[Children] Cinderella, dressed in yella,
went upstairs to kiss her fella,
made a mistake and kissed a snake.
How many doctors did it take?
- One, two, three, four, - [Man] Come on, pass the ball.
five, six, seven, eight.
[Man] Angie, go to your spot.
[Children Chattering, Shouting]
- [Laughing] - Higher!
[Girls] Let's get the rhythm of the stomp, stomp, stomp.
[Laughing]
[Girls] Cinderella, dressed in yella,
went upstairs to kiss her fella,
made a mistake and kissed a snake.
How many doctors did it take?
One, two, three, four,
five... six...
seven... eight...
nine... ten...
11... 12...
13... 14... 15...
16... 17.
- [Girl] Okay, come on. - [Girls] Cinderella, dressed in yella,
went upstairs to kiss her--
Hi.
What do you want, doofus?
[Boys Laughing]
[Screaming]
Hey! Hey!
What're you doin'?
[Children Screaming, Shouting]
Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Lo--
# Edna Million in a drop-dead suit #
# Dutch Pink on a downtown train #
# Two-dollar pistol but the gun won't shoot #
# I'm in the corner in the pourin' rain #
# Sixteen men on a dead man's chest #
# And I been drinkin' from a broken cup #
# Two pairs of pants and a mohair vest #
# I'm full of bourbon I can't stand up #
# Hey, little bird Fly away home #
# Your house is on fire Children are gone #
- # Hey, little bird # - [Man] No, in those days,
you wanted a piece of quim, you knew where to go.
You left your wife at home. You-- You hit the spots.
You'd run with a big noise guy-- you know, a cake eater.
Before you could say beef bayonet, you got a bangtail on your arm...
sweet as Dutch cheese.
Now you got your fuckin' AIDS.
You got your raised feminist consciousness,
whatever the fuck that means.
Then you got your movements-- a movement for this, a movement for that.
You got too many movements, ya ask me.
The only good movement's a fuckin' bowel movement.
[Chuckling] Hey!
Look who's here! Jimmy the Saint!
- Hit and run, Malt. - All right.
- [Older Man] What's the word, Jimmy? - What's goin' on, Joe?
You heard about this thing, that fuckin' Bernard?
- No, what happened? - I knew the kid was lunchy, but not this fuckin' lunchy.
They picked him up at a schoolyard fishin' for saplings.
- No shit. - They oughta neuter that fuckin' kid.
It's a brain thing, Joe, with Bernard, not a balls thing.
Aw, give it a name. Come on. Anything you can say is a problem with a man.
It's a balls thing.
- Hey. - Boat drinks.
Boat drinks. [Laughing]
[Joe] Jimmy the Saint from Flatbush.
Went to seminary school but lost the calling.
But in his day, the bitch's bastard.
# Turn the corner, fool is what she said #
# A hundred dollars makes the talkin' said #
# Edna Million in a drop-dead suit #
# Dutch Pink on a downtown train #
# Two-dollar pistol but the gun won't shoot #
# I'm in the corner on the floor #
Because after you've gone,
your money goes to somebody else,
another man comes along and marries your wife.
[Chuckling] Your kids fall in love with strangers.
But if you've been good, if you've been decent,
how you are remembered cannot be sullied,
cannot be changed.
[Coughing]
Very-- Very nice, Mr. Jergen.
Um, Barry, could you--
- Um, some water. - Sure.
- We're doin' great. - There you go.
Why don't we take a little break, and we'll continue later?
All right.
- Two-six-eight-- - Easy. Easy, now.
- Good afternoon. - [Jergen Coughing]
Julie, call and check on that--
Here we have Mr. Jergen. He's doing his taping.
Now, my associate Randall Cuffland, who just went by,
he follows a very carefully composed list of questions which he poses to Mr. Jergen...
and which Mr. Jergen's loved ones will be able to access once he's gone.
You understand?
I'd like to introduce you to somebody.
Here, this way.
- [Beeps] - This is Stevie.
Stevie's father passed away, pancreatic cancer,
at a time in late adolescence when Stevie needed him the most.
So now Stevie needs advice from his father, he comes back to see us.
- Understand? Let me show you. - Right.
[Tape Rewinding]
Hey, what's goin' on, Stevie?
Hey, Jimmy. How are ya?
[Tape Rewinding]
Uh, girls. I don't know.
This is, uh--
Hey, if you chase a dog, it runs.
Treat 'em like shit. That's what I did to your mother, and she fell for me.
Two months later, we were married.
You treat 'em like dirt and they come running.
- [Man] Thank you. - [Woman] Thanks.
Uh, your father suffers from-- What was it?
- Uh, diabetes. - Ah, yes, diabetes.
- But his condition has taken a severe turn for the worst. - Time is of the essence.
- Yes. Thanks. - Thank you.
- Does he have any grandchildren yet? - Uh, eight, all together.
Ah, I see. I'm sure they'll benefit from a patriarch's advice--
maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but someday soon.
- Good afternoon, Mr. Jergen. - Yeah. Hi.
- Happy man. - Thank you.
- Take our brochure. - [Jergen Coughing]
One for you. One for you. And please, uh, give one to a friend.
- Thank you. - On your way out, there's a ledger there.
- Please sign it. It's our mailing list. - Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- Any luck? - Nope.
He seemed into it, but she looked like she was gonna launch lunch over Mr. Jergen.
- We'll get the next one, Jimmy. - Right.
Uh--
- Happy hour at 6:00. I'll see you there. - Okay.
# My baby's a superstar #
# She's in a class by herself #
# I said my, my baby's a superstar #
# She's in a class by herself #
# You don't think if love mean anything else better #
- # You got to have it Got to have it for himself # - Hey.
Just picked it up for the newspaper ad.
[Jimmy] "Just because they're gone doesn't mean they can't guide"?
- Who came up with that? - I did.
- It's terrible. - Why?
- It's clunky. - Clunky?
- It's fucking clunky, Cuff. - What's clunky?
- What do you know about clunky? - I know about clunky, and that's fuckin' clunky.
I thought you people were supposed to be good at this kind of shit.
- "You people"? - Yes, you people. Homosexuals. You're not a homosexual now?
- "You people"? - You people.
Every fag in the world is good at this kind of shit,
and I gotta wind up with one that's clunky?
Okay, Jimmy. Well, the video leasing company called "you people" today,
and they said if they don't have a check by the end of the week,
they're gonna come and take all the equipment.
[Singer] # Said that woman #
# Man, she's such a dream Ah #
# I said that woman #
# She's like something you've never seen, ah #
[Cuff] Jimmy.
So what do we do?
- Jimmy? - I don't know, Cuff. Maybe we should let Julie go.
It's not like the phone actually rings or anything.
Or maybe we could dip into your boat fund.
I mean, you're never really gonna buy a boat. We live in Denver, Jimmy.
Who has a boat in Denver?
- Good-bye. - [Girls Laughing]
Hi.
Dagney? That's your name? Tremendous name.
My name is Jimmy, and I just have one simple, impulsive question:
- Are you in love? - What?
- At the present time, are you in love? - Why?
Because if you are, then I won't waste your time.
I mean, I'm not the type of man to impede another man's happiness.
However, if you're not presently in love,
then I will continue my rhapsody, because if I may so, Dagney,
you are most definitely the bee's knees.
[Chuckles] Does this rap ever work?
Alas, in the old days. Uh, now I rarely get a chance to try it.
But you haven't answered my question.
- I forgot it. - Are you in love?
- Well, there is someone. - But?
We date. I have memorized his phone number, but I won't use his toothbrush.
We're somewhere in between, and he's crazy about me.
As he should be. You glide.
- I glide? - You glide. It's a very attractive quality.
Most girls, they merely plod along. You, on the other hand, you glide.
Tell me about it. What's his name? Chip?
- Alex. - Same thing. Does he... make you thump?
Define "thump. "
Thump. When you think about him, you can't eat, you can't sleep.
When he smiles, you forget about man's inhumanity to man. Does he do that for you?
That's a ridiculous concept. No one can do that.
Girls who glide need guys who make them thump.
"Girls who glide need guys who make 'em thump. "
- Have dinner with me. - Aren't we the sultan of segue?
- It's a beautiful month. Just have dinner with me. - Are you gonna make me thump?
Or die trying. Dinner.
Just dinner.
- I'm gonna regret this. - Only if we're lucky.
[Singer] # I took a peek through my window #
- # And what'd you think I seen # - Right here.
# My baby settin' beside another-- #
- See ya, Jack. - I'll see ya.
- Oh, m-- Oh, my-- my lucky fuckin' day. What? - Hey.
- Jimmy the Saint. - Hello, boys.
- That's a nice suit. Versace? - No.
- Armani? - No.
Hugo Boss?
- What's with this? - Ellie's P. O. said he needed a hobby.
- Fashion is his hobby? - He tried makin' his own pasta.
Didn't move him.
A three-button ventless. I like that, Jimmy. Classy.
'Course, uh, you gotta have the build for it.
- What's up? - He wants to see you, Jim.
- Aw, come on. What for? - Hey, what can I tell ya?
He says, "Gus, I wanna see Jimmy the Saint. "
I said, "Boss, Jimmy the Saint ain't mixin' it up no more. "
He says, "Gus, I wanna see Jimmy the Saint. "
Here we are.
The point of me arguing seemed, uh, specious.
Gus is readin' the dictionary.
Good.
- When does he want to see me? - Now.
- Now? - Anon.
[Dog Barking]
You know the dance.
It's been a long time, huh, Jimmy?
[Breathing Apparatus Hisses]
Long time, Jimmy. You don't come around.
Been busy. Workin' hard.
Right.
Citizen now.
Legitimate businessman.
I heard about your endeavor,
some kind of support group thing for dying fags or something.
- Something. - I spend all my time with these two fuckin' morons...
and my village idiot son.
I miss my wife, Jimmy.
You remember Cynthia?
Beautiful lady. Special.
Thank God she never had to see me like this.
Look at you. You got a lady?
- No. - That's 'cause you're hangin' around...
with the virus breeders, Jimmy: V. B. s.
You into that yet? Bitin' the pillow?
- No. - You will.
It's a liberal thing. One day you're saving the rain forest,
the next you're chugging cock.
- Am I wrong? [Laughing] - Talk to me, will ya?
[Chuckling] I want peace.
I'm ass-fixed to this chair. I'm tired.
I'm old.
I shit in a bag. I piss in another.
I got a nurse.
Call the nurse.
[Buzzing]
Hello, Melanie. Nod to my friend Jimmy.
- Hello. - How are you?
Excuse us.
She's a ten.
Jimmy, she's a planet unto herself.
She can't nurse worth shit, but I keep her on 'cause...
although I can't feel it, I know I have erections in her presence.
- You understand? - I understand.
Good. Then you'll understand when I say this.
Bernard, my son, he's all that's left of my Cynthia,
and he's crazy as a shithouse rat.
The other day they catch him...
in the elementary school playground...
grabbin' itty-bitty titty.
It was a mess.
And the thing is, I understand the problem.
Bernard's problem--
- [Camera Clicking] - [Laughing]
Do you remember Meg?
- Yeah. - Meg was...
Bernard's high-school sweetheart, you know.
They kept it up through college.
We thought they was gonna get hitched.
Until she met this beat Bruce.
Studying to be an orthodontist.
She busted up with Bernard and moved to L. A. with this beat Bruce.
[Laughing]
- [Camera Clicking] - Bernard's never been the same.
I understand part of this was inevitable.
Being the son of me, he lacks initiative.
Since this Meg thing, his behavior is... worse.
[Groans] Don't hurt me, man. Oh, f-- Oh! Oww!
And now,
this thing in the schoolyard, uh, is a fiasco.
- [Girl Screaming] - My intelligence tells me...
this beat Bruce is comin' to Denver.
Meet Meg's folks, ask their permission to marry the little bangtail.
This can't happen.
Meg loved Bernard for seven years.
She can learn to love him again.
- What do you want done? - It's just an action. It's not a piece of work.
Catch the creep out on the highway...
before he gets to Meg's, brace him.
Make it so's he'd sooner fuck the Fryolater than propose to Meg.
- Why me? - Jimmy, you got the nice suit, you got the $70 haircut,
but you are taking a dump in your video business.
I gotta call in the note.
What do you mean you gotta call in the note? I didn't take the note off of you.
- I took it off of New Orleans Sal. - Took it off New Orleans Sal?
Who do you think New Orleans Sal took it off of?
Mmm, you ain't no entrepreneur, Jimmy.
Okay. I need a crew.
- Maybe four. - I worship you.
I'm payin' 50 Gs straight out. It's just an action.
Split it any way you want.
You wanna throw those pathetic yuks some scratch,
I applaud your... sensitivity.
For Cynthia, do it.
For Cynthia--
may she rest in peace-- do it!
For the old days,
do it.
For your fag business, just do it.
[Footsteps]
Hey. Here's Ellie. Brought you some seltzer.
- [Child Laughing] - [Man] Aaarrghh!
- [Children Laughing] - Aarrghh! Come back!
- Aye! Got ya! Arrghh! Got you too! - [Screams]
Ohh! [Groaning]
Oh, ya bloody son of the sea.
- [Panting] - [Children Laughing]
Arrghh!
You can't catch me!
Oh, shit.
Things are different now, Slick.
I mean, we're dug in here,
and I'm managing the park now.
I do a few odd jobs, make a little money.
I got free rent, got a good situation here.
I understand. A one-shot deal. We're in, we're out.
Give it a name. If it's so easy, why do you need a crew?
Safety in numbers.
Plus the man wants to pay the freight.
- Who am I to argue? - I don't know, Jimmy.
- I mean, I got more than myself to think about now. - I understand.
I got Dodie. She's pregnant again.
- [Chuckles] - You oughta put a harness on that tool there.
Yeah, give it a name. Anyway, I got her and the kids now.
I know. They're cute kids, man.
My last bit, man, locked down,
this is all I thought about.
Ten large.
Your call. It's not my call.
Ten large there.
Come on. Let's go say hello to Dodie, huh?
[Man On Radio] # When I reach that promised land #
- Hey. How ya doin', baby? Come here. - Where you been?
- Remember Jimmy the Saint? - Hello, Dodie.
- Jimmy, want a Coke or something? - Sure.
# Brother, by and by #
# By and by When I walk down the lonesome valley #
# That adjoins the lonesome sky #
- # Now I know my baby's waiting # - How are you, Dodie?
# By and by Brother, by and by #
# By and by #
# When I walk down the lonesome valley #
Let me ask you something, Jimmy.
You gonna go through with this thing no matter what?
I got to. He's got me on the dangle.
# By and by #
[Siren Wails]
Can't believe that Pieces, of all people,
is workin' in this fuckin' joint.
- Hello, Jimmy. What's up? - You.
- You stake me for a cup of coffee, baby? - Fuck off, cheese breath.
Look at you, filthy fucking Franchise. You're still alive.
Thought you were doin' a stretch in County.
I escaped 'cause I was missin' your nasty little pussy, baby.
Shut up. Hook me up. Come on, Jimmy, five bucks.
Give me five bucks and I'll pay you back tomorrow, man.
What's the matter, baby? Your spread ain't sellin'...
on account of you ain't takin' care of the merchandise anymore?
- Hey, fuck you, Franchise. - No, thanks.
Jimmy knows I'm sweet on him, don't you, Jimmy?
That's my boy.
- Clean? - Always.
- Right. - That's my man.
Ooh! Me and Jimmy, one day we's gonna have us a love child.
- Whatever. - Ain't that right, Jimmy?
- Right. - Hmm. Hey.
I gotta be goin'. The pussy posse's been rollin' this neighborhood bustin' everybody.
Thanks for the money, baby.
- [Laughs] - Better stay clean.
[Laughing]
- She don't look good, Slick. - No.
Needle track city, man. You shouldn't go contributing to her collapse, man.
Give it a name. Lucinda'll be dancin' in the breeze...
long after you and I are takin' the dirt nap.
- Don't touch anything in here. - Whatever.
- [Projector Clicking] - [Woman Moaning On Film] I'm ready.
[Franchise] You still got that disease, Pieces?
Cut the shit with that!
It's Olden. My name is Olden.
Always with this "Pieces" shit. Have a little respect.
Whatever, man, I'm sorry. Didn't mean nothin' by it.
[Franchise] Did they find out what it is yet?
Naw. In fact, I lost a toe the other day.
Believe that shit? A toe?
I found a croaker downtown diagnosed it as a circulatory problem,
a fuckin' circulatory problem.
I want to kill the bastard, but I can't get my fuckin' fingers around his--
[Woman Moaning On Film]
- [Woman] Ahh. - Ow. This is a bad beat, Olden.
[Pieces Chuckles] Aw, give it a name.
You do your time.
You make an oath to go right and rigid,
and this is how you end up,
watching a bunch of raincoat types kick their gongs around...
and losin' motherfuckin' toes.
[Woman Panting, Moaning]
The Man... mentioned me in particular?
Yes, he did.
- I haven't seen him in years. - He likes you.
- Me? - [Woman] Oh, you're so hard.
- So? Are you in? - Absolutely, Jim.
[Chuckles] I'll use the dough to get me a legit croaker,
diagnose my malady on the up-and-up before I lose my dick.
We got a skull session tomorrow at the Thick 'n' Rich. Can you make it?
Aw, sh--
I'm already there, baby.
- See ya. - All right.
[Moaning Continues On Film]
You're breakin' my heart here, ol' Franny.
Good to see you, Olden.
[Woman] I'm coming. I'm-- [Moaning Orgasmically]
# But that train keeps a-rollin' #
# On down to San Antone #
- [Grunting] - # When I was just a baby #
# My mama told me Son #
# Always be a good boy Don't ever play with guns #
# But I shot a man in Reno #
# Just to watch him die #
[Grunting Continues]
# When I hear that whistle blowin' #
# I hang my head and cry #
- # Yeah # - [Grunting Continues]
[Franchise] Critical Bill, man, what the fuck are you doin'?
Workin' out. Don't bother him much.
What's the matter with you, man? Why don't you show some respect for the dead?
I knew this guy when he was alive. He was a mammy rammer.
- He don't mind much. - Old Man Carlotti know you're doin' this?
Oh, he don't mind much.
Bill,
uh, we're doin' an action for the Man With The Plan.
Small time, one night's work. It's good for ten large. You want in?
- Ten large? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay. I guess.
Good.
Critical Bill, you still crazy, man?
'Cause you still crazy, I say you stay here and you beat up on all your old friends,
'cause we don't need you, Bill, if you're crazy.
I am what I am:
back of beyond, right?
Same as always. I'm in the back of beyond.
- Whatever. - # And I'd let that lonesome whistle #
# Blow my blues away #
- # Yeah # - [Joe] They call him Critical Bill...
because he never went up against a guy Bill didn't put...
the guy in a critical condition at the very least.
But in the days, there never was a better wing man when things got dange.
Boy's got equal parts piss, pesticide...
and pure petroleum jelly runnin' through those veins.
All right, the kid's comin' in at approximately 10:00 p. m. on Highway 70.
Olden's gonna get us some uniforms, and we already got a car.
Olden and me are gonna pull the kid over.
Bill, you're gonna be with Jimmy in the moving van.
Bring the kid there, we scare him and that's it.
It is what it is. Bottom line, we're playing cupid...
to an overweight, silver-spooned, simpleton, child-molesting fuck.
That's what it is, but it's good for ten each. Nobody gets hurt.
Give it a name. Anybody got any questions?
Ya got somebody to keep the beat?
- [Door Creaks Open] - Funny you should mention that.
Everybody knows Easy Wind.
Look at this. Look at this!
All the pig brothers from back in the day.
- Jimmy the Saint. - Easy does it.
- Big bad Franchise. - Easy Wind, my brother from another mother.
Pieces Polymeros.
Yeah.
Hey, man, nobody told me about this booyah, man.
And nobody told me I'd be humpin' with no inky-dink.
- All right, easy. Settle down. - No, Jimmy, I can't roll with this.
- No fuckin' way! - [Bill] Hey, watch your mouth!
- You boys used to be close. - Yeah, 'til we ended up in jail together.
Homeboy turned out to be a major-league fecal freak.
- What? - Easy Wind spent his time in the joint raping kids.
- [Easy] Better than being a fecal freak. - What?
Fecal freak! A brown boy!
- A fuckin' dookey taster! - Jive-ass nigger-boy shine!
Who the fuck do you think you are?
- You son-of-a-bitch! - [All Shouting]
[Jimmy] Sit down, Bill! Sit down!
- Sit down! Sit down! - [Franchise] Sit down, man!
Children here, man! There are children here.
Sit down! Get down! We're in a goddamn malt shop.
Sorry, Malt.
Sit down.
It's okay, kids.
[Jimmy] Part of the show.
Nice.
Real nice.
Fuckin' shit eater.
[Screaming]
Hey! Now settle down!
- [Grunting] - Motherfucker!
- Come on, come on, come on! - Old friends gettin' together.
- Watch out, Bill! - [Glass Shatters]
Kind of brings a tear to the eye, don't it, fellas?
[Jimmy] It's okay, kids.
- See ya around, Slick. Stay cool, Bill. - Okay.
- What's up? - Jimmy, [Clears Throat]
you know, uh, when we go out there, you know, on the highway...
and we brace that kid?
I k-- I would-- I would really like to be one--
- I would like to be one of the cops, Jimmy. - No, Bill.
Jimmy. Damn it, Jimmy, I'm 41 fuckin' years old...
and they still call me Critical Bill, you know?
I have really changed, man. How do you think that makes me feel?
Billy. You're beating up on corpses, Bill.
Well, that's the point, Jimmy. That's the thing, man.
Doin' that with them-- with them bodies, I mean, that keeps my powder dry.
- Billy. - It keeps my powder dry. It keeps my powder dry, Jimmy.
Listen to me. I haven't touched a live person in years,
not since I started that exercise program.
You know? I mean, the prison shrinks told me...
I should find myself a healthy and creative outlet.
- Well, I found it. - Billy, I remember the things in the days. No.
Well, what do you mean, a person can't change?
I mean, word is on the street that you changed in a big way.
- How come nobody else can change but you? - What happened inside, Bill?
Please, Jimmy. Please let me.
- Come on, man. Just once. - [Motorcycle Starts]
Olden does all the talking.
[Motorcycle Drives Away]
- Okay, get out of here. Come on. - Thank you, Jimmy.
- Yeah, okay. Let's go. - Okay. All right. Thank you, Jimmy.
All right. Don't be late.
Thank you, Jimmy.
Why do you teach at Vail?
The clientele at Vail has more money,
so you make great tips on private lessons.
I'm sure you're a fabulous skier.
- I get down the mountain. - I'm sure you do.
I've never skied before in my life.
- [Chuckles] - [Chuckles]
The only skis in my neighborhood were the Polish couple down the hall.
Jimmy.
Jimmy "Lo Santo" Tosnia. Giovanni, vieni 'ca.
Where you been? You don't come around no more? You find a better joint?
I've been a homebody, Sal.
Dagney, Salvatori D'amagli.
Piacere, bella.
- Watch it. - Scusi. [Speaking Italian]
For the return of Jimmy the Saint...
and for the angel who brought him back to us.
Grazie.
## [Accordion]
I'm gettin' some pretty heavy Lady and the Tramp vibes.
I'll translate.
## [Singing In Italian]
- "Look at the sea. How beautiful. " - ## [Continues]
- "It inspires such feeling. " - ## [Continues]
"Someone you're thinking about. "
## [Continues]
- I don't know what that means. - ## [Continues]
"You say you're leaving. "
## [Continues]
"Far away from my heart. "
## [Continues]
"From our land of love. "
## [Continues]
"You have my heart, but you won't return. "
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
[Jimmy] You didn't buy it, huh?
[Laughing] No, I didn't.
- The maitre d', Sally? - Yes.
- He called you Jimmy the Saint. - Ah, yes.
- Well, how come? - 'Cause I say 11 "Our Fathers"...
and a "Hail Mary, Full of Grace" every time I go to bed...
and I never kiss on the first date.
- Really? - Sad, but true.
Do you wanna come in?
More than I want the ascot to come back into style, but not tonight.
Rules are rules.
You know, I could look at you here forever.
I wouldn't have to do anything else, just stand and look at you.
You're a thing to be amazed by.
Good night.
'Night.
[Knocking At Door]
Hi.
On the way out, I happened to notice the time.
It's now 12:04, so... a new day.
- So, technically-- - This is now our second date.
Rules are rules.
Yes.
[Elderly Woman] The beginnings are always the best.
When you first start to explore each other, to learn.
- I'll call you later. - [Elderly Woman] When you watch the phone...
like it was the TV, waiting for it to ring.
[Chuckling] Oh, the insanity, that...
heartsick insanity.
It always fades eventually, but God, while it's happening,
there's nothing like it in the world.
[Door Closes]
[Singer On Radio] # First you leave me, Then #
# You say you want me back #
[Jimmy On Walkie-Talkie] Talk to me, big man.
The big man is gettin' older on the shoulder.
Just hang tough.
Enjoy the scenery. It won't be long.
[Easy] Yeah, what fuckin' scenery?
There's nothin' but cowshit and fruit flies out here.
Then I'd advise you to keep your mouth shut.
# Why did I ever ever say good-bye #
# I'm gonna crawl right off and die #
[Thunder Rumbles]
Where is this asshole?
[Singer On Radio] # I may never be a king #
# May never be a millionaire #
# So, baby, I don't care #
- [Siren Wails] - # You know what to do, We're there #
- Shit. - # This is my-- #
Sh--
The orthodontist has landed.
Here we go.
Okay, fellas. Just stay cool.
Get him in that cruiser, bring him down here...
and we'll get this done, then I'm buying at the Thick.
[Thunderclap]
[Rain Falling]
Nice.
[Thunderclap]
Aw, shit.
You don't say dick, all right? Not dick.
My lips are locked.
The key is in the river.
# What to do We're there #
# Yeah #
[Thunder Rumbling]
- License and registration. - What was I doing wrong?
License and registration.
## [Stops]
You wanna step from the vehicle, son?
- Why? - Just step from the vehicle.
Can I see some I.D. , please?
- Now, son-- - Look, I know my rights, okay?
I've heard about guys impersonatin' cops, shakin' people down.
I'm from L. A. , okay? I know about that thing. I know my rights.
- Let me see some I.D. - That's, uh-- That's not the way we do things here.
I don't like the way your uniforms fit.
You oughta take that bass out of your voice right now, boy.
I got this under control here.
Son, we need some cooperation.
You know, maybe I'm just a complete asshole,
but doesn't the highway fall under the jurisdiction of the State Police?
It does, doesn't it?
Well, what are a couple of Denver City Police Department guys doing way out here?
It's early yet.
I got a bad feeling, Jimmy.
[Thunderclap]
How's it looking, big man?
Havin' a little chat. Looking good.
Hey, what's your badge number?
[Scoffs] Come on, fella.
- Just-- Just be easy about this. - 'Cause it seems to me on a night like this--
And again, it's really just one guy talking--
But you guys would have department-issued raincoats.
You know, plastic hat guards, that kind of thing. What's the matter?
- Couldn't steal those? - We're cops.
- You're cops. - Listen, kid--
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. God, time out. Bro, what is up with your fingers, man?
Carpentry accident. What's that got to do with anything?
Carpentry accident? Okay, so tell me, Officer Leper, how are things down at--
You wanna see some I.D.? I'll give you some fuckin' I.D.!
- Billy! Jeez! Jesus! - Fuckin' I.D.!
- Stop it, Billy! - I ain't a cop! I ain't a cop, am I?
[Exhales] The kid's out of the van.
- Stop! - I'll make you fuckin' believe me!
- Billy! Billy! - Goddamn right, I will!
- Come on! Hey, Billy! Easy! Easy! - Do ya?
- Do ya, boy? Huh? - Billy, come on. Okay, buddy. It's okay.
- [Choking] - It's okay. Let's-- Let's go.
- Let's go! Stop it! - You fuckin' fecal freak, don't fuckin' do it.
- Don't fuckin' do it. - Let's go! Let's go! Stop it! It's okay.
It's okay.
Let's go. Come on.
Let's... go.
[Thunder Rumbling]
Dumb fuckin' cracker.
[Pistol Cocks]
- Put the knife down, damn it! - What the fuck is that?
Surprise, surprise. Billy tripped a fuckin' brain wire.
- Are you pointin' a fuckin' gun at me? - Drop the blade now!
Drop it! I'll shoot you. I will shoot you.
We got a thing here. Brown boy looks like he wants to do a little roadside whittling.
- Shit! Fuck! I knew it! - Get over there, big man,
right now.
Fuck him! I don't fuckin' believe this!
Earl! Talk to me, Earl!
Fuck, man! We're fucked!
[Blade Clicks]
- [Knife Drops] - [Engine Revving]
Stupid cunt.
- [Engine Revs] - Aah! Aah!
- Bill! Bilbo! - [Grunting]
- No! - [Gunshot]
What the fuck?
Don't tell me.
This is Meg.
Ohh.
They did it, J. They fucked it, man.
They fucked it all. They fucked it all, man.
They're dead. They're fuckin' dead.
I'm standin' here with dead bodies, J.!
And they're kids. They're fuckin' kids, man!
Two of 'em!
What the fuck did you do?
Now, how the hell did she go and sleep through this whole goddamn thing?
We gotta clean this shit up, man!
We gotta clean this shit up, man, now! Come on, Pieces!
The fuckin' booyah. The fuckin' brown boy!
He cut that kid's throat for no good goddamn reason!
Hey, he was a trash mouth! He called Pieces a leper!
We don't stand up for each other, we're gone.
That's why you fuckin' mud flaps are dyin' off, 'cause you don't stand up for each other!
- You crazy bitch! Shut the fuck up! - Come on, motherfucker!
- Fuck that! Fuck that! - Shut the fuck up! [Shouting]
- You crazy bitch. - Fucking bullshit!
- [Glass Shatters] - Sorry, Boris.
You know how this works. The intended decedent goes on top here.
Your whacks go in the bottom.
- [Shouting Continues] - The bereaved family never has a clue...
their beloved is to spend eternity with a couple of hit vics.
- Putting one down tomorrow? - Thomas Donahue, the dry cleaner.
- Pulled a gun on me, didn't ya? - You're gonna be fuckin' dead!
[Franchise] The thing of it is, I don't see how it's our fault.
I mean, the Man's intelligence said she wasn't supposed to be in the van.
How the fuck are we supposed to know?
This whole thing's been bullshit from the start.
[Wheels Squeaking]
[Woman] Talk about what's compelling. [Chuckling]
- About, um, how one... - Fuck it.
visit to the doctor's office can change your whole life.
You can be thinking about two million things--
about, uh, work or about the man you're dating...
or your family or... the latest Kevin Costner picture and...
then all of a sudden you feel a lump.
And you go to the doctor's and, uh,
in the course of a single office visit, everything changes.
You tell me there's a worse word in the English language than "malignant. "
I don't think so. I really-- I don't think so.
[Phone Dialing]
[Phone Ringing]
[Click] Hi, this is Dagney.
Leave me a message after the tone and I'll call you right back.
- [Beeps] - [Siren Wailing]
You remember Lieutenant Atwater, Jimmy?
Hello, Jimmy.
[Breathing Apparatus Hisses]
An action, not a piece of work. I said that.
- Did I not say that? - Sir, if I could just exp--
Don't "sir" me, Jim!
You gonna beg?
Well, get down on your knees in your pretty suit.
Beg. Grovel!
You asked me back in.
I'm taking you out.
So that's it. You're gonna send these two, and they're gonna...
stab me in a crowded Italian restaurant, garrote me in my sleep?
Never.
Not these two, not that way.
We go back, me and you.
You lent the operation a modicum of class in the days.
That's why-- the milk of human kindness--
I'm giving you... an out.
You got 48 hours.
Put it in the wind.
Leave Denver.
Go to Rome, visit the Vatican.
Pray to the God you abandoned back in Brooklyn.
Just put it in the fuckin' wind, Jim,
or else I gotta do you too.
- What about the others? - Buckwheats.
It wasn't their fault. They were following my orders. I take full responsibility.
Lovely. [Chuckles]
You're not a human being, you're a waltz.
Buckwheats, Jim,
to your miserable band of misfits.
Buck-fuckin'-wheats.
- [All Grunting] - Jesus Chr--
I got it. Jesus.
[Pallbearer] Watch the curb.
[Man] Look at all them. That's a tribute.
[Priest] Try as we may, death is not something we ever prepare for.
Check it out. Little Lord Homicide.
[Priest] Especially not with someone we love.
Any word?
Here he comes.
I'm dyin' here, Jimmy.
[Franchise] Give it to us straight, Slick.
- Buckwheats. - What?
Buckwheats.
- Oh, my God. Wow. - He said that?
- That's what he said. Buckwheats. - This is--
Well, bagpipe that shit, man. Let's take his fuckin' ass out.
Will you shut the fuck up? This sick-ass got us in this shit in the first place.
It's impossible anyway. Ever since the Man With The Plan got shot,
the security around him has been insane.
- Be easier to whack the fuckin' President. - What do we do?
Leave town. Go under. I'm talkin' to some people. If you go under, you'll be safe.
That's buckwheats for all of us, Jimmy? Even you?
All of us, Franny. Even me.
[Joe] Buckwheats is a whole other animal.
A guy orders a buckwheats hit, it just don't mean take the guy out,
it means take the guy out in the most painful way possible.
It means the vic should suffer.
Typical buckwheat hit is to shoot a guy up the ass.
Yeah, uh, ba-bing.
[Chuckles] A slug up the ass, you don't die so much as...
contort for a good 15 minutes, then you die.
I imagine it's like crappin' white-hot razor blades.
- [Man] Whew! - You know?
Oh. Hmm.
Ah.
Now, you wanna take care of business, you gotta do it in close.
I mean, you can't shit where you eat, hear what I'm saying?
I hear tell the Man With The Plan, he put it on front street.
He got a bit of business-- called in a guy from El Paso, a Mr. Shush.
[Chuckling] They call him Mr. Shush 'cause he don't say much, you know?
Can't even see his face. Won't say five words unless you beg him.
He's a turtle. Yeah, I would've called him that: a turtle.
Ow! Gee! Pay attention, will you?
[Joe] Yeah, he's a turtle.
[Chuckles]
The most lethal contract killer west of the Mississippi.
Oh, they say he's clipped over 200 believers.
[Punching, Shouting]
- Now, come on! - [Shouting Continues]
[Man Moaning]
What's up, bro? What do ya need?
What can I get for ya?
[Choking]
[Choking Continues]
[Screams]
Fuck this, man.
- [Moaning] - Oh, shit!
[Joe] Yes, sir, when Mr. Shush accepts your buckwheats paper,
it's time to kiss the day good-bye and get real cozy with the notion of eternity.
You sure about this shit?
Yeah. I was by the Lazy Bird today.
Baby Sinister is most definitely with the program.
Baby Sinister hates my fucking guts.
He owes me, Earl. I called in a marker.
Plus the idea of gettin' the Man all crossed up appeals to him.
[Easy] He's bug-fucking crazy, man. All the way live.
So is the Man With The Plan, Earl.
They're all bug-fucking crazy. How do you think they got to be big noises?
# Kick back, relax Watch us spin the wax #
# We'll never let 'em blow 'round no tracks #
- Baby inside? - Yeah.
Okay, let me see him. I'm clean.
[Man] What's happenin', man? You all set?
[Jimmy] Okay. I owe you one.
# 'Cause there really ain't much to say #
- # Except I got no-- # - Okay, we're cool. Let's go.
Come on.
Damn.
When your saviors look like those motherfuckers,
you know you done stepped in it one time too many.
Remember when you was a kid? You'd spend the whole fuckin' year...
waitin' for summer vacation, then it'd finally come and just fly by just like that.
Mm-hmm.
It's funny, Jimmy.
Life has a way of passin' by faster than any old summer vacation.
It really fuckin' does.
Give me a squeeze, big man.
[Slapping Back]
Give me some.
You're the man.
# I can drive lines in twos and threes and fours #
# Just think how much is left for encores #
# 'Cause when my mind locks in on a dope idea #
# Motherfuckin' duck She stand clear #
# 'Cause I'm the hip, the top The point blank #
# Is true You better keep your shank #
# 'Cause I got mine and I'm out on the Soul Creek, uuh #
# Your face in the concrete #
# You wanna roll with the niggers that don't play #
# I think you got false courage Get up and dance ##
# Autumn meadows melt in sunsets #
# My hair blowin' in the breeze #
# She can't see me watchin' #
- [Bartender] What can I get you? - Four beers, please.
# And thinkin' #
# Love #
# It's bittersweet #
- # And the sweet love-- # - Jimmy!
Where are you goin'?
Got to meet a friend.
Oh.
Who's that, uh, good-looking fella you came in with? Is that Chip?
Alex.
There's a very endearing game-show-host look to him. Does he have his own game show?
Wanna go somewhere?
1988. It's a good year,
I think.
Is it the odd years, or the even years?
I don't know.
- You don't know? - No.
Well, I thought you knew everything.
Uh-huh.
- Still ticking? - Mm-hmm.
Sorry.
Are you okay?
Timing is everything.
What?
You can go years without a Dagney.
You can be a man armed with only a fork in a land of soup,
and then one day you meet one.
And you see one.
And then--
And then what?
[Chuckles]
I gotta go.
Now?
Yeah, now.
[Sighs]
Sorry.
Olden?
Hello, Jim.
Clever you.
- [Both Laughing] - Olden.
How are you?
- I'm all right. - I see that.
- [Chuckles] - You seen Critical Bill around?
- I can't find the man anywhere. - Um, haven't seen him.
Listen, I have something for ya.
What's goin' on?
Charter flight, leaves in the morning.
- You got a layover in Rome. - Ah, get outta here!
The Greek islands. You'll be having moussaka on Mykonos by dinner tomorrow night.
- I-l don't think so, Jimmy. - Hey, Olden, no more porn theaters,
no more scumbags strokin' it around you.
- The cool, blue waters of the Mediterranean. - Ah, Jimmy--
- What? - I-l ain't gonna run.
- What are you talkin' about, Olden? - [Sighs] I been thinkin'.
- Olden, listen to me. - I been thinkin' about this guy,
my neighbor next door a few years ago, a citizen.
Never married, no kids, just a sweet guy.
And he got a cancer-- a bad one--
and he was dyin'.
I been thinkin' about him,
thinkin' how if in his last days...
when he was layin' on the bed starin' up at the ceiling...
in this shitty little apartment...
knowin' he was gonna die,
was he sorry he never did nothin'?
Was he sorry he never did the fox-trot...
with a $2,000-a-night hooker...
- [Chuckling] - in a Paris nightclub?
Jimmy, we did the things.
Olden, I appreciate what you're saying, but listen.
I need you on this island, man.
Jimmy, Jimmy, uh--
- I need you there. - I-l-l don't--
I don't have any regrets.
I'm not gonna stare up at the ceiling.
Maybe I coulda been a better old man to my kids.
Maybe I shouldn't have pulled as much time as I did.
But, shit, Jimmy,
[Chuckles] we did the things.
Them days.
I had a snap-brim hat.
You walk into a joint. Ah! Forget about it.
Olden, I want you to take this money, please.
Take it.
You keep it.
You do something good with it.
I'm all right.
This is what I wanted to tell you, Jim.
- You all right? - Ah.
I'm okay.
Well.
Olden.
Did you really do the fox-trot with a $2,000-a-night hooker in a Paris nightclub?
What do you think, Jimmy?
Olden.
Boat drinks.
Boat drinks, Jimmy.
[Joe] "Boat drinks. "
That's a common toast in prison.
An ideal.
Yeah, at the end of a long, bad life, there you are...
on a big cabin cruiser somewhere in the Florida keys...
havin' boat drinks.
- [Horn Honks] - ## [Humming]
# Can't sleep #
- You seen Bill Dolittle around? - No, man. I ain't seen nobody.
- I don't know where he is. - Where you runnin' off to?
- Nowhere. - Nowhere, huh?
- [Laughing] - What's the matter with you?
Nothin'. What's the matter with you?
- Turn around. - Why?
- Turn around! - Jimmy!
- Turn around! - There. Okay?
- [Brakes Screech] - Come here. Come here.
- Let me see it. - Fuck, man. What's it to you, anyway?
You got a couple of dollars for me today?
Turn around. Let me see it. The other way.
- Don't fuck with me. Hey! - Fuck, Jimmy!
- Let me see it! What happened? - There. Okay?
- Fuck, nothing, all right? It's the same old fuckin' shit. - What happened?
It was a bad beat, all right?
It's those fuckin' uptown fuckin' motherfuckers.
He's a regular.
Guess he just kinda decided to have a little party with a couple of beer bottles.
Oh, nice. Beer bottles.
Look, I told him. I said, "Lucinda doesn't fuckin' take no shit that way. "
And he did what he wanted and...
he took me out back and he alley-whipped me, and that's what happened, okay?
- And I'm fine. - You happy with yourself?
- An exciting life, isn't it? - Hey, fuck you.
- Get in the fuckin' car. Get in the fuckin' car! - Fuck you! Fuck you!
- I don't need this fuckin' shit from-- - Get in the fuckin' car!
Get in the car! Get in the--
- Get in the fuckin' car. - [Horn Honks]
- Get in the car! - One day I'm gonna fuckin' kill you, you know!
- Get in the fucking car. Shut the fuck up. - Okay, okay. Fuck you.
What's his name?
What is his name, Lucinda?
- What is his name? - I don't know.
- You know where he works, and you don't know his name? - I don't know his fucking name.
Uh, where are the accountants, please?
- Um-- - The accountants. I need to see the accountants.
- Where are they? - Uh, they're down the ha-- The-- No. Hey, you can't--
- You can't go down there! - Fuckin' stop, Jimmy!
- Is that him? Is that him? - No!
[Man] So this software package can be applicable to all of your--
- What? - Point him out.
- He's that guy over there.
It's the blond guy.
- [Woman] What is this? - How are you?
What the hell are you-- Oh!
[Groaning]
You liked it, huh? Huh?
[Accountants Chattering]
See that? See her?
Remember that girl? Do you remember that girl? You remember her, right?
You know what this maggot did to that girl? Sit the fuck-- Sit down!
Sit down! Where are you going?
Huh? You wanna tell 'em what you did?
- [Woman] Oh, my God. - [Head Slamming]
[Man] Somebody get security on the phone.
He took a bottle-- not unlike this bottle, huh?
- I'm gonna get security. - And he put this bottle in places...
where you're not supposed to put bottles, huh?
- [Head Slams] - [Groaning]
How would you like it, huh? How would you like it if I did it to you?
You'd like that, wouldn't you? Huh? How would you like...
if I took this bottle and shoved it up your ass?
- Every time you'd take a dump, you'd need a nickel deposit! - [Glass Shatters]
- Come on, let's try it. - Hey!
- Jimmy! Jimmy! - [Punching Continues]
- Come on. Come on. - I've got him.
Come on, pal! Come on! Move it out!
- [Security Guard] Let's say we take it outside. - So he dropped the charges...
even though you dogged him out like that.
Alternative would've been nastier. The guy had a wife, a kid and a mistress.
Ooh, a wife and a mistress, huh? [Chuckles]
Those were the days, eh, Jimmy?
Oh, shit.
[Malt] Mooncalf alert.
[Bell Rings]
Hey, Jimmy. [Chuckling]
Jimmy the Saint. [Chuckles]
Hey. Jimmy, you-- [Clears Throat]
- Could I have a word with you for a minute? - What's up, Bernard?
I mean, i-in private, Jim.
[Chuckling] No-- No offense.
[Bernard] I'm very upset, Jimmy.
- I know that. - Yeah.
- I heard about Meg. - Oh, it's unbelievably sad. It's a heartbreaker, you know.
I mean, she's missing.
I mean, I don't know what to do.
My letters come back, "Return to Sender. "
I sent her flowers, right? They came back dead.
- [Chuckling] - Be patient.
She'll turn up.
Jimmy the Saint. [Chuckling]
Look, I just need some advice, you know?
I'm just-- Get on through it.
I mean, I love her, Jim.
Hmm? I just wanna talk to her.
I just want to hear her say, "Bernard, I'm happy now.
I love this guy, but I'm happy now. "
I mean, if I could hear her say that,
I would get on with the rest of my life.
See, her happiness is more important to me than my happiness.
You understand?
I understand. That's very noble of you.
Thank you.
She'll turn up, and you can talk to her and tell her how you feel.
- Just be patient. - Yeah.
You're right. [Chuckling]
Thanks, Jimmy.
You know,
I liked that thing you said about bein' noble.
I could be noble.
I mean you, you're noble.
[Chuckles]
I could be.
Hey.
You wanna go bowl a few strings with me sometime?
- Yeah. - [Chuckles] Yeah?
- You know "Diamond Mike" Ettlers? - Yeah, I know him.
All-Strike Lanes? [Chuckles] From Brownville?
- [Chuckles] - Okay. I'll call you. We'll bowl a few frames.
Great.
- Hey, that's great. - Okay.
- Thanks, again. - All right.
- Jimmy the Saint. - All right.
I arranged this thing with Petey Weed for you guys to go to Canada, if you want to.
I got it.
I appreciate what you're doin', Jimmy.
I really do, but I got everything under control.
All right? Now, you oughta get out of here yourself...
or you're gonna end up terminal, man.
- I gotta find Bill first. - [Sighs] Yeah, whatever.
- [Door Opens] - Come here.
Take this.
- What's that, your boat fund money? - Take the money.
- I can't. - Please.
- No, Jimmy, I can't. - [Girl] I like it here.
[Door Slams]
[Woman On Film] Ah! Oh, baby!
I love it. Oh. I love it.
You're so good to me. You're so hard.
You're so strong, make me so wet.
I love it. [Panting, Moaning]
[Panting, Moaning Continue] I'm so--
Oh, God! [Moaning Continues]
- [Creaking] - [Man Exhales]
Do it quickly.
[Moaning Continues]
- [Woman] I love it. - [Silenced Gunshot]
[Moaning Continues]
- I-- [Moaning Orgasmically] - [Electricity Crackles]
[Woman] Everybody stay together, now.
[Woman] Ronald, come on.
Are we having an affair?
What do you mean?
You call me in the middle of the afternoon...
and ask me to meet you at the Natural History Museum.
Thanks for comin'.
## [Funk]
The fact of the matter is by the year 2000,
every city will be black.
- [Man] The goddamn cities? - That's right.
Thanks to the fax, the modem, the conference call, Federal fuckin' Express,
the beast will be able to conduct his business from his home...
in the white suburb, leavin' the city a great wide war zone full of nuclear brothers.
So you're sayin', man, the fax, modem, F. T. D. --
What the fuck you talkin' about, "F. T. D. "?
- You got to have flowers in the war zone, Baby. - Hey. Man here to see you.
- Who's that? - A fuckin' spooky-ass fuck.
Well, go find out what he want, House.
The man says he wants to see you.
- [Elephant Trumpets] - You definitely got some kind of double-life thing happening.
Are you a gangster?
A gangster.
Do they still have gangsters?
- Yes. - [Elephant Trumpets]
"Jimmy the Saint" sounds kind of gangsterish,
and you got the slicked-back hair.
Hmm, always a dead giveaway.
- Say, "You dirty rat. " - What?
Say it. Go ahead. "You dirty rat. "
You dirty rat.
Oh. No sale.
# I know the time's right, 'Cause chicks be comin' on the blind side #
# Never understood it But remember I showed you #
- # That in ideas you gotta look over your shoulder # - Boss.
I know you, Sylvester?
Hey, turn that shit down.
- ## [Volume Lowers] - I said, I know you?
- No. - Then what the fuck you doin'...
comin' in my place of leisure...
dressed like that, frontin' me for a piece of ear?
- I'm lookin' for Earl Denton. - Oh, he lookin' for Earl Denton.
- Earl Denton. - A. K. A. Easy Wind.
A. K. A. Easy Wind.
What the fuck? You hear this boy?
- A. K. A. my dick, Uncle Salty. - A. K. A. his dick, Uncle Salty.
I need to find Earl Denton.
What are you thinkin' about?
[Birds Chirping]
What are you thinking about?
I asked you first.
I'm thinking about getting married.
[Animal Grunts]
Alex asked me to marry him.
He did.
And what did you say?
I said I'd think about it.
[Animal Grunts]
Are you in love?
[Woman On P. A.] Ladies and gentlemen, the museum will be closing in five minutes.
Thank you for coming to the Rocky Mountain Natural History Museum.
Hey, what'd you think? Huh?
You think we're just gonna give him up?
Hmm? Like I'm your house nigger?
- Do he look like your house nigger, punk? - Will you shut the fuck up...
for 11 seconds?
- That's cool. Go on. - Please,
tell me where he is.
Cooperate and no one gets hurt.
Say good-bye, bitch.
- [Grunts] - No, no, no, no.
- [Man] Look at this shit! Come here! - [Woman] What's goin' on?
- Put-- Put-- Put the gun down, man. - Shoot this motherfucker!
- Don't. - You better let that motherfucker go!
Rooster, get this motherfucker off of me!
- [Rooster] Fuck his ass up, House! - You tell me where he is.
Motherfucker, put the gun down!
[Crowd Screaming]
[Groaning]
[Grunting]
Heh-heh! Oh, no, no.
See, that's not-- No, you ain't-- It's cool.
It's-- It's cool, man. Just chill now.
[Choking]
A choice.
You could tell me where Earl Denton is, or you could tell it to the worms.
- [Distant Siren Wails] - Jimmy? - Hmm.
I been thinkin'.
There's this course. It's massage therapy.
It's a 12-week program. When you get out, you're a registered masseuse.
- I mean, boom, and I'm legit. I'm clean, just like that. - Oh, just like that you're clean.
Yeah, just like that.
[Sniffs] So I'm a masseuse.
[Sniffs] I'm a citizen, and then I'm thinkin'--
Well, then, you never thought about bein' a dad, have you? [Chuckles]
- No. - Never?
- Never. - No? [Sniffs]
'Cause I think about bein' a mom a lot.
You know? I think that it could, um--
Maybe it could get me out of the life, you know?
Get me off the street, maybe even... out of Denver.
I could go someplace warm, where it's sunny all the time.
- That'll be so cool. - How you gonna support the kid?
I don't know if anybody's told you, but l. B. M. 's having a hiring freeze.
- I just told you. - Massage therapy.
- Yeah, massage. - You're gonna massage people.
- Is it just me, or are you bein' a prick to me right now? - I'm bein' a prick to you.
- Yeah, that's what I thought. - Why me?
- [Sniffs] Why you? - Yeah.
I don't know.
[Sniffs] You're different, Jimmy.
And what you did today...
was like-- God.
I mean, you got some strength.
You got decency.
You know? [Chuckles]
And you got a, mmm, beautiful ass. [Laughing]
Well, who needs strength and decency when you have a nice ass?
Exactly. So,
like, I'm ovulating right now.
[Sniffs] We could do it. We could make it work.
- Right now you're ov-- Right here. - Right here if you want, baby.
[Laughing]
What do ya think? I only got two days, though. Two days.
Then I have to wait a whole 'nother month.
What do you say, Jimmy?
Hey, Malt.
Lucinda wants my baby. Should I give her the seed?
That's just what this world needs,
the unholy offspring of you two beggar-smashers.
That kid'd be the Antichrist, I tell ya that.
- Six-six-six all over his body. - Yeah? What do you know?
You're just a soda jerk, the emphasis on jerk. [Chuckling]
- [Bell Rings] - That's a funny one, Lucinda. I never heard that one.
[Jimmy] What are you still doin' here?
They killed Olden.
- When? What happened? - Tonight at the theater, man. They put one in his heart.
Only good thing was, he was... dead before he hit the ground.
Shit.
What? What?
Just, uh, for a man that's got a buckwheats hit on him, Jimmy,
you seem awful relaxed in there, drinkin' a shake.
What is that supposed to mean?
What are you saying, Franny?
Fuck the Man. Whatever. It's none of my business.
Yeah, I'm gonna be puttin' him on, gotta get outta here.
Good luck, man.
Gotta go.
- [Bell Rings] - Hey!
Jimmy! Where ya going to, a fire?
[Chuckling] We had some pretty good times there, huh?
Easy. It's a grievous error to still be here, Jim.
You're still here, Jimmy. You're still in Denver.
Why don't you just walk over and spit a green louie into my crippled face?
'Cause your still being here is the equal of, I think, just that.
I'm leaving town. I'm already gone. I wanna talk to you about Francis Chiser.
What about him? Slower!
Rub slower.
You gotta call off your men off of Chiser.
- I gotta? - It would be good of you to call your men off of Chiser.
He's got a family. He's got three kids, and he's got a wife.
He won't be in your face. He'll disappear. I guarantee it.
Disappear? Like Easy Earl Denton disappeared?
- What do you mean? - It was a good play, Jim, but the niggers gave him up.
- [Gunshot] - He was shot. Five bullets.
- He's gone, Jim. First Pieces, now Easy Wind. - [Siren Wailing]
Took 20 minutes to die.
- [Coins Bouncing] - Suffered like you would not fuckin' believe.
You gonna stay here and die, Jimmy, like a fuckin' dog in the street, like Easy Wind?
Bullet up the ass, you don't die for 20 minutes.
We'll just talk about Francis. He's got a family. He's got kids.
[Sighs] I'd trade the memories of childhood...
just to stroke this girl's stomach.
The sense of touch is easily...
the most underappreciated of the five senses.
Okay.
Just so's he disappears.
He's got a family. He's got three kids. They need him.
And you! Follow him.
Be gone, Jim. Fuckin' gone.
[Steam Hisses]
[Faint Chattering On TV]
Joe, it's me, Jimmy. Any luck finding Bill?
Yeah. Lou Brophy? Okay.
Yeah. I'm ready.
Bye.
You're leaving tomorrow.
And you're not coming back.
Am I right?
I could send for you.
[Thunder Rumbling]
Will you teach me to ski?
Huh?
Nothin'.
[Thunderclap]
- [Electric Light Buzzing] - [Baby Crying]
[Woman Shouting]
- [Shotgun Cocks] - [Man] Who's there?
- Billy, it's me, Jimmy. I'm alone. Open up. - [Lock Unlatches]
- [Bill] All right, Jimmy. - [Locks Unlatch]
It's okay.
How'd you find me?
Billy,
what the fuck are you doin', man?
He comes a-callin', I'll be ready.
[Folding Chair Rattles]
When was the last time you went out, Bill?
Couple of days ago. I quit workin' at Carlotti's.
You sleep at all?
I been up for four days straight.
Keeps you alert, fine-tuned.
Billy, why don't we go out and get something to eat?
I'm not real keen on leavin' here.
- You hungry? - No.
- 'Cause I could fix you up somethin'. You sure? - No.
- [Liquid Trickling] - I got beans.
Ah, I got corn. I got... spinach.
- It's all free. - [Trickling Continues]
Ahh. I got beef stew.
- You want me to fix you up some beef stew, some hard roll? - No. No.
Thanks. It's okay.
- All right. Okay. - [Trickling Stops]
Jimmy, you know, I'm--
I'm glad you found me, man, because l-l been--
I been wantin' to talk to you.
You know--
[Sighs] I been wantin' to apologize to you, Jimmy, about that--
what happened out on the highway the other night?
You know, man, I just-- [Exhales]
Well, I kinda lost my shit out there, ya know?
But, damn, Jimmy, it was kind of irresponsible of you...
to put me out on point in the first place, ya know?
When you think about it, it really was sorta your fault.
I mean, everybody knows...
I'm out of my tits.
Bill, I went to see Red the lawyer.
- Mexico City. - I ain't goin' nowhere, Jim.
They can send who they want to send,
- I will fuck them up five days from Tuesday. - Billy, listen to me.
Listen, the Man With The Plan's just a fuckin' head. Ya ever think about that?
We all bow and cower and run chicken from some fuckin' head!
[Chewing Loudly] Well, no more, Jimmy.
My new motto: Fuck the head!
Ha! You like that?
Fuck the head!
Yeah, man!
Fuck the head. [Laughing]
They got Easy Wind, Bill.
I know. Easy Wind.
[Chuckling] He was a fuck, but...
I kinda liked him anyhow.
When he started roundin' me on that "fecal freak" stuff, it was lies, man.
- I know. - I mean, not lies like you think, Jimmy.
Not out-and-out lies. I mean, I ain't no brown boy.
- There was this one time. Marion in the fuckin' basement. - Billy, you don't--
- I don't wanna hear about it. - Especially in the basement, you got to prove yourself.
You don't, you're hosed. This one scale offered me five centuries to do it.
To do what, Bill?
Eat it, man.
Not a lot. Just a-- Just a little piece.
- I don't want to hear about this. - I'm sayin' Easy Wind is a lyin' moon cricket,
but maybe on this one he wasn't really lyin', 'cause I did it for a small nickel.
See-- See, he leaves that part out.
Five yards, man, and it was only a little bitty piece of shit.
I mean, it didn't really have no taste, either.
- Spongy. - Jesus, Bill! Come on!
Well, it don't make me no fecal freak. Give me some geezo juice around the basement...
and five yards, and what the fuck, Jimmy?
- You might do it yourself. - That's right. I might do it myself.
I'm sayin' Easy Wind shouldn't oughta go sayin' shit like that without, uh, uh--
- Qualifying it. - Qualifying it. That's right, Jim. Without qualifying it.
That nigger's just a trash mouth.
I'll tell you what.
He'll get himself killed if he don't watch out.
Sure you don't want somethin' to eat?
I gotta go, Bill.
- [Elderly Man] And when you're 70, - Boat drinks.
you realize that life is nonsense.
In the grand scheme of things, uh,
one life is nothing.
One life is a... mustard burp:
momentarily tangy, then forgotten in the air.
[Dog Barking]
[Barking Continues]
[Barking]
# Mustang Sally #
# Guess you'd better slow your Mustang #
[Siren Wails]
# Mustang Sally, baby #
Unh! God! Jesus! Jesus!
You like that, huh?
- What the fuck are you doin', Tosnia? - Why are you followin' the girl?
- Why are you followin'-- You're a cop. - I'm a cop!
- Talk to me, you shit! Why are you following the girl? - Fuck you!
This girl had nothin' to do with this, you understand me?
She has nothing to do with this. I'm done,
but if you just fucking go near that girl, if you fuckin' go near her,
if she fuckin' stubs her toe and you're in the same zip code as her,
I'm gonna come after you, my friend!
You! You'll be wearing a flag-draped coffin, you understand me?
Stay the fuck away from her!
Ya hear me on this? Stay the fuck away from her.
Hey, I got a better question for you.
What's ugly, tattooed and just got sliced up like provolone?
[Siren Wails]
- What? - No! Let me go! Let me go!
No!
[Screams]
Unh! [Grunting]
- [Ellie] Choo-choo? - Choo-choo. Or airplane.
- Choo-choo. Airplane? - Oh, let's do airplane.
[Humming, Chuckles]
- That's enough of that one. - [Door Opens]
- Get the fuck in there. - Jimmy Tos.
That's enough, sweetie. Take the night off.
Go home. Rent a video.
What the fuck did you do to my Irish mallet, Jimmy?
- Looks terrible. - You gave me your word on Franchise.
Oh, yeah. Gave you my word.
Gee whiz. Well, Jimmy, don't you see?
I'm a criminal. My word don't mean dick.
You gave me your word. Your word! Your word, you gave me the other day!
- You gave me your word. - ## [Soprano: Aria]
I met someone. I met a girl.
I'm asking you: I don't want her hurt.
I heard she's lovely. Maybe we'll get her in here, dance for the boys.
- Jimmy! Jimmy! - Ooh.
Get the fuck off me.
Jim! That's enough!
Ah, Jim! Jim! Come on, here.
- Jimmy, for God's-- - Let me go. Let me go.
- Let me go! - Come here!
You crippled fuck!
- [Grunts] - All right. All right. He's all right.
He's all right. He's all right.
I know him.
He's a friend.
I love this new tough-guy thing, Jim.
Very exciting. Now get on your knees.
- What? - Get on your knees.
- Why are you doing this? - 'Cause I got pressure sores, Jim.
They leak pus. Now get on your knees.
- No. - ## [Continues]
Uuh!
Good.
[Gasping]
- Get on your belly. - Gaah--
- I'm not gonna beg. - Get on your fuckin' belly, Jim,
before I send the boys out with 30 vials of rock and your quim's address.
They round up eight crackhead niggers...
who gang-rape her if they want to pipe up.
- Now, get on your fuckin' belly. - No.
- Aah! - Beg for your life, Jim.
- I beg I die! - Beg, you fuck!
- Beg, asshole. - No.
Beg me or I'll let you suck my dead dick in return for your life.
- No. - Beg! - Beg.
- No! - Beg, fuck!
- No! - Take out my dick.
- Wha-- - Huh?
Atwater, take it out.
Take it out! Take it out!
[Groaning, Grunting]
Oh, please, I don't want her hurt.
You scumbag.
Didn't you learn nothing from me?
Never beg. Never, ever fuckin' beg.
Now I gotta buckwheats you, Jim.
Go to Switzerland, go to China,
go to the Washington fuckin' Zoo,
but an example's gotta be made.
And if your bangtail's with you-- if Miss Dagney Krofft,
ski instructor at Vail-- if she's with you,
then she goes too... 10 minutes before you...
so's you gotta watch her, you gotta watch her drain.
- Huh? - Aah!
Or... maybe not.
Maybe I decide to be a stand-up guy,
forget the whole thing.
Or buckwheats, or maybe b-b-b-buckwheats, buckwheats.
Or no.
Live with that.
And the fun part, the real shit-and-giggles part is...
you ain't never gonna know what I decide...
'til you're staring at your guts...
## [Continues]
on the wall.
[Grunting, Groaning]
- Shit! - # You got to #
# Accentuate the positive #
# Eliminate the negative #
# Latch on to the affirmative #
# Don't mess with Mister In-Between #
# You got to spread joy up to the maximum #
# Bring blues down to the minimum #
# Have faith or pandemonium #
# Liable to walk upon the scene #
# To illustrate his last remark #
# Jonah and the whale Noah and the ark #
- [Slurping] - # What did they do #
# Just when everything looked so dark #
# Man, I said we better Accentuate the positive #
Boat drinks, Malt.
- # Eliminate the negative # - You all right, Jimmy?
- Boat drinks, Joe. - # Latch on-- #
[Door Opens, Bell Rings]
# Don't mess with Mister In-Between #
- Ah, he's got a lot on his mind. - [Door Closes]
What'd you say your name was again, friend?
[Siren Wailing]
- [Shotgun Cocks] - Par-tay!
I am Godzilla!
You are Japan!
Your reputation far exceeds your skills, mammy rammer.
[Gunshot]
[Joe] "Blood runs when the time comes. "
The first rule of the life.
"The blood runs when the time comes. "
Just because Mr. Shush is gone, it don't mean shit.
I hear he already made a call.
The Mantirez brothers out of Albuquerque have been called in.
"Assassinos locos. " [Chuckling]
- # Born on the bad side # - # Bad side #
- Hi, baby. - Jimmy, what happened to your face?
It's okay.
- Alex, how are ya? - Ah, this is the guy, right?
- Yes, I'm the guy. - Yeah.
Jimmy, what are you doing here?
I have a favor to ask.
# I thought that trouble was my only friend #
I bought this ring.
It's a good ring.
It's in your color. It's perfect. I'd like you to give it to Dagney.
[Clears Throat] You, uh--
You wanna buy my engagement ring for Dagney.
I bought your engagement ring for Dagney.
Give her the ring, please.
- Jimmy, don't do this. - Please. Please.
You don't think that that's a little odd?
- Please take the ring. - Dagney.
Open your heart and take the ring.
- Take the ring. - Don't do this.
- Is that what you want, Dagney? - Take the ring.
Take the ring. Take the ring! Take the ring!
What the hell are you doing?
Sorry.
Look, I don't even like you anymore, Jimmy!
You swept through here talking the talk,
and ever since then I don't know what's what.
You know what's what?
I'm just like all the others. I just need you more than the others.
The other night, you were telling me you were on the brink of an exception.
You know how many people out there want a shot at bringing you paradise,
that want to spend the rest of their days with you?
- You're doing the talking thing again! - And I want to do that, see,
but I can't do it, and I want to do that so badly.
Why? Just tell me why.
I'm dying. I went to see a doctor. He tells me I'm dying.
He tells me I have to give you back to all the others.
Dying? What do you mean, you're dying?
Dagney, listen. I really have to go. I'm-- I'm--
I'm gonna cry here in the middle of Silver Naked Lady, and it's bad for my reputation.
I love you. You know that.
And I know if I'd had a chance to take possession of your soul, I would have made it smile.
Don't cry.
- # Have a bad love # - # Bad love #
- # There's something about real bad love, doll # - # Yeah #
- # Have a bad love # - # Bad love #
- # There's something about real bad love, doll # - # Bad love #
[Horn Honks]
[Chuckling]
Hey, Jimmy.
Well, how are you? [Chuckling]
- Hey, did you wanna bowl? - You need a ride, Bernard.
Gus and Ellie are supposed to pick me up. You know, they always--
- I know. - They're always late. [Chuckles]
I'll come aboard with you. What the hell. Sure. Huh?
Serve them guys right for bein' tardy.
What happened to you?
Come on, let's go.
[Engine Stops]
- [Sighs] - [Chuckling]
Somethin' wrong? [Chuckling]
Yes.
- [Blade Clicks] - Ugh.
[Grunts] Aw, s--
[Gasping]
[Exhales]
Lucinda.
Hey, Jimmy. What's up?
Get in the car.
What happened to you? What happened to you?
[Kissing]
It's gonna be a beautiful baby, Jimmy.
[Jimmy] Most of all, you're gonna have to remember...
it's not gonna be a perfect world.
It's gonna be harder than Chinese math.
But as cold as it's gonna seem sometimes,
you must have... faith.
- Jimmy? - Gotta have faith.
Have a list--
Come up with a list...
of what's important to you.
The ten most important things to you.
Write 'em down.
No one can satisfy all ten. It's impossible.
If you can satisfy five or six, you're nearly there.
You're on your way, kid, to your own perfect world.
[Shotguns Cock]
[Jimmy] It's important that you listen to your mother.
She's a fine woman,
decent, smart.
You listen to her.
[Jimmy] A good man once told me that life goes by...
faster than summer vacation,
- [Wind Blowing] - and he was right,
and one day you'll be old enough to understand that.
So enjoy it.
- [Thunderclap] - Enjoy your life.
Enjoy it all.
You were on my list.
And me doing this has given me...
my own perfect world,
and I thank you for that.
I really do.
[Joe] They say the Man With The Plan can never be killed,
but Jimmy the Saint, he did it.
He didn't have to scale no walls or wrestle with no goons, either.
He just took Bernard out for a ride.
The Man With The Plan never spilled another drop of blood again.
## [Calypso]
# Dreaming, dreaming #
# Dreamin' in the hold #
# Dreaming, dreaming #
# Dreamin' in the hold #
# Dreaming, dreaming #
- # Dreamin' in the hold # - Gentlemen,
we have boat drinks.
[Joe] Oh, it's just the way we shake hands.
You press palms upside like that.
You know why? Because when we were locked down,
in the visitors room they had this clear plastic divider...
that separated you from your visitor.
And you used to touch 'em hello and good-bye like that. [Chuckling]
Hey, I ever tell ya about Jimmy "the Saint" Tosnia from Flatbush?
- In his day, - [Bell Rings]
the bitch's bastard.
# I still remember it was autumn and the moon was shinin' #
# Our '60 Cadillac was roarin' through Nebraska whinin' #
# Doin' 120, man, the fields was bendin' over #
# Headin' out for the mountains knowin' we was travelin' further #
# All the farms were blazin' and the spinnin' wheels were turnin', turnin' #
# Had my girlfriend stop it But, oh, brother she was burnin', burnin' #
# I walked up back the street and saw a funky schoolteacher #
# She had a lot of somethin' heavy but we couldn't reach her #
# We told her that we needed something that would get us goin' #
# She pulled out all she had and laid it on the counter showin' #
# All I had to do was lay my money down and pick it up #
# The cops came bustin' in and then we lit out in a pickup truck #
# Go get out of Denver Baby, go, go #
# Get out of Denver Better go along #
# Get out of Denver Better go, go #
# Get out of Denver 'Cause you look just like a commie #
# And you just might be a member, baby #
# Get out of Denver, baby Get out of Denver #
# Well them lights were flashin' and the sirens were a-screamin', screamin' #
# We had to pinch each other just to see if we were dreamin' #
# Made it to Loveland Pass in under less than half an hour #
# Lord, it started drizzlin' and it turned into a thundershower #
# Oh #
# The rain was drivin' but the Caddy kept on burnin' rubber #
# We kept on drivin' 'til we ran into some fog cover #
# We couldn't see a thing but somehow we just kept on goin' #
# We kept on drivin' all night long and then into the morning #
# Fog, it finally lifted, When we looked to see where we was at #
# We're starin' at a Colorado State Policeman trooper cap #
# Go get out of Denver Better go #
# Get out of Denver Better go, go #
# Get out of Denver Better go #
# Get out of Denver 'cause you look just like a commie #
# And you might just be a member, baby #
# Get out of Denver Better go #
# I called up my friend Leroy on the phone #
# I said, buddy I'm afraid to be alone #
# 'Cause I got some weird ideas in my head #
# About things to do in Denver when you're dead #
# You won't need a cab to find a priest #
# Maybe you should find a place to stay #
# Someplace where they never change the sheets #
# And you just roll around Denver all day #
# Well you won't need a cab to find a priest #
# Maybe you should find a place to stay #
# Someplace where they never change the sheets #
# And you just roll around Denver all day #
# You just roll around Denver all day ##