[ Swing ]
[ Woman In Car] Why in God's name...
would the Stantons have their summer house...
out in the middle of all this yuck?
[ Man ] I don't think they do.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means we're lost.
We're just gonna keep driving until we hit someone's pig?
- Binky. - How in God's name could you drag me down here...
to Yuckville, West Virginia, when I'm 40 months pregnant?
Not that that was my idea.
Don't start that again. You agreed.
Against my better judgement.
Well, you will have your own personal beach house to console you.
[ Sighs ]
Most husbands find it unnecessary to bribe their wives to reproduce.
[ Chuckles ] That's why I "dwuv doo."
Oh! God, haven't these people ever heard of pavement?
Oh, Huntsy. Something happened.
What? What is it?
[ Groaning, Squealing ]
I think the kid wants out at the next stop.
My wife is having a baby. Where's the nearest hospital?
[ Chickens Clucking ]
You might try down in Jane Lew.
- [ Groaning ] - How close are we?
Oh...I'd say about...
forty, forty-five miles.
- Is he crazy? - There's no time!
Well...
the Hollowmade Hospital's in Jupiter Hollow.
It's about three miles, but--
Hollowmade! Thank you!
[ Binky ] How did you ever get me out of Park Avenue?
You ain't gonna get in there.
Garth?
It's time again.
[ Swing Continues ]
.
[ Toilet Flushing ]
[ Woman Humming ]
Where do you want me to put this, doc?
Just put it right here, Eufus, on your way out.
Check with me tomorrow, and don't worry about it.
. [ Both Humming ]
[ Bell Jingles ]
Mmm, that's good cider, Nanny Lewis.
Uh, could you take that down to the lab?
. [ Humming Continues ]
Snack time!
- [ Horn Honks ] -[ Hunt ] There's the hospital, Harlan.
[ Tires Screeching ]
- Cross your legs. - Hunt!
Tell them I want my own room.
[ Bell Jingles ]
My wife is having a baby.
Oh, well! Jane Lew Hospital's probably what you're lookin' for.
- This is a hospital? - Oh, yes.
But it's for employees of Hollowmade only.
- Company policy. - This is an emergency.
Oh, I'd love to help you out, but I can't do anything without Mr. Stokes' authorization.
- He's a real stickler-- - Mr. Stokes?
He owns the Hollowmade factory.
Lives in the big, gray house, right over there.
[ Nanny ] That's gratitude!
I shan't be a minute.
Hunt, where are you going?
Hunt? Hunt!
You all right back there, Iona?
Don't you fret. I'm just fine.
- Howdy, Iona. - Mornin', Jake.
- Mr. Stokes! - Doctor...
I'd like you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Shelton.
They're the new owners of Hollowmade Furniture.
Ooh, scrub up, Doc. Your new boss is having a baby!
[ Stammering ]
[ Binky ] Oh, look at this place. What a dump!
[ Garth Knocks At Door ] Hi, Doc.
- Guess what? - [ Exhales ]
Ohhh.
[ Gasps ] I hate needles!
Now, hold on a second. It'll just be a little prick.
Yeah, that's what got me into this mess.
[ Grunting, Squealing ]
It-It's a girl.
Coming, Iona.
[ Baby Crying ]
There you are.
[ Crying Continues ]
[ Panting, Groaning ]
I like that lamp. That new since last time?
Yeah. One more push.
[ Moaning ]
It's a girl.
[ Baby Crying ]
[ Panting, Grunts ]
[ Gasps ] It's another girl!
[ Binky ] Doctor! There's something stuck in here!
[ Doctor ] Nanny, I think you'd better get in here quick.
[ Baby Crying ]
[ Binky Screams ]
[ Doctor ] Nanny!
[ Crying Continues ]
[ Gasps ] It's another girl!
[ Baby Crying ]
Well, I hope you both wanted twins...
'cause that's what you both got.
Girls!
- Wonderful! - Damn.
That was the messiest, ickiest...
most unbearably primitive experience I've ever had.
Ohhh. If it's all right with you...
I-I'd like to name them after my great aunts.
I shudder to ask.
- Rose and Sadie. - Ugh.
You'll look so lovely in that tiara.
Tsk. All right.
We'll name them Rose and Sadie.
- What color are the stones? - [ Scoffs ]
[ Footsteps ]
You done real good.
[ Sighs ]
Oh, Garth!
Why, that's your "purtiest" one.
[ Sighs ]
Well, what should we call them?
It's just a duck.
Oh,you mean, the, uh--
How about Rose and Sadie?
That's "purty"!
- [ Babies Fussing ] -Sadie and Rose.
[ Woman ] Good morning, Moramax.
-[ Man ] Good morning. Hi, there. - Thanks very much.
-[ Phones Ringing ] - Thank you. Miss Davis isn't in yet.
Would you take a seat in the reception area?
- [ Chattering ] - [ Intercom Buzzes ]
- Yes? -[ Man On Intercom ] She's coming.
- It's Sadie! - [ Employees Gasping ]
[ Woman ] Good morning, Moramax. Please hold.
Good morning, Moramax. Please hold.
Good morning, Moramax.
[ Quiet Chattering, Phones Ringing ]
- Good morning, Miss Shel-- - Depreciation schedule, on my desk by 5:00.
Stuart. You know, when I ask for demographics, I expect you to include all age groups.
- Uh, children 7 to 1 3 don't purchase stock, Ms. Shelton. - I did.
- Miss Shelton, the-- - Is this how we dress for the office?
- You look like a blood clot. - Everything's ready for the board meeting.
Flow charts.
- Profit pyramid. - I hope you'll be pleased. We were here until--
What's going on in research? More money for more lab rats?
Uh, some of our new products seem to create, um, adverse reactions.
Get tougher rats.
- Where's my sister? - Not in yet.
- Dieting again, are we? - Shhh. Not here.
[ Clears Throat ]
- [ Elevator Bell Dings ] - Good morning,Judy. Come on, Duke.
- Oh, hi, Rose. - I know I'm late. It's just, I got to walking in the park...
and it was so beautiful, and I, I found this cute little guy and he was lost.
- Rose. - And I think I'm gonna call him Duke.
- Because I've always wanted to have a dog named Duke! - Let go, Rose.
- Oh, God! Duke! Oh, what have I done? - Push the button.
- Oh, call someone. Do something. Duke. - The down button, Rose.
- Oh, help me! Call the security! - It'll be all right.
- Duke! - See? There he is.
Oh, Duke, you're okay. I'm so sorry.
- I didn't mean to do it. - [ Snarls, Barks ]
- It's all right. I deserve it. - [ Barking ]
Rose, why don't I take Duke while you're in the meeting?
Oh, the meeting. Oh, I almost forgot.
I--I'm just not myself today. [ Panting ]
Or any other day.
You're late. The meeting's in two minutes.
I know, but, Sadie, do I have to go?
I sit there, and everyone looks at me like I--like I'm-- because--especially today.
I'm just not grounded. I'm not centered in the way I should be, because last night...
Dr.Jay and I, we were having this--
this candlelight dinner and, you know, too much wine.
I started opening up, and he started closing up like he usually does.
But I started talking about getting married and having kids...
and maybe a goat and some ducks...
and a little garden with fresh veggies.
- You know how I love to chop and-- - What happened?
- Oh, we broke up. - Good riddance.
- [ Sobbing ] - You are so completely out of sync.
You're dreaming about growing old in the country while other women your age--
- Our age. - Don't interrupt!
Are thinking about tummy tucks. I tell you, it's not normal. Now, stop it. Stop it.
Do you want one of the board members to see you?
They'll say you're a sniveling, hysterical, pre-periodic twit!
I have a right to my own feelings, Sadie, and I am not a twit.
I may be pre-periodic, and I may be hysterical. So what?
So there are drugs for those things, and we make most of them.
I could just kick myself when I act this way.
Splash some water on your face and maintain.
- Oh, Rose! - [ Woman On Intercom ] Dr.Jay for Rose.
Put him on. Look,Jay--
- Rose, Rose, I'm so glad I reached you. - I'm not--
I'm sorry, honey. It's not that I haven't thought of the--the "M" word.
[ Chuckles ] I have. I have. No, I maybe, uh, might.
It's just-- You know what it is?
Well, I'll be honest with you. It's your goddamned family!
The idea of your blood-sucking sister Sadie...
as a permanent fixture in my life...
is so inexpressibly nauseating--
- Well, take a purge. - [ Dial Tone ]
I'm just gonna throw myself into your work. Who was that?
A heavy breather with intestinal woe.
- Oh, dear. Paw prints. - Look, I'm fed up with you.
You're a senior vice president...
and the window washer knows more about this company than you do.
You're so wispy, wispy, wispy. Why can't you focus?
- I'm going to. - And these weird attacks of domesticity.
- Where do they come from? - I don't know.
You're going to have to see Dr. Sullivan, I insist. As soon as possible.
- He didn't stop you from getting married. - That was a brief fiasco.
Well, this fiasco would like to have a few words with you.
- I tried to tell him. - Hi, Michael.
What are you doing here? I'm going into a board meeting.
Well, that's certainly more important than your son.
- [ Gun Noises ] - Yo, Ma. It's me, Sly.
It's your day with him. You're not dumping him on me five minutes before a meeting.
I am not dumping him on you. I just want to know the meaning of this.
- He said you gave it to him. - I did.
- Do you mind telling me why? - He earned it.
How?
A hundred dollars for every "C," two hundred dollars for every "B"--
You pay our child to learn?
Why not? Let's just call it a, a perk.
You're out of your mind! You're raising a child, not a, not a C.E.O.
Well, perhaps I'll raise both.
- [ Boy Laughing ] - Oh, I got you. I got you.
Oh, all right. I'll take the money back...
if you'll just... get him out of here.
Hey, that's my money! Mine!
Spoken like a true Shelton.
-Jason! - [ Yelling, Laughing ]
Come along, Rose.
[ Panting ] I-I don't even know what's on the agenda.
There's a ridiculous little company we've had forever.
- I'm going to ask the board to off-load it. - What's it called?
Hollowmade.
[ Distant Chattering ]
.
Let's hear it for the Hollowmade shop class and marching band!
- [ Cheering ] - Playing, well, frankly...
I didn't recognize the tune, but--
[ Laughing ]
Now, to head up this fight...
we think we got somebody who's more than a match for Moramax.
- [ Booing ] - Hollowmade's own factory foreman...
Miss Guts and Gumption, Miss No-Nonsense herself, Rose Ratliff!.
- Come on up here, girl! - Yee-ha!
-[ Cheering, Whistling ] - Come on, you spry chicken.
- Go get 'em, Rose! - Think big, Rosie!
Thank you. Whoo!
- [ Chuckles ] - I appreciate that, Mayor. I really do.
I don't know about you all, but I'm mad as a wet wasp.
-[ Drum Rim Shot ] - I've been doing some checking up on these Moramax folks.
Last year, they put 300 Santa Clauses out of work, and right before Christmas too.
-[ Crowd Murmuring ] - And now, it's Hollowmade they want.
- [ Booing,Jeering ] - No tellin' what they got up their designer sleeves.
Could be condos, a ski resort.
Strip-mining's one sure thing comes to mind.
Are we gonna let 'em swoop down on us like a bunch of turkey buzzards in business suits?
- [ Together] No! - Pick our bones clean?
- Take our factory, our jobs, our way of life? - [ Together] No!
Can we outsnake 'em? Hell, yeah!
[ All Hissing ]
Now, go on and get out there and buy those canned peaches and ceramic items.
Mayor Finkar brought his two-headed calf all the way up from Jane Lew.
And it's a beauty. Whoo! Twenty-five cents a look.
- [ Laughing ] - Come on, we got to raise some money...
so I can go up north and raise some hell and kick some snooty New York ass.
- [ Cheering ] - [ Drum Rim Shot ]
- Are you with me? - [ Together] Yeah!
'Cause right here, right now, we've got the Swamp Mud Boys...
featurin' my sweet sister, Miss Sadie Ratliff.
- Hit it! - .. [ Polka ]
.
. Well, hello,Jupiter Hollow I know you're doin' fine .
. Every day you work the factory Every night, a jug of wine .
. But now them bums at Moramax .
. They're tryin' to milk us dry.
. But you all knows my sister Rose will sound the battle cry.
Yee-ha!
. Sister Rose is gonna kick 'em in their little-lo-lay-hee-hoo .
Their little-lo-lay-hee-hoo Their little-lo-lay-hee-hoo.
. Every cent's gonna help us kick their little-lo-lay-hee-hoo .
. Hi-dee-olay-hee Little-lo-lay-hee-hoo .
-.[ Yodeling Continues ] - Ha-ha-ha!
[ Mooing ]
[ Cow Mooing, Crowd Cheering ]
[ Sadie Shelton ] The most fiscally prudent action at this point...
is to divest ourselves of Hollowmade.
It's a little backwoods furniture factory.
They actually still make porch rockers.
Now, the opportunities for expansion are virtually nil...
and the buyer has offered us a most attractive price.
So you can see, gentlemen, that were we to liquidate Hollowmade...
the return on our investment would in fact be quadrupled.
- [ Men Murmuring ] - Oh, but liquidate--
I mean, aren't there other considerations? Uh, may I make a point?
I'm sitting listening here, and I--what I--
I'm feeling, uh, deeply inside--
I mean, what it is, is--
I mean, things are just not computing exactly right.
I mean--Sorry.
Gentlemen, help yourself to Danish.
-[ Men Murmuring ] - [ Panting ] Oh, God.
How many times have I told you you're not to talk about things you don't understand?
- I know, but-- - Where do you get this bleeding heart from?
I can't help it. I think the way Daddy bought the company is so sweet.
If Daddy were alive, he'd be the first to agree with me. Sweetness wouldn't stop him...
from taking a huge profit out of some toothpick mill in Hickville, West Virginia.
Now, eat the goddamn muffin. And for God's sake, try to show some poise.
- Poise. - [ Man ] Miss Shelton?
- [ Together] Yes? - We're for it.
But we don't want any publicity about it--
uh, people losing their jobs and all that.
From a P.R. standpoint...
we might look rather heartless if we shut down the mill.
Last year's hostile takeover of the Santa City chain hurt us immeasurably.
-[ Men Murmuring ] - Oh! Everyone's forgotten all about that.
I know I have.
Three hundred angry Santas picketing our world headquarters tend to be remembered vividly.
- Yes, indeed they do. - [ Men Murmuring ]
Gentlemen, gentlemen. And Rose.
You have my full and complete assurance that the buyer...
Mr. Fabio Alberici, will continue running this factory...
in concert with current management.
Therefore, I urge you to give your most serious consideration to a "yes" vote...
to the Hollowmade sale initiative at next Wednesday's stockholders' meeting.
So the people of Jupiter Hollow are in support?
Oh, they are! I assure you.
[ Chattering, Laughter ]
- [ Grunting ] - Oh! Did you see that?
Oh, Sadie, you were so good. You got 'em singin' and dancin'.
- That's gonna add plenty to the fund. - Oh, the fund, the fund.
- You sung so good, Sadie. Didn't she, Rose? - Oh, she did.
What's wrong with you? Don't you want to save Jupiter Hollow?
I know it's small of me, but this doesn't strike me as a way of life much worth preserving.
- Oh! - Hey, Sadie! I got this thing all wrapped up.
I'm gonna get that little squealer right there just for you.
- Oh, great, Petey! - Yeah? Wanna go get a grape soda?
Not with a man covered with pig poop. No, sir, I don't.
I'm not good enough for you? You're gettin' a little above your raisin', if you ask me.
She's just kiddin', Petey. That's sure the truth.
You been above your raisin' all your life.
- Mighty nice job, ladies. - We're gonna win.
How can you say this is a way of life not much worth preservin'?
Just look at this. How can you not just love this place?
Oh, God, Rose, I wish I knew.
I, I feel like the real me is all cooped up inside, you know?
And I want so many things. I want designer clothes.
I want to see the world. I want a penthouse in the sky and a maid to pick up after me.
I want to say things like "keep the change."
[ Sighs ] God, sometimes I get so bored...
I find myself just prayin' for a U.F.O. sightin'.
I'd stand here and I'd say, "Come and get me. Come and get me."
Yeah, well, you're bored 'cause you got no sense of purpose.
Why don't you help me with this Moramax mess?
Over my dead-- What do you mean?
Leave town? Go to New York City?
- It's a dangerous, dirty, low-down place, Sadie. - I know! I know!
Oh, my God! What'll I wear? I gotta get my hair cut.
Oh! This is just the sense of purpose I need.
I gotta get me some of those press-on nails. Do those things stay on?
I wouldn't want 'em floppin' off in any of those fancy nightclubs.
Listen. Nightclubs? This is business. Now, you get a grip on yourself.
We're goin' to New York City! We're goin' to New York City!
Ooh! Oh! What are you gonna tell Roone?
I don't know.
Just keep your eye on the ball.
[ Ducks Quacking, Announcer:Indistinct ]
Yeah! Ha-ha-ha! Hey, how's my baby?
[ Both Moaning ]
If I can birdie the windmill hole this year, I got a good chance of winnin' the Masters.
- Oh, look at that! - Whoo-hoo! You see that?
- Isn't that somethin'? - When this tournament's over, I'm gonna take you away for a week.
- I'm gonna take you up to the tiptop of Blue Ridge Mountain. - [ Laughs ]
- It might be more like the Empire State Building. - What?
Oh, no, you're not gonna get me in no New York City.
For a while there, I was worried they were gonna send you to New York during the tournament.
- Listen. - Hey, without my good luck charm, I'd be sunk.
- [ Laughs ] - Listen, Roone, I have to tell you something.
Oh, wait, wait. Shh, shh, shh, shh. I got a surprise for ya.
[ Sighs ] Oh, goodness.
- What is this? - It's a real golf ball, miniaturized down.
I saw it in Big Putts magazine. And if I win this tournament...
I'm gonna replace it with a real diamond.
- Well, um-- - Marry me, baby.
Roone, um--
Oh, God.
[ Horn Honking ]
[ Dog Barking ]
[ Rose Ratliff] He just doesn't understand me.
[ Sadie Ratliff] So what happened? What'd you say?
I told him I'd let him know.
- You didn't tell him you were gonna miss his tournament? - No, I did not.
It's bad enough breaking his heart without throwin' his game off.
- Mornin', Mayor. - Mornin', ladies.
Oh, come on, Duke. Get your tail out of that truck, you big ol' baby!
Oh, here, let me help you. Oh! Feels like you packed your whole damn closet.
- How long you plannin' to stay for, anyway? - For as long as I can.
- What do you mean by that? - I mean I'm not comin' back.
Are you crazy? Does Hilda know? Does Winona?
No, and don't you tell 'em, either, or I'll tell Roone you're missin' his tournament.
Oh, you a heart the size of an unsoaked pinto bean.
I oughta fit right in in New York.
- Mama and Papa would've been so proud of you. - Oh!
Don't carry all your money in one place.
- Don't go into the subways. - Don't talk to any strangers.
- No. No. - Or eat clams.
Auntie Sadie, will you bring me back a surprise?
Oh, li'l Levon. You know I wouldn't forget you.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Sighs ]
Ooh!
Now, what's that all about? We're gonna see you in two days.
- Come on, let's go. Bye, everyone. - Okay, you go, you go.
- Get in the truck. -[ Winona ] Bye-bye!
- Good luck! - Bye!
Take care! Hurry home!
Yee-ha!
.
. [ Sadie Yodelling ]
[ Man ] Well, first of all, I thought I'd show you this year's annual report.
The photo of you two is great.
Oh, my God! How did I get so fat?
I look like a walleyed salmon!
What did he use, a wide-angle lens?
No, he didn't. See, I look thin.
I-I mean I look thin. I mean, I was sitting near the window.
- There was a lot of light. - I know what you mean.
I don't understand how it is that you can stuff your face and nothing happens...
and I subsist on 60 calories a day...
or else blow up like a Macy's Day float.
Do you mind? Oh! Oh!
Now we're not going to Greenwich tonight.
The stockholders' meeting is at the Plaza.
Get us our usual suite. By the way, Rose...
Fabio Alberici is flying in today.
Uh, Sadie, you know, I know that I'm not that good at figures, but, um--
I mean, if we can't make a profit, what makes him think he can?
That's his problem. [ Cracks Knuckles ]
This deal is not closed yet, so I think we should trot on out to the airport and greet him.
Italians love meaningless gestures of respect.
Makes them feel... [ Cracks Knuckles ] virile.
- [ Laughing ] - What are you laughing at?
- Oh, this is another crank letter. - From whom?
This R. Ratliff person from Jupiter Hollow.
I've written him all sorts of soothing letters, but he insists on coming up with his sister...
to, uh, "raise some hell and kick some snooty New York ass at the stockholders--"
Why didn't you show me this?
What if he actually shows up?
I mean, this is just the kind of hysterical intrusion I don't want.
A couple of moist-eyed bumpkins...
making an impassioned plea to save their--
- Well, the board is suspicious enough as it is. -Suspicious...
of what?
Nothing. I have a job for you.
A Harvard MBA for this? How are we supposed to find these Ratliff people?
Who do I look like to you? Nancy Drew? I mean, really!
Now, listen. These Ratliffs are absolute hicks.
- There should be no problem in finding them at all. - Taxi!
- Over here, taxi! - Chuck? Chuck!
[ Horn Honking ]
- Where did you go? - I'm in the cab.
[ Sadie Shelton ] Harlan, stay to the right.
[ Harlan ] Who're you kiddin'? I haven't got lost since the day the two of you were born.
- And that was at least-- - We know how many years ago that was, Harlan. Just drive.
Where do we find the suitcases, Rose?
- Oh, here. Look. Over here, Sadie. Over-- - Okay. All right.
Oh, look at my glove.
- Oh, my God. - Here, stick with me. Come on, now, stick with me.
- You're going the wrong way. - What's the holdup here? I'm late for a flight.
- Rose! Rose! - Stay with me.
- Wait here. - Thank you, Harlan.
[ P.A., Indistinct ]
- Here you are, Mr. Alberici. - Grazie.
Grazie, signore. Arrivederci e buono giornata. Grazie.
Oh, great. He's early. Well, who looks Italian?
- [ Muttering Broken Italian ] - Huh?
- I don't know you foreigners. - [ Muttering ]
[ Chattering ]
- Oh, I hope we didn't miss him. - [ Sighs ]
- Bus number 7 9 to Roosevelt Parkway. - Come on, Rose.
- 1 82 to Kew Gardens. - Oh, the heck with that, Rose.
I'm in New York. I wanna act like a New Yorker.
-Sadie, hold on! Hold on, now. - [ Whistles ]
- Hold on! - [ Horn Honking ]
- He al-- - Oh, my God!
- I don't know what I'm gonna do-- - Rose and Sadie?
-[ Horn Honking ] - At last we meet.
Do we know you?
Uh, I am Fabio Alberici.
Graham Sherbourne told me to look for you.
But you are not easy to find.
They wouldn't let me park. I had to keep circlin'and circlin'.
Did-Did you go and buy yourselves brand-new outfits?
How'd you know?
Come over here a second.
- Wow, what's goin' on? - That Graham Sherbourne who wrote us those shuck and jive letters.
I bet he sent this fella over here to soft-soap us.
- Oh, but how'd they know when we were comin' in? - Are you kiddin'?
Computer chips. They got their ways. We better be on guard.
[ Clicks Teeth ]
[ Gasps, Sighs ]
[ Gasps ]
Sadie, don't you dare.
For once in my life, I'm gonna be Joan Collins, and you're not gonna stop me.
Don't think we're always gonna be this easy.
Perhaps we should discuss business later.
Fine with me.
Oh, I just don't understand it.
I spoke to everyone wearing an Armani suit.
[ Gasps ] Oh, oh, that must be he.
- Oh! Oh! Oh, my! - What the hell is Harlan doing?
Gee, these press-on nails. I guess I should've pressed harder, huh?
You want the air conditioning on?
Uh, it's not n-necessary for me.
I don't know if--
- Don't touch. - I just wanted to feel it.
- God, you are so bossy. - Be quiet.
[ Phone Ringing ]
Will one of you get the damn phone?
[ Ringing Continues ]
[ Imitating Joan Collins ] Hello?
[ Man On Phone ] Ah, glad I got you.
Which would you prefer in your room, roses or tulips?
- Roses. - Rose is me!
Thank you.
It was one of those surveys.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Sadie Shelton ] Well, I'm utterly humiliated. How could Harlan do this to us?
Look at this. Not enough to get two blocks.
- Well, for God's sake, don't tell him that. - Oh, he'll understand.
- Driver, we're a little short on cash, and I-- - [ Tires Screeching ]
- [ Wolf Whistles, Catcalls In Spanish ] - Hi.
What is this hideous compulsion you have to be honest?
I-I don't know. I'm so sorry.
Now, we are going to walk very casually, and yet very quickly.
- [ Catcalls Continue ] - [ Women Shrieking, Yelling ]
[ Sadie Ratliff] Oh, Rose, it's just so cosmopolitan.
[ Gasps ] Isn't it excitin'?
[ Rose Ratliff ] Oh,yeah. The noise, the smog, the crowds...
the muggers, sex fiends, white slavers, politicians-- it's a pistol.
I got about as much use for it as a toad has for spit curls.
[ Chuckles ] You Americans are-- are so funny, eh. Hmm.
Oh, thank you.
P.U.!
[ Gasping ] What's goin' on? What're we doin' here?
I don't know, but don't take your eye off your suitcase.
Signorine?
Wine and cheese.
- Good morning. - Oh!
Welcome to the Plaza.
Right this way.
- Come on, Sadie. Quit gawkin'. - [ Gasps ]
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
I hope we will be seeing each other soon.
Here we are.
[ Panting ] It looks just like the White House.
[ Manager Chuckles ]
Yeah, and I bet the CIA's in the basement too.
Look, let's level with each other. Who's payin' for this room?
The arrangements were made through Moramax.
Is everything all right?
- No, it's not all right, because-- - Rose. Oh.
[ Sighs ] But I guess it'll do.
We oughta cancel our reservations at the "Y."
[ Chuckling ]
Testing, one, two, three.
Look, a sink in the livin' room.
That's what the French call...a "bidet."
The French must be taller than me.
It's me. Wasn't there supposed to be a gift basket in this room?
- Will there be anything else, ma'am? - That's not ours.
- It's not? - Oh, golly, no. Oh, I wish it was!
Oh. [ Sighs ]
Wow, what a room!
What do you mean you've given our suite to someone else?
I-I don't know if we did. The key's not here.
I want to speak to the manager.
Rose, look at this!
Red wine and cheeses of the world!
Oh! And look! Real wooden hangers.
But they don't come off. Huh.
"Here's to another great year for you and Moramax. Graham."
- Who's Graham? - Graham Sherbourne.
He's the pinstriped trouser snake sent us those letters...
and that big car and this room and now this basket of goodies.
He's just tryin' to buy us off. Well, we are not impressed.
-[ Sadie Screams ] - Whoa!
Oh, they got the cutest little soaps in the shape of swans.
Could you die?
I want our room, and I want it now!
[ Tapping Keyboard ]
Yes, ma'am, I can give you the suite right next door.
It's identical. I'll have the bellboy take up your luggage.
What luggage? It's evaporated!
No. There it is. [ Panting ]
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
[ Both Sighing, Groaning ]
I feel like my stay here is already ruined.
Oh. Enjoy your stay.
I just know we're gonna have the most marvelous time.
Ooh!
Lunch.
Thank you. That was the Hollowmade factory.
All I could find out is that they've already left.
My God! They may already be here.
I mean, what are we gonna do? Call every hotel in New York?
I wish to God I'd never heard of Neptune Gulch, wherever the hell it is.
Hi, everybody. Chick Hearn here...
with ESPN's coverage of the 26th annual Mini-Masters.
Oh, it's a gorgeous day for professional putt-putt...
and we've got ourselves a real barn burner.
Let's look at the leader board. In the first round, our leader is Roone Dimmick...
who's heading for the 1 2th hole with a two-shot lead...
six under par.
Now let's go to the 1 2th hole and meet another member...
of our ESPN broadcast crew, Ian Churchill.
Ian.
[ Ian Churchill ] Mr. Dimmick here is being most thoughtful...
at club selection on his par-three tester.
The Windmill, or perhaps the Hole of Lamentation to him...
has plagued Mr. Dimmick throughout his otherwise stellar career.
He's now finished studying the lie...
and positions himself as a hush falls over the crowd.
Roone! Hi there, Roone! We're rootin'for ya!
Hi, Winona! Hey, where's Rose?
Well, personally, I think she should've told you herself.
Told me what?
Well, this morning, she and Sadie just up and went to New York.
- [ Chick Hearn ] Ladies and gentlemen,just a second. - Roone, what're you doin'?
- It looks like Roone Dimmick is walking off the course. - Roone, where are you going?
[ Sadie Ratliff] Lordy, it's high!
Well, Rose, I'm going to get my legs waxed.
Are you coming? Or are you just going to hole up here...
and pretend you're wafting through a field of poppies?
You go ahead. I'm going to the library. I have some reading to do.
Sadie. About that factory.
Rose, if you can't trust your own sister, who can you trust?
[ Sighs ] Darling girl.
[ Door Closes ]
Oh, Rose, it is so gorgeous up here!
Whoo, it makes me dizzy. Well, I am gonna go find that Mr. Sherbourne.
- [ Bones Cracking ] - I am gonna dip him in flour and let him fry in his own grease.
- Are you comin'? - No, I think I'll just go for a walk, if that's okay with you.
Well, here. Wait a minute.
Don't go off without a "Save Jupiter Hollow" button.
All right, Rose. If you insist.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
Hold the door.
Hold the door! Hold the door!
Moron.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
- Oh! - Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Is everything satisfactory now? - Oh, my, yes!
That is some room! Have you seen the view from up there?
- No. I've never been above the third floor. - You haven't?
Well, you just gotta come up there and see it.
- That's very nice of you. - Oh, no.
It would be such a shame not to share it.
And I bet it's just so beautiful at night.
Well...bye.
I'll see you later.
-[ Phone Ringing ] - [ Snorts ]
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
Oh, well, buongiorno.
[ Clears Throat ] Would you care to join me for a drink?
That's not really my style.
You know, you are not making this very easy for me.
Is there any reason on Earth why I should?
I guess this is going to be a difficult negotiation.
I cannot imagine what you think we're negotiating for.
[ Laughs ] I thought it was understood.
-[ Elevator Bell Dings ] - Oh, really?
Eurotrash.
Oh. Oh, I thought I'd just go for a walk, if that's okay.
You, walk? Ha!
Well, this I gotta see.
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Snickers ]
- [ Tapping Counter] - Oh. Hello. [ Chuckles ]
Can you tell me what room Fabio Alberici is in?
Yes, he's in room...1 402?
But if you're looking for him, he's right over there.
Oh, my God. He must think I'm insane.
By the way...
I thought the delay when we first checked in was inexcusable.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
[ Dog Barking ]
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
[ Gasps ] Oh, what cute dogs!
Oh, hello.
- Oh, no you don't. - Well, it makes no difference to me.
I'm getting paid whether you ride or not.
Suit yourself.
What the hell are they doin'? Are they crazy?
I should've quit this damn job years ago.
[ Horn Honking ]
Oh, Harlan! Harlan! Harlan!
Harlan! [ Gasps ]
That happened to me once.
[ Quiet Chattering ]
- Well, buongiorno. - Buongiorno.
- You have changed your mind. - Oh, I feel absolutely ridiculous.
Of course, I should've known who you were.
You must meet a lot of people.
There was such a mix-up at the airport. I still don't know what happened.
It's already forgotten. [ Chuckles ]
Campari and soda.
Well, hmm, business.
My geologists have given me the plans for the strip-mining of your Jupiter Hollow.
But first tell me, would you have any objection...
to us making our transaction in yen?
Mmm, laundering some lira, are we?
Ah, the Japanese are so discreet.
Well, tell me. Who buys and sells money for you?
Jack Butler.
Jack? I went to Yale with Jack.
Oh. I did my first hostile takeover with Jack.
No! [ Laughs ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
Hi, Rose. How's Duke doing?
Duke? My dog? [ Panting ]
Boy, when you go snoopin' into people's lives...
you don't miss a trick, do ya?
I'm sorry.
I'm here to see Graham Sherbourne.
Okay. He should be in his office.
And where is that?
Well, where it usually is, Rose.
- Oh, you're a big help. -[ Phone Ringing ]
Hi, Rose.
Hi.
Hi, Rose.
Oh, hi. Hi, everyone.
Just fine. Had a good breakfast.
Oatmeal. But I guess you know that.
Got on my Tuesday panties, but I guess you know that too.
- My God, it's nearly time to go. - There he is.
Well, I know, but we have to get over to the Plaza, for heaven's sakes.
- Oh, you're right. - Could I see your report tomorrow?
- Hi, gentlemen. Hi. - Well, what are you doing here?
We were just on our way over to the Plaza to see you and Sadie.
Is, uh, everything okay?
No, everything is not okay.
We have to talk, and we have to talk now.
All right. What's the problem?
Have you got your brains and your balls in your briefcase?
-[ Man Snickers ] Did she say "balls"? - [ Gasps ]
- Wow. - Let's just go in here and talk, quietly.
You want some reassurances that it will be business as usual at Hollowmade...
after the sale?
- You know we can't do that. - Well, you sure as hell better.
Or I'm gonna kick up a big ruckus at the stockholders' meetin'.
And I've said my piece. Amen.
[ Stammers ] What are you talking about? Does Sadie know how you feel?
- Of course. - Does she agree?
Is a frog's ass watertight?
-[ Door Closes ] - Do you suppose it's hormonal?
Who cares? We're off the hook.
How about some racquetball, and where should we go for dinner?
Please, please. Let me just coast for a few precious moments...
without having to make any decisions.
[ Tires Screeching ]
I wanna go down to the South Street Seaport. Do you go that way?
Step on it, please.
Oh, guten Morgen.
[ Whistles ]
- Out of the way, bitch! - Wha--Wa--Wait!
[ Sighs ]
I'd like a mint julep, please.
Oh, no you don't!
[ Man Grunts ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Punching Sounds ]
- Yo, Ma! - Wha--What the heck did you do that for?
- I just wanted to go the distance. - Go the distance? You--
- Get over here, you! Get over here! - Hey! Ow!
- What are you doing? - I'm gettin' you out of harm's way.
- Get off. - Relax, squirt. I've tied hogs slipperier than you.
- I'm not a hog. [ Grunting ] - Oh!
- Boy, you are hell on wheels! - Well, what do you expect?
- Are you responsible for this? - His mother spoils him rotten.
[ Sighs ] Well, she's a damn fool. He's a disaster area.
- You don't really mean that? - Oh,yes I do.
I'm very sorry. But you know, it's never too late.
Now, if you'll both excuse me...
I must be getting back to the...Plaza Hotel.
[Jason Muttering ] Come back? Where you going?
- Wait! Your money. - It's my money!
[ Horn Honking ]
.
. [ Yodelling ]
[ Continues ]
.
[ Sadie Ratliff ] Ya-hoo!
That's Sadie Shelton.
-[ Phone Ringing ] - How about an ice cream soda?
I'd rather have the MP-60 rocket water gun.
- How about an ice cream soda? - Messages?
[ Sadie Shelton Chuckling ]
And I get to keep the dollars overseas, where they aren't taxable.
Uh-huh. And invest them in a villa in Italy.
[ Chuckling ]
But aren't Italian property values...
a little... soft right now?
No. Very hard.
Ooh. [ Sighs ]
[ Quiet Chattering ]
Hold that thought.
Here's to our deliverance from repugnant tasks.
- Here's to the Ratliffs, wherever they are. - Hmm.
-.[ Violin ] - Mmm!
What are the two of you doing lazing around...
guzzling Dom Perignon on my expense account?
This had better mean you found those Ratliff people.
But I thought you changed your mind.
What fantasy is this? Are we hearing voices now, like Joan of Arc?
- But, Rose said-- - No matter what bleeding heart sentiment my sister expressed...
it has nothing to do with what Moramax wants.
Now, I want those people found tonight.
- Now? - Now.
[ Women Chattering ]
[ Clears Throat ] This is for you from...Sly.
Thank you.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Sighs ]
You intimidate your subordinates so well.
Don't I, though? [ Snickers ]
And what other talents do you have?
Do you...dance, perhaps?
Don't think this is going to affect my judgement in the slightest.
I'm planning to gouge you on this sale.
And I...to impale you.
[ Tango ]
Thank you.
- Try the "Y." Hicks always stay at the "Y." - I just did.
- And? - They were going there, but they cancelled.
Are you ready for this? They're here.
[ Phone Ringing ]
Where did you get it?
- It's from somebody named Sly. - It's a bribe.
They want us to keep our mouths shut.
- How come? - They've got to be up to somethin' terrible.
- Wait until the stockholders hear about this. - Do they have to?
What do you mean?
Well,just 'cause we take a bribe...
doesn't mean we have to do what they say.
Sadie Ratliff, sometimes I wonder if we got the same blood.
My own sister. Damn.
I can't think how things could get any worse.
.
They say the neon lights are bright.
On Broadway.
They say there's always magic in the air.
But when you're walkin' down that street.
And you ain't had enough to eat.
The glitter rubs right off.
And you're nowhere.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh.
They say the women treat you fine.
- [ Chattering ] -. On Broadway.
But lookin'at them.
Just gives me the blues.
Doo.
- The Plaza. - At the Plaza?
- Where's the Plaza? - 59th and Fifth.
On Broadway..
As soon as I get my shoes on, I'm gonna take this evidence...
and put it in the hotel safe.
Fine by me.
[ Phone Rings ]
- Hello? - [ Sadie On Phone ] Rose? Listen.
Did you say anything to Chuck and Graham about calling off the Hollowmade sale?
- Of course not. - Well, they are totally inept.
Look, I want you to go downstairs and help them find these Ratliff people.
Sadie, why can't you do it?
Because Fabio has turned out to be something of a...perk.
I had plans for the evening, Sadie.
I know what your plans were. To hole up in the room and make love to the pastry cart.
Now put down that eclair and get downstairs.
Okay, Sadie.
I want to put this in the hotel safe, please.
Rose Shelton, please.
Thank you. Never mind.
Excuse me. Rose!
- Oh! Yes? - I've been doing a lot of thinking.
- We can fix this. - What is this?
- Open it. - Oh, you're Sly.
Sly--I don't know what you're talking about. I couldn't be more sincere.
Please. Another bribe?
Bri--If you don't want this, what do you want?
If you think you can buy me off with this!
- Look, honey-- - Don't you touch me, and don't you call me honey...
you no-good, belly-scrapin' pile of cow plop!
-[ Woman ] Come along. -[ Boy ] What's a cow plop, Mommy?
Obviously, you're still upset.
[ Hissing ]
- [ Beads Rattling ] - You can't outsnake me.
[ Chattering ]
Excuse me. I-Is this the Plaza Hotel?
It's all yours.
Hey.
You stand here long enough, you see yourself come out.
- What? - Yeah.
There's two of everybody in there.
The ones on the top, and one of those cocoa truffles with the little swirl on it.
And, um...
I'll take two-- no, give me three of those pretty parfait nougats.
- Surprise! - [ Yells ]
- Yes? - I know I'm the last person you expected to see here...
and maybe you don't believe this, but you're the gal for me...
and I'm the guy for you, and we're gonna get married and there ain't two ways about it.
- Is this some kind of a joke? - Is that all you can say?
I heard you were up here, I come up all this way, and you think it's a joke?
[ Laughs ] You'll have to excuse me.
Oh.
Can you believe he actually tried to buy me off with a diamond ring?
I think I've earned a... a few hours' sleep.
- Are you comin' to bed? -[ Sadie ] But it's only 9.:00.
Ooh, boy. I never thought I'd have to wear this old thing again.
Oh, Sadie, that used to be your favorite dress.
Yeah, well--
- Where are you goin'? - I'm goin' downstairs.
I'm not gonna stick around here like a clove on a baked ham. I'm gonna kick up my heels.
They got dinin', they got dancin', food, beverages.
Shoot, I could stay right here in this hotel the rest of my life...
and be happy as Beulah the cow.
- [ Moos ] - I thought you was gonna help me.
Ratliff, Ratliff. A man and his sister from Jupiter Hollow.
I'm telling you, they're not here.
They must be registered under an assumed name.
-[ Rose Shelton ] Graham? Graham. -[ Roone ] Graham?
- Well, who's Graham? - Rose?
- Hi, I'm Roone. - I'm Graham.
- Uh, this is Chuck. - Howdy. Uh, y'all from Moramax?
- Hi. Yes, yes, we are. - Well, I'm from Jupiter Hollow.
Jupiter Hollow? I was born in Jupiter Hollow!
And you're proud of it.
Uh, do you, do you know the Ratliffs?
Well, you're standin' right in front of one of'em.
Uh, would you excuse us for one minute?
Jus-Jus--Rose.
I've never seen this person in my life.
He mu--He must have seen my picture in the annual report.
- He calls himself "Roone"? - He's "R. Ratliff."
He's the factory foreman from Hollowmade. This must be his perverse idea of having fun.
Let's just humor him until Sadie gets here.
Oh, do I have to? Mm-hmm.
Uh, Roone...
would you like to join us for dinner?
Well, that sounds like a good idea.
- Yeah, I could use a tuna fish sandwich. - [ Laughing ]
Hi, there.
- Hello. - Gee, you're still workin'?
I bet you're lookin' forward to gettin' off tonight, huh?
- I was, uh-- - I wanna have some fun tonight.
It's too early to go to bed. You got any ideas?
Maybe.
Maybe I'll... see you around.
Okay. I'll keep my eye out for ya. Bye.
So, you will not take back any paper on the sale...
even if I kickback a percent of the strip-mining profits.
Absolutely not. I insist on total liquidation.
Well, this evening cannot end until we conclude our negotiation.
- Perhaps in my room, hmm? - Ooh.
Let me get my messages. I'll meet you upstairs.
I, I want to change into something less...al dente.
- [ Speaking Italian ] - Mmm.
[ Clears Throat ] Do you have any messages for me?
One. I get off at 1 0:00, and I'd love to see the view from your room.
Well, we certainly can look forward to that.
[ Giggles ]
[ Chuckles ] Ma'am, could you put a little more fire under this fish?
Will ya, hon? I, I think I just heard it holler, "Help!" [ Laughs ]
Hmm.
- Smooth. Very smooth. - Mm-hmm.
Excuse me. [ Chuckles ]
Well, what do y'all think about Rose?
She's quite a little beauty, isn't she? Don't you be gettin' any ideas now.
- [ Laughs ] - [ Laughs ]
Oh, my God.
Excuse us.
I know. I know it looks horrible.
But we've got the culprit right here. He's a professional.
Fake name. Totally ingenious, totally prepared. He actually knew Rose by sight.
Don't you let him out of your sight until after tomorrow's stockholders' meeting.
Is that quite clear? [ Grunts ]
[ Sighs ]
What are we supposed to do, immobilize him with a death ray?
Let me think.
[ Sighs ] Stop.
[ Laughs ] Oh, I'm sorry. You know, I know it seems strange...
my comin' up all this way from Jupiter Hollow like this.
- But, Rose, I love you. - [ Coughs ]
Why are you doing this to me?
Well, from the first moment I heard you were in New York...
all that mattered to me was findin' you.
You can't be happy here. I mean, the traffic alone. [ Chuckles ]
I just can't see you up here in all this traffic.
And the food. I mean, back home, we'd use this stuff as bait.
Look, I'm doing just fine, really.
I know. You'd do fine whatever spot on earth they dropped you on.
It's just--[ Sighs ] Rose, I know you.
You don't belong in New York City.
It's in your eyes. It's all over your face.
You don't belong in that, that suit.
I mean, all this Moramax stuff is just bleedin' the heart right out of ya.
You know you want a whole other kind of life than this.
[ Sighs ] I-I've never told that to a living soul.
How did you know?
[ Chuckles ] Well, I know you.
- [ Sobbing ] - Tha-Tha-That's nothin' to cry about.
- [ Chuckles ] Oh, here. Here. - [ Sobbing Continues ]
Oh. Oh! [ Laughing ]
Thank you.
[ Speaking Italian ]
Well, you're in America now. Speak American.
Y-Yes, but, you are dressed to go out.
Did you want to go out again, or back upstairs?
I was going to go back upstairs.
Good.
- Shall we? - No!
I can make it on my own. You go right ahead.
Ah, of course.
By the way, why don't you take this, uh, reading material now?
Last thing I planned to do tonight was read.
Oh.
Well.
- Hi. - You.
You look almost... almost wholesome.
- What are you doing here? - I wanted to talk to you.
- Talk to me about what? - About what you said aboutJason in F.A.O. Schwarz.
I was impressed and amazed. It reminded me of a... of a girl I used to know.
Listen. I think we should have lunch or something.
Y-You want me to have lunch with you?
Well, I mean, Jason too, if you want.
Well, 'long as you keep him bound and gagged.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, uh, we could talk more easily if it's just the two of us.
Okay.
Um, what about, uh, here? Tomorrow, 2:00.
Y-Yes. Ve-Very nice.
- I'll see ya. - Mm-hmm.
Mmm! Friendly men in this town. Mmm!
[ Whistling "I'm In The Mood For Love" ]
[ Whistling Continues ]
-[ Elevator Bell Dings ] - Have a good evening now.
Of course.
. [ Whistling Continues ]
-[ Elevator Bell Dings ] - [ Whistling Stops ]
[ Whistles ]
Hey, babe.
I used to be allergic to angora, but I'm okay now.
Ooh.
I love to see a woman with a good appetite.
- You do? - Mmm. [ Chuckles ]
[ Clears Throat ] I feel obliged to point out to you...
that this man is a con artist of the first rank.
- Maybe he isn't. How do you know? - I--
So where are you staying, Roone?
Well, I ain't exactly stayin' anywhere. I just got off the bus and come lookin' for you.
Well, we have a whole suite. Why doesn't Roone stay with us?
Oh, no. I couldn't crowd you guys. [ Chuckles ]
We insist.
You know, this meal has not satisfied my appetite one iota.
I got such a cravin' for some country cookin', I'm gettin' downright homesick.
[ Whispering ] Shameless.
Hell, I only been out of Jupiter Hollow one day...
but I sure do miss it.
What do you miss about it?
Well, uh, my porch, for one thing.
[ Chuckles ] Nothin' like rockin' on your porch around twilight time.
[ Sighs ] Yeah, your bones go as limp as a willow tree.
And the shadow from the mountain makes its way up my steps like--
well, like an old friend comin' to visit.
- Mmm. - And the stars!
I mean, that's about the only thing crowded aboutJupiter Hollow.
Right now, the sky'd be plumb full of stars.
You know. Kids playin' in the schoolyard...
- [ Chuckles ] - doors with no locks...
folks who look you straight in the eye and smile.
Yeah, people are as close as corn there in Jupiter Hollow.
You know, when Mother Nature looks through her window...
Jupiter Hollow is the view that she loves best.
The Colbyco board has already approved the merger.
[ Clears Throat ]
[ Imitating Joan Collins] Adam, have a glass of water, please.
Give 'em hell, Alexis!
Golly, look at her go. She is just runnin' that whole company.
Would you turn that damn thing down? I'm tryin' to think.
Oh, you have seen that episode a thousand times.
Oh, I just love it when she fires everybody.
- I'm a very direct woman. -[ Sadie Imitating Joan Collins ] I'm a very direct woman.
If I do not get your approval-- and please understand...
that I have controlling interest in Denver-Carrington--
I shall fire you all on the spot...
and replace you with a board that will approve the merger.
- What's this? - Oh, somethin' that guy from the airport gave me.
- [Joan Collins Continues, Indistinct ] - Oh, my God.
- What's the matter? - Oh, my God.
[ Gasps ]
[ Knock At Door ]
[ Gasps ] Um,just,just a minute.
- Roone. - How could I go to sleep without kissin' you good night first?
[ Sighs ]
Good night, darlin'.
[ Sighs ] No one's ever called me "darlin"' like that before.
Well, I should hope not.
- [ Laughs, Gasps ] - Look. I want you to keep this.
- And, uh-- - Oh, no, no.
- Please don't fuss. - Roone, I--
- I couldn't. I--[ Chuckles ] - Uh--
Well, I better go nows.
Good night, sweetheart.
[ Sighs ] Good night.
[ Sighing ]
Don't blame me. Don't blame me. You're the one who lost him.
Well, he just bolted for the elevator.
- What was I supposed to do, wrestle him to the ground? -[ Knock At Door ]
[ Chuckling ] Roone.
[ Whistles ]
Sure is nice you boys lettin' me bunk here.
Hey, that's classical music, isn't it?
Uh, uh, yes. Yes, it is.
Yeah, I could tell. No lyrics.
[ Both Chuckle ]
[ Knocking ]
[ Speaking Italian ]
Mmm.
So, what do you think of my plans?
- Fabio, you fiend! - [ Moans ]
[ Roone In Shower ] .I'm in the mood for love.
-Simply because you're near me. - Oh, my God!
He is not a Ratliff. His name is Roone Dimmick.
He's traveling with $25, no credit cards and a harmonica.
- Will you look at this quilt? -.I'm in the mood for love.
- Oh, the workmanship! -.Simply because.
. You're near me .
. An-- . Hey, I like your kimono. Get that in 'Nam?
- Uh, no, Fire Island. - Huh.
Well, let's all have a drinky, shall--
No, I think it's time for beddy-bye.
Chuck.
Hmm? Good night, Roone.
Don't tell me you two guys are sleepin' in the same bed together.
- Yes. - Gee, I feel awful about that.
Now if you want, one of you can take the couch, and I'll share the bed.
Oh--Oh, that-- That's very generous of you, but, uh, we wouldn't hear of it.
- Oh, you guys are all right. - [ Chuckling ]
[ Gasps, Sighs ]
[ Muttering, Gasping ]
[ Whispers ] Oh, wow.
[ Newscaster ] How's the traffic out there this morning,Joanna?
[Joanna ] Well, we're starting out with the Long Island Expressway bumper to bumper.
[ Graham ] I am upset. There's only an hour till the meeting...
and we don't have a chance of finding these people!
- Keep your voice down. - We are not going to find the Ratliffs.
Is that all that's botherin' you, is findin'the Ratliffs?
Do you know where they are?
Sure. Just let me finish my Pop-Tarts here, and I'll take you right to 'em.
- Mornin', Rose. - Mornin', Sadie. You're late.
- I already ordered. - Oh, good. Grapefruit.
Can you believe these guys?
First they bribe us to keep our mouths shut...
then they hand us a complete copy of their plans...
and if that isn't bad enough, they got the nerve to charge $1 2.50...
for four tiny little pancakes.
Oh, come on, Rose. Rose, come on now.
Look. You got your butter in the shape of a goldfish, and you got your choice of syrups.
And I know how you like to mix and match those syrups, and-- Oh, look, they got boysenberry.
Oh, Sadie. Damn, good bread.
Oh! Oh, Rose! Look!
All over my brand-new polyester jacket .
Quick. Do something. Well, go on and hurry and change.
Oh, I guess so. Okay.
Lord, my load is heavy.
Oh, good. A grapefruit.
- Where did you get that? - Milan.
Well, it's awful.
[ Scoffs ] Excuse me? I'm being criticized by a grown woman wearing a bib?
We've got to make a good impression with the stockholders...
and you look like you're runnin' a state prison.
Well, maybe it's a trifle severe, but--
Oh, all right. I'll change before the meeting.
Now...tell me more about...Roone.
What are you botherin' me about Roone for? You know I'm worried about the meetin'.
The "meetin"'? Why are you worried about the "meetin"'?
- What's got into you? - Well, what's got into you?
You know the stockholders will do what we want.
- Can I get you ladies anything else? - Do not even contemplate.
- Boy, you're bossy. -Just the check, please.
[ Gasps ]
Is that good enough for you?
Yeah, but it probably costs $50 for each little bitty polka dot.
Listen. Meet me back here, all right?
- Good morning. - Hi.
I really must have that little polka dot number in my size.
- I'm a three. - Uh--
A five. Very well, give me a nine.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
- Did you forget something? - Oh, no, I don't think so.
Can you please tell me, is my sister here?
Well, she was.
- She left. - Oh.
Well, then I guess I'll just have a little bit of something myself. May I?
[ Rose Whispering ] Oh, excuse me.
[ Sighs ] Oh, I--
Ah-ah. Let me guess. Pancakes.
Yes. [ Sighs ]
Madam.
You can give these... to the maid.
[ Chuckles ]
So what do you think?
Sadie...I am so upset about this Hollowmade sale, I don't know what to think.
What are you worried about that for?
We're gonna march in there, we're gonna set things right!
[ Imitating Drawl ] Set things..."right"?
Right! Come on. Let's go.
[ Sighs ] I knew I could c-count on you.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Sighs ]
Keep the change.
Hell, if I know the girls, they oughta be havin' breakfast about now.
- The girls? - We should have been looking for two women. We are so stupid!
Rose, I have to visit the toilet.
Well, we better hurry. The meeting. And never say "toilet." Say "tee-tee."
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
[ Sighs ] Oh, look.
Well, they're not in there.
- I have to go tee-tee. - What are you talking about, go visit the toilet?
Uh, hold on a second.
There they go.
- Oh! - Wait a minute! I'm in here!
Really?
Yoo-hoo.
What are we doing? I mean, look at us. We are staking out a ladies' room.
Six more seconds, and we've got them.
Can you contain yourself for six more seconds?
[ Toilet Flushes ]
[ Both Gasp ]
[ Gasping ]
[ Blowing Raspberries ]
- [ Screams ] - [ Screams ]
[ Screaming Continues ]
- Whoa! Whoa! - [ Screaming ]
[ Both Gasp, Scream ]
- Whoa! - [ Screams ]
[ All Screaming ]
- Oh, you just get out of here! - [ Both Screaming ]
[ Screaming Continues ]
They're clones. What a cheap trick.
It's pod people! I saw that movie!
- I was at the premier. - Get back. Get back!
[ Gasping ] There is no such thing as pod people, is there?
You're not my sister!
- And you're not my sister. - Thank God!
- Don't touch me! Don't touch me, I say! - [ All Gasping, Whimpering ]
- Ghastly! Ghastly! - Are they real?
They're robots. They wanna kill us a-a-and take our places.
- Oh, you've seen too many movies. - You get back.
- You just get back. - We must be in some kind of parallel universe.
- That is the dumbest damn thing I've ever heard. - Oh, you're such a hick!
- There's U.F.O. written all over this thing! - They're probably relatives.
Relatives? How can they be? Listen to them. They're imbeciles.
- Now listen. - Now listen. I think what we ought to do--
[ All Talking At Once ]
Be quiet. We're going to go clockwise, starting with me.
- Well, how come you? - My God, it's me with a bad haircut.
[ Gasps ] Bad?
- I paid 1 2 bucks for this. - I am going to kick your ass.
- I like it. I think if we could all-- - Stop it!
All right. Who are you, and where the hell do you come from?
[ Rose Ratliff ] Rosie, Rosie. My sister Rosie.
- We gotta figure out who's who here. - Rosie.
- I hope I'm still me. - [ Sadie Ratliff] Rose, there's a chance I could be her.
- [ Gasps ] Hardly. - Oh, isn't she divine?
I know for a fact. I'm not me. Boo-hoo.
I just gotta be me. Rosie, wait for me.
[ Chattering, Indistinct ]
Whoa!
- How many? - Six brothers. - And four sisters.
- Sadie, ten. You make eleven!
- You sure do. - Oh, I can't believe it.
- Good morning. Good...morning. - [ Both ] Morning.
- [ Sighs ] - [ Chuckling ]
Hold it. I know who it was. It was that rickety old Nanny Lewis.
She couldn't see worth a darn. She spent her last days puttin' diapers on chairs.
All my life I felt like I was out of place, like I didn't belong.
And I didn't. I hate my job.
I hate shopping. I hate New York in June. How about you?
I hate grits.
And I hate men who smell like beer and bean dip.
And I hate makin' love in the back of recreational vehicles!
Am I rich now?
- We're all rich. -[ Rose Ratliff ] Oh, to hell with that.
We got a meetin' to get to.
We're all on the same side, now that we're sisters.
- Right. - Right?
-[ Elevator Bell Dings ] - Of course.
[ Sighs ]
[ Sadie Shelton ] The meeting's already started. Now, we can't all of us go in...
because the spectacle of all of this seems to upset people.
So, Rose, you take them sight-seeing. I'll go in, call off the sale...
and then we'll all go to Elaine's for lunch.
- Elaine's! - Elaine who?
[ Rose Ratliff] How do we know that you're gonna call off that sale?
- Oh, no. - Well, of course I will.
Are you sure that while we're out there lookin' at the Statue of Liberty...
you won't be in there votin' so that Italian fella can strip-mine Jupiter Hollow?
-[ Rose Shelton ] Strip-mine? - Yes.
- You lied to me. - Would I strip-mine our birthplace?
Oh, no you don't. You're the only one's gonna get strip-mined if you walk through that door.
[ Gasps ] You'd never miss that little sinkhole.
- Oh! What did you say? - I'll buy you a nice little condo on the East River.
- [ Grunts ] How dare you? - Rosie! Rosie!
[ Rose Ratliff ] Help me with this terrible vulgar woman!
- Rosie, don't you dare! - I need your help!
Sadie, I just have to. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
- I've got her! - How could you do this to your own sister? Sadie!
[ Sadie Shelton ] Don't let them do this! I'll share it all with you!
Join me in this, and I'll show you a life that'll make your head spin!
I'll introduce you to the most glamorous people in the world!
-Joan Collins? -[ Sadie Shelton ] Yes.
No. Sadie, I know you're shallow, but you're not heartless.
You don't want to help do in Jupiter Hollow.
You're not one of them. You're me! Look.
We even got the same taste in clothes.
Yeah, and where in the hell did you get the money to buy such a dress?
- Or do I need to ask? - Come on, Sadie.
Who needs these dumb old hayseeds anyway?
I do.
- Oh! Oh, grab her! Please! - [ Screams ]
- In the closet! - [ Screaming Continues ]
[ Shrieks ]
Oh, you're a Ratliff deep down inside. I knew you were.
- Don't push it. - Quick, go get that chair.
-[ Sadie Banging On Door ] - [ Sighs ] Oh.
Security! Help!
- I better stay with Sadie. - Oh, boy. I can't wait to loose my lip at those stockholders.
- Wait! You can't. - Why not?
Because no one will believe you. The one who always does the talking is Sa--
[ Sadie Shelton ] You fools. They'll never fall for that. They'll see right through her!
[ Man ] By the liquidation of the Hollowmade factory...
we'll double our corp--
[ Sadie Banging On Door ] Open up! Let me out!
- Oh,just hold your horses. - Let me out!
Good morning. Bill, Tom.
- Bill, Tom. - Good morning.
[ Sighs ]
Well, good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry if I'm a bit late. Well, let's get right down to new business, shall we?
Hollowmade. I have come to the conclusion...
that the sale of Hollowmade to Fabio--
- Alberici. - What's his face, is not in our best interest.
- [ Chattering ] - Excuse me, Miss Shelton...
but we were just reminding the stockholders that you strongly advocate liquidation.
- Rose, darling, may I have a glass of water, please? -[ Chattering Continues ]
- Certainly. - I'm a very direct woman.
If I don't get your approval to cancel this sale...
please understand that I...
I have controlling interest in Denver-Carrington-- M-M-Moramax...
and I will not hesitate to fire y'all right here on the spot...
and replace y'all with a board that will go along.
- Miss Shelton, this is outrageous. - [ Chattering Continues ]
- We were told the sale would make a huge profit. - [ Crowd Muttering Approval ]
Isn't that what we're in business for?
What the hell's going on here?
[ Stammers ]
What Sadie means-- What she's trying to tell you is--
- [ Stammering Continues ] I just want to say-- - Uh, gentlemen...
I have something to say.
- This deal is a fraud. - [ Stockholders Muttering ]
Mr. Alberici...
plans to close down the factory and to strip-mine Jupiter Hollow.
You're probably wondering how come all of a sudden we care about this little Podunk town.
Well, it's, it's simply because, because--
Because of the terrible image problem we've been facing.
As you well know, Moramax has the image problem of...
of a, of a--
- Pit bull! - Yes! Look. Everyone hates us.
And now we're going to put 500 hard-working, decent Americans out of work?
- They're not gonna take it lyin' down. - They're not.
They're liable to be arriving here any minute now... in pickup trucks.
- R.V.'s. - Factory workers picketing Moramax...
- with wives, kids, dogs. -[ Stockholders Murmuring ]
- Pigs! - All right! Get on with it.
Oh, look. Ladies and gentlemen...
we're asking you to please say no to this sale...
not just because it's gonna spare 500 jobs...
not just because it's gonna save 1 0,000 acres...
of the most beautiful land God ever put on this earth...
and certainly not just because it's the right thing to do.
No. We appeal to you as business people.
We appeal to your basic business instinct.
Yes! To save your own asses!
Yes. How many of you are in favor of saving Jupiter Hollow?
-[ Murmuring Continues ] - [ Laughing ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Sadie Ratliff ] You were wonderful!
So eloquent. You nailed 'em!
- Rose? - Sadie!
- [ Gasps ] - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- Oh, oh, oh! - That's him. He's here.
Two Sadies.
You. Psst.
[ Sadie Ratliff ] Aw! Oh!
No. It's me. Uh-- [ Chuckles ]
- Think about it. - [ Speaking Italian ]
There must be higher love.
-Down in the heart. - What next?
- Or hidden in the stars above. - How about a nice long weekend on my yacht?
- Without it. - Mmm, we can describe the weekend...
-Life is a wasted time. - as offshore drilling?
- [ Giggling ] -.Look inside your heart I'll look inside mine.
Things look so bad everywhere.
- [ Chattering, Indistinct ] -.In this whole world what is fair.
I have been out of control with that kid.
- I mean, absolutely out of control with that kid. -. We walk blind.
-And we try to see. - [ Whistles Loudly ]
-Falling behind in what could be. - Yee-ha!
Rose, Rose. Remember me and the ring, the dirty names? I'm sorry.
- Oh, you know, I'm so glad to see you because-- - I wanna take you for coffee.
- You got quite a mouth, haven't you? - I feel so good today!
I just saved Jupiter Hollow.
Bring me a higher love.
- Where's that higher love. - Let's get one of these.
I keep thinking of.
- Worlds are turning and we're just hanging on. - A nice front porch.
- With a rocker. - Whoa, there.
-Standing out there alone. - [ Laughing ] Oh, Roone.
- Will I have a rocking chair too? - Sure will.
- There must be someone who's feeling for me. - Taxi.
[ Both Gasp ]
Things look so bad everywhere.
In this whole world what is fair.
We walk blind and we try to see.
Falling behind in what could be.
Bring me a higher love.
Bring me a higher love, oh.
-Bring me a higher love. - Excuse me.
- Good morning. - We'd like a room.
- Please. -.It's that higher love.
I keep thinking of.
Bring me a higher love.
Bring me a higher love, oh.
Bring me a higher love.
I could rise above.
On a higher love.
I will wait for it.
I'm not too late for it.
Until then.
I'll sing my song.
To chant the night along.
Babe.
I could light the night up with my soul on fire.
I could make the sun shine from pure desire.
Let me feel that love come over me.
Let me feel how strong it could be.
Oh, oh, oh.
Bring me a higher love.
Bring me a higher love, oh.
Bring me a higher love.
It's that higher love I keep thinking of.
Bring me a higher love.
Bring me a higher love, oh.
-Bring me. -.Bring me a higher love.
Oh.
-Bring me a higher love. -. Oh.
-Bring me a higher love. -.Bring me a higher love.
-Bring me a higher love, oh. -.Keep bringing, oh.
- Oh. -.I said bring me.
Bring me a higher love.
-Bring me a higher love. -.Ah.
Bring me a higher love.
- Oh, whoa, whoa With a higher love. -.Bring me a higher love.
- Oh. -.Bring me a higher love.
-Bring me a higher love. -.Bring it on.
That love Bring me a higher love.
It's that love, whoa.
Bring me a higher love.
-I said bring me, bring me. -.Bring me a higher love.
- Oh,yeah Bring me a higher love. -.Bring me a higher love..