- Sammy? - Johnny,
where's that little midget waiter dude?
- What? - The little midget waiter.
- Oh, shit! - That was funny.
You always trip like that.
Fuck.
Hey, Johnny, doing okay?
Great. Thanks.
I think he is.
He's cute.
That was great.
Come here, Bambi.
I'm Cindy, you moron.
I'm sorry, Cindy.
I'm the other one.
Hi, Dad.
Hey, Cleo.
Hi, Johnny.
Hey, Layla.
What happened to you?
Ah, just a little stunt work.
You know, I do all my own stunts.
Don't get her back too late, okay?
Yeah, sure.
I like this, my first signature.
- Thanks. - This is cool.
- You see that? - What?
The black SUV behind us. I think he's following us.
Does he have any cameras?
It just looks like a car.
Watch your line. Step back.
And remember to keep yourself square, okay?
Play the music.
You're really good.
Thanks.
When did you learn how to ice skate?
I've been going for three years.
Really?
Is that the same SUV?
There's kind of a lot of those in LA.
Yeah, but I think that's the same one. I've seen it.
- What are you doing? - I'm taking down the plates.
Nice. Good thinking.
- Bye, kiddo. - Bye.
Got it?
Hi.
Hey, Johnny, we're having a party.
- Yeah, it looks great. - Thanks.
Hey, man, how are ya?
- Cheers. - Johnny.
There's this documentary, it's amazing. It's called The F Word.
People saying "fuck" on TV in America. It was this video and stuff.
And it's about $200,000 fine in the US if you say it on TV.
Thanks.
Cool.
If two men really wanna love on each other they have to do that.
Yeah. So how many times do you go?
You like it, I like it.
I love you. Oh, I really love you.
They've to go straight for door number two.
Hi.
Oh, hey. Hey, Johnny. I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Hey, I don't want to bother you. I just wanted to...
I'm an actor and I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions.
- Spitball and stuff, you know. - Yeah. Go for it.
Um... So, did you study formally?
Study? No, I didn't really.
No? Really? Really?
So you don't do, like, method and stuff, or anything like that?
Method acting?
- Yeah. You know, like... - I don't really follow...
I don't really follow a particular method or anything.
I just, really, I started and I got an agent and auditioned and stuff.
Yeah. Cool.
- But stick with it, all right? - Yeah.
- You can do it, man. - Okay.
- All right, homie. - Thank you.
Hi. I'm Johnny.
Hi, Johnny.
Ah, come here. Come here.
Johnny.
Oh, my cast is stuck.
Kiss me, kiss me.
- You're a good kisser, Johnny. - Yeah?
Oh, boy!
Kiss me, please.
- Oh, Johnny. - Oh, my God. That's...
Oh, yeah.
It tickles.
Where are your panties? Oh, here they are.
Okay.
Oh, boy.
Johnny.
Johnny?
- Hello. - Good morning, Johnny.
Oh, hey, Marge.
Your car's waiting downstairs.
For what?
The junket at the Four Seasons.
Oh, right.
Claire will meet you in the lobby to take you up when you get there.
Okay, I need, like, five minutes. Give me a second.
Hi, Johnny. How are you? You look amazing. Oh, my gosh.
Hey, Johnny, Paul Metcalf. Universal. Thanks for coming.
- Hi, I'm Jane Amrow from Universal. - Hi.
Great, great. Okay, we're going to go upstairs for a photo with Rebecca.
Okay.
Okay. Then we're going to go down for a press conference.
I'll be right there. If you don't know the answer, I do.
Do you want something to drink? We're going to go this way.
- I'm good right now. - Coffee or water?
Rebecca, Johnny, can you just move a little bit closer together there?
- Sure. - Put your arm around...
That's great.
And big smile.
That's it, straight to camera.
Let's check those.
- You look great. - Thanks.
I was being sarcastic.
You good?
- Yeah, good to go. - Okay.
And big smiles.
Can I get you to look towards each other and smile?
That's it. That's it. And back to camera.
That's it. Great. Let me just test these.
Is that it?
And...
Big smiles.
And we're good. Thank you.
It wasn't even that good.
- So are we good? - Yeah.
That was awesome!
Okay, ready for the press conference?
- Yes. Great. - You're gonna follow me.
Do you need anything to drink?
- Are you okay till we get there? Okay. - No, I'm great.
I'm just going to be right over here.
- Johnny. - Hi, Johnny.
Hi, everybody.
How do you think this role represents Italian-Americans?
She always goes first.
Would you like to go to China?
Yes.
You have many fans there.
Hi, Johnny. You're always in good shape.
Can you share your workout secrets with us?
I'm asking because I'm writing my next book for Russia
on workout secrets of Hollywood stars.
Just basics.
This film has a reflection of today's post-modern globalism?
I'm sorry, what was the question again?
Who's Cleo on your cast?
Cleo's my daughter.
Who is Johnny Marco?
Um...
Hey, man, can you take a right on Fountain? I want to make a quick stop.
- Sure. - Thanks.
Great, man. I'll be back in a minute.
Okay.
- Thanks, man. - You got it.
All right.
- Hey, man. - Hey.
What room you in?
59.
I met Bono in 59.
Oh, yeah?
That's cool.
- See you, man. - Stay loose.
- Yeah. - Morning, Johnny.
Hey, Marge.
They're waiting for you at the special effects studio.
They need to do a mould of your head.
The map should be under your door, okay?
Yep, okay.
All right, so, Johnny, what we're gonna need you to do here...
You're slouching a little bit. We'll need you to sit up a little more.
Oh, yeah. Oh, sure.
Now the most important thing to do is to remain rigidly upright
during this entire process.
- Like this? - Yeah. Yeah, that's good.
Good in the front for you or...
Uh, I can be.
All right.
On the left side, let's pull this back just a little over here.
Close your eyes.
Now I'm going to have you keep your eyes closed
and your mouth closed for the rest of this process, okay?
Yep.
And this shouldn't take longer than 40 minutes or so.
Yeah, it's cold, isn't it?
All right.
All right, let's get the, uh...
Let's get the bandages ready.
All right.
Okay, Johnny, we're just about done.
Let me show you how you look.
Jesus.
Hello?
Good evening, Mr Marco. Your masseur is here. Shall we send him up?
Him? Okay.
Hey.
- Where's Lori? - Oh, they didn't tell you?
She wasn't available.
No. Come on in.
Whoa!
- What the fuck, dude? - Oh, did they not tell you how I work?
No.
You see, I have a website that explains my technique.
I feel that if my client's naked,
it's just more comfortable if I meet them at the same level.
Yeah, it's not for me.
Thanks, though. Why don't you just pack it up?
All right.
Sir, I'm sorry about that.
No, it's cool.
Gandhi advocated the boycott of machine made European clothing.
And it caused large scale unemployment in India.
As always Gandhi wore only white linen cloth,
which had become a symbol of the entire movement.
He took to making a handmade cloth called khadi.
Most importantly, it showed India how to be self-reliant.
Hi.
You got another cigarette?
Yeah, sure.
Hi.
Oh, Shania...
- Shannon. - Shannon. Sorry.
- Hey, Cleo. - Hey.
Why are you taking a bath next door? Is yours broken?
Yeah. Yeah, it's been acting weird.
What a nice surprise.
Come on in. You got your stuff?
Shouldn't you be in school today?
It's Sunday.
- You need to hold down the... The rhythm.
- Yeah. - Yeah!
Here we go.
- Are you using your whammy? - Yup.
Oh, wow!
Going after the great one, Johnny!
The drummer's an ugly dude now.
Why did you change drummers?
It's not Stewart Copeland?
Well, it wasn't that hot pretty girl.
Big lips.
Let's see what the score was. Let's see the score.
Oh, God. Jeez.
- 97! - 97! Whoa.
- 92. - 92.
- I beat you? - Yeah.
Stick to movies!
Are you kidding me?
Another actor's failed transition into music.
Oh, God!
Cleo, check this out.
You don't do any sports, you just do ballet?
Ice skating.
And jazz dance, huh?
No.
My sister did jazz dance.
It was so stupid. I always had to watch her.
Oh, God, and her stupid leotard.
- Like this? Like... - Yeah, she looked like...
What else do you do, do you do karate?
No.
At ballet, are you the best in the class?
I... Well, I try to be, yeah.
Is your ballet teacher an alcoholic?
No.
I knew a girl whose ballet teacher was this alcoholic.
I figured they all were.
It's true, like, you probably don't know 'cause you're a kid.
When you get older, you'll realise she goes off to the back
more often than you guys think, you know.
You can smell wine on her breath.
Seriously, it's a big... It's a big thing for ballet teachers.
It is.
You don't recognise that stuff.
Wait. Do people really... You can't play on hard.
- No. - It's so hard.
That's insane.
- Hello? - Hi, Johnny.
Hey, Marge.
So, the LA Times wants a quote on your mother's book.
I think it's better to give them something.
Jesus.
Are you serious?
Yes.
And you need to be in Milan, Wednesday.
We can fly you out tomorrow night or Tuesday.
Are you there?
Johnny?
Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm here.
We'll get you the flight options later today, okay?
And let us know what you want.
All right. Thanks, Marge.
I'll talk to you later.
Hi, I need a few things.
Could I get three cups of milk,
a stick of butter,
some cheddar cheese.
And do you have a cheese grater that you could bring up?
Okay. Thank you. Bye.
15-30.
Oh, that was my point, huh?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Press A.
I'm Martina Navratilova.
- You like her? - Well, who?
Martina Navratilova.
She'd like you.
30 all.
Oh, look at Martina's power!
40-30.
Martina against who are you?
- Sharapova? - You're Martina?
- You're some communist bitch. - What?
- Maria Sharapova? - Yeah. Yeah.
Even Martina wouldn't like you now.
Game point.
Wow. Your turn.
Red team wins!
Hey, Layla. Hold on a sec.
Yeah?
I'm going away for a little while.
I need you to take Cleo to camp, she's going there for a few weeks.
It's close to your parents.
- When are you coming back? - I don't know.
I need a little time.
How long? I'm going to Italy.
I've got my movie opening there.
Just make sure she gets to Belmont by the 10th.
Bye, Johnny.
Yeah.
- Welcome to LAX, Mr Marco. - Thanks.
Right through those doors and to the left, please.
Great.
- Got everything? - Got the passports.
Okay.
- Hello. - Hi.
Right this way.
Mr Marco, I hope you enjoy your suite.
Thank you.
Bedrooms are on the left.
Please, this way.
And here's your swimming pool.
- Oh, my God! - Wow!
And this is your way to the salon.
Thank you.
Hey, Pupi.
This is my daughter, Cleo.
- Hi, Cleo! How are you? - Hi, I'm good.
Ciao, Cleo.
Listen, you take your time in your suite.
And we'll see you downstairs when you're ready, okay? In the lobby.
- Great, thank you. - Okay.
- Thank you, bye. Enjoy, yeah? - Bye.
Ciao.
See you.
- That's fine, Pupi. - Mr Marco.
I hope you had a nice rest.
So Pupi's waiting for us in the next room.
Hello, Johnny.
- Hi. - Can I talk to you?
Yeah. Be right back.
What the fuck, Johnny?
Did you think you'd never fucking see me again?
Take it easy, okay?
Good news, Johnny!
I spoke with the mayor. He's giving you the key to the city.
Okay, give me the hand, please.
Hi, Johnny! How you doing?
- Hi. - Hey!
Welcome to Italy.
Thank you.
So can I ask you some questions?
- Sure. - Okay.
What's the first... Um, what's the most beautiful thing
you have done in Italy so far?
Well, we just arrived in the hotel, so...
Okay.
Do you speak some Italian words? Some few words.
- Can you hold your breath? - Huh?
- Can you hold your breath? There and back. - Okay. I'll try.
- One more. - It took too long.
How about the handstand?
- That was good before. - Okay.
7.2.
Are you sleeping?
No.
You want to get a snack?
Yeah.
How can we be of service to you?
Um... What kind of gelato do you have?
Cioccolata, strawberry, pistachio e vaniglia.
Hmm. Well, we'd like to try them all.
Uh, could you send up two of each, please?
Certamente, Mr Marco.
Thank you.
How about vanilla? Did you try it?
Good.
- I like strawberry the best. - I like chocolate.
I know you do.
- Hi. - Were you sleeping?
No.
Come in.
How old are you, Cleo?
Eleven.
Do you have a boyfriend?
When I was 11 I was so in love with this boy. Nino Viti.
He was so handsome.
And he had a scooter.
Do you like to ride a scooter?
Sure.
- Morning. - Good morning.
Hi.
The coffee's good.
Do you like coffee?
It's good.
So, Johnny. We stop by the awards show.
You tell something about your history with Al Pacino, everything.
And after, you remember, we have the dinner with the mayor.
- It's very important. Okay? - Okay.
Wow.
- She's beautiful. - You look beautiful, Cleo.
Thanks.
Shall we?
Congratulations!
Congratulations, Johnny.
The stage is yours.
No, no, no! No, no!
This is Miss Lane's car.
Can you please take us to the airport?
I'm supposed to be waiting here but... For you, Mr Marco, we'll go.
- I'll get you there. - Thank you.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Welcome back. Nice to see you. - Thanks.
You take that spot.
How you doing?
- Tired. - Yeah, me too.
Hi, Johnny, welcome back.
Hey, Romulo, how are things, man?
Good. Would you like a song?
Good.
Have you ever heard him sing before?
Just wait. He's great.
Baby, let me be your loving teddy bear
Put a chain around my neck And lead me anywhere
Oh, let me be your teddy bear
Baby, let me be around you every night
Run your fingers through my hair and cuddle me real tight
Oh, let me be your teddy bear
I don't wanna be a tiger 'Cause tigers play too rough
I don't wanna be a lion
'Cause lions ain't the kind you love enough
Just wanna be your teddy bear
Put a chain around my neck And lead me anywhere
Oh, let me be your teddy bear
I just wanna be your teddy bear
- Thank you very much. - Thanks, Romulo.
- Morning, beautiful. - Good morning, Victor.
I have your orange juice.
Thank you. Oh, can you bring it in the kitchen?
Yeah.
This is so good.
Yeah, it's really good, Cleo.
- You got the sauce perfect. - Thanks.
It's, like, not too heavy.
I'm making a list for the things I need for camp.
I have tennis racquet, tennis balls,
bathing suit, shampoo and conditioner. What else?
- Sunglasses. - Okay.
Bring your own soap.
So you don't get warts from the other kids. That always happens at camp.
Ask your dad.
Maybe some snacks. You might get hungry.
You're not allowed.
Well, you can sneak a little in your backpack.
Get hungry at night or something.
Wow.
Oh, I like that spin move. What is that?
Chaine turn.
Cool. Chainay-nay turn.
That's one of the fundamentals of Afro-Cuban dancing, huh?
Is that what you're doing?
- Ballet. - Oh, ballet.
We're almost there.
Have you read all these, Dad?
None of them.
I've got an idea. Why don't you be my reader?
You read them and tell me if the character is any good.
I'll check it out.
Why don't we read Cleo's diary?
No.
When me and your dad were a little bit older than you,
we got your Aunt Tiffany's diary,
and she was going through, like, a rebellious stage.
And we read it all dramatically to a tape recorder
and we waited until she got home.
And, it was like... It was really bad.
We put it on the stereo and turned it on really loud.
And then we just went running.
- Oh! I got it. - What'd she do?
She raised hell.
I just heard her screaming and crying.
I wasn't allowed over for like a month.
- They should have kicked your dad out, too. - I got it.
We were looking for adventure, though.
Oh, crap.
Damn.
Souvenir?
- That smells. - No, no, no.
Smell it, smell it.
All right. Anybody following us?
No. The coast is clear.
Have you talked to your mom?
No, I left her a message.
How has she been doing?
She's good, I guess.
Whoa!
What the... Hold on.
Damn it.
Hey. I was driving...
I need a tow.
Sunset and Sierra.
No.
Thanks.
Now what?
There you go.
This is not a good time.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Hey, Cleo, you hungry?
- You want to go downstairs, get a burger? - Oh, yeah.
- All right. So what do you got? - A triple.
Get out of there.
- Two tens. - Shuffle 'em.
Am I ever going to win a game today or...
Think I'll win? Can I win a game?
Oh, there's your outfit.
- I think that hat would look good on you. - It's a turban.
Well, maybe we should get you one of those for camp?
That's embarrassing.
Look at their outfits.
Val Kilmer calls himself Val-ibu.
Check this out. Cleo.
Hi, Johnny.
Hey, how you doing?
Good.
What? I don't know her that well.
The aeroplane!
I used to do this. It was a lot easier.
You're getting big.
Hey, you want to stay one more day before we go?
Yeah.
It's that sound it makes when we're doing good.
I like that sound.
- Okay, here we go. - I'll let that one go.
- I got it. - Okay.
Okay.
- How are you doing? - I'm good.
- Can we pet him? - Yes.
Oh, hey!
Hey, sweetie! Hi!
What's that book about again?
It's about this girl that's in love with this guy.
But he's a vampire and his whole family is vampires,
so she can't really be with him.
Why doesn't she become one, too?
Because she can't. He doesn't want to turn her into a vampire.
And if she gets too close to him, he won't be able to help himself.
Okay.
- You need that? No? - No.
Okay, good.
Allow me.
- See you, Ray. - Take care, Johnny.
Cleo, what's wrong?
Why are you crying?
I don't know when Mom's coming back.
She said she had to go away for a while.
But she didn't say when she was coming back.
And you're always gone.
Come here.
Don't cry, honey.
Another two...
- That's a bet, sir. - Come on.
Come on, 11.
- Seven. - Seven.
Excuse me, sir. She can't be at the table. She has to take a step back.
Okay. Stand over there.
- Okay, folks. - All right, here we go. Here we go.
Come on!
All righty. Watch this.
You always want to take the full odds.
Always. It's the best bet.
It's the only bet where the house and the player have the same advantage.
You got it?
- Okay. Got it. - Okay, sir, your dice.
- Go hard 10. Hard 10. - That's a bet, sir.
- I want a hard 10. Say, "Hard 10." - Hard 10.
Hard 10. Come on!
- It's okay. It's all right. - Four, four...
- Easy four. - I'm still in there.
Still alive.
Sorry there.
- Hard 10. Come on! - Your dice.
Hard 10!
We got it, we got both wins.
All right.
Have fun at camp.
- I'll see you in a few weeks. - Okay.
Okay.
- Bye. - Bye.
Cleo!
I'm sorry I haven't been around.
- Hello. - Layla?
Johnny.
Hey.
What's wrong?
I'm fucking nothing.
I'm not even a person.
Why don't you try volunteering or something?
No.
I don't know what to do.
I'm just... I want...
Can you... Can you come over? Just...
Can you come over?
No, I can't.
All right. Thanks.
Johnny, you're gonna be okay.
Hello, Mr Marco. How can I help you today?
Hey, is Serena around?
You know, she's not in. Can I help you with something?
I'm gonna be checking out.
Oh, all right. Well, should we put your things in storage until you return?
No. Just box it up and I'll get an address to you.
Yes, Mr Marco. Have a great day.
Thanks.
Thanks, Ray.
- All right. - See you.
- You got it, take care, Johnny. - Thanks, man.
- Bye. - Bye.
- Hi, Johnny. How are you? - Hi.
- Can we do a picture together?
- Thanks. - Hi.
- Ehi, how are you, Johnny? How are you? - Well, Pupi.
- Always good, Johnny, eh?
- Hi, Cleo.
- Finally! - Hi from Giorgia Surina
We are in the lobby of Principe di Savoia Hotel
Together with one of the biggest stars of Hollywood, Johnny Mark.
- Welcome in Italy Johnny.
Comes straight from the airport so he has seen nothing yet.
But there will be time to do many things in our country
- Do you know name of some famous monument? - Milan Cathedral, Colosseum...
Good morning, Good evening
- Good morning, Good evening... - Well just a few words to....
< Receptionist: Good evening, Mister Marco.
< Chocolate, strawberry, pistachio and vanilla.
< Well, Mister Marco. Thanks. < Please.
< Rachel (from TV): Ross kissed me!
- No! - Oh, Oh my god!
- Yes, Is not it amazing? - Oh, my god, my god!
- Tell us something - Monica, take wine
and disconnect the phone - Ok.
< Phoebe: Rachel, Has it nice end? or must I cry!
<I cannot repeat same thing for 5 days
Okay, I explane you again reasons.
I do not feel I can give something to this character.
< I think is better to stop the movie
Ok. Seeks to protect me, this is your job
Ok.
I wait for your call later.
Thanks. Bye.
< Pupi's wife: Beauriful!
- Did you called mayor's secretary? < Yes.
- Welcome back to "International television Grand Prix",
- The magic night of television awards (telegatti). - It's time to proclaim
- Dear Nino, The next winner is collengue by you.
- Not only collengue, is more than collengue. < Sure?
< Frassica: is a friend, is more than a friend. Is a sister. < Ah ah!
- A director from Milan DOG. - DOC Nino.... and not DOG
- (ITALIAN WORDS).
- And the winner is - Maurizio Nichetti.
< Ventura: Well! Maurizio Nichetti is the winner for this year.
Congratulations, Maurizio.
This is your award (Telegatto).
Did you wants to great someone?.
I want to dedicate this to my public
Because this award is also your, your and your.
And thanks to my family
Thanks to all.
- Thanks to Maurizio Nichetti, - Director of the year.
Go ahead, now it's your turn Marina
- No, my name is Simona. - Did you changed?
Simona is my name.
(ITALIAN WORDS)
Is now the international guest moment.
Ladies and Gentlemen he comes from USA.....
- He worked with bigger stars of Hollywood,
Dustin Hoffman, Meryl Streep, Sharon Stone and AI Pacino,
- Most important directors works with him.
Ladies and Gentlemen. Johnny Marco!
- Congratulation.
Congratulation, Johnny. This award (telegatto) is for you..
You are a great actor.
And a very beautiful boy too
- Is your moment, tell something to the public - Thanks.
Good evening.
Thanks to all. It's an honour.
Thanks.
(VALERIA MARINI sings)