[Man] How's your chicken?
Good.
How's your fish?
Good.
How's school?
[Girl] OK.
Paul?
OK.
Good.
How's your ice-cream?
[Boy and girl] Good.
Let's do something different
next time l'm over.
Like what?
Um...go swimming?
Go and see a film?
l'll think of something.
# There she goes
# There she goes again
# Racing through my brain
# And l just can't contain
# This feeling that remains
# There she goes
# There she goes again
# Rushing through my veins
# And l just can't contain
# This feeling that remains
# There she goes
# There she goes #
[Rowdy chatter]
[Teacher bangs on desk]
l'm Ms Hughes.
lt's not Miss, it's not Mrs.
Ms, OK?
Practise? Say it after me.
Ms Hughes.
Come on.
[Class, reluctantly] Ms Hughes.
Fine.
Don't forget.
Right, l'm gonna start off today
by telling you a few things l like
and a few things l DON'T like.
Yeah, all right. All right.
All right, that's enough football.
Now, ''Of Mice and Men''.
How many of you managed to, uh,
get all the way through it?
Steven, you've got your hand in the air.
You've not read it?
Yes, sir.
What happens in the end?
He shoots him, sir.
Who shoots who?
The little bloke shoots the big bloke.
He's right, sir.
l'm leaving because there's no point carrying on.
lf l've got Steven Downing to read a book,
there's no challenges left.
My career can only go downhill.
Better be about the book, Robert.
No, sir. lt's about Alan Smith.
Yeah, well, later.
What about him? [Laughter]
[Pupils shouting and cheering]
Mr Ashworth, have you got a moment?
[Pupil wolf-whistles]
[Shouting and cheering]
Sorry, but the noise from here
makes it impossible to concentrate next door.
You'll get used to it.
l don't want to get used to it.
l want to do some work,
not listen to moronic football chanting.
[Football chanting]
QUlET!
[Mr Ashworth] Out! Out!
Hold your hands up in the air!
Offside! Linesman!
YOU'RE the linesman!
My God!
Right, clap.
Show he's done the right thing.
We don't have linesmen, sir.
Applaud the referee, then.
Jesus, doesn't matter. That'll do for today.
Right. See you tomorrow, Sarah.
All right.
l was the naive, stupid new teacher,
you were the cynical old hand?
What?
The snorting when l asked a question.
l was reading the football reports.
l never listen at staff meetings.
This has got to be a pose,
this football stuff.
You pretend to be a yob
for a bit of street cred?
ls this 'cause my kids were enjoying their lesson?
Well, all kids enjoy a riot.
Actually teaching them something is a lot harder!
l've seen this film.
You end up shagging on the carpet.
lf we end up shagging on the carpet,
l will buy you a new carpet.
Yeah, right.
But l tell you...
l knew it!
No. No carpets.
He is an English teacher.
Oh, God, not all this again.
l mean, what about Patrick Swayze?
No-one cares whether he read Byron or not.
And you know, he is the full Axminster.
l'd want a brain as well.
Eventually.
l'm gonna measure up.
l'm off to Habitat first thing.
lf we end up shagging,
you can carpet the whole house.
The walls, the ceiling, the garden...
Well, what's she like?
One of those women -
if you like football, you must be a yob.
Bollocks.
ls she fit?
Not that you'd prove her point or anything.
What?
What have l done?
lt's a perfectly reasonable,
straightforward question.
She's not unattractive, but so what?
A) She hates me, B) l hate her,
and C) what's the point of all that?
Waste of fucking time.
Ooh, sounds promising, then.
[Sarah] lt must be terrible
being that miserable.
Pretending you only care about football results
because the world's a terrible place
and what's the point of it all?
What lS the point?
Maybe it lS football results.
Don't worry. He's a sad, lonely bastard.
Who cares what made him that way?
Where's your brother?
Eh?
He's over there.
Oi, number nine!
You're a donkey!
Didn't he have a trial with someone once?
Yeah. Orient.
They offered him a contract, as well.
What happened?
Turned it down.
Stupid sod. Said it was too risky.
What's he doing now?
Er, runs his own business.
Computer something.
He's on about fifty grand a year.
l'd swap fifty grand a year
- for a contract with Orient. - So would l.
- Don't even like Orient. - Neither do l.
He gets it both ways.
Gets fifty grand a year,
gets to play at a place with floodlights.
Floodlights and a tea bar.
l'd love to play at a place with a tea bar.
Yeah, well...
Bit late now, eh?
Dunno.
Stanley Matthews played First Division football
till he was fifty.
Bet you any money you like
YOU'RE not playing First Division football
- when you're fifty. - lt's the smoking.
lt's not the smoking, Steve,
it's the crapness.
Pass the ball!
[Whistle]
Penalty!
Yes!
Hold that.
l've always wanted to do this.
# La la la la la la-la
# La la LA la
# La la la la la la-la
# La la LA la... #
[Paul] Anthropologists have always
had a hard time with football.
The trouble is,
you can only see what's on the outside.
But there lS an inside,
believe it or not.
We all have our reasons
for loving things the way we do.
Hey!
[Doorbell rings]
He's here!
Thanks for being so helpful.
Ready?
He's been ready for hours.
No, l haven't.
[Sister] Yes, you have.
What time will you be back?
Er, six. Six thirty.
Fine.
See you later, then.
OK?
Have a nice time.
See you later, sunshine.
We'll do something special next time, huh?
[Music on radio]
You looking forward to it?
What?
The match.
Yeah.
Sounds like it.
l'm not really a football fan.
No.
One day we'll find something
you DO wanna do.
Your mum seems in good form.
Yeah.
She OK?
Not really.
The last home game, last season?
What about it?
They were fucking rubbish.
Fucking rubbish last year
and the year before.
They'll be fucking rubbish this year, too.
And next year. And the year after that.
l don't know why you come, Frank.
You live in hope.
What d'you reckon?
Think they're bad as Frank says?
This is his first time.
Hope he knows what he's lettin' himself in for.
Have a look at the number eight.
Jon Sammels.
Remember his face
and if you happen to bump into him,
tell him to sod off to Spurs!
Programmes!
Go on, give it a shove.
Someone hasn't been eating their greens.
Wey-hey!
We're in ''Y'', OK?
Yeah.
[Supporters chant songs]
[Loud football songs]
What d'you reckon?
When's the next game?
Week after next, probably.
Let's have a look.
Yeah, Sunderland.
They're away at Leeds next week.
Can we come to the Sunderland game, Dad?
You might wanna go somewhere different.
lf you're gonna be a football fan,
think carefully about who you're gonna follow.
Look.
For fuck's sake, Arsenal!
Get it!
Sammels, you're a fucking idiot!
[Man] Sort yourself out!
That was a brilliant goal, wasn't it, Dad?
lt was pretty good, yeah.
What happened?
lt was a penalty, the goalie saved it
then the man who missed the penalty
had another go and scored.
- Terry Neill? - That's right.
- He's good, isn't he? - Fantastic.
l'm off, then. See you next week.
Let's go.
Come on.
Why do we have to leave?
Beat the traffic.
Long walk back to the car,
we'll be stuck for hours.
But they might score again.
There's a remote possibility.
But it won't be this afternoon.
Joke. lf you're an Arsenal fan,
you get used to jokes like that.
l will.
Who d'you think played best?
Dunno. But Sammels was rubbish.
l don't think so.
Crowd didn't understand
what he was trying to do.
They were on to him
before he'd done anything wrong.
- l disagree. - Oh, you do?
One afternoon at football, you're Kenneth Wolstenholme.
Who did YOU think played the best?
[Music drowns out dialogue]
Might make an Arsenal defence
of them yet, Robert.
Yes, sir.
Em, sir, you going to Highbury next week?
- Nah. - Oh.
'Course l'm going.
Want me to get you a programme?
lt's cash in advance.
l've been caught too many times.
No, it's not that.
Em...
could l come with you?
That'd be a bit difficult.
To be honest, between you and me,
- l go to the pub first. - l could wait outside.
l stand on the North Bank. You wouldn't see.
- l'd go down the front. - Your mum'd love that.
She says l have to go
with a responsible adult.
Saturday's the one day of the week
when l'm NOT a responsible adult.
l turn into someone your age.
Not as sensible.
She won't have to find out.
l'm sorry, Robert, l can't.
Well, not this week.
Maybe some other time, eh?
Next season when you've grown a bit?
Get you a programme.
Cash in advance unnecessary, on this occasion.
To hell with it,
you can have one for free.
Thanks, sir.
Bollocks!
BOLLOCKS!
[Paul] Nothing to worry about.
His handwriting's a disgrace to the human race
but he's very bright and enjoys the lessons.
He does. He's always goin' on about you.
lt's my enthusiasm for Steinbeck's prose style.
Either that or something else.
The football, you mean?
Robert thinks they might win the championship
for the first time since 1 970.
1 971 .
Gotta get things like that right.
Absolutely.
Did he tell you what happened
after football training?
He asked me if l'd take him to the Arsenal.
Mr Ashworth, l'm so sorry.
He just seemed uptight about it.
His dad and me are recently separated.
lt was his dad he used to go with.
- You don't wanna take him? - Don't know anything about it.
l very much doubt if he'd care.
l can tell you everything you need to know
in about five minutes.
She seemed to enjoy the Elizabethans
but when we moved on,
she slipped back. She dropped four places.
Was it four? No, six.
Which l found a little disappointing
though l'm not sure that she did.
No. She's got her heart set
on a hairdresser's apprenticeship.
Right.
Thanks very much, then.
[Paul] You come out the tube station,
cross over the street and in that entrance there,
you buy unreserved seats, £7.
My ex can pay.
- He's a Spurs fan, isn't he? - Yeah.
l'd go for £1 2 seats.
Sting the bastard for all you can get.
Thank you so much.
You've been really helpful.
Hello, Mr Johnson. How are you?
Evening. Suppose you're feeling
pretty pleased with life.
[Music on radio]
# Are you ready to be... heartbroken?
Oh, fuck it!
# Well, you better get ready now, baby
Would you like a lift?
# Get ready to bleed
You don't know where l live.
Yes, l do. Crouch End.
lt's on my way home.
[Radio presenter] 'Don't forget, l'll be back
'with all the top sports stories...
'But first of all...'
How about you?
Arsenal.
lnside the stadium or just nearby?
[Radio presenter] 'Number one,
'Abigail's Party,
You really are Mr Popular, aren't you?
All those queues at your desk.
'..Live commentary
'on three races from that meeting.'
Sorry.
'And the main one at 3.45.
'Now the main sports stories.'
What were you talking to Robert Parker's mother about?
'..Suspended Arsenal's Paul Davis...'
Shit! Fuck! Bollocks!
l'm sorry?
Paul Davis.
Who's Paul Davis?
Arsenal.
Were we talking about him?
'..Signed a four-year contract...'
Sorry. l wasn't listening.
'..Olympic headlines from Seoul,
'Linford Christie's given the all-clear...'
- Arsenal. - Yes, you said.
No, l was talking to Robert Parker's mother
about Arsenal.
God!
l'm in the wrong job.
Well, l'm in the wrong life.
l spent hours preparing for a parents' evening.
No one could think of two words to say to me.
Yet they queue for hours
to hear your pearls of wisdom
on next week's game against Wolves United!
Yeah...
Just Wolves. No United.
Look, l'm sorry.
lt must seem unfair.
Yes, it does, actually.
lt's the next left.
Maybe you're too uptight with them.
Maybe you should just...
be yourself more.
All those files and folders and what have you.
That lS me being myself.
lt's just here.
D'you want a cup of coffee?
OK.
You don't have to.
No, no, no. l'd... Yeah, l'd like to.
What are these for, then?
They're not for anything. They just look nice.
Are they yours?
No.
Jo's. My flat-mate.
lt's her place.
She's away at the moment.
Can l smoke?
No.
You can stay the night, though,
if you want.
Not on the carpet.
l can't afford it.
You might have the decency to run.
Then we wouldn't be doing it together.
Cocky cow.
lt's just a fact. Look.
OK! OK!
l HATE you!
l owe you a new carpet.
Well, maybe a new spare bed.
You shagged the football hooligan!
l knew it! l knew it!
He's not a football hooligan.
So he HAS read Byron?
He's bound to have done!
lt doesn't really matter if he hasn't.
Who'd have thought it, eh?
''lron Knickers'' Hughes ending up with a yob.
He's not a yob
and l'm not ending up with him.
You wanna bet?
Where are you off to?
l'm starving.
l was thinking of ringing for a pizza.
Have you read Byron?
What?
Have you read any of Byron's poems?
Yeah.
''The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold
''and his somethings were gleaming
''in black and old gold.'' Crap.
What are those?
My...Arsenal boxer shorts.
They're not my best ones.
l was running out.
But you're willing to show them
to another human being.
l wasn't exactly showing them to you.
What d'you wanna know about Byron for?
Um...a bet.
Did you win?
l don't think so.
Stay in line!
Right, now push up! Out! Out!
That's it! Good lads.
Offside, referee!
Offside!
Ref!
Oi, ref, he was miles off.
lt's not M Y fault.
Too good a coach for this level.
What's the score?
One-all.
lf you count that POXY GOAL they just scored.
What's this, Cup or League?
Cup, quarter-final.
- How long left? - Fifteen.
l wanted to talk to you about a vacancy.
Rosie Hunter's handed in her notice.
l wondered whether you'd be interested in applying.
Head of Year?
Um...well...
Obviously not the most attractive offer
you've ever had.
Come on, Ben! Get back with him!
Sorry, Ted.
l haven't fired you with enthusiasm.
lt's a lot of work.
What do l wanna do more work for?
More money?
l've got enough to pay my rent,
enough for my season ticket
and a couple of records a month.
Got no family.
l'd like you to think about it.
Sorry. There's nothing to think about.
Come on, Sam! Put it away!
YES!
[Paul] Why aren't adults
supposed to go mad about anything?
You've got to keep a lid on it.
And if you don't,
then people are apparently entitled
to say what they like.
You haven't grown up, you're a moron.
Your conversation is trivial and boorish.
You can't express your emotional needs.
You can't relate to your children
and you die - lonely and miserable.
But you know, what the hell?
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Not on your own. How many more times?
You'll have to wait until your father's over.
So l'll get to Highbury five times a year?
lt's not my fault your father lives abroad.
Mum, they play 21 times a year
plus Cup matches. That's...
Mum, why is Crossroads a motel?
What d'you mean?
Why isn't it just a hotel?
29! lf they get to the League Cup semi-final,
the FA Cup quarter-final...
You can take your car there.
You forgot Europe.
l don't know how many games last season.
Oh, yeah.
That's another five games.
That hotel in Devon, we took our car.
Every round is home and away.
We had to leave it in the car park.
Fives into thirty-five goes seven.
One-seventh of all the home games. Pathetic!
Paul, in a motel,
you drive a car into a room!
Say you only went to one-seventh
your Choral Society
They'd throw you out.
Arsenal won't throw you out. They want your money.
l've looked it up.
l can catch the 1 2.53 to Paddington,
be at Paddington by 1 .36,
get the Circle and District
and Metropolitan Line to Kings Cross.
Then it's Caledonian Road, Holloway Road,
Arsenal, third stop. Be there 2.1 5, easy.
For Christ's sake, go if you want to.
Yes! Thanks, Mum.
[Sings] Charlie, Charlie,
Charlie, Charlie,
Charlie's the King of Highbury.
Don't come runnin' to me
if you get stabbed to death.
l won't.
Jimmy Husband! Brilliant.
[Paul] lt's not easy
to become a football fan.
lt takes years.
But if you put in the hours,
you're welcomed, without question,
into a new family.
Except in this family,
you care about the same people
and hope for the same things.
What's childish about that?
A terrible foul by McLintock on Rocastle.
He'll be lucky to stay on the pitch.
lt wasn't THAT bad.
lt was mistiming, it wasn't malicious.
Bollocks!
So, that's a free kick to 1 989 Arsenal
and...Davis takes it.
And...
Goal!
And that's 1 989 Arsenal four,
1 971 Arsenal, nil.
Bob Wilson will be bitterly disappointed
with that one.
This lot would never beat the Double team
four-nil at Subbuteo.
lt's just l'm crap at it!
Should've chosen someone else.
Who else played in yellow and blue away strip?
- Everton? - Be Everton, then.
OK. But this game's abandoned.
l can't start suddenly pretending
that John Radford's Joe Royle. lt'd do my head in.
Have to start again.
Nil-nil.
All right. Go on, then.
Yes!
What are you thinking about?
- Oh...stuff. - What stuff?
l was thinking about DH Lawrence, actually.
Yeah?
What about him?
Well...
Well...about his books.
What about his books?
Just...which one's the longest.
And?
l-l couldn't remember.
Well, which one did you think it might be?
That's just it. l couldn't decide.
Between what and what?
Mm...
Well, ''Lady Chatterley's Lover''...
- And...? - And, um...
l wasn't thinking about DH Lawrence at all.
You amaze me.
l was thinking about Arsenal.
l'm staggered.
We might win the League this year.
We're half-way through the season and we're top
and they'll fuck it up but...
You're not impressed, are you?
l am. l hope they win the League.
lt's just that...
Why did you lie?
l've got to vary the answers.
l can't say Arsenal every time.
l can't find any...''Bread''.
Do l look like the sort of man
who'd have a ''Bread'' album?
No, you look like the kind of man
who has a ''Bollock Brothers'' album.
l wouldn't put that on.
lt's a bit...not the right mood.
Oh?
And what's the right mood?
Well, l don't know, just...
something...you know.
What?
You know, just...
something not as... sweary and loud.
Paul, that's the most romantic thing
you've ever said to me.
Shut up.
[They giggle]
[Sarah] By the way, congratulations.
[Paul] On what?
Two-nil. Quinn and Dixon.
Goal in each half.
Top of the League. Nine games to go.
George Graham sees no reason
why Arsenal shouldn't bring the title back to Highbury
for the first time in 1 6 years.
1 8 years.
l'm sure he said 1 6.
Oh, right. Maybe l'm wrong.
Yeah, OK, OK. 1 8. Whatever.
So, when does it all end?
May.
And what happens then, in the summer?
Just sit in the park
and wait for the fixture list to come out.
So what about this summer?
That's a good point.
We might be in the Charity Shield.
That isn't the point l was making.
We've been... seeing each other -
well, we've been sleeping together
for six months now.
And we've never even planned
a holiday together.
lt's a miracle if we plan a weekend
before Friday afternoon.
And yet you know what Arsenal are doing
for months in advance.
They produce a fixture list.
Well, l can do that for you.
Give me your diary
and l'll put some dates in it.
Don't be daft.
What's daft about it?
l don't really see the difference.
How about Saturday, October the 8th?
Let's go away somewhere.
l haven't got next season's fixture list yet.
You know you're seeing Arsenal next year.
You can't say whether you'll be seeing me.
So what? Everyone's like that.
You know you'll be seeing your sister next season.
Sisters don't have seasons.
Whatever.
Look, l know where this is going
and you're dead wrong.
l'm capable of commitment and all that stuff.
lf it doesn't happen with you,
that's because of you, not me.
21 years l've been going to Arsenal.
21 years.
Paul, l don't know whether you've noticed
but Arsenal are a football team.
And you think there's a difference?
Yes, l do.
That shows what you know about it.
[TV] '..Will need a fitness test
'shortly before kick-off.'
That looked like Rocky.
Jo, go back to the news a minute.
lt's only the local news.
l know. lt looked like Rocky.
Who looked like Rocky?
Who the hell is Rocky?
Doesn't matter. We've missed it now.
that ''Rocky'' is an Arsenal player.
Yeah, David Rocastle.
And how do you know what he looks like?
Well, l don't know.
lt sinks in after a while.
What else has sunk in?
D'you know where they are in the Championship Cup
and who their best goal-hanger is?
l'm not turning into a moron.
OK, l know they're top of the League.
That's easy to remember.
And l know that Alan ''Smudger'' Smith
has scored most of the goals.
But it doesn't...
l'm going next week.
You're going?
Yeah.
To a football match?
Yeah. l thought l should.
Ooh. l tell you, girl,
you'd better watch yourself.
Soon after Tim and l split up,
l woke up one morning
and realised l could remember his batting average
for the previous season.
Harmless enough, isn't it?
No!
lt's all a sinister form
of male manipulation.
Rubbish!
lt's true!
You get colonised.
Your native culture gets driven out
and it's replaced by stuff
you don't even wanna know about.
They're like bloody missionaries.
They bore you stupid until you cave in
then they fuck off!
[Paul imitates Clangers]
Shut up!
Did you get it?
Yes.
Can l see it?
lt's in me purse.
Brilliant. Thanks, Mum.
l've got to do an extra hour tomorrow.
Left the office at twelve,
l didn't get back till three.
They asked you what end you wanted?
No. l said, ''One, please'' and they gave me that.
How comes you got a ticket
in the Reading end?
Had to get it off a tout.
How much did that cost you?
Fiver.
D'you live in lslington?
Well, near, yeah.
[Man] How near is near?
Place called Maidenhead.
Maidenhead?
Maidenhead in Berkshire?
Two miles down the road?
More like six.
Bit nearer Reading than Arsenal.
You should be supporting your local team.
Look...
Excuse me.
Just seen someone l know.
And was the ticket all right, in the end?
l was standing with a load
of country bumpkins at first.
Then l found Jenkins and them.
So you stood with Jenkins?
What would YOU know?
You must've been sick when they equalised.
l heard it on the radio.
The place went mad.
Just had to stand and take it.
Good old Pat Rice, though.
- He never scores, Pat Rice. - First of the season.
We're good in the Cups, aren't we?
McNab won't play.
Bertie Mee wouldn't risk him.
How long will it take to get to Birmingham?
Couple of hours. Maybe three.
But we'll be there by two?
Oh, sure.
How about if we did something different this afternoon?
How d'you mean?
l thought you might like
to meet Jane and the kids for lunch.
Then maybe take 'em to the zoo
or pictures...somewhere.
They've been over this week
visiting their grandmother.
They'd love to meet you.
You don't mean instead of the game, do you?
We couldn't do both.
You didn't get any tickets, did you?
The tickets are waiting for us there.
So you're telling me you've got tickets
but you wanna go and see ''The Jungle Book''?
You're teasing me, aren't you?
We don't have to go to Arsenal
every time l'm in London, do we?
l thought we were beyond that stage.
We'll never be beyond that stage.
# Out here in the fields
[Supporters chant]
# l fight for my meals
# l get my back into my living
# l don't need to fight
# To prove l'm right
# l don't need to be forgiven
[Fans chant Arsenal songs]
l thought you said you'd look after me.
You said you didn't need looking after.
[Chanting] You're gonna get
your fucking heads kicked in!
Gonna get your fucking heads kicked in!
[Rowdy shouting]
Fucking jump for the ball, Niall!
Come on, Arsenal!
Do you want this or not?
[Announcer] 'Everton nil, Norwich nil.'
You'll get used to it.
l don't wanna get used to it.
What's going on at the Liverpool/Forest game?
There's trouble or something.
They ain't kicked off yet.
There. Heard about Hillsborough?
This guy was just saying.
Bloke up there reckons there's people hurt.
Jesus. What happened?
l dunno.
You all right?
Yeah, l'm fine.
Arsenal!
[TV] 'Semi-final
'between Nottingham Forest and Liverpool
'at the Hillsborough ground in Sheffield.
'lt's feared that at least
'were crushed to death.
'Hundreds were forced on to the pitch.'
lt's just so stupid.
'The Liverpool manager, Kenny Dalglish,
'and his opposite number, Brian Clough,
'were clearly appalled by the scenes.
'There's so far nothing to suggest...'
So stupid.
'..that what happened
'was the result of violence amongst fans.'
They must've realised something like this
was gonna happen one day.
One afternoon on the North Bank
and you're an expert.
Well, that's it, then.
That's what?
You can't go back now, can you?
'Course we will.
How can you?
Because...
because everyone else will.
Because the game will go on.
They'll even replay this one.
This doesn't change anything.
l just don't get you.
No, l know you don't.
lt's not just me you don't get. lt's any of us.
l hope the rest of them
aren't as selfish and manipulative as you.
What's selfish about watching a football team?
lt's all selfish, all of it!
All those stupid stories
about how your mum's cats
are called after great players
and how she drove through the snow
to get you a Cup ticket.
You stopped seeing your father
when you didn't need him
to take you to the games any more.
And we're supposed to understand
because football's football.
When we think of Paul, we think of Arsenal.
lt makes me sick!
l hated this afternoon.
D'you wanna know why?
Because if you didn't give a toss about Arsenal,
what are you left with?
You pay £5 to stand on a lump of concrete.
You can't see anything, you're not even safe.
And you can't complain
because that would be letting the lads down.
That'd show you didn't care enough.
Well, at least we care about something.
At least we're not in night after night
worrying about our lesson plans.
Whether a Scale 3 might come up in Bournemouth.
Perhaps one day you'll learn
to care about something you can't tick.
Thanks.
l'm sorry.
[Front door opens then closes]
[Paul] Football has meant too much to me
and come to represent too many things.
After a while,
it all gets mixed up together in your head.
You can't remember whether
life's shit because Arsenal's shit
or the other way round.
l've been to watch far too many games,
spent far too much money.
Fretted about Arsenal
when l should have been
fretting about something else.
l've asked too much of the people l love.
OK, l accept all that.
Perhaps it's something you can't understand
unless you belong.
But what about this...?
Three minutes to go
and you're two-one up in a semi-final.
You look around and see thousands of faces
contorted with fear and hope and worry.
Everyone lost.
Everything else gone out of their heads.
Then the whistle blows
and everyone goes spare.
And just for those few minutes,
you're at the centre of the whole world.
And the fact that you care so much,
that the noise you've made
has been such a crucial part of it,
is what makes it special.
You've been as important as the players
and if you hadn't been there,
who'd have been bothered about football, really?
The great thing is,
it comes round again and again.
There's always another season.
lf you lose the Cup Final in May,
there's the third round to look forward to in January.
What's wrong with that?
lt's actually pretty comforting
if you think about it.
But every now and then -
not very often, but it happens -
you catch a glimpse of a world
that doesn't work like that.
A world that doesn't stop in May
and begin again in August.
There's some stuff that just never comes back.
And some stuff that just won't go away.
And some stuff that you couldn't ignore
even if you wanted to.
[Phone rings]
Hello.
[Paul] 'lt's me.'
Do you know what time it is?
'Yeah, and l'm sorry.'
Listen, are you pregnant?
Are these for me?
Yeah.
Flowers.
l suppose they were,
once upon a time.
Thank you.
Come on, Jo.
Oh.
And chocolates!
lt's come just at the right time for me.
l was gettin' bored with that pub and football stuff.
You can only spend so much time
playing Subbuteo.
Having a kid's a brilliant idea.
lt wasn't really an idea.
lt might as well have been.
lt's perfect.
lt's not just the baby.
lt's, you know, it's you as well.
l think we're good together.
l thought l was Miss Jean Brodie.
l was wrong. l've been thinking about this.
You're George Graham.
The Arsenal manager.
And that's good, is it?
lt's brilliant.
You're careful and organised
and methodical and all that.
That's why we work.
l need somebody like that.
And you need somebody like me....
Work well as a team.
Not even as a team, as a club.
Paul, you do talk some terrible nonsense.
lt's not. lt's the truth.
lt's all working out.
Wife and baby, that'll do me.
Who said anything about a wife?
We'd want to do it properly, wouldn't we?
Liam? lf it's a boy.
The greatest Arsenal player ever
but it's a nice name.
Better apply for the job.
What job?
Rosie's Head of Year job. l said no -
but now, brilliant. Perfect timing.
We'll need a bit more money
'cause we'll need a house.
- Paul... - Ted'll be pleased, anyway.
- Liam, brilliant. - Paul...
We could live near the ground.
lt's cheap 'cause no-one wants a football stadium
on their doorstep. l'd pay extra
but we won't tell the estate agent.
Mortgage, wife, kid - cool.
Paul, none of this is real.
You're behaving like a little kid.
l've been impregnated by a 1 2-year-old!
Oh, thanks.
Thanks very much.
Sorry about that.
No problem, sir.
Sorry, you were saying?
Paul, this is exactly what l mean.
That was just a one-off. Never happened before.
l promise it won't be a regular feature of life.
Paul...
l haven't made up my mind
what l'm doing about this yet.
Do you understand?
Yes.
No, not really.
l can't see this working out.
- lt's my last chance. - Don't be silly.
lt's just what it feels like.
Are you prepared to be a one-parent family?
l think if we go through with this,
one of us is gonna have to be.
No, it'll be brilliant.
l don't think l've been
since George Eastham was in the team.
Before my time.
He was a lovely player.
The sort you don't get any more.
Languid and thoughtful and elegant.
You should come and watch Tony Adams.
How can l help, anyway?
l changed my mind about that Head of Year job,
if it's not too late.
No. No, excellent. l'm very pleased.
l've had a couple of applications
but l'd be glad to add your name.
Thank you.
Any particular reason
for the change of mind?
There is, actually, yes.
Er, Miss, um...
Well, Miss Hughes is pregnant.
Sarah Hughes? History?
Yes, yes, of course.
Um... Well, l didn't, um...
l mean, she...
How does this affect you?
Sorry, no. l left a bit out.
l'm the father.
l should've told you that
straight away, shouldn't l?
Anyway, yes, we're having a baby.
l haven't heard this from her.
You're hearing it from me, now.
Sorry, Paul, l can't share your joy.
Sarah's been with us five minutes
and a member of staff has knocked her up!
l'm intending to marry her and everything.
We won't embarrass the school.
You already have embarrassed the school!
How on earth are we supposed to talk to kids
about responsibility and contraception
and...and the rest of it
when the staff themselves...
Words fail me!
- l thought you'd be pleased. - About what?
The clandestine affair? The accidental pregnancy?
Not those bits, maybe,
but me applying for the job.
That's good, isn't it?
Are you a complete fool, Paul?
l'll talk to you later.
Yeah, OK, OK.
Calm down.
l want you to take your foot off the gas
in the second half.
What's the fun of beating a team
1 5 or 20-nil?
lt's brilliant fun!
All right. Just take it easy, eh?
You're like vultures.
Now go on!
Come on, lads!
Oh, hi.
We're winning 8-nil.
[Cheer]
Er, 9-nil.
[Shouts to boys] Calm down!
Are you a complete fool?
You've been to see Ted.
He's not best pleased with us.
Who else are you gonna tell? The kids?
We could recreate what we did in assembly.
Find the Durex that split and bring it in.
l could lose my job!
They can't sack you for getting pregnant.
l haven't been here long enough for maternity leave.
The union'll help.
None of this is the point, Paul.
The point is...
How many times have l told you
about playing to the whistle?
Call me later, OK?
See, if we...
Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!
Come on, you useless shower!
This lot are crap - get stuck in!
l'm not a psychologist...
but l'd suggest that taking up smoking
the week you find out you're pregnant
indicates a certain ambivalence
towards the pregnancy on your part.
He's given up.
- Paul?! - Mm-hm.
Mr First Thing in the Morning?
Yeah. We're both making it clear where we stand.
l start drinking and smoking
and he's given everything up.
This is horrible.
l don't care how much damage it's doing to me.
So if everything's as bad as you make out,
how come you're not applying for jobs in...Pitlochry?
l know Paul's gone completely mad.
l know, l know, l know.
lt's just that it kind of rubs off on you somehow.
lt makes a difference
- to how you think about things. - Like?
Like today, right?
l want us to win.
- With you so far. - l think we will.
Home to Norwich,
you'd usually predict two-nil defeat.
Nil-nil if you was on top of the world.
lf we don't, it's not the end of the world.
Four games left. twelve points to be won.
That's not what l mean.
lf we don't win the League,
l'll cope because of Sarah and the baby.
When you've got nothing else going on,
Arsenal fill all the gaps.
You end up getting in a state
about losing to Spurs
when really you should be
getting in a state about yourself.
But we will win today.
Sun's out, l'm gonna be a father,
Alan Smith's back.
Five-nil, no trouble.
Let's go.
[TV] 'George Graham off the bench
'to shake hands with a very disappointed Dave Stringer.
'Norwich know their Championship challenge
'has evaporated.
'Arsenal's is very much
'on course after today.
'Arsenal five, Norwich City nil.
'Alan Smith the man of the match
'with two goals,
'one of them a splendid effort...'
Everything's happening at once
and it's brilliant.
Stick with me. No way we won't win the League.
lt's all you, is it?
Nothing to do with George, Smithy, Rocky
or me buying sugar mice?
You never get feelings like that?
l felt brilliant the day
we got knocked out of the League by Walsall.
Got a pay rise,
got off with Caroline Walsh the night before.
Fat lot of fucking notice this lot took.
Some of us have it, some of us haven't.
You must've had a shitty life for 1 8 years.
l haven't had it all the time
but l've got it this season in spades.
Did you go?
Yeah. We were great, weren't we?
My mum wants a season ticket.
Can l have a quick word?
We're just talking about the rout of Norwich.
Yes, saw it on TV.
Very impressive.
lt's good that Alan Smith's back.
Yeah. Run along, Robert.
l had a word with the Governors.
They'll be happy to interview you
for Head of Year.
Thanks, Ted.
Ted...l'm not planning to make a habit of this
if that's what you're worried about.
lt's something out of the ordinary for me.
Just be prepared, OK?
School Governors can be a funny lot.
[Radio] '..Still Middlesborough nil,
'Arsenal nil...'
You're kidding. No way.
Can't afford anywhere else.
N5's not the only place in the world, you know.
Sarah, you know that's not true.
You hardly hear anything, most games.
How often do they play?
Once a month.
- Something like that. - Right.
Do they leave much mess?
No. Shall l leave you to look around?
Thanks, yeah.
What does it matter how close to the ground you live
as long as you can come to the games?
When l was a kid, l read this...
story about what used to happen round here
on Cup Final days if Arsenal were playing.
They'd have this procession.
The women and kids dressed up in fancy dress
and led the men going to Wembley to the station.
l lived in Maidenhead.
- What did we have there? - Money, decent schools,
holidays abroad, enough food.
Yeah. You're right, yeah.
l was lucky.
But l was rootless, too.
l didn't have anything like that.
Nothing l could be proud of,
nothing l can look back on and feel sentimental about
except telly programmes and pop music.
But it's different here.
Anyway...it's close to the tube.
lt's 50 minutes from the West End.
lt's not far from school.
l'm not prepared
to indulge your fantasies.
The best thing for you
would be to get further away,
not a few yards nearer.
- lt doesn't feel like that. - Tough.
[Agent] ls there a problem?
- No. - No!
[Sarah] lt's a lovely house. Really.
lt's just the view.
[Radio] 'So George Graham...'
Tell me again what was wrong
with that place in... Creighton Avenue.
The one with the garden.
'Despite all their control, Arsenal...'
l'm talking to myself.
Somewhere a bit further north, anyway.
Bounds Green?
'John Lukic prepares
to play it downfield...'
Watford?
'..lnto the Middlesborough half...'
How about Darlington? There's a team there.
'Goal!'
YES! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Helsinki. Helsinki United
are really good this season.
[Paul sings] One Martin Hayes!
There's only one Martin Hayes!
One Martin...
[Man] So, Paul...
Confident?
Sorry, not about the job.
About what's going on down the road.
Arsenal. My boy tells me you're a fan.
Oh, right.
Well, er...so far, so good.
Season ticket holder?
Yes.
Whereabouts?
Er, North Bank.
Right, shall we, um...?
Who d'you think we should sign?
Think we need a new striker?
Er...
l'm delighted we didn't get Kerry Dixon.
Ray... Ray, l think we should, um...
Oh, sorry, Ted.
Once you get going, it's hard to stop.
We know all about your teaching abilities.
What extra-mural activites
are you involved in?
[Ray] Paul's just coached
the Under-1 4s to the Cup Final.
My Nigel thinks you should be England Manager.
Might be a more suitable position than Head of Year.
l did the school play last summer and...
Who've we got in the final?
Parkside?
Are they any good?
Pretty good.
And l've been very much involved
in the pastoral side of things
as a form teacher.
And we understand that, um,
you're an expectant father.
Um...yes.
[Ray] That's one
of the extra-mural activities
you forgot to mention, Paul.
Chatting up other members of staff.
MORE than chatting them up.
You've got good taste, l'll give you that.
'As we reach the final Saturday
'of the League season,
'we're not sure of the destiny of the League title.
'Arsenal are favourites...'
[Phone rings]
'Both sides must keep winning.
[Phone continues to ring]
'Defeat for Liverpool at Wimbledon this afternoon
'and a win for Arsenal against Derby...'
Hello? Oh, hello, Ted.
'..when they meet Wimbledon.'
No, just watching Saint and Greavesie.
Yeah, home to Derby.
'..At Anfield...'
Thank you.
'..On May the 26th.'
Oh. ..Oh, right.
l wasn't really expecting it, to be honest.
lt didn't go brilliantly, did it?
Oh, is she?
Well, no...
l think she'd make a very good Head of Year.
Yeah.
Look, thanks...
[Door slams]
Thanks for letting me know.
[Toilet flushes]
No, l'd have swapped it
for three points this afternoon anyway.
Cheers, Ted.
When was the last time
you felt this nervous about a League game?
l dunno.
1 971 , l should think.
Two home wins, could be Champions Tuesday night.
lmagine.
What we gonna do?
Drink, l expect.
Can't think about it in bed at night
otherwise l can't sleep.
Champions!
Take back everything you said about me.
l will. Tuesday night.
This is the worst day of my life.
1 8 fucking years and they blow it
on the last weekend of the season.
Come on, Paul, it's only half-time.
lt's only one-nil.
Doesn't matter.
They've blown it.
Knew they would, didn't l?
Useless bastards!
l am sorry.
Yeah, thanks.
How are you feeling?
Sick.
l just wasn't expecting it,
not today, anyway.
They had to tell you some time.
Tell me what?
What have we been talking about?
What have YOU been talking about?
The job!
The job?! You think l'd be this upset
about a stupid, poxy job interview?
We lost at home to Derby today. We've blown it!
When are you gonna wake up to yourself?
Wake up to myself? l AM bloody awake!
l wish l wasn't.
l want to go to sleep
for the next ten seasons.
Seasons. l am sick to death
of hearing about bloody seasons!
We live our lives in years, Paul.
January through to December.
Not all of us.
Yes, all of us. Even you.
Do you understand what today meant?
You know how long l've been waiting for this?
Yes, l do. 1 8 years.
Yeah, 1 8 years!
l've wanted Arsenal to win the League
longer than l've wanted anything.
l've been after that Head of Year job
for about two weeks.
You think l'd care about that more?
No, you care more about one team
scoring more than another.
You thought l came to comfort you about that?
For a moment, yeah.
l credited you with imagination.
Thought you might understand.
lt's only a game.
DON'T SAY THAT!
Please! That is the worst,
most stupid thing anyone could say!
lt quite clearly isn't only a game.
lf it was, d'you honestly think l'd care this much?
Eh?
1 8 years!
1 8...years!
D'you know what you wanted
1 8 years ago?
Or ten? Or five?
Did you wanna be Head of Year
at a North London comprehensive?
l doubt if you've wanted anything for that long.
And if you had,
and if you'd spent three months
thinking that finally you were gonna get it
and just when you think it's there,
it's taken away from you!
l don't care what it is -
a car, a job, an Oscar.
The baby.
Then you'd understand
how l was feeling tonight.
But there isn't and you don't, so...
So what? So...fuck off?
Go home? Leave you alone?
Whatever.
There isn't anything l've wanted for 1 8 years
because l was a kid
lf l did still want the same things, l'd have gone wrong.
l don't want to marry David Cassidy,
have bigger tits,
do well in my mock 'O's.
l've stopped worrying about all that.
Maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing.
Maybe everyone should want something
they've always wanted.
l don't know what l've been thinking of.
How d'you mean?
We've both been pretending that this is possible
and it's not, is it?
This wife and kids
and la-di-da life's great stuff.
lt's not on, any of it, is it?
All it took was one bad football result
and we're now back
to ''life is shit so what's the point?''
What lS the point?
l don't think that Arsenal's home form
is a sturdy enough basis for marriage and parenthood.
No.
Not even THlS season.
'..Give him a surprise enema.'
[Phone rings]
'Sir Nigel?'
[Paul] Hello?
'How are you?'
Oh, hi, Mum.
Yeah, just having a night in.
Yeah, l know. They were awful.
Yeah, yeah...
She's fine.
She...says hello.
Look, Mum, l've gotta go.
Supper's on the table.
l'll call you tomorrow.
Bye, Mum.
[Door opens]
Mr Ashworth, the play was supposed to start
five minutes ago. We're waiting.
No good, Miss. He's got the hump.
Have you had a row?
[Class sniggers]
[Paul] Shut up, Holly.
OK, everyone into the hall.
Quietly!
How did Arsenal get on last night?
YOU have a look.
Ooh...sorry.
They drew two-two.
What does that mean?
Dunno. Apart from bad.
lt means they have to beat Liverpool away
to win the Championship.
Now, l've heard of Liverpool.
They're famous for being good, aren't they?
Gary Lineker, Peter Shilton, all that lot.
So Arsenal have no chance?
None whatsoever, it says here.
But do we really CARE that much?
Don't bounce it in here.
Miss Hughes.
Are you chewing?
No.
And finally, l probably don't need to tell you
that the final of the South Hertfordshire
Schools Cup Competition takes place here
this afternoon at 4.30.
l'm sure you join me
in wishing Mr Ashworth and the boys
the very best of luck.
Not that they'll need it.
l know that many of you
will be anxious to get home
to start your homework.
But...those who feel they can spare the time,
and wish to lend their vocal encouragement,
will be most welcome.
Thank you.
l think you stand
an extremely good chance...
[lnaudible]
[Kids shouting encouragement]
[Cheering]
How are we doing?
Losing one-nil.
Playing shit.
How long to go?
Almost finished.
[Whistle]
[Paul] Penalty!
Come on, somebody!
[Shouting from crowd]
lt's all down to you, Rob.
Good boy, Robert.
[Excited shouting]
[Whistle]
[Groans of disappointment]
Rob!
You're useless!
Sorry, sir. You don't need to say anything.
l wasn't gonna say anything.
l should never have taken it.
No one else had the guts.
Yeah, so l'm stupid as well as useless.
Doesn't matter. You've had a brilliant season.
lt's not what l'm gonna remember, though, is it?
Anyway...
Winning this afternoon
and Arsenal winning tomorrow night...
- What would you go for? - Tomorrow night, of course.
There you go, then.
What? You're telling me
Arsenal are gonna win two-nil at Anfield.
Can't promise, can l? There's a chance.
You've done your bit. Missed a penalty.
lf that's what it takes, it's worth it.
Yeah, 'course.
# What can l say?
# She's walking away
# From what we've seen
# What can l do?
# Still loving you
# lt's all a dream
# How can we hang on to dreams?
# How can it really be
# The way it seems?
# What can l do?
# She's saying we're through
# With how it was
# What will l try?
# l still don't see why
# She says what she does
# How can we hang on to dreams?
# How can it really be
# The way it seems? #
Good luck, sir.
You've got nothing to worry about.
No chance.
Hope you get stuffed, sir.
- Hi. - Oh, hi.
Off to watch the big match?
Yeah.
l just came to wish you good luck.
Thanks.
The boys in my GCSE set
were trying to explain it to me.
You have to win two-nil, right?
- Yeah. - lt's possible, isn't it?
You've got no chance, sir.
Shut up!
ls it right you've handed in your notice?
Yeah. l need more money. Child support.
We could've managed. Between us.
lt'd be a bit awkward,
working in the next room
to the absent father of your child.
Maybe.
Well, l'll be thinking of you tonight.
Are you gonna watch?
l'm not sure.
My fifth-formers are having and end-of-school party
and l've been invited. But l'll try.
lt doesn't matter. lt's only a stupid game.
[TV] 'The teams occupying
'first and second place in the Championship.
'The last match of the season
'for the League Championship.
'The Anfield roar welcoming and intimidating
'as we join our commentary team
'of David Pleat and Brian Moore.
'Thank you, Elton.
'Good evening, everybody.
'Arsenal on the pitch...
'with bouquets of flowers.
'Which l think are...'
We should be there.
You were the one who said
it wasn't worth the hassle.
l didn't know it'd be the title decider.
Anyway, imagine all those
Scousers celebrating.
l'd rather be down here
with my own people.
..Person.
Thank you.
Oh, sorry.
# She's gone away,
# l don't know where
# Somewhere l can't follow her...#
Thought you were a football fan, Duncan.
That's why l can't stand Arsenal.
- Sounds like an old joke. - No joke.
- William? - Hate football. And Arsenal.
Don't you wanna know how they're getting on?
- No. - Go on, l bet you do.
We wouldn't mind.
Mind if Miss Hughes sticks the TV on?
She wants the football scores.
- l don't, really. - Not much.
l wonder why. lf you must,
but just to find out the score.
OK.
[Pop music playing]
Still nil-nil, first half.
'lnto that crowd it goes.'
[Woman] There he is -
my mate, Mickey Thomas.
Shut up, Mum. He's useless.
l like him.
Shows what YOU know.
'They out-played them
'for most of the Littlewoods Cup tie...'
Miracle of modern technology.
But it hasn't got an aerial or nothing.
lt doesn't need one.
[Football commentator] 'Positive charge by Adams
'but it falls to Whelan.'
[Phone rings]
Oh, hello, love.
l was wondering who'd dare ring tonight.
'Arsenal have some very big chaps...'
Your brother'll have the phone off the hook.
'lt'd be dangerous to give away...'
No score. No, not really.
They don't look like they're gonna let one in either.
Hold on.
'..Tangling with Whelan.
'Michael Thomas getting to the byline.
'Danger for Liverpool.'
Oh!
- No! - Ah!
That was it. That was our chance.
No, there'll be others.
You reckon? l don't.
'Arsenal within a whisker
'of getting the goal they wanted
'early in this game.'
Let's go out.
..You're kidding.
No, let's go and get hammered.
Forget all about it.
l'm watching till the end.
Can't do that. Sorry.
'Just imagine the tension
'if Arsenal do manage to snatch a goal.'
Sit down.
There's no point!
l'm off in a minute.
l'll just...stay till half-time.
'Everyone's looking very closely at him.
'He's beginning to get the mood of this game...'
l'll just see what they've got to say.
Doin' OK, aren't we?
What's the use of OK?
Might as well be losing eight-nil.
lf you want to win a game two-nil,
you've got more chance if it's nil-nil at half-time
than if you're eight goals down.
You're living in cloud cuckoo land!
Join the real world!
ln the real world, it's nil-nil at half time!
Might as well be eight-nil.
Jesus, Paul, you need medical help.
You've got some kind of disease
that turns people into miserable bastards.
- Are you stayin'? - No!
'l'm just wondering at what stage
'George Graham will decide...'
Just watch a couple of minutes of the second half.
'Winterburn and Richardson behind it.
'Adams made a darting little run in there.
'And Smith!'
- Y-E-E-ES! - YES!
- Ha, ha! - Yeah!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
'Liverpool players
'are surrounding the referee.'
He's gonna disallow it now.
Typical. Bet you any money you like.
'He's coming to have a word with the linesman.
'Now - a crucial decision here.
'Ronnie Whelan looking on there.
'The goal's been given.'
YE-E-ES!
lsn't that just like Arsenal?
They need two so they score one
just to get us all going.
You want 'em to score a second before they scored the first?
'And what a game we have now.
'The breakthrough by Arsenal,
'their fans...
'are delighted.
'Back to Smith.
'Adams there with him.
'Merson...
'Richardson...
'A chance here...
'Thomas!'
Oh!
'..Grobbelar grabbed it.'
Told you. He's useless.
'Suddenly, Thomas, totally unmarked...'
That's it. l've had enough. l'm off.
Good. Fucking good riddance!
Are you coming?
No!
lt's M Y flat!
You try gettin' me out of it.
'And Hansen will get it back.
'Quarter of an hour left.'
They've scored!
OK, listen up, everyone.
l don't know what to say now.
[Everyone] Sasha!
Um, well, basically, Miss Hughes,
we had a whip-round
and bought you a thank-you present.
Was that it?
Brief and to the point. Thank you.
Wait. There's a bit more.
Well, we didn't like you at first
'cause you gave us too much work.
But we really enjoyed it
and we think we'll pass our exams
so you must be a good teacher.
Scott, who's at home watching football,
says you're like George Graham
because you push us hard and get results.
[Cheering]
Dinner's ready, guys!
[Cheers]
# Been around the world and l, l, l
# l can't find my baby
# l don't know when, l don't know why
# Why he's gone away
# And l don't know where he can be
# My baby
# But l'm gonna find him
# l'm going to fi-i-i-ind him
# My...b-b-b-b-baby
# l did too much lying
# Wasted too much time
# Now l'm here and crying
# Now, now, now
# Been around the world
# and l, l, l...#
Highbury, please.
Whereabouts?
Just around the corner
from the Arsenal ground.
l don't wanna go there tonight.
Not now.
lt's in Liverpool, the football.
But l'm tapin' it, see.
They'll give the game away there.
They'll be doin' their nut
or be as quiet as the grave.
You can go in and out
before the final whistle.
Come on, then.
# Lookin' for my baby
# Been around the world
# And l'm gonna... ##
You're an Arsenal fan, then?
Used to be, when l was a kid.
Charlie George an' all of them.
l don't go any more.
l'd bloody love 'em to win tonight.
l'd bloody love it!
'Remember, Arsenal need two goals.
'At the moment, they have one.
'lf it stays this way,
'Liverpool will be Champions for the 1 9th time.'
We shouldn't even have turned the TV on this evening.
'But will it stay this way?'
What did we think would happen?
l don't reckon l'll be able to carry on after this.
l won't be able to...
pick myself up.
Well, to get this close!
'Unless there is an amazing and dramatic...'
Why did l listen to you?
Me?
You said we had a chance!
Well, we did. We do!
We're practically in injury time!
'Arsenal have powered forward
'in search of the second goal.'
l might start supporting a team
that never wins.
Orient or someone.
At least you know where you stand.
You don't lay yourself open
to situations like this.
[Door buzzer]
'..His team-mate, John Aldridge...'
Can you believe that?
You're on your way out.
See what they want when you're down there.
'Presumably, we'll have to go on.
'And remember,
'Arsenal have both substitutes already on.'
[Door buzzer]
'One minute to go.
'McMahon has got the word from the Kop, obviously.
'But nobody knows quite how much time
'the referee will add on.'
This is awful!
lt's like the end of the world!
'lf Arsenal ARE to lose the Championship,
'having had such a lead at one time,
'it's somewhat poetic justice
'that they have the result
'even though they're not to win it.'
Oh, shut up, Pleat.
[Door buzzer again]
'You can see we're now
'well into time added on.'
Will you please, please, please, please
please just fucking fuck off!
You have arrived during the worst 60 seconds of my life
and l don't want to see you!
[Slams window shut]
l ask you! What sort of berk would do that?
You'd just about forgive an alien from Planet Tharg
but even then, you'd...
Where you going?
You're mad! You might miss something!
'Adams is after his man.
'But Barnes will not be denied.
'Yes, he will, by Richardson.
'Down and injured.
'Streaming forward now
'in what will be their last attack.
'Good ball by Dixon, finding Smith.
'To Thomas.
PA-A-A-A-A-AUL!
'Charging through the midfield, Thomas!'
'lt's up for grabs now...
'Thomas!
'Right at the end.'
A-A-A-A-A-A-AH!
'An unbelievable climax
'to the League season!'
A-A-A-A-A-A-AH!
Mickey Thomas!
Yeah!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Oh!
Oh...
How much injury time is there?
They've had two minutes already.
They'll go straight up the other end
and score.
[Football commentary]
[Whistle]
'That's the final whistle.
'Arsenal, the Champions.'
And Ashworth has done it!
Arsenal!
We are the Champions!
YEAH!
[Tumultuous cheering]
# From the dark end of the street
# To the bright side of the road
# We'll be lovers once again
# On the bright side of the road
YES!
# Little darling, come with me
# You can help me share my load
# From the dark end of the street
# To the bright side of the road...#
l KNEW we'd do it.
l had this feeling.
Oh, yeah?
You're a lying bastard.
No, no, honestly.
On the surface,
l was all negativity and doubt.
But on the inside, you gotta believe, haven't you?
# Baby, some time
# l feel some time, l don't know why...
[Chanting football songs]
# Let's enjoy it while we can
# Help me sing my song
# Little darling, follow me
# To the bright side of the road
# From the dark end of the street
# To the bright side of the road
# To the bright side of the road... #
[Cheering and singing]
l AM sorry.
No.
No, thank YOU.
l wouldn't have missed this for the world!
PAUL!
Friend of yours?
A guy l work with.
He's enjoying himself.
Yeah.
l've never seen him so happy.
[Paul] When l think back
to the 26th of May, 1 989 now,
it's impossible to explain
exactly what happened to either of us.
All three of us if you count the team.
But l do know this -
my relationship with Arsenal changed that night.
lt was as if l'd jumped on to the shoulders of the team
and they'd carried me into the light
that had suddenly shone down on all of us.
And the lift they gave me
enabled be to part company with them in some ways.
We still see each other all the time
and l still love them and hate them.
But l have my own life now.
My successes and failures
aren't necessarily linked up with theirs.
That's got to be a good thing, l suppose.
Life's never gonna be this good again.
Fuck off. Don't start on me.
No, you don't get...
- What's his name? - Michael Thomas.
You don't get Michael Thomas moments in real life.
You don't get many in football, either.
l'm not in such a state, am l?
l didn't need saving after all.
What?
Let's not get carried away.
You're still a tragic human being.
Do we look particularly tragic tonight?
Didn't see many Miss Jean Brodies
leaping around the streets.
All too busy writing out tomorrow's lesson plans.
Where did you find the term ''lesson plan''?
You've never planned a lesson.
l've got better things to do.
Oh, is that right?
ls, er, is George Graham really horrible?
Why?
No reason.
Has somebody else noticed the resemblance?
Yeah. My fifth-formers.
Hah! He has the reputation
of being mean and dour
and unapproachable and...
OK, OK. Thank you, Paul.
l think l get the message.
And driven!
# l think l'm going back
# To the things l learned so well
# ln my youth
# l think l'm returning to...
# Those days when l was young enough
# To know the truth
# Now there are no games
# To only pass the time
# No more electric trains
# No more trees to climb
# But thinking young and growing older
# ls no sin
# And l can play
# The game of life to win
# l can recall a time...
# When l wasn't ashamed
# To reach out to a friend
# Now l think l've got...
# A lot more than just my toys to lend
# Now there's more to do
# Than watch my sail boats glide
# And every day can be...
# A magic carpet ride
# A little bit of courage
# ls all we lack
# So catch me if you can...
# l'm going back #