[sirens blaring]
City Records Manager
is a post that doesn't get a lot of attention,
doesn't get the glory,
but certainly is a post that deserves to be held.
[siren blaring]
What we need first and foremost is someone who is reasonable.
And second, we need someone who is accurate.
Now, we have both, in exactly that order.
The last thing we need in city government
is accuracy getting in the way of reasonableness.
Hmm.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Thank you. Thank you, sir. - Sure.
You'll be around a long time.
- Oh, I hope so. - Indeed.
[man] I'm in the record business.
Public records.
Legal notices, property transactions,
mortgages, and the like.
My office was located on the ground floor of a building
perched high atop a rocky knoll,
completely inaccessible to pedestrians.
Good morning, Vivian.
Good morning. I've left your messages on your desk.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Good morning, Ernest.
Morning, Rocky.
Hey, Vivian. How's it going, Ernie?
Meh. Not so good.
My girlfriend's cheating on me, and my cat shredded
three rolls of toilet paper all over the house.
Yeah, at least you got your health, huh?
I have gingivitis.
Look, ah, Ernie. I'm not looking for your life story here.
Then why did you ask?
It's not a real question. It's just small talk.
Well, I take these questions seriously. OK.
[machine rumbling]
Vivian, what is the repair status of the vibration?
The landlord has referred the problem
to the general building contractor...
...who in turn has referred the problem
to the air-conditioning sub-contractor...
...who has since gone out of business.
Where do we stand now?
I believe the landlord is attempting to determine...
...exactly whom to sue.
Hey! Hey, yeah. Ah, no, I meant to call.
- [chuckles] - [electronic whirring]
It was pretty amazing.
- Thank you very much. - [beeping]
What the hell are you complaining about.
I do love you, baby.
Well yeah, I love her, too.
But it's two completely different types of love.
Equally beautiful.
Yeah, exactly.
Hello? Hello?
Rocky, these just came in,
a half-dozen fictitious business names,
two abandonment of use statements,
and a non-responsibility notice.
I need you to turn these around today.
[squeaks]
[Boss] Ernie, would you come in here a moment.
Ernie...
[slowly] this Dissolution of Partnership is missing a DBA.
The partners are Lester and Bond. Do you recognize it?
I once saw three Bond movies in a row.
[laughs] Connery was it, man.
That series died when he walked.
Seven hours, what a marathon!
And the dog was in the car the whole time, I forgot.
He crapped in the backseat.
He ruined that date.
The office of City Records Manager
will add a substantial volume of public records to our usual business.
Therefore, I am hiring a new employee
to assist us in our mission.
- Vivian, let's put an ad in the newspaper. - [Vivian] All right.
How about this...
"Rapidly expanding vibrant public records office
seeks dynamic, innovative, creative
risk-taker to interface with other
hands-on self-starters,
offering room for growth and promotion,
excellent wages, benefits, and numerous perks."
OK, and then put the phone number down.
Did you get all that?
It sounds good, doesn't it?
[Vivian] It does sound good. Where do I apply?
[Boss] What, too good?
Well, I hate to say it,
but I'm not certain that this is an accurate characterization of our office.
Really? Well, we should try to be accurate.
Well, honestly, sir, is our company "rapidly expanding"?
Or "vibrant"?
Well, uh...
It does vibrate.
"Creative, innovative, dynamic risk-taker"?
Well, I think it has a nice ring to it.
Well, I'm sorry, sir,
but we are bound to be a disappointment to a candidate
who embodies those qualities.
"Excellent wages, benefits, numerous perks?"
What might those be?
All right, Vivian, you write the ad.
Certainly, sir.
I truly believe we can afford to be accurate.
We have nothing to hide.
[Boss] "Recorder. Low pay. No benefits. Dull job.
Vibrating workplace."
It's honest... and economical.
It fits quite snugly into four lines.
You don't think we're selling ourselves a little short?
Wouldn't it be better if the applicant were pleasantly surprised?
Vivian, who would answer this ad?
[knock on door]
Right in here.
Here, have a seat.
So, I take it you saw the ad in the newspaper?
What did you think of it?
The ad. What did you think of the ad?
Now that you've seen the office,
do you feel that we accurately described it?
I'm talking about the ad.
Do you feel that...
Oh, forget it!
No, no, no sit down. Sit down.
I meant forget about the ad.
Do you have a resume?
Thank you.
U.S. Postal Service...
Clerk, Dead Letter Office.
Dead letters?
[stammers] Undeliverables.
Oh, of course.
The intended recipient has died,
or is otherwise unlocatable, I suppose.
What does the Post Office do with them?
We scan them to see if they contain money.
And if not?
They're destroyed.
There's a cheerful business.
Dead letters...
...messages of hope for those who died despairing,
checks sent in charity for those who no longer eat.
Ah, humanity.
You were eight years on that job?
That is impressive. I appreciate that kind of loyalty.
This is quite a letter of recommendation, too.
You know, I always wonder,
when a prospective employee produces such a complimentary letter,
how anxious his former boss was to get rid of him. [Chuckles]
Why did you leave your former job, if you don't mind my asking?
The office moved.
[loud bang]
I see...
Bartleby, what are you looking for in a new position?
This one would be fine.
Vivian, who else do we have besides this guy?
Nobody else called on the ad?
No, I'm afraid not.
It was too honest.
Bartleby, what is your expected hourly rate?
I would prefer... not to say.
[chuckles] OK.
If that is sufficient Bartleby, you can start immediately.
[Boss] At first, Bartleby did an extraordinary quantity of work,
filing a weeks worth of records in just a few days.
It is a legal requirement that certain notices be published.
And our job includes verifying the accuracy of these notices.
It is admittedly tedious work.
[phones ring]
[electronic whirring]
[Ernie sings]
[Boss] Certain adventurous personalities need not apply.
Excuse me, could I have a word with you?
Or would that be rather inconvenient at present?
[Boss] Please, Vivian, sit down.
What have we here?
Well, it's four o'clock and I thought you might like a nice cup of tea.
Well, thank you.
I've been meaning to tell you that's... quite an interesting painting.
[Boss] Oh, thank you.
It was a gift from an old flame.
I'm not sure why I still keep it hanging around.
You must have been in love with her.
No, no, no...
She used to work here.
One day I was supposed to play in a golf tournament,
but it got rained out.
When I returned to the office I found her in a compromising situation.
I fired her...
...and, obviously, I cancelled the wedding.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
No, no. So what did you want to talk about, Vivian?
I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy working for you
and that I really enjoy my work.
I'm glad.
And I just thought you should know about my other talents
that I would gladly contribute to the business.
Other talents?
Yes, for instance, I make an excellent souff\.
I'm well-traveled.
I rode in a hot air balloon over the enchanted Black Forest of Germany.
I went skinny-dipping in the Blue Grotto.
I'm an accomplished equestrienne.
- I play the bassoon. - Really?
Well, I'm not sure how these other talents
might help us here in the office.
Certainly, you could cook souff\ for the holiday office party.
Or play Christmas carols on the bassoon.
Let me be frank. Is Bartleby being hired to replace me?
No, Vivian.
Bartleby is being brought on to help with the extra workload.
I am very satisfied with your services,
and I'm certain that your myriad other talents
will find an appreciative audience at the appropriate occasion.
Well, I'm so pleased.
[Vivian] I'm afraid it doesn't open.
I would prefer some air.
They have thought of that.
[whirring]
If you listen very closely, you can hear the ocean.
[whirring]
Bartleby, come in and verify this Notice of Petition to Administer an Estate.
[Bartleby] I'd prefer not to.
Bartleby, come in and verify this Notice of Petition to Administer an Estate.
I would prefer not to.
Prefer not to?
What do you mean, prefer not to?
Here take it and verify the Notice.
- I'd prefer not to. - [phone rings]
- [Vivian] Public records. - But it's part of your job.
Are you refusing to do your job?
[Vivian] Excuse me, sir. Mr. Waxman is on line one for you.
Will you take it in your office?
Uh, yes, thank you, Vivian.
Rocky, verify this Notice of Petition to Administer an Estate.
[Vivian] The Waxman documents have arrived.
Thank you, Vivian.
All right, everybody. This is a very large project.
Vivian will handle the filing
and I want the rest of you to each take a box and do the verification.
Ernie? Rocky?
Bartleby? Here you go.
- [Boss] Bartleby? - What is it?
Take a box of records and verify the notices immediately.
I... would prefer not to.
Why do you refuse?
I prefer not to.
But, it's part of your job to verify the records.
This is what you were hired to do!
You will not comply with my request,
a request made in the common course of business.
Is that correct?
You will file records but not verify the published notices for accuracy?
Is that correct?
Ernie, what do you think of this?
[stammers] Hey, Boss, you sign the paychecks.
If you say dance, I rhumba.
[Boss] Rocky, what do you think of it?
I'd kick his ass out of the office.
Vivian, what do you think of this?
I think he's a little loony.
Well, Bartleby,
you've heard what your co-workers have to say.
Now, take this box and do your job.
Everybody get back to work!
[Boss] I would have to handle this situation carefully.
I was now in the political arena.
My judgment in handling personnel matters
might very well be exposed to public scrutiny.
If I could coax him into an angry response,
I'd feel more justified in firing him.
[phone rings]
Bartleby, when all of those records are filed,
I want you to stop by the bank and replenish our petty cash.
Vivian will call ahead and make the arrangements.
You just give them the check and they will ask for your fingerprint.
I'd prefer not to.
Oh, please! You don't mean to keep up with this nonsense?
What is your problem, man?
[stammers] What, you think you're better than us?
You think you're a special elite?
What, have you got an excuse from work?
Or you got some kind of a deferment?
- You got a "4-F"? - Ernie...
[stammers] You got flat feet?
You got a heart murmur?
You got the peanut butter in the behind thing or something?
Ernie. Ernie...
Or maybe you're a conscientious objector.
Well, if you are,
then, I would advise you to flee to Canada,
- while you got a chance! - All right, Ernie.
Ernie, relax. Relax. That's appropriate.
Rocky, thank you. Thank you.
I just think that Bart needs a little talking-to. That's all.
I think this situation can easily be corrected.
Rocky, Rocky, no. There's no need for that.
I appreciate your concern. But, please return to work.
All right. No problem.
[whispers] We'll talk later.
Bartleby.
Go to the deli at the shopping center and get me a corned beef sandwich on pumpernickel.
Hold the tomatoes, but have them put a few pepperoncini on the side.
And get some chips and a berry soda, not cranberry, though, some other kind of berry.
And here, get something for yourself, too.
I would prefer not to.
- You will not? - I prefer not.
We have a city vehicle assigned to us. It's parked in space *18.
Here, you can take the car.
- I... don't drive. - You don't drive?
Well, then how did you get here? Did you walk?
There are no sidewalks.
Vivian, can you take a bus here?
[Vivian] Uh, yes.
From my house, I would take the 36 to the terminal in town,
then transfer there to the 80, get off at the shopping center, then catch the 48.
There's only one at 7:10 am.
The ride is roughly an hour and a half from the mall,
so to get here by 9, I have to leave the house by 4:45.
My car was in the shop last week so I looked into the bus schedule,
but obviously I took a taxi.
Thank you, Vivian.
Is that what you do? You take the bus?
Very good, Bartleby.
[Bartleby] I'd prefer not to. I would prefer not to say.
I... would prefer not to.
I would prefer not to!
I'd prefer not to.
I... would prefer not to.
Just a moment please.
- Good morning, Vivian. - Good morning.
- Here are your messages. - Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
Good morning, Ernie. How are you?
I'm a little frustrated.
My insurance company is raising my rates.
They do this every time I try to make a claim.
I was sitting at a red light, and I hear a gunshot.
I think it's a car-jacking,
so, I hit the gas, I ram the car in front of me.
And they're claiming it's my fault.
Well, was it a gunshot?
No, it's fireworks.
But it sounded like a gunshot.
No, it sounded like fireworks.
But that's what they always say,
shooting victims they say it sounds like fireworks.
I was just driving defensively.
Good morning, Rocky.
Geez, is it possible to get any privacy around here?
[clears throat]
Painful partnership dissolution.
The City Manager will be here in fifteen minutes.
We're wrapping up.
[Boss] As time went on, I became reconciled to Bartleby.
His calm demeanor made him a valuable acquisition.
He was honest and he was always there.
I developed a certain confidence in him.
Bartleby.
[louder] Bartleby.
Bartleby!
Your finger... Put your finger there.
Put your finger right over there.
Put it, over there.
Just... put...
...your finger.
Put your finger there.
I'd prefer not to.
Bartleby, what...
[Rocky] Ah, baby!
[Rocky chuckles]
Yeah, maybe later.
Oooh, me too, you know.
[Rocky] Yeah...
- Rocky. - [Rocky] Let me call you back baby.
Did I tell you your mother called yesterday?
Yes, Vivian. You left me a voice message, a note,
and you wrote it in my day planner.
Oh, I just wanted to double-check.
I couldn't remember if I wrote it down.
But it must've been about 3:37 in the afternoon.
Eh, Vivian. What the hell are these?
Chocolate nipples. They're all the rage in Britain.
I was feeling nostalgic last night,
so I picked up a copy of Her Majesty magazine and there was this recipe.
Luckily Sweet Bodies was open late,
so I was able to insert the ornaments before they got hard.
That's good to know. Thanks.
Ah, what's these?
What do they look like?
Chocolate nipples.
That's right.
[Vivian] Yoo-hoo...
Is it still so hot out?
Quite hot. Yeah.
Have you heard the forecast?
No, I haven't.
It's supposed to be wet and sticky,
steamy and sultry,
clammy and close,
dank, damp, and...
...oh yeah, moist.
- All today? - [Vivian] Mmmm. Hmmm.
Yesterday evening was miserable.
You know, I'm very sensitive to heat.
I got home, took off all my clothes and then I...
...vacuumed the apartment.
[water sloshes]
- Frank. Good to see you. - Hello.
Vivian, have you met Mr. Waxman, our City Manager?
Ooohh!
[chuckles] Hello.
I have a something... for you.
I... got a little something to show you.
I've got something to show you.
[vacuum cleaner whirring]
[phone buzzes]
Apple remote access. You have been disconnected.
Naturally, you can understand I can't accept a gift.
Absolutely. You'll have to excuse me, but I'm new to civic duty.
And the impropriety never occurred to me.
It's OK. What is he doing?
Uh... uh... uh... have you met Ernie?
- No, I don't think I have. - Ernie...
...this is Mr. Waxman.
- This is Ernie. - Hello, Ernie.
And of course, you've met Vivian, our office manager.
Yes, I most certainly have.
Well, we'll be seeing you.
[Boss] One evening, rather late,
I was entertaining a young lady whom I had recently met
at an industry watering hole,
and who I thought showed considerable interest
and potential for the public records business.
Well, here we are... This is where the magic happens.
Public records?
Music for the people. Music for everybody.
[chuckling] Wow...
So what bands do you guys record?
Huh? Oh, right... what bands...
Uh... Well, let's see... There's... uh...
...the Back Beach Boys...
Green Bay... Marilyn Hanson...
the red hot pepperoncini's..
And this is my office.
This is the hub...
...where I make all the deals and everything.
This is the phone.
I've got a line for heavy metal, this line for the rappers...
Get me the rappers!
[chuckling] That's how it works.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, no. That scotch is twenty years old.
It's older than me.
So, you gonna come see us play Saturday night?
Ah, actually I have another engagement, but I could cancel.
Well, it's...
[crunching]
[screams]
[gasps] Bartleby!
What are you doing here?!
Will you please leave?
- I'd prefer.... - Get Out Of Here!
[Boss] Wait here. I'll take care of this.
Is he gone?
- Who is he? - Rock musician.
Good morning, Vivian, how's that vibration coming?
I have determined whom to sue.
Excellent work.
[mechanical whirring]
Bartleby, about last night...
That young woman that I was interviewing
will not be offered a position here,
so there's no need for any awkwardness about the incident.
Bartleby, I'd like to speak with you...
Bartleby, tell me...
...where are you from?
I'd prefer not to say.
Do you have any family in the area?
I'd prefer not to say.
But what reasonable objection can you have?
I am trying to help you.
But I must ask you, as your employer,
to comply with the rules of this office.
First, you cannot live here. That is unacceptable.
Second, tell me you will help verify the records tomorrow
or even go down to the post office.
In other words, just be a little reasonable.
At present, I prefer not to be a little reasonable.
I'd prefer to break his neck, the little bastard.
I'll give him preferences. What's he prefer not to do now?
Rocky, I'd prefer that you return to work at the moment.
[Boss] Lately, I had fallen into the involuntary habit
of using the word "prefer"
on all sorts of not exactly suitable occasions.
[whispers] Boss, I was thinking last night about Bart here,
and it occurred to me that it's possible
that he has Attention Deficit Syndrome.
So, if he would prefer to get a good buzz every once in awhile,
I mean strictly medicinal, of course...
- You're using the word too? - What word?
I would prefer to be left alone.
That's the word, Ernie!
Oh, prefer? Strange word... I don't use it, myself.
Anyhow, as I was saying, if Bart would prefer to...
Ernie, just please get back to work.
Oh sure, if you would prefer that I would.
Excuse me, sir, would you prefer to take a call from the landlord?
We're all using it now!
[Vivian on intercom] I beg your pardon?
That word "prefer".
Bartleby, what are you doing?
You've been standing there all day.
Why aren't you filing...
I have decided not to do any more filing.
No more filing? Why?
Can't you see the reason for yourself?
Bartleby, if you're sick, lie down.
When you're feeling better, get back to work.
...given up...
...working.
[Boss] I see...
You realize this will have an adverse effect on your salary.
[AC whirs]
[whirring]
Bartleby, the time has come.
I have indulged you long enough,
far beyond what any other employer would tolerate.
Your service here, or rather your presence here,
is no longer needed. Friday will be your last day.
I encourage you to make other arrangements as quickly as possible.
If you need any assistance, please let me know.
Fortuitously Friday has finally come forth.
Any engagements for the weekend, Rocky?
Oh, I got a hot date tonight.
Really? With whom?
How do I know until I get to the club and check out who's hot?
It might be a sparkly woman with body glitter
and baby blue eye shadow.
Or a... I don't know,
a vampress lying motionless on scarlet velvet...
...surrounded by flaming torches.
Hmm...
I see.
Gee, I'm just picturing the fireworks
as Rocky finds his soul mate for lifelong relationship.
Relationship... give me a break.
You are an animal, man.
That's right, I'm a male animal.
I am not in denial about my roots.
Yeah, well why don't you join the human race and evolve.
We're walking on our hind legs, now.
I'm the Darwinist here, pal. A sexual Darwinist.
Survival of the fittest.
While you're busy caring and listening to a bunch of therapy addicts,
I am out there scoring.
Let me tell you something Ernie, my friend.
Get out of here, man.
It's the sensitive guy that gets the needy woman.
Yeah, it's the worm that gets the hooker.
Bartleby, it's time.
You must leave now.
I am giving you an extra month's pay.
Here it is.
Here, take the money.
I'd prefer not to.
Very well. I will leave it here.
Now, after you've cleaned out your desk,
be sure you lock the door behind you since everyone's left for the weekend.
And slip the key underneath the mat,
so that I can find it on Monday morning.
Well, Bartleby, I shall not see you again so...
...good-bye.
If I can be of any help to you,
please contact me by e-mail or by regular mail
if you don't have internet access at your new location.
Goodbye, Bartleby, and good luck.
She'd like a jelly donut, please.
Oh, the gentleman got the last one.
[woman] OK, I'll have two of those..
Do you have any chocolate?
Look, there's one with nuts.
[sloshes]
[woman] ...maple bars.
Oh, honey, no...
Morning, Ernie. How are ya?
[Ernie] I'm not too good, actually.
I just spoke to my daughter on the phone,
she told me that she's quitting school and she's moving to Vegas
to live with her boyfriend who plays Ringo
in a casino production of Beatlemania.
- My cat... - [clears throat]
Let's try that one again.
Ernie, how ya' doing?
Hey, if you don't care, why do you ask?
It's not a question! It's a damn greeting!
Just say "fine" for once!
"Ernie, how's it going? Fine." That's all you gotta say.
Oh, sure, perpetuate society's artificial bourgeois mannered consciousness.
Just sweep all the non-conforming pain under the rug.
"How are you today? Fine, thanks, how are you?
Nice to see you. Have a nice day."
Yeah, right.
Ernie...
Don't you think we all have the same damn problems in our lives, huh?
But, there's a time to talk about your problems
and there's a time to just say, "Fine"!
You got a daughter running off to Vegas,
I'm stuck in a dead-end job that's boring as hell
and getting paid freakin' peanuts!
Yeah, I got that problem, too.
[Boss] The following Monday morning,
I made it a point to arrive early at the office.
[AC whirs]
[Bartleby] Not yet. I am occupied.
Not gone?
Not gone.
[Bartleby screaming in foreign language]
[continues screaming in foreign language]
Good... morning.
Bartleby, you have been dismissed,
discharged, fired, and terminated.
You've been given the axe, laid off, let go, sacked, canned,
booted, and kicked out.
You've been down-sized, you've been asked to resign,
you've been retired early!
Now, have I made myself clear?
Is there anything at all that you don't understand?
Now will you...
...or will you not leave these premises?
I prefer not...
...to leave these premises.
But, what right do you possible have to stay here?
Do you pay taxes? Do you pay rent?
[stammering] Do you own the property?
You haven't even touched the check that I left for you.
[angrily] Are you ready to work now?
Will you file records? Will you go to the bank?
Will you do anything at all to justify your presence in this office?
Oh, hello, Mr. Waxman. How nice to see you again.
So nice to see you too, Vivian.
I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by these files.
Just in the neighborhood?
I didn't realize we were in a neighborhood.
It's really more of a cornice or craggy perch.
A plateau perhaps, a mesa maybe,
a precipice is plausible,
but a neighborhood?
I think you're being overly charitable.
In any event, thank you, Mr. Waxman, for the files.
Vivian, you have such a refreshing command of the English language.
Well, how, exceedingly kind of you to notice, Mr. Waxman.
Please, call me Frank.
Oh, I will.
Your name befits you.
Candid, forthright...
...plainspoken.
Waxman, you old codger. What brings you to this neck of the woods?
Public records, of course.
Oh, well, you've come to the right place.
And rest assured, they're in good hands.
Well, uh... say hello to the mayor for me.
Have a nice day, Mr. Waxman...
I mean... Frank.
Thank you, Vivian.
Hey, Woman, how ya doing. Good to see you.
Hey. We got our own wax man.
Hey, wax man!
Madame Tussaud's on line one for you.
Your spot at the museum's ready.
Actually there are two spots available,
there's one between Julius Caesar and Don Knotts.
And the other's between Genghis Khan and Ed McMahon.
I think we should melt our wax man.
What d'ya say, Bart, huh?
Whad'ya say... wax man?
You still prefer not to?
That's enough, Rocky. They'll be none of that.
Sorry, Boss. Just having some fun.
[sung to the tune of Taxman] Let me tell you about Bartleby.
He would prefer not to leave.
Cause he's the Wax Man.
He's the Wax Man.
- Will you make copies? - I'd prefer not to.
- Will you make coffee? - I'd prefer not to.
[Ernie] Will you make some calls?
[Vivian and Rocky] I'd prefer not to.
- Will you work at all? - I'd prefer not to...
[All] Wax man!
I don't appreciate being laughed at behind my back.
Hello, Frank. We weren't laughing at you.
You weren't, were you?
No, your name was the inspiration,
but we were laughing at Bartleby.
You see, he's like a wax man.
[chuckles] Like a wax statue.
It's sort of like Ripley's Believe It Or Not...
...the wax... the wax museum.
They were just having a little office fun... a morale booster.
Why is he standing there like that?
Why shouldn't he? He's getting paid by the hour.
Why aren't you working, young man?
[Boss] Um... it's Attention Deficit Syndrome.
It's very unfortunate... We're exploring disability options.
You're telling me this young man is sick
and you're all singing songs and teasing him?
Well... uh...
I wish I was that sick. It's pure genius.
Answer me. Why aren't you working?
[whispers] I'd prefer not to.
Yes, get me the mayor... now.
[Boss] He must go. I must get rid of him. But how?
Have him arrested? On what charges? Vagrancy?
He refuses to budge.
He is not a vagrant.
Well, there's a cheerful business.
Dead letters...
I always wonder, when a prospective employee
produces such a complimentary letter like this,
how anxious his former boss was to get rid of him. [Chuckles]
[chuckles echo]
Why did you leave your former job,
if you don't mind my asking?
The office moved.
The office moved!
Huh...
No windows?
Oh, you don't want any windows. It's a maintenance issue.
They get all dirty and you have to clean them and...
...you're better off with a wall.
Uh-huh. Well, makes sense.
Now, you'll touch up this spot, I assume?
Um... that one?
Yeah, this one.
[stammers] Oh, yes. We have a team. Actually...
It's a great team. They didn't have a chance to come in
since the last tenants kind of scooted out,
but once my team is on that, the spot will be gone.
Now, you'll change out that bulb?
- [buzzes] - [Property Manager] Oh, yeah.
- I'm a bulb man. - [sniffing] What's that smell?
Is that mold?
[sniffs] Uh... no.
[indistinct chatter]
Bartleby, watch this, you might learn something.
[AC whirs]
- Not so hard! - Hey!
Don't do that! Don't ever do that!
- Good morning, everybody. - [all] Good morning.
I have an announcement to make.
[AC whir stops]
I think I found the problem.
Unbelievable!
I can finally come to work without getting physically sick from that damn tremor.
This little guy must've been stuck up inside there forever.
He has no head.
Oh...
All right. So, what's the announcement, boss?
Huh... Oh. We're moving.
We're moving to new offices.
That's rather inconvenient.
- Yeah, good timing. - What's the matter with this place?
Wait 'til you see the new place.
- [Boss] It's in a business park. - Business park.
Those two words should never be together.
Business park.
They have a word for people who say things like that.
Oxymoron's.
Bartleby, I have decided to relocate my business to new offices.
We will be moving next week.
I'm telling you this now so that you may seek a new position.
I've written you a letter of recommendation to assist you in that endeavor.
I tried to emphasize your strengths.
Goodbye, Bartleby.
Frank, how are you?
[no audio]
[panting]
Had to park on the street... six blocks away.
I'm in a two-hour zone, so we're gonna have to feed the meter.
They said it was first come, first served,
but they didn't say you had to get here the night before.
So, how is our new office?
- It smells of mold. - [sniffs]
They said they would take care of that.
My clothes, my hair... It's rather inconvenient.
And what's this?
There appears to be precipitation permeating the premises.
They said they would take care of that.
[Ernie] Hey, Boss. Check out this giant wet spot here on the wall.
[Rocky chats indistinctly on phone]
Look, it's damp to the touch. Come. Feel it. Feel it.
- See. - Huh...
Vivian, feel it, feel it, feel it.
See?
- Hence the mold. - Yeah, hence.
They said they would take care of that.
Vivian, report all these problems right away.
Hey, come on, guys, there's work to do.
Take these boxes and get started.
I would prefer not to.
It's just a joke. You can't even take a joke any more?
Excuse me, I'm looking for the former tenant of 001 Thorny Knoll Complex.
Uh... what can I do for you?
Well, you left someone behind in your old office space.
I don't know what you're talking about.
A strange man. He says he works for you.
Well, I used to employ a strange man,
but I dismissed him quite some time ago.
- [man] He won't leave. - [soul music plays]
[Boss] Wow, I am very sorry, but really,
but this man that you speak of is nothing to me.
He is not a relation of mine, and am I responsible for his behavior.
Sorry to have bothered you.
[thunderclap]
You. Take him away!
We don't want him! You take him away!
What's going on here, Mr. Zee?
These are my tenants. They can't take anymore.
Take what?
Bottlebee! He stays in the hallway, he stay in the lobby!
He sleeping there!
This is not my problem.
I have no connection to Bartleby.
He worked for me and I fired him.
You brought him there, you get rid of him.
I'm going to call my attorney and sue you.
OK... OK, I will go talk to Bartleby,
but I'm not promising anything.
This is not my problem any more.
[thunderclap]
Bartleby, what are you doing here?
Are you aware that you are causing a great deal of trouble
for me by persisting in occupying this lobby?
Now one of two things must take place, Bartleby.
Either you must do something or something must be done to you.
What kind of work would you like to do?
Would you like to find a position with another public records company?
No, I'd prefer not to make any change.
Maybe you'd like to work for a collection agency?
No, that doesn't suit me,
but I'm not particular.
I know. How about work on a ship?
Breathe some fresh sea air.
Completely change your outlook.
A ship...
...is too confining.
[Bartleby] I'd not like that.
Too confining? You confined yourself to my office for months!
There isn't anything definite about work on a ship.
I prefer to be stationary.
Fine. How about a job as a museum guard?
They're quite stationary.
You could stare at paintings instead of the air-conditioning vent.
I prefer the vent.
How about a career in pest control?
I can recall my high school guidance counselor
recommending that line of work for many underachievers.
I'd prefer not to work in pest control.
- [Boss] Telemarketing? - No.
[Boss] Quality control?
Directory assistant?
- Bee keeper? - No.
- Circus clown? - No.
Bartleby, look, I have contacts.
If you had to, what career would you choose?
I don't have to.
Come on.
Step over there please.
Hotel voucher, good for a night at the Ritz...
...compliments of the Mayor.
Vivian, may I have my messages?
I don't believe there are any.
What? No messages?
It's surprising how much the volume of activity
has diminished since we lost the city account.
Oh, there was one message...
...from the police department.
- The police? - Yes.
Apparently, Bartleby was arrested and removed from our old offices.
Well, where did they take him?
According to police procedures he was booked, fingerprinted, searched,
and after a night in jail he was released with the other vagrants
to the soup kitchen beside the railroad tracks.
I'm looking for an odd skinny guy wearing a suit who may have been delivered here.
Ahh, wouldn't we all like to be delivered...
There's a symposium in progress under the overpass.
You may want to check there. Just follow the tracks...
Thank you.
Would you by any chance have an extra dollar and thirteen cents?
I was photocopying my dissertation...
Much obliged.
[truck horn sounds]
[indistinct arguing]
Bartleby!
It's me!
I know you...
...and I have nothing to say to you.
Bartleby, I tried to prevent this.
I'm not responsible for bringing you here.
Bartleby, you can't stay here.
This is no place to live, out in the open, under the freeway.
I know where I am.
Oh, Bartleby, listen to me.
Why don't you come with me to my home where it's warm,
at least until we can make some other arrangement, please.
At this moment...
...I prefer not to make any change.
[police sirens wail]
[chattering]
Excuse me. A friend of mine is standing under the freeway.
He's hungry and needs to eat but he won't come inside.
Could you bring him something to eat at meal times?
Why can't he come in and get it? It's free.
- I think he's a little deranged. - We don't deliver.
OK, you know what, let me give you a little something here, OK?
You can't bribe a charity. It's redundant.
If you want to make a donation, go talk to the lady up front.
All right, you know what? Just give me some food, then, OK?
That I can do, but you see this long line?
Everyone here has First Class tickets just like you.
It's simply an alien conspiracy. If you don't believe me, read the National Enquirer,
best investigative journalism going on today.
Shut up!
[man] Do you know where Elvis is? He's not dead.
He hasn't left the building. He's with the Pope.
Will you shut up!
That's where the UFO's land, you know?
It started in Pangaea, Lemuria when all the continents were one continent.
They came down in spaceships.
And if you're a madman you've got to justify it with some real loyalty, you know?
Aliens recognize this.
Bartleby?
Bartleby.
Why?
[groans]
Bartleby.
[Boss] A dead letter.
Ah Bartleby. Ah humanity.
[truck horn sounds]
[woman] You've had a successful business career.
You figure it's time to relax a little and write your memoirs.
Well, the world doesn't need another book.
My feeling is that the marketing department
is gonna have a great deal of difficulty with this material,
particularly, the ending. It's dreary.
No, it isn't. Don't you see?
Bartleby lives because I'm telling his story.
The life of Bartleby will not become just another dead letter.
In any event, I have another appointment.
I don't understand. What about Bartleby's story?
I'm going to pass on it.
You can't pass on it. Bartleby's story must be told!
Well, it won't be told by us.
What do you...
You got a shelf full of books here
that are just put there to make a buck.
You can't put one story about humanity on that shelf?
I think we need to work on our ability to handle rejection.
Don't you get it? This isn't about rejecting a manuscript.
This is about life and death!
I think you should leave now.
I would prefer not to.
You stay where you are.
I'm going to leave.
I would prefer not to.
[whirring]
[Boss] I would prefer not to.
I would prefer not to.
I would prefer not to!
[echoing] I would prefer not to!