visiting.
Pianist. Yes.
It was an opera by...
What's his name?
Piotr Ylitch Tchaikovsky.
Do you like opera?
Just the hits.
I don't remember very much about it.
But I think the voices are soothing.
Like your demeanor.
I had an uncle named Piotr.
You did?
Not really.
Of course I was immediately staggered by her beauty.
I blind man could tell you that.
But as I watched her, what I was thinking was this:
What if you were reading a book,
a fine book,
maybe even a great book,
and what if you already knew how this book was gonna end?
Would you still root for the protagonists to fall in love
even if they don't end up together?
Would you still love the people you love now
if you knew eventually they were gonna leave you?
What's wrong?
Excuse me.
You're not supposed to show your mug around here.
Yeah, well, I'm not here to see you.
Don't get too excited.
That's what I'm here to see him about.
Hey, hey!
What are you doing?
You're not invisible, you know?
I'm such a fool.
What seems to be the problem?
Well, I... I locked the keys in my car and...
my husband's gonna kill me.
He won't be too impressed if you smash the window.
I don't know how to pick the lock.
You wouldn't happen to know how to do that?
You sure this is your car. It's my husband's.
What are you doing down here at this hour?
That's, um... private.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry.
Can I be honest? Please, don't.
Honest women, they frighten me.
I like that. You do?
Hey, Paul, get back here.
I came downtown with a friend...
if my husband finds out, he'll be upset. Nothing unbecoming, you understand, but...
he has a temper.
Little skittish, aren't you?
It's past my bedtime.
You gonna help me?
Thank you.
I can take it from here.
Aren't you gonna look for your key?
Oh.
Of course.
You know, I'm sure you have to go back to work.
I don't want to keep you, so...
You need me to start it for you? I can maybe hotwire it for you.
I'm not really following you. I know this isn't your car.
But I like you. That's nice.
So let me offer you a riddle.
Mr. Freddie says you can go.
You're square? He says you can go.
He counted the money. He knows we're square.
I even threw in a little lecture for his extraordinary patience.
He said, tell him he can go.
You answer this riddle correctly, I start your engine and let you be.
You don't answer it correct,
I still start your engine,
but you gotta let me check your oil cause you look just about due.
Is this already the riddle?
Right.
Have a nice life.
The riddle is this.
I was a prophetess who became leprous.
White as snow for a short time.
Who am I?
This is a riddle. From the Bible.
You do go to church, don't you?
Never. It really bangs my nylons.
Vance.
Freddie wants to see you.
The correct answer is Myriam.
Now scoot on over, Toots.
Hey!
Where are you going?
I was just having a bit of fun with you, darling.
Eugene, what is wrong?
I'm just clearing up in here.
Uh...
I think it's decent now.
Why did you clean up the room for me?
Everybody does that when the housekeeper comes.
Make yourself comfortable.
Who's Rosemary?
Absolutely nobody.
That was a poem, wasn't it? Nonsense. I was practicing my typing.
You should go.
What is wrong?
It's been a long night and...
I gotta get to sleep.
I'm not going anywhere.
Well, you can't stay here. Why not?
You're worried about getting fired for one.
That's a suicide note, isn't it?
Let me see it.
It's beautiful.
But why?
It's a hard thing to summarize.
Try.
You're young. You have your whole life ahead of you.
I'm sick. So?
I don't want to be a burden to anybody.
Do you have family?
No, no... Wife?
I had... at one time.
Rosemary?
Yeah.
Did she pass away? No, she left me.
She was very young.
Did she ever read your poetry?
My what?
Your poetry.
Did she know that you were a poet?
I'm not a poet.
Will you read it to me?
No. Come on.
No, Sevilla.
Darkling, I listen.
For many a time I have been in love with easeful death.
Called him soft names in many a mused rhyme.
To take into the air my quiet breath.
Now more than ever it seems rich to die.
To cease upon the midnight with no pain.
While thou art pouring forth
thy soul abroad
in such ecstasy.
That's the most beautiful poem I ever heard.
I didn't write it.
No? No.
A guy named Keats wrote it.
I think it's from Ode to a Nightingale.
Why the nightingale?
My wife is a singer.
Rosemary? She goes by the name Hannah Click now.
The singer from downstairs? Yeah.
That's your wife? Hm-hmm.
The first time I laid eyes on her she was 16 years old.
I mean, not a breath of spring air...
but spring itself.
This picture is not a good representation of her.
I am no good with people. I paint pets.
I'm really good at dogs.
She had on a summer dress and she was eating an ice cream cone.
I kid you not. The luckiest ice cream cone in the world.
The very next day I asked her to marry me.
Does she know?
What?
That you're still in love with her.
I'm not. Hm-hmm...
I just came here to say goodbye in person. And did you?
I got cold feet.
I...
was leaving her the poem...
I was about to go through with it when you knocked on the door.
I'd have been the first one to find you.
Well, maybe I did it...
and you're just an angel sent to get me through to the other side.
So I look like an angel. I've never seen a housekeeper look like this before.
I mean, the superhero outfit...
Yeah, I could take it off.
I beg your pardon? I mean, I could take it off, you know...
and put on my maid's uniform if you like. No.
What did you think I meant?
Oh! Hmm...
I'm not against that either. You're not?
But I need a bath, and I need some sleep,
and I need you to promise me that you're gonna make it through the night.
And we can discuss arrangements in the morning.
And you're not worried about somebody coming in seeing you here and firing you?
Oh, God, I am so tired of trying not to get fired.
Do you have savings?
Oh, yeah. I own my own company.
Good. Cause I'm putting my sister through college.
Help?
How do you feel?
Terrible.
I'm not stuck on a bed sober.
How did you find me?
A loan shark by the name of Freddie Manouche
was paid a friendly visit by a degenerate gambler a little while ago.
Kid owed him fifteen G's.
Paid it in full.
A story that warms the heart.
Brady has it on good authority this kid hasn't got a pot to piss in.
They shouldn't go around lending money to people like that.
Freddie called me. I interviewed this goofball.
He sent me here. He said you gave it to him.
It's not someone who can keep his mouth shut.
No, he likes to talk.
And I can't imagine I'm the only one Freddie called.
Or the first. Which means...
you're running out of time.
Ever the optimist, Jim. I've already run out of time.
Why'd you do it? You know why.
See now, right there you lose me. I have no idea why.
If you tell me it was for love... Check.
I'd say I don't buy it.
You tell me it's for money. Double check,
I'd say not my partner. I know him too well. He knows this could never work.
He knows it better than anyone.
You're just mad because you didn't see it coming.
I didn't see it coming because it's completely out of character.
That's why you gotta work.
Where's the money?
I don't know. Where is it?
I don't know.
It doesn't matter. Humor me. And it does. Where's the money?
I don't know.
If you keep saying that, I might have to start believing you.
Do you know where Mary is?
Precinct.
What for?
There was a new show tonight at the Vixenville.
Our favorite sociopath was there watching his favorite girl.
But there was something off about her performance tonight.
Something undetectable to most, but very apparent to Otto.
The girl seemed nervous, aloof.
Sure enough, five minutes into her routine,
she twisted an ankle and had to leave the stage.
Well, Otto, sick with worry, he rushes back to the dressing room
and somehow they get into a fight
and she stabs him in the right eye with the heel of her shoe.
She what?
You know how they say, it's all fun and games
until somebody pokes an eye out? Well, that's just what happened.
And on the way to the hospital,
Otto gets news that a few of his associates had been gunned down.
And some money happens to be missing.
Normally,
there's only one person whose expertise I trust
in putting all these disparate elements into a cohesive whole.
Normally I enjoy hearing you...
piece these strands together.
I'm not enjoying myself tonight, Felix.
Let her go, Jim. I did this.
She poked the man's eye out.
He's got another one.
Somehow when I woke up this morning
I never imagined my day would turn out like this.
Welcome to the club.
I can't protect you from Otto.
And I don't deserve it.
Who is it?
Hannah.
I made a new friend.
Don't try anything stupid. You're talking to the wrong guy.
This belongs to you.
My partner, Jim Logan. Hannah Click.
Vance got confused. Thought it was his.
That's what I gathered.
Couldn't let my mistakes ruin your chances.
I call this an extremely unselfish act, Hannah.
I don't think anyone would believe me.
Just this once, fate is a liar.
Maybe you can still find her and get away.
Won't you always wonder...
what if?
In a few rotten nights, but that'll pass.
It was nice talking to you, Felix.
Bus to catch.
Rosemary Lynn!
Eugene? Yeah.
A little older.
Forehead's a little farther back. But it's still me.
You look great.
What are you doing here? I came to see you.
I saw your name on the marquee and said, I'm gonna catch the show.
And you were great. You really were great.
You saw me sing? The night before last.
It was a great show.
Have you been good?
Yeah.
You? Yes.
Are you married?
Just to you, still. Ha!
I brought you a present.
What are you talking about?
This is from a part of my life that you probably don't know.
But you do remember that I like to paint. Sure.
Hello, Luke. Yeah.
How did you...? I didn't get your nose right.
Noses are tough. I'm used to painting pets, so...
The nose is good, Eugene.
You like it? Yes.
Good, I...
How's your health? I'm glad you asked. I feel good.
Strong. You look it.
I'm sorry.
I know it seems stupid to say after all this time.
No, it's nice.
People need forgiveness.
And approval. And you have both.
You're not still sore with me?
No.
No, I...
You were always out of my league, Rosemary Lynn.
You simply didn't know it.
I'm just happy for the time we had together.
Are you trying to make me cry?
Definitely not.
Alright, go on.
Take care.
You too.
Alright.
So...
Am I all out of favors with you?
It depends.
What will it take to get Mary released?
A phone call.
Make it.
It's me.
Let the girl go.
Yeah.
Now what?
I want to find out what Otto's waiting for.
There's something I left out.
On the way to the hospital,
when the call comes in about Otto's men being dead
and the money gone,
it so upsets Otto that his heart just stops.
What do you mean stops? He's dead?
All the way dead.
That's a lesson. Don't be corny.
If you want the money just take it.
What money?
The money was never here.
The trail went cold, is that the play?
You tell me.
You came here,
I wouldn't tell you where the money was hidden.
Refused to be tracked to the gallows.
And then what? Then I pulled a gun on you.
I was just about beat after what we'd been through.
What about the kid.
The kid won't talk to anybody anymore.
What about the Precinct? Gonna kill all of them?
Ask Betty on the phone.
Tell me you didn't touch Mary. I didn't touch Mary.
You dragged Betty into this.
I keep telling you.
The sacred bond of marriage is the strongest thing there is between two people.
It doesn't make any sense.
It's completely out of character.
At the end of the day people only see what they're prepared to see.
That much I know.
Most people live their lives thinking they're the protagonists of their story
when they're simply a supporting player in somebody else's movie.
Oh, my God!