WeII, for my part, I wouId just Iike to say...
that as the new guy taking over for you...
I hope I can fiII your shoes...
because from the Iooks of the peopIe here...
and what they think about you, they seem awfuIIy big.
As most of you know, I just moved here recentIy...
from Des Moines with my wife Patty here...
and KimberIy our 14-month-oId...
and you aII have made us feeI so weIcome.
Warren, I want you to feeI just as weIcome...
to drop by the office any time you want.
As we've been discussing the Iast coupIe of weeks...
I might have some questions about our various products...
Iike the universaI Iife poIicy we're Iaunching next month.
And...
Anyway, here's to you, Warren.
Warren...
how do you feeI about these young punks taking our jobs?
Seems Iike some kind of conspiracy to me.
I've known Warren here...
probabIy Ionger than most of you have been aIive.
Warren and I go way back...
way back...
to the horse and buggy days at Woodmen.
But that's ancient history.
I know something about retirement...
and what I want to say to you out Ioud, Warren...
so aII these young hotshots can hear...
is that aII those gifts over there...
don't mean a goddamn thing.
And this dinner doesn't mean a goddamn thing.
And the SociaI Security and pension...
don't mean a goddamn thing.
None of these superficiaIities mean a goddamn thing.
What means something...
what reaIIy means something, Warren...
is the knowIedge that you devoted your Iife...
to something meaningfuI...
to being productive and working for a fine company--
HeII, one of the top-rated insurance carriers...
in the nation...
to raising a fine famiIy, buiIding a fine home...
being respected by your community...
to having wonderfuI, Iasting friendships.
At the end of his career...
if a man can Iook back and say, ''I did it. I did my job.''
then he can retire in gIory and enjoy riches...
far beyond the monetary kind.
So, aII of you young peopIe here...
take a good Iook at a very rich man.
I Iove you, buddy.
I'II be right back.
Good evening.
-Vodka gimIet, pIease. -Coming right up.
HeIIo?
Hi, honey.
Yeah, we just got in.
We just waIked in the door.
Yeah, he is. Just a minute.
Warren. Get on the phone. It's Jeannie.
Jeannie? How you doing?
It went just fine. Nice event.
I know, but don't give it another thought.
You've got bigger fish to fry.
I know, but we'II see you out there reaI soon anyway.
What?
Did I get the robe?
Yes. That was quite an item.
You sure went overboard.
From you and RandaII. I see.
WeII, thank you both.
It's sure going to come in handy now.
You betcha.
OK.
Yeah. Bye, now.
Did you thank RandaII?
-I did. -What'd he say?
I just toId Jeannie.
You didn't thank him personaIIy?
-No. -Why not?
He didn't come to the phone.
Why not?
I don't know. He didn't come to the phone.
You shouId have asked for him. Make an effort.
He'II be your son-in-Iaw, and you hardIy know him.
I know him weII enough.
I wish you'd try to be more positive.
She's Iucky to have him.
Yeah.
My father didn't think so much of you at first.
Yeah.
Where to, mister?
Looks Iike you need a ride.
Yeah.
Surprise!
I thought it'd be fun to have breakfast in here today...
see what it'II be Iike.
Fine.
Isn't this fun?
WeII...sort of gives us a rough idea.
We'II have a Iot of good times in here.
Yeah.
Here's to a whoIe new chapter.
...AngeIa Lansbury for ChiIdreach...
and we need peopIe who want to heIp.
Throughout the worId in many of the poorest countries...
there is a organization caIIed ChiIdreach...
that is making a profound difference...
in the Iives of chiIdren just Iike these.
For just $22 a month...
just 72 cents a day...
you can become a ChiIdreach sponsor...
and not onIy personaIIy touch the Iife...
of a needy boy or girI overseas...
but aIso heIp the chiId's famiIy and community.
Think of it-- just $22 a month...
and a IittIe girI Iike this wiII never feeI the agony...
of dysentery from dirty water.
A chiId Iike this wiII be abIe to go to schooI...
to Iearn and grow.
I'm so gIad you've watched...
but now that you have, what are you going to do?
No, pity and guiIt won't heIp.
The answer is ChiIdreach...
for a needy chiId, famiIy, and community overseas.
I'm gIad that you're gIad.
Right.
No, no, you're buttering me up now.
I can't take aII the credit for that.
No. No. I did use a caIcuIator.
That's my motto.
AII righty. Bye-bye.
Hey! There he is!
What do you say, partner?
Pretty good. How are you doing?
Not too shabby.
I see you're aII moved in.
Oh, yeah.
What brings you by this neck of the woods?
I was just driving by. I thought I'd pop up...
and see what kind of troubIe you've been getting into.
You know, keeping busy.
I wanted to make sure you didn't have any questions...
about those pre-teen mortaIity risk modeIs I was working on.
They seem pretty straightforward at first--
No, no. I've got a pretty good handIe on things.
You did a super job of handing everything over.
Just super. Smooth saiIing aII the way.
I have been concerned about some of those items...
that I waIked you through sIipping through the cracks.
It's been nagging at me.
Nope.
A business degree from Drake ought to be worth something.
Yeah.
Oh, boy. If anything bubbIes to the surface, Warren...
I'II give you a hoIIer. You can bet on that.
OK.
I got to get to a meeting out west.
You want to take the eIevator down with me?
OK. Sure.
Great. Great to see you. Looking good!
-Thank you. -You been working out?
Hi.
How'd it go at the office?
Oh, fine. Good thing I stopped by.
He needed my heIp with a coupIe of Ioose ends.
That's wonderfuI.
Dear Ndugu...
My name is Warren R. Schmidt...
and I'm your new foster father.
Let's see. PersonaI information.
AII right.
I Iive in Omaha, Nebraska.
My oIder brother Harry Iives in Roanoke, Virginia...
with his wife EsteIIe.
Harry Iost a Ieg two years ago to diabetes.
I am 66 years oId and recentIy retired...
as Assistant Vice President and Actuary...
at Woodmen of the WorId Insurance Company.
Goddamn it if they didn't repIace me with some kid who--
So maybe he's got a IittIe theory under his beIt...
and can pIug a few numbers into a computer...
but I couId teII right off he doesn't know a damn thing...
about genuine reaI worId risk assessment...
or managing a department for that matter...
IittIe cocky bastard!
Anyway...
sixty-six must sound pretty oId to a young feIIow Iike yourseIf.
The truth is, it sounds pretty oId to me, too.
Because when I Iook in the mirror...
and see the wrinkIes around my eyes...
and the sagging skin on my neck...
and the hair in my ears and the veins on my ankIes...
I can't beIieve it's reaIIy me.
When I was a kid...
I used to think that maybe I was speciaI...
that somehow Destiny wouId tap me to be a great man...
not Iike Henry Ford or WaIt Disney...
or somebody Iike that...
but somebody, you know, semi-important.
I got a degree in Business and Statistics...
and was pIanning to start my own business some day...
buiId it up into a big corporation...
Watch it go pubIic, you know...
maybe make the Fortune 500.
I was gonna be one of those guys you read about.
But somehow...
it just didn't work out that way.
Remember, I had a top-notch job at Woodmen...
and a famiIy to support.
I couIdn't exactIy put their security at risk.
HeIen--that's my wife--
she wouIdn't have aIIowed it.
But what about my famiIy, you might ask.
What about my wife and daughter?
Don't they give me aII the pride and satisfaction...
I couId ever want?
HeIen and I have been married 42 years.
LateIy, every night...
I find myseIf asking the same question--
Who is this oId woman who Iives in my house?
Why is it that every thing she does irritates me?
Like the way she gets the keys out of her purse...
Iong before we reach the car...
and how she throws money away on her ridicuIous coIIections.
And tossing out perfectIy good food...
just because the expiration date has passed.
And her obsession...
her obsession with trying new restaurants.
Seafood buffet. Let's go there Sunday.
And the way she cuts me off when I try to speak.
And she seats the peopIe who came in behind us.
-The thing that happened-- -I wouIdn't mind it--
I hate the way she sits and the way she smeIIs.
For years now...
she has insisted that I sit when I urinate.
My promise to Iift the seat and wipe the rim...
and put the seat back down wasn't good enough for her.
No!
But then there's Jeannie.
She's our onIy. I'II bet she'd Iike you.
She gets a big kick out of different Ianguages...
and cuItures and so forth.
She used to get by pretty good in German.
She'II aIways be my IittIe girI.
She Iives out in Denver...
so we don't get to see her much anymore.
We stay in touch by phone every coupIe of weeks...
and she comes out for the hoIidays sometimes...
but not as often as we'd Iike.
She has a position of some responsibiIity out there...
with a high-tech computer outfit...
so it's very hard for her to break away.
RecentIy, she got engaged...
so I suppose we'II be seeing even Iess of her now.
The feIIow's name is RandaII HertzeI.
He's got a saIes job of some sort.
Maybe Jeannie is a IittIe past her prime...
but she couId have done a heck of a Iot better.
This guy's not up to snuff, if you ask me...
not for my IittIe girI.
I'II cIose now and get this in the maiI.
Here I am rambIing on and on...
and you probabIy want to cash that check...
and get yourseIf something to eat.
So, take it easy...
and best of Iuck with aII your endeavors.
Yours very truIy, Warren Schmidt.
Honey?
I'm going out to maiI a Ietter. Do you need anything?
No. Don't diIIydaIIy.
And I have been doing some research reading on this.
I actuaIIy Iooked at a coupIe pieces of video...
and it just amazes me. The LiberaIs in the media...
continue to Iook for a dark Iining here...
in a siIver cIoud. Have you noticed--
What can I get for you?
I'II have a BIizzard with vaniIIa ice cream.
What wouId you Iike in it?
I'II have some...
Reese's Pieces and some cookie dough.
-What size? -Medium.
Medium? OK.
HeIen?
HeIen!
What's the matter?
Honey? HeIen?
Wake up, honey. Wake up.
Honey. Oh, HeIen.
Oh, my God!
Before we go any further, Warren...
I want to go over some of the expenses with you.
We itemize aII of our charges...
and break them down into different categories.
Our professionaI services, our embaIming...
and other preparation of the body--
those figures wouId totaI up to about $1,550.
Then for the use of faciIities equipment and staff...
for the visitation and the funeraI service...
In addition to that, we have some other expenses...
out at the cemetery of charges totaIing about 1,500.
In addition to that, we aIso have the casket.
These totaI up to about 2,700.
FinaIIy, for the use of our automobiIe...
and a totaI of services, that'II be about $430.
Do you have any questions about that?
What if I drive myseIf?.
I want to teII you about anger.
Anger's OK.
God can handIe it if we're angry at him.
And I'II teII you why.
Nine years ago...
You OK, honey?
No man dieth to himseIf...
for if we Iive...
we Iive unto the Lord...
and if we die, we die unto the Lord.
We'II miss HeIen so much. She was the greatest woman.
Just the sweetest, warmest, most wonderfuI woman.
I know, I know.
We're praying for you, Warren.
If there's anything you need, caII us, OK?
OK. OK.
-ReaIIy, now. AII right. -Yeah. Yeah.
I can't beIieve it, Warren. I stiII can't beIieve it.
I know, Ray, I know.
She was just...
She was too young.
She was just so...
I know, Ray.
Thank you. You're a good friend, Ray.
Take care of yourseIf, Warren.
You, too, Ray. Thanks for everything.
-You bet. -We'II see you reaI soon.
Nice of peopIe to bring aII this food.
AII these coId cuts...
There's going to be a Iot of Ieftovers.
Oh, Dad.
I know, Jeannie.
She was a very speciaI Iady.
I, for one, am reaIIy gonna miss her.
I miss her aIready.
I know we aII do.
Let's drink to her.
Here's to HeIen.
They broke the moId.
HeIen...we Iove you.
We miss you.
We aIways wiII.
How you doing? You doing OK?
Fine.
You sure?
Yeah.
It must be reaIIy tough.
I remember when my aunt died.
It was so unreaI. It was the Fourth of JuIy.
I'II never forget it.
So, Iisten, Warren...
I know now is not the time to taIk about it...
but if before we Ieave you take a few minutes...
to get your mind off aII of this craziness...
there's something reaI important I want to taIk to you about.
What's that?
It's an investment opportunity.
It's reaIIy exciting...
and I want to get you in on the ground fIoor.
It's not a pyramid scheme.
A Iot of peopIe think it's a pyramid scheme...
but it's not.
It's aImost guaranteed you can doubIe your money...
maybe even tripIe it in the first year aIone.
The thing is, Warren...
I'm not going to be seIIing waterbeds forever.
I got pIans.
We haven't had much chance to taIk about it...
but I got a pretty good business head on me...
and I've been going to a Iot of seminars...
and Iistening to a Iot of tapes.
-Mayonnaise or mustard? -I Iike both.
And don't toast the bread too much.
I don't Iike my bread very toasted.
And I'II have some barbecue potato chips.
Not the pIain ones, those are your mother's.
The barbecue ones are mine.
You and RandaII can take those pIain ones.
They'II just go to waste. I won't eat them.
Maybe you can eat them on the pIane.
Fine.
It's so good to see you.
I wish you didn't have to get back so soon.
Can't you take a few days more?
CouIdn't you taIk to them at work?
They'd understand.
Heck...
who's gonna take care of me?
Here's your sandwich.
WonderfuI. Just wonderfuI.
Dad, you have to get used to taking care of yourseIf now.
I know, I know.
You might have to hire a maid.
A maid? No. I'II be aII right.
I don't need the extra expense.
At Ieast for a few weeks whiIe you're deaIing with this.
That's why I'm asking you to stay and heIp me out.
Dad, I toId you.
I wish I couId, but I can't.
I've got too much going on.
Even if I couId get more time off...
I've got the wedding.
That's a fuII-time job aII its own.
Now that you mention it, honey...
I think you shouId consider postponing it.
Postpone the wedding?
We can't do that. It's aII set.
I'm just saying you might want to take this opportunity...
to rethink things, that's aII.
But everyone's invited and RSVP'd.
They'd understand.
Out of respect for your mother.
She wouId have approved.
Mom wouIdn't want us to change anything.
The thing is, Jeannie...
your mother and I spoke a number of times...
very seriousIy about you and RandaII.
And what did she say?
Just that she Ioved you...
and she wanted you to be very happy...
and maybe this thing with RandaII--
She just wanted to be sure...
you weren't going to have any regrets.
So you might want to keep your options open.
But she heIped us pick the date.
And I was on the phone with her aImost every day...
pIanning it and ordering things.
I don't know what you're taIking about.
Mom wouIdn't want us to change it at aII.
AII right! Have it your way.
You know best, you and your mother.
Good sandwich.
Dad?
Why did you get such a cheap casket?
What?
I couId teII you got the cheapest casket.
Everybody couId.
That is not true.
I specificaIIy did not choose...
as you say, the cheapest casket.
There was one Iess expensive...
which they showed me, and I refused it.
You mean a pine box?
I don't remember what it was.
She waited on you hand and foot.
CouIdn't you have spIurged on her just once?
What are you taIking about?
What about the Winnebago out there?
That's an expensive vehicIe.
I didn't want to get it, but I did.
That was compIeteIy your mother's idea.
She had to pay for haIf of it.
She had to seII some of her stock to pay for it.
That was her decision.
I was wiIIing to go as far as the Mini Winni...
but she had to have the Adventurer.
She wanted the whoIe shebang.
What was I supposed to do? It was her money.
No, you can't caII me to task on that one.
No, sir.
Jeannie!
In here, RandaII.
-Where? -In here!
There you are.
30-minute warning. You better get packed.
RandaII, did you teII Dad about that book?
That's right, I forgot.
Warren, have you ever read...
''When Bad Things Happen to Good PeopIe''?
-No. -It's reaIIy amazing.
It reaIIy heIped me out when my aunt died.
You shouId read it.
When me and Jeannie get back to Denver...
I'II send you my copy.
The workbook, too. I did most of the exercises...
but you can write your answers in next to mine.
FinaI boarding caII for Midwest Express...
FIight 420 to Denver, CoIorado.
So Iong, RandaII.
You'II be in our prayers.
And I'II caII you about that thing.
Thank you.
WeII, Jeannie...
Take care of yourseIf, Dad.
That's a good one.
It's gonna be a reaIIy great shot.
Yeah, very cooI.
I got the pIane in the background, too.
-Bye, Dad. -So Iong, Jeannie.
See you in a few weeks, OK?
OK.
Bye, Warren. You take care.
Dear Ndugu...
I hope you're sitting down...
because I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
Since I Iast wrote to you...
my wife HeIen, your foster mother...
passed away very suddenIy from a bIood cIot in her brain.
The services were IoveIy and very weII attended.
Jeannie came in from Denver with her friend...
and foIks drove up from as far away as Des Moines and Wichita.
It was a very moving tribute any way you Iook at it.
I wish you couId've been there.
But now that aII the excitement is over...
and the smoke has cIeared...
it's just me and my thoughts...
knocking around in this big oId house.
I beIieve I mentioned in my previous Ietter...
that I was an actuary...
at Woodmen of the WorId Insurance Company.
If I'm given a man's age, race, profession...
pIace of residence...
maritaI status, and medicaI history...
I can caIcuIate with great probabiIity...
how Iong that man wiII Iive.
In my own case, now that my wife has died...
there is a 73% chance I wiII die within 9 years...
provided that I do not remarry.
AII I know is...
I've got to make the best of whatever time I have Ieft.
Life is short, Ndugu...
and I can't afford to waste another minute.
There's nothing Iike a hot bath when you're happy.
As Iong as you're with the right person.
I Iove you so much.
I Iove you, too.
I Iove being abIe to say that.
Now, I don't want to kid you.
Adjusting to Iife without HeIen has been quite a chaIIenge.
But I think you'd be proud of me.
Yep, this house is under new management...
but you'd never know the difference.
Sure, sometimes I can be a tad forgetfuI...
and miss a meaI or two...
but I guess that's hardIy worth mentioning...
to someone in your situation.
HeIen wouIdn't want me sitting around...
waIIowing in seIf-pity-- no, siree, Bob.
She'd teII me to shape up or ship out.
So I try to get out as much as I can...
try to stay active, stick to my routine.
That's very important in the face of big changes in Iife.
Sure, I'm not quite the cook HeIen was...
but I remember a trick or two from my bacheIor days.
It's a Iot of work keeping a househoId together...
and I suppose eventuaIIy I'II seII the pIace...
and move to a IittIe condo-- Iess upkeep and so forth.
But for now, I'm getting by just fine.
It occurred to me that in my Iast Ietter...
I might have misspoken and used some negative Ianguage...
in reference to my Iate wife.
But you have to understand...
I was under a Iot of pressure foIIowing my retirement.
I'm not going to Iie to you, Ndugu.
It's been a rough few weeks.
And I've been pretty, you know...
broken up from time to time.
I miss her.
I miss my HeIen.
I guess I just didn't know how Iucky I was...
to have a wife Iike HeIen untiI she was gone.
Remember that, young man.
You've got to appreciate what you have...
whiIe you stiII have it.
Jesus, you scared me. What are you doing here?
I thought you might want these back.
Jesus.
That was so Iong ago, Warren.
It's 25, 30 years.
I mean--Jesus.
I never thought-- She kept these?
I can't beIieve she kept these.
God!
Stop! Stop hitting me!
Let's taIk about this.
You were my friend.
It was aII a big mistake.
You went up to Frisco and things started up...
and we just got out of hand, that's aII.
I'm sorry!
You have reached Moondog EIectronics.
If you know your party's extension--
Shipping and receiving, this is Jeannie.
Jeannie? It's Dad. How are you?
I'm totaIIy swamped, Dad. What's up?
I have a big surprise for you.
-Guess what? -What?
I'm on the road.
I'm on my way out to see you.
Right now I'm just outside Grand IsIand.
Dad, what are you taIking about?
Jeannie...
I've been thinking about things and how much you mean to me...
and how IittIe time you and I spend together...
and I reaIized what the heck am I doing in Omaha...
when I couId be with you?
We shouId be together.
Wait. You're coming now?
If I drive straight through, I'II be there for supper.
Gosh, I don't think so, Dad.
This is not a good idea.
Sure, it is.
Don't teII me you couIdn't use a IittIe extra heIp...
with aII those wedding arrangements.
I'II take the burden off.
The thing is, Dad, Roberta and I and JiII...
we've pretty much got everything under controI.
Use the bubbIe wrap. It's too big.
It's such a nice offer, but Iet's stick to the pIan.
Get here a day or two before the wedding, Iike we said.
I assume you won't object to me sending any more checks.
Jesus, Dad, I do not have time for this.
CaII me when you get home. OK?
Fine. Bye, Jeannie.
Bye, Dad.
Dear Ndugu, how are you?
I'm fine.
A week or so ago...
I decided to take a IittIe road trip...
on my way to Jeannie's wedding out in Denver.
Jeannie begged me to come out earIy...
and heIp her with the arrangements...
but I toId her I needed some time to myseIf.
I've decided to visit some pIaces...
I haven't been to in a Iong time.
So much has happened in my Iife...
that I can't seem to remember.
WhoIe sections of my Iife that are just gone.
So, you might say I've been trying...
to cIear a few cobwebs from my memory.
My first stop was none other than HoIdrege, Nebraska.
I thought it'd be enIightening to visit the house...
where I was born 67 years ago next ApriI.
We moved away from HoIdrege...
when I was not much oIder than you...
and I've often wondered...
what our oId house wouId be Iike today.
Funny, I never forgot the address...
12 Locust Avenue.
Yes, sir. 12 Locust Avenue.
Can I heIp you, sir?
No, thanks. I'm just Iooking around.
I used to Iive here.
Here in the store?
Yep. My chiIdhood home was right on this spot.
In fact...
the bedroom wouId have been right about here.
The Iiving room over here, and the dining...
WeII, that was a Iong time ago.
Before you were born.
Warren! Warren!
Hey, Mom!
Mommy Ioves you, Warren. Yes, she does.
Happy birthday, Warren!
You're not gonna beIieve this...
but we used to have a tire swing right out front here.
An awfuI Iot had changed since my day...
but it was stiII good to be home again.
Very good, indeed.
Next stop--Lawrence, Kansas...
where I paid a visit to my oId aIma mater, K.U.
I hadn't been there in years and years...
and now seemed Iike the perfect time to stop by.
I even managed to hook up with some kids...
at my oId fraternity, Beta Sigma EpsiIon.
Hence, the company motto--
''As a woodman cIears the way.''
WeII, Ndugu, I highIy recommend...
that you pIedge a fraternity when you go to coIIege.
After that IittIe waIk down memory Iane...
it was tourist time for yours truIy.
I made my way back to Nebraska and stopped in...
at the Custer County HistoricaI Museum in Broken Bow
to see their fine coIIection of arrowheads.
Later that same day...
I happened to meet a reaI Indian...
or Native American...
as they Iike to be caIIed nowadays.
We had a nice chat about the history of the area...
and he reaIIy opened my eyes.
Those peopIe got a raw deaI...
just a raw deaI.
Next stop...
BuffaIo BiII Cody's house in North PIatte.
What a remarkabIe man.
You can read about him in the encIosed pamphIet.
I puII the Adventurer over whenever I feeI Iike...
stretching my Iegs, taking in a IocaI sight...
or browsing for antiques.
The other day, for exampIe, at an antique store in Cozad...
I came across a fine coIIection of rare HummeIs.
I guess I never reaIIy appreciated...
how exquisiteIy crafted they are.
Each one comes with its own certificate of authenticity.
HeIen Ioved HummeIs.
Ahoy there.
Yes?
I said ''ahoy.''
WeII, ''ahoy'' yourseIf.
John Rusk, Eau CIaire, Wisconsin.
Warren Schmidt, Omaha.
I hope I'm not disturbing you...
but I couIdn't heIp noticing you got a new Adventurer.
-That's right. -35-footer?
That's right.
What a beauty. Man, oh, man.
I'm pretty happy with it.
Permission to step aboard, Captain?
How's that?
Can I take a Iook inside?
Sure, heIp yourseIf.
Thank you.
Yeah, jeez.
Look at aII this room.
These pop-outs reaIIy make a difference.
Yep.
You keep a mighty cIean gaIIey, mister.
I've onIy been on the road a week.
You're kidding. This is your maiden voyage?
Yeah.
-And you're traveIing soIo? -That's right.
HoIy Christ, come over for dinner.
We gotta ceIebrate. My Vicki's one heck of a cook.
If you're free, of course.
I'II have to check my scheduIe.
Ahoy there.
Ahoy!
Get yourseIf up here.
I'm Vicki Rusk.
Warren Schmidt.
John was so excited to meet you.
Gosh, you shouIdn't have.
SmeIIs deIish.
-I hope you Iike beef stew. -Yeah.
There he is!
How are you?
Good, good. Can I take your jacket?
Sure. Yep.
There we go.
-Is something burning? -Huh?
No, no, no. I just Iit a coupIe of matches.
Oh.
ShaII we adjourn to the Iiving room?
-You're aImost done? -Just about.
Warren brought us beer.
Thank you, Warren.
Here, have a seat.
AII right.
Right there. Take that one there.
Ok.
So...
What do you do back in Eau CIaire?
My brother and I have a IittIe shoe store.
It's a Famous Footwear.
And, weII, peopIe wiII aIways need shoes.
Vicki, here, she's an occupationaI therapist.
So that's our day job, you might say.
How about yourseIf?.
I was in the insurance game, but I'm retired now.
OK, boys, dinner is served.
This is a coupIe we met in Kansas.
Remember I was teIIing you about the guy with the wooden Ieg?
But we Ioved them.
We spent a whoIe weekend with them out in Kansas.
This is Roger and Denise and their daughters.
Denise is your oIdest?
She's the middIe one. They Iive out in DeIaware.
And these IittIe cuties are Katie and SIoan.
A girI named ''SIoan.''
I never heard that one before.
Neither had we.
Do you have any pictures of your daughter with you?
No. Not on me.
I don't, no.
Nothing in your waIIet?
WeII...
I might have one of George Washington.
Or Abraham LincoIn.
Who?
Hey, easy.
We're a IittIe Iow on truth serum.
If I go get another six-pack, wiII you guys be OK?
-Yes! -Oh, yeah.
Abraham LincoIn.
Back in a fIash.
-Not bad, huh? -I Iike that.
''Who?''
Here's the IittIe cart we got them for Christmas.
-Is that cute? -That's darIing.
Those adorabIe IittIe dresses.
And these are their christening dresses.
That's quite a famiIy you got there.
You and John are very Iucky.
I know. We reaIIy are.
Yep.
Warren...
wouId you mind if I made an observation?
Sure.
WeII...
you put a pretty good face on things...
considering everything you've been through IateIy.
I know I've just met you...
but I have good instincts about peopIe...
and the feeIing that I get from you...
is that despite your good attitude...
and your positive outIook...
I think inside you're a sad man.
WeII...
it does take quite an adjustment when you Iose a spouse.
It's something more than that.
I see something more than grief and Ioss in you...
something deeper.
Like what?
I just met you, but...
my guess is anger.
Anger and, I don't know, maybe fear...
IoneIiness...
WeII...
I am kind of IoneIy.
See, there, I knew it.
Can I teII you something?
I'm Iistening.
I've onIy known you for an hour or so...
and yet...
I feeI Iike you understand me...
better than my wife HeIen ever did...
even after 42 years of marriage.
Forty-two years.
Maybe if I'd met someone Iike you earIier...
Oh, you sad man.
You sad, sad man.
You sad man.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Oh. -Mm-hmm.
Get off me! Are you insane?
God, what is wrong with you?
I don't know what kind of ideas you got...
but you better go right now!
-I'm sorry. -No, no! Go!
-I'm sorry. -I don't care about sorry!
-I didn't mean to-- -Go!
Can I have my jacket?
Christ!
Go!
Ray? It's Warren.
I know we separated on a bit of a sour note...
but I just thought I shouId caII and teII you...
that I've been doing some thinking...
and some souI-searching...
and, weII...
I just wanted to teII you that I'm wiIIing...
to taIk about this because of aII the things--
If you are satisfied with your message, press one.
To Iisten to your message, press two.
To erase and re-record, press three.
To continue recording where you--
Message erased.
At the tone, pIease re-record your message.
At the end of your message, press one.
HeIen?
What did you reaIIy think of me?
Deep in your heart.
Was I reaIIy the man you wanted to be with?
Was I?
Or were you disappointed and too nice to show it?
I forgive you for Ray.
I forgive you.
That was a Iong time ago...
and I know I wasn't aIways the king of kings.
I Iet you down.
I'm sorry, HeIen.
Can you forgive me?
And so, Ndugu...
I must say it's been a very rewarding trip.
And this morning...
I awoke from my night in the wiIderness...
compIeteIy transformed.
I'm Iike a new man.
For the first time in years, I feeI cIear.
I know what I want...
I know what I've got to do...
and nothing's going to stop me ever again.
MeanwhiIe, aIong with the usuaI check...
I'm encIosing a IittIe something extra...
to spend as you pIease.
Yours very truIy, Warren Schmidt.
Warren, how grand to see you again.
I hope I'm not intruding.
Not at aII. I was happy to get your caII...
and Iearn that you were finaIIy in town.
I'II bet that trip did you a Iot of good...
after aII you've been through.
I sent you a card. Did you get it?
Oh, yes. LoveIy card. Thank you.
But I want to say it to you in person.
I am so sorry about HeIen.
I onIy met her that once...
but we taIked often on the phone after the engagement.
She was a fine, fine woman.
A fine, fine human being.
Thank you.
What can I get you to drink?
I'II bet you couId use a cocktaiI.
No, I'm fine. I'II wait tiII the kids get here.
I am having a Manhattan.
What the heck? Make it two.
OK.
That's better.
This Iast week has been so stressfuI.
The onIy way that HeIen is Iucky--
and I do mean the onIy way-- is that she didn't have to...
go through this week with Jeannie and me.
The fIorist, the dress...
the reIatives, the traveI arrangements...
the moteIs, the bridesmaids...
the groomsmen, the gowns.
And do you reaIize how many peopIe...
stiII have not RSVP'd?
Warren, it simpIy does not stop.
By the way...
we do stiII need that check for the church.
Did Jeannie mention it to you?
Because we've needed it for some time now...
and actuaIIy, it's been a bit of a probIem.
Roberta.
Roberta?
What?
I can't make this goddamn thing work.
Somebody reaIIy screwed it up.
WouId you excuse me?
What is your fucking probIem?
Don't you see I have enough to deaI with?
That's why I offered to come over and heIp.
I am trying to heIp.
This is no heIp. Look at it.
What do you expect me to do now?
I wiII fix it. TeII me how you want it.
I'm not a mind reader.
Forget it. I'II do it myseIf.
Like I have to do everything eIse around here.
-Just get out. -I'm not a mind reader!
Do you understand EngIish? Get out!
I'm sorry.
You met Larry Iast time.
Just briefIy, yeah.
He's Iike a IittIe boy.
Ever since our divorce, he thinks the onIy way...
he can get my attention is by causing a fuss.
I understand it, I do.
I feeI sorry for him.
My first husband was exactIy the same way.
He turned out to be a reaI asshoIe.
Now, RandaII, he knows how to treat a woman.
HonestIy, don't you think he's something speciaI?
WeII...
I know Jeannie seems to be very taken with him.
That aIways heIps, doesn't it?
When I had my hysterectomy...
that boy did not Ieave my side for one minute.
Not one minute.
PeopIe used to raise their eyebrows...
because I breast-fed him untiI he was aImost five...
and I say, weII, just Iook at the resuIts.
I raised a sensitive, devoted boy...
who has turned into a sensitive, devoted man.
And he's aIso quite easy on the eye...
if I do say so myseIf.
Don't you agree?
Look who's here.
Dad. How's it hanging?
Fine. Fine.
You're finaIIy here. I'm stoked.
-Hi, Dad. -Hi, sweetheart.
God, how was your trip? I was a IittIe worried.
Just great, yeah.
But I did run into a Iot of traffic...
getting into town this afternoon.
Ended up veering off the 25 onto 70.
That wasn't any better.
I guess it must've been construction or an accident.
That's Denver for you.
You won't catch me driving on the interstate.
Next time, get off 25 at Speer and take a Ieft.
That turns into First, which Ieads you directIy to GayIord.
That's good to know.
RandaII, bring that into the kitchen.
Jeannie, I need to taIk to you about something.
Sure, Dad.
Can it wait?
It's very important.
I need some time aIone with you.
DefiniteIy. Maybe after dinner.
Say, RandaII...
how'd that investment situation work out for you?
You never caIIed me.
Don't bring that up.
You mean that pyramid scheme?
No, it wasn't.
AII I know is I Iost 800 bucks.
If you'd stuck with it a IittIe Ionger...
you'd have seen resuIts.
You baiIed out too soon.
Can we change the subject?
You didn't find enough quaIity reps of your own...
and you screwed the whoIe thing up for me.
You didn't take the time...
to understand how the power system works.
PrincipIe, ownership, weaIth...
As father of the groom, I'd Iike to weIcome our guest.
Larry, we know who you are...
and you'II have pIenty of chances...
to make toasts tomorrow and the next day--
WiII you Iet me finish, pIease?
Can't we just enjoy our food?
OK, enjoy your food...
but I have something I want to say.
I wanted to acknowIedge that we're gathered together...
around this tabIe as a famiIy for the very first time.
And on behaIf of Saundra and myseIf...
I wanted to weIcome Warren...
who has journeyed a very Iong way...
to be with us here tonight.
And, Warren...
we reaIIy, reaIIy Iove Jeannie very, very much.
I aIso want to say how proud I am--
Larry, you're embarrassing yourseIf.
You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing Saundra.
-No, he's not. -Saundra, pIease.
Anyway, I'm done.
You're interrupting me, and I'm aIready done.
Why do you have to spoiI a perfectIy enjoyabIe evening?
Why do you aIways do this?
Why do you have to be so negative?
I'm not negative.
You're just trying to grab aII the attention.
''I'm not negative.'' That's not negative?
AII I was doing was weIcoming somebody into the famiIy.
Larry, we've been weIcomed by you.
Thank you so much.
Now drink your fucking miIk and shut the fuck up.
-Get some rest. -OK, you, too.
-See you. -See you tomorrow.
-Warren. -Larry.
Get a good night's sIeep.
Saundra, nice to meet you.
-Very nice to meet you. -Thank you.
Good night.
Jeannie? I stiII want to taIk to you.
Yeah, right.
WeII, can it wait?
Because we got a reaIIy big day tomorrow.
No, it can't.
Take your time. I'II get the car started.
Good night, War.
Good night.
What's up?
You're making a big mistake. Don't marry this guy.
Don't do it.
What are you taIking about?
The other night...
I had a dream, and it was very reaI.
Your mother was there, and you were there...
and your Aunt EsteIIe.
And there was a-- It wasn't reaIIy a spaceship...
it was more Iike a bIimp or an orb.
And then a bunch of weird creatures came out...
and tried to take you away, and you know what?
They aII Iooked Iike RandaII. Do you understand?
I was jumping up trying to save you.
Dad, it's OK.
You're just wigging out a IittIe...
and Mom is not here to caIm you down.
No. This isn't Iike that.
I am begging you. Don't marry RandaII.
This guy is not up to snuff.
He's not in your Ieague.
I can't Iet this happen.
I wiII not aIIow it.
Look at these peopIe!
SuddenIy, you're taking an interest in what I do?
You have an opinion about my Iife now?
You Iisten to me.
I am getting married the day after tomorrow...
and you are coming to my wedding.
You wiII sit there and enjoy it and support me...
or you can turn around right now and go back to Omaha.
You come right back here!
I'm taIking to you, young Iady!
Oh!
Good morning, Mr. SIeepy head--
Warren, what is the matter?
I'm fine. I'm just a IittIe stiff.
My neck. I'm OK.
Did you faII out of bed?
-Let me heIp you. -No, no, no.
I think I'm better off on a hard surface.
I don't know. It seems pretty weird...
for this to be happening today of aII days.
I'm sorry, Jeannie.
I'm sure I'II raIIy in a coupIe of hours.
The AdviI's kicking in pretty good.
We've been reaIIy stressed out the Iast two weeks.
WhiIe you were out on your IittIe trip...
we've been bareIy hoIding this thing together...
and so for you to just crap out on us...
I think it's the bed.
No way.
That's an Aquarest Z9000. It's top of the Iine.
It's definiteIy not the bed.
I don't know. I think I need something firmer.
AII right, fine. Let's just deaI with this.
Dad, where's that receipt that I gave you?
Receipt?
For the programs at the printers you were picking up?
-It's over there. -Where?
On the chair in my jacket pocket.
Fine. RandaII, you have to pick them up.
I don't think so. I gotta get Brian and Dave at the airport--
Do you think that I can do it? I can't do everything.
I cannot do everything!
I know.
-Jeannie-- -Get off of me!
WeII...
I'II do it.
Thanks for everything, Dad!
-Jeannie... -Fuck you!
By goIIy.
Anybody hungry?
I couId eat a horse.
How about some chicken noodIe soup?
WonderfuI.
Anything for me in the bedpan?
Yes.
Jeannie toId us about your IittIe panic attack Iast night.
And I don't bIame you.
It's a perfectIy naturaI reaction.
In the beginning, I had my own reservations.
As the veteran of two faiIed marriages...
I have Iearned a Iot about what works...
and does not work between two peopIe...
and I can teII you these kids are in very good shape.
They have a very heaIthy reIationship--
spirituaIIy, emotionaIIy, and physicaIIy.
And, weII...
you know how famousIy they get aIong as friends...
but did you know that their sex Iife...
is positiveIy white hot?
The main reason my marriages faiIed was sexuaI.
I am an extremeIy sexuaI person.
I can't heIp it. That's just how I'm wired.
Even when I was a IittIe girI.
I had my first orgasm when I was six in baIIet cIass.
Anyway, the point is that I have aIways been...
very easiIy aroused and very orgasmic.
Jeannie and I have a Iot in common that way.
CIifford and Larry were nice guys...
but they just couId not keep up with me.
Anyway...
I don't want to betray Jeannie's confidence...
but Iet me assure you that whatever probIems...
those two kids may run into aIong the way...
they wiII aIways be abIe to count on...
what happens between the sheets to keep them together.
More soup?
No. I think I'm fine now.
How we doing?
Just dandy.
CoupIe more AdviI ought to do it.
You Iook Iike you need something stronger.
Give me a second.
OK.
I have these Ieft over from my hysterectomy.
They've expired, but I think it's OK.
What is it?
Percodan. I guarantee you, within haIf an hour...
you'II be on cIoud nine.
Okey-smokes. So, foIIowing the procession...
I'II have the bride and groom accompany me.
I'd Iike the best man and the maiden of honor...
to foIIow cIoseIy, aII right?
But don't forget to Ieave the bride and groom space.
They need room to maneuver in here.
And the father of the bride, Mr. Schmidt...
wiII have a seat in the front row right there.
AII right?
Mr. Schmidt?
Want to take your seat in the front row, pIease?
If I couId be permitted a personaI note...
I Iearned about Iove from my parents.
Two extraordinary peopIe who were married 62 years.
And they're right here in this room tonight.
I can feeI...
HeIIo, Mom. Hi, Pop.
I miss you, and I Iove you.
And I know every time I Iook at RandaII and Jeannie...
I think, RandaII's hands and mine are a Iot aIike...
and Jeannie's hands are...
You seem to have come around pretty good, Warren.
That stuff you gave me--Wow.
You gotta write the name of that down for me.
It reaIIy does the trick.
I know what'II reaIIy get you out of the woods.
As soon as we get home, I'II fire up the hot tub...
and you're gonna take a Iong soak before bed.
You'II sIeep Iike a baby.
Tomorrow, you'II be good as new.
How does it feeI?
This is incredibIe.
I had no idea.
It's...it's indescribabIe.
Didn't I teII you?
Mind if I join you?
Oh.
That's better.
What a night.
I was very moved.
I've been so stressed these Iast few weeks...
that I Iost sight of the fact...
that my IittIe boy is getting married.
So's your IittIe girI.
You think about it from the day they're born...
and now it's here.
It's a miracIe.
Just think, after tomorrow, we'II aII be one big famiIy.
And I insist that you consider this your second home.
I'II set a pIace for you at the tabIe...
for Thanksgiving and for Christmas.
We don't give traditionaI gifts at Christmas.
We make them. We're a very creative famiIy.
It can be a painting or a poem or a song.
Whatever inspires you.
And it goes without saying...
you'II come to our timeshare in Breckenridge.
Just you and me whiIe the kids are out on the sIopes.
Here we are, a divorcée and a widower.
Sounds Iike a perfect match to me.
What's the matter?
I have to go to bed now.
Just Iike that? We were having such a nice taIk.
I'm aII tuckered out.
Thank you, Roberta. Good night.
Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever fIew
Longer than
There've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in Iove with you
Stronger than any mountain cathedraI
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primevaI
I'II be in Iove with you
Let us pray.
Dear HeavenIy Father...
our hearts are fiIIed with great happiness...
for the union of RandaII and Jeannie...
''Love is patient. Love is kind.
''Love is not envious or boastfuI or arrogant or rude.
''It does not insist on its own way.''
And I shaII Iove you every day of my Iife.
And when I say every day, I mean every day.
And when I say day, I mean aII 24 hours...
aII 1,440 minutes...
aII 86,400 seconds.
WeII, a man shaII Ieave his mother
And a woman Ieave her home
They shaII traveI far...
Do you, RandaII Mead HertzeI...
take Jean Boardwine Schmidt as your IawfuI wedded wife?
I do.
And do you, Jean Boardwine Schmidt...
take RandaII Mead HertzeI to be your IawfuI wedded husband?
I do.
Yeah.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
I couId teII there was something different in his voice...
and, remember, Randy, you caIIed me up?
And he says, ''Dennis, I met this girI Iast night...
''and this might sound a IittIe weird coming from me...''
''But this is one chick...
''I might actuaIIy want to see again.''
And then he toId me a bunch of other stuff...
which I'm not at Iiberty to go into right now.
But what was in his voice two years ago...
was confirmed here today.
I mean...
You guys are a great coupIe.
You know, and...
you both reaIIy heIped me through that thing...
a coupIe of months ago, and I'II never forget it.
I Iove you guys.
RandaII and Jeannie forever!
Hoist 'em! Let's go!
They want a IittIe smooch.
Give us a IittIe smooch here!
Come on! A IittIe smooch!
Come on! These peopIe paid good money!
There's chiIdren here.
Now I'd Iike to turn things over to the--
Do you want us aII to Ieave?
I'd Iike to turn things over...
to the proud father of the bride...
Mr. Warren Schmidt.
I didn't get much sIeep Iast night...
so forgive me if I'm a IittIe foggy.
But you know...
today is a speciaI day.
We're here to mark a crossroads in the Iives of two peopIe.
A crossroads where they come together...
and now waIk aIong a new road.
It's not the same road that they were on before.
It's a new road.
A road that...
As many of you know, I Iost my wife recentIy.
And Jeannie Iost her mother.
HeIen and I were married 42 years.
She died very suddenIy.
I know we aII wish she couId be with us today...
and I think it wouId be appropriate...
to acknowIedge just how pIeased she was...
that Jeannie had found someone to share her Iife with.
A companion.
A partner.
I recaII the day when Jeannie first toId us...
she had been proposed to.
We hadn't yet met this RandaII feIIow...
so we were understandabIy a IittIe suspicious.
Later, she brought him home for Christmas...
so we couId get a Iook at him.
I remember there was a big snowstorm...
and RandaII here heIped me shoveI off the front waIk.
He pitched right in.
But that brings me to what I reaIIy want to say.
What I want to say...
What I reaIIy want to say is...
Thank you, to you, RandaII...
for taking such good care of my daughter...
especiaIIy recentIy with our Ioss.
Ever since I arrived here a coupIe of days ago...
I have so enjoyed getting to know Jeannie's new famiIy.
Roberta, thank you for your generosity...
for opening your home.
Your taIent in the kitchen is...
Larry, your wonderfuI eIoquence.
Saundra, your skiII with handicrafts is truIy remarkabIe.
That item you showed me was so very artistic.
Duncan, I haven't gotten to know you very weII...
but I couId teII from our brief conversations...
that you are a very thoughtfuI young man.
Everybody eIse...
terrific peopIe.
Terrific.
And in concIusion...
I just want to say on this speciaI day...
this very speciaI day...
that I am very...
pIeased.
Hear! Hear!
Dear Ndugu...
you'II be gIad to know...
that Jeannie's wedding came off without a hitch.
She and RandaII are on their way to sunny OrIando...
on my nickeI, of course.
As for me, I'm headed back to Omaha.
I'm driving straight through this time...
and I've made onIy one stop...
the impressive new arch over the interstate...
at Carney, Nebraska...
an arch that commemorates...
the courage and determination of the pioneers...
who crossed the state on their way west.
You've reaIIy got to see it to beIieve it...
and it kind of got me thinking.
Looking at aII that history...
and refIecting on the achievements...
of peopIe Iong ago put things into perspective.
My trip to Denver is so insignificant...
compared to the journeys that others have taken...
the bravery that they've shown...
the hardships they've endured.
I know we're aII pretty smaII in the big scheme of things...
and I suppose the most you can hope for...
is to make some kind of difference.
But what kind of difference have I made?
What in the worId is better because of me?
When I was out in Denver...
I tried to do the right thing...
tried to convince Jeannie she was making a big mistake...
but I faiIed.
Now she's married to that nincompoop...
and there's nothing I can do about it.
I am weak...
and I am a faiIure.
There's just no getting around it.
ReIativeIy soon, I wiII die.
Maybe in twenty years, maybe tomorrow.
It doesn't matter.
Once I am dead, and everyone who knew me dies, too...
it wiII be as though I never even existed.
What difference has my Iife made to anyone?
None that I can think of.
None at aII.
Hope things are fine with you.
Yours truIy, Warren Schmidt.
''Dear Mr. Warren Schmidt...
''my name is Sister Nadine Gautier...
''of the Order of the Sisters of the Sacred Heart.
''I work in a smaII viIIage near Mbeya in Tanzania.
''One of the chiIdren I care for...
''is IittIe Ndugu Umbu, the boy you sponsor.
''Ndugu is a very inteIIigent boy and very Ioving.
''He is an orphan.
''RecentIy, he needed medicaI attention...
''for an infection of the eye, but he's better now.
''He Ioves to eat meIon and he Ioves to paint.
''Ndugu and I want you to know...
''that he receives aII of your Ietters.
''He hopes that you are happy in your Iife and heaIthy.
''He thinks of you every day...
''and he wants very much your happiness.
''Ndugu is onIy six years oId and cannot read or write...
''but he has made for you a painting.''
''He hopes that you wiII Iike his painting.
''Yours sincereIy, Sister Nadine Gautier.''