(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(WIND WHOOSHING)
(MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(CHATTER ON TV)
-Honey? Honey, I'm home. -EVA: Hi, honey.
-I'm here. I'm here. -Hi.
Are we having a baby?
-Uh-oh! -Oh, thank you.
-It's okay, it's okay, we've got time. -(SIGHS)
Hi.
(GRUNTS)
Oh, ow, ow, pain.
(VOCALIZING)
Mr. Harrison Winslow? You're next.
Uh, I don't... I couldn't.
If this gentleman would like to go first, that's, uh... I could use a moment, if...
-Would you like to? -That's kind of you, thank you.
My pleasure.
(CLEARING THROAT)
-(DOOR CLOSES) -PENNY: Billy!
Where is your brother? Come in the house. Inside. Where's your brother?
-Mom, it's not late. -Brush your teeth.
Yes, in the kitchen there. Get your butt in. Billy!
-Mia, go home. Billy? -AGNES: Here he is, Penny.
We're just feeding these here pussycats.
We just feed these here pussycats, Mama.
You and these here pussycats keep your mama itchin'. Come on.
-I gotta go to work. -I'll be in to look after them.
Come on inside. Agnes, thanks for lookin' out for him.
That's my lover boy, that one is.
-You know, you're spoilin' my kids rotten. -Mmm-hmm.
-And them cats. -Oh, shush about my cats.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
NEWHART: Oh, Wilbur, I'm sorry.
And he'll be on late at the bicycle shop all week.
All right, listen, uh, I talked to the guys here at the office...
-Here you go. -Thank you.
...and they're real excited about this thing. We really think you got something.
-You're beautiful. -Ah, he's such a flirt.
NEWHART: I think you'll pretty much agree with this...
Julia!
...that the only way to make any loot on it...
Oh, I've been looking all over for you.
-Not here! -Well, I think right here is just fine.
Uh, how about up here? I'm almost done.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Well, I got a couple of questions.
Now, all the pictures we got show either you or Wilbur...
-So? -So?
Well, you've been up here for five months now.
What... Five months is not so long.
It is, Julia, when you're waiting for somebody.
You know, everybody thinks I'm crazy for letting you do this.
-Letting me do this? -All right, all right, all right, I'm sorry.
(SCOFFS)
John, I still have to be sure.
I never lived in a city before.
I don't want to end up like my mother.
She never went anywhere and she never did anything.
Julia, you're not gonna end up like your mom.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Julia, you know, when you're not around me, I don't care about anything.
There doesn't seem to be a reason to do anything at all.
Anyway...
What I really came here to tell you was that I made a deal with the bank.
I got the loan.
You bought the Granger place?
Yes, 75 acres, it goes across the road.
That's 300 acres, Julia, and it's all ours.
(SIGHS)
Look, maybe I'm just makin' a fool of myself here, but...
I love you, and always have.
It just seems to me that I deserve an answer.
Yes or no?
Oh, John.
It's just that I...
Please, if you love me, can't you wait?
-Just a little while longer until... -No, Julia, I've waited.
I've waited for years. And I guess I got my answer.
(MILO SINGING)
-Julia, table 53, come on. -Oh, sorry.
Well?
Well, he left. He's really mad.
Don't worry, honey.
A man drives all the way in from Vacaville just to see you, he's hooked.
You can reel him in anytime you want. Danny, two Buds and a Pepsi.
Oh, Wanda, you're so full of it.
I love him.
I'm gonna lose him unless I do something right now.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait!
-Didn't you audition for the chorus last year? -Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah.
-Uh, you're with the library? -Yes, that's right.
-And, uh, where have you sung before? -Um...
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Um, well, I haven't ever really sung professionally.
-Um, I've studied a lot. -Oh, well, good luck.
Thank you.
Harrison Winslow. He's our last one.
What did you sing for us last year?
Uh...
I didn't actually sing. I was, uh...
I was taken ill.
Let's get on with it.
Yes. (CLEARS THROAT)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. (COUGHS)
(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me, I'm sorry.
(CONTINUES PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
I'm sorry. I can't.
Excuse me.
DIANE: I'm not gonna be your friend anymore.
Well, that's fine. Night-night. Sleep tight.
Your mama has got to go to work tonight.
Why do you always have to work in the nighttime?
Because I'm on the night switchboard.
I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm trying to get back on days.
But now, until then, you know Agnes is lookin' in on you, so...
-No worries! -Hugabug. Mr. Hugabug!
-Hurry, hurry, hurry, come on. -Hugabug. Mr. Hugabug!
PENNY: Yeah. Yeah.
(SINGING "HUGABUG" LULLABY)
-Night-night, angel faces. -Good night, Mom.
-Good night. -PENNY: No worries.
(GASPS) Hey, Mr. Marco.
-How was dinner? -Dinner was great, Milo.
You lousy, double-crossing son of a bitch.
We should never have swiped these.
You got paid.
You want your 50 bucks back? Here.
What do you care? You got plenty of stamps now. Let me give these back, okay?
-Put 'em down! -I'll tell you what.
I'm just gonna walk outta here. That way, nobody has to get hurt,
if you catch my drift.
-You lousy punk! -Ow!
-Ah! -(GROANS)
Okay.
Ow, okay.
Okay.
-Just... You made your point. -No, that wasn't my point.
This is my point.
MARCO: Hey!
Hey, you!
Where are you going now, smart guy? Huh?
It's a long way down. You got wings?
I see you again, you're a dead man!
You hear me? A dead man!
(EXHALES)
Ow! Ow!
-Ah! There's another one! -Ow.
Frank... Oh! The baby's coming now. It's coming now.
Okay. Just hold on. Hold on, okay, just hold on, we'll get there soon.
Hey, did you get 'em? Did you get my stamps?
Jesus, kid, what are you doin' here? I told you I'd let you know!
Hey, look, squirt, what do you want from me, okay?
The guy, he pulls a .38, all right? I'm dodgin' bullets.
-I'm lucky to get out alive. -Why'd you take 'em anyway?
My grandpa gave me those!
Look, kid, life's tough, all right?
Sometimes you don't get what you want. Mostly, you don't get what you want.
Yeah? Well, you stink, mister! You stink!
Stop!
Hey, pal, wait at the bus stop!
Why don't you take me to a bus stop and I'll wait there?
Oh! Come on!
(ROCK 'N' ROLL SONG PLAYING)
(KNOCKING)
(GASPING)
-Can you drive any faster? -Um, honey, it's a Rambler.
(HONKING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
-Okay, just hold it. Hold it. -(EXCLAIMING)
Oh, God! (SCREAMS)
(CRASHING)
-Frank, it's coming. -Honey, you okay?
-It's coming? Okay. -It's coming!
-Lie back, lie back. -(SCREAMING)
-Oh, God! (SCREAMS) -You're gonna be fine!
HARRISON: I'm okay. You okay?
It looks like it, yeah.
-Hey, come on! How can we be okay? -I don't know.
(STUTTERING) What?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Oh, no! What is it? What is it?
-This can't happen to me! -PENNY: Oh, dear God, my kids!
I have to see my kids!
-It's a boy! -Oh!
PENNY: Where are we? JULIA: Is this heaven?
MILO: It can't be heaven, lady. It's a '58 Rambler.
PENNY: And there's a new baby.
HARRISON: There must be some mistake.
What are you two up to in there?
Thomas is just laughing at the wall again.
(LAUGHING)
(ALL COOING)
You should put some molasses in that bottle. That baby's bowels are stiff.
JULIA: (BABY TALK) Where's your little bottle?
-Milo, please. -Ew, I hate it when you do that.
-Hey, relax. Thomas likes it, don't you? -No, you don't.
No, I knew you didn't!
-Honey, when do we eat? -Hey, man!
-EVA: As soon as it's ready, honey. -Relax, okay, Papa?
I'm hoping to come back with all my parts in my new life.
That's weird, Milo.
(WOMEN CONTINUE COOING)
(SIGHS)
Oh!
-PENNY: Again? -At least twice a week.
Hey, I know what the limit is, okay?
I just think we oughta test it once in a while. I mean,
I mean they gotta let us get away from this little tyke sometime.
Could be worse.
At least we're with a good cookie boy like Thomas.
-Cookie boy. -You're a cookie boy.
Guess he's off to laugh at the kitchen now, huh?
Buy him all these toys, he laughs at the walls.
(COOING)
Doesn't this whole setup ever bother any of you guys?
How long are we gonna be dragged around like this?
Hasn't happened to me. Starts movin', I follow him.
I'm not over there runnin' into walls.
-I'm just trying to test the envelope. -You oughta test your I.Q.
-THOMAS: Hugabug. -What is that? "Hugabug"?
Where'd he get that?
I don't know, I thought you taught it to him.
-THOMAS: Hugabug. -(SIGHS)
THOMAS: I've been wondering. PENNY: What is it, honey?
How come I'm the only kid I know who has invisible friends like you guys?
Um, that's a very good question, Thomas.
-The Lord must have had some idea. -I wish he'd let us in on it.
When I see him, I'll ask him.
Hold up, Thomas. Hold on a second.
It's Miss Petersmann. Oh, come on, baby, teach me somethin'.
Oh, yes! Oh, no!
-Damn! -JULIA: Ugh! We should have him neutered.
And that is why we say
the Battle of Gettysburg
was the most famous battle of the Civil War.
Any questions?
Yes, Thomas? You have something to add, no doubt.
-Yes, ma'am. -With enthusiasm.
Oh, I love it when he tells it Harrison's way, it's so much better.
Thank you, Julia.
The Battle of Gettysburg.
The third day.
Picketts charge. The air hung heavily
-with the acrid smell of gunpowder -(MOUTHING)
and the stench
-of the dead. -CHILDREN: Ew!
(ALL SINGING WALK LIKE A MAN)
(TOILET FLUSHING)
(THOMAS JOINING IN)
(RACING TRUMPET SOUNDS)
Silver Bullet in the fourth? Buzz off, kid. This is for grownups.
-Go buy a soda. Next! -Oh! Please, mister.
My dad said if I don't place this bet for him, I shouldn't come home ever.
He'll give me an awful beating.
(FAKES CRYING)
So, please take my money. Please. Okay?
Okay, okay.
MILO: I wanna win! I wanna win! Let's go, let's go!
-He's coming! Here he comes! -THOMAS: Go, go, go!
-He's gonna do it! Go, Silver Bullet! -Go, go, go!
Yes! Yes! Oh!
Does this little buckaroo know how to pick a winner or what?
Bam! Bam!
FRANK: Go, go! Move!
-MAN: You're outta here. -Yes! Yes! That's how you move the ball.
Five more yards! Five more yards!
That's exactly right. That's it.
(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
MILO: Oh, it's so great.
Right here, right here. Listen to this, the leitmotiv.
-It's beautiful. -Ooh, yeah, unbelievable.
Turn the page, Thomas. Turn the page.
Okay, fold that out for me.
Oh. Oh, mounds of joy.
Hey, could we muzzle this Mario Lanza guy?
It's Franco Corelli, for God's sakes! You absorb nothing.
-Whatever! -Hold that page a second.
PENNY: My Billy is 11 years old today.
Wherever those kids are, I'm sure they're safe.
And happy.
I just wish I knew.
You still think about John, don't you?
Every day.
-Sweetie. -Mmm.
Let's go get the guys.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Why don't you boys come up and see the sunset? It's...
Harrison.
-What? -What?
We're just listening to Franco Corelli.
-The leitmotiv. -Yeah.
-Mr. Reilly? -Yes.
Charles Polito, Child Welfare Department.
Neither of you bets on the horses?
No. I've never even been to a horse race. You talk to anyone who knows me.
Well, your son has been seen at the track.
He's telling the story
that you will give him a beating if he doesn't place your bets.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
How could you even think it? We are not putting our son in some mental hospital!
Oh, Eva! No one is saying that.
Dr. Beecham is a child psychiatrist. He's just gonna do some tests!
-Tests? -Therapy, tests, whatever it is!
Everyone says he needs help. The guy from Child Welfare, his teacher.
EVA: That old battleaxe?
She has no idea how to handle a precocious child like Thomas.
FRANK: Thomas has a very serious problem!
He blames everything on these imaginary people!
Damn it, I've been saying for years we should get him proper care, and you know it!
Why? Because he has a vivid imagination?
Someone around here has gotta stop living in a fantasy world.
You can't continue that. You can't play his little games!
Not one of you knows what it's like to lose a child. I lost three.
-I'm not losing Thomas. -Penny, look what's going on here.
-This is wrong. -Yeah, it's gotten way out of hand.
Maybe we were never supposed to talk to him
-or even let him see us. -Hey, come on.
We can't just go invisible on the kid. It's stupid!
He's gonna hate us, I'm tellin' you.
-Julia, we're his family. -No, we're not his family. We're...
I don't know what we are.
He's got a mother and a father. We've gotta let them be his parents.
Leavin' Thomas would be like dyin' all over again.
Penny,
I never had any children.
But for a little while with Thomas,
I got to feel like a father.
This isn't easy for any of us.
Now, just wait. Now, if we're so bad for Thomas,
how come we're stuck to him? Tell me that.
-We don't know, okay? -So, what?
What, we don't let him see us or hear us?
What, we never even talk to him?
We just hang around?
Watch him? For the rest of his life?
What, like a bunch of ghosts?
That's gonna be hell.
Maybe that's what this is, Milo.
Well, I guess we better wake him up and say goodbye.
ALL: Wait!
-Thomas. Thomas. -Shh.
-Sweetie, Thomas? -What?
Oh, goodness, you are such a big boy.
We love you, Thomas.
(YAWNING) I love you, too.
PENNY: Thomas,
you know how we've always said we didn't know how long we were gonna be with you?
-Yes. -Well, um...
It's time for you to be like other kids.
Just be with your mommy and your daddy.
Thomas, we feel the time has come for us to go away.
-What? No! -Yeah, buddy.
It'll be a lot better for you. Honest.
We don't want to, Thomas, but we have to go.
No, please! I'll do anything you want.
I'll pretend you're not there, okay? It will be a secret.
Oh, we can't do that, sweetie. It doesn't work.
Don't cry. We're gonna be right here watchin' over you.
-Just quietly. -You'll be okay, kiddo.
You'll grow up, you'll forget about us.
No, I won't. I won't!
(THOMAS CRYING)
-So long, buckaroo. -Come back. Don't leave me!
Milo!
I'm so sorry, Thomas.
You said you were my special friends, and special friends don't go away.
You're gonna find new friends.
You certainly will. You are a great guy.
I don't want new friends. I want you.
I just wish I could give you a big hug.
-Julia! -Goodbye, sweetie.
-I love you. -THOMAS: I love you.
Come back.
-Goodbye, Thomas. -THOMAS: Please stay!
Oh! Harrison!
-Thomas? -Huh?
I am so proud of you.
Don't go! Penny.
Thomas, no worries.
I need you.
Just come back, come back.
Come back, don't go!
Don't go, come back!
Milo!
Julia! Harrison!
Penny! Milo!
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
HARRISON: "I have a nice pair of 100% wool socks.
"I don't think they're gonna bother you."
I said, "You're telling me what's gonna bother me, what I'm gonna feel allergic to."
So I ended up getting a dozen pairs...
-Pairs, not 25% nylon. -25% nylon. Have I told you this before?
MILO: When Thomas was about 15.
MILO: Where are we, anyway? JULIA: Stellar Aviation. Another bankruptcy.
Don't you ever pay attention?
I wonder why they always send Thomas to do this.
-'Cause it doesn't seem to bother him. -It does.
Ohh.
Stop it, would you? You're never gonna catch one.
Hey, look, I'm a man.
You're a dead man.
You bug my ass. You've been buggin' my ass since the early '70s.
-This guy chose it. -THOMAS: Hey, Patterson, how you doin'?
Use the same damn parts if you got to, but get going.
Yes, sir.
Patterson, where you been?
What are you trying to do, Mr. Reilly?
What am I tryin' to do? I'm trying to contact you. I phoned, I faxed,
I messengered, I paged. You're very mysterious.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So get to the point, huh?
You're aware of the bankruptcy hearing on Monday?
Yes, of course I'm aware of it.
Okay. Well, I just dropped by to tell you that my bank and...
Well, actually, the rest of your creditors have decided to push for liquidation.
What?
Look, I'm not bankrupt, I'm just behind a little.
A little behind, 6.4 million, $6,429,089.
We're gonna reorganize under Chapter 11. So it's gonna take some time.
So you and the others, you're just gonna have to wait for your money.
See, we have waited, and we've watched you drain more money out of this company.
Think you can take me on, Reilly?
If you think you have a case for reorganization,
convince the judge.
How many more years of this? Huh?
When's he gonna retire?
It's amazing these things can get off the ground.
Look, Tim, I paid you 185 bucks to detail my car, and you know what I...
No. I'm seeing streaks, I'm seeing streaks on the windshield,
streaks on the dash. So I'm gonna bring it back in Saturday,
waste my weekend allowing you to explore your incompetence, all right?
Oh, by the way...
(BEEP)
I hate that phone. He's always on it.
Saves him time.
Doesn't save him enough time to call his mother and his father, does it?
(RINGING)
-Yeah. -Hi, it's Noelle.
-What do you got for me? -A staff meeting this afternoon,
and Anne called. She canceled your lunch at Postrio.
She did? Why?
Oh, she found this great new place. Nobody knows about it.
-You should just meet her there. -Uh-huh.
Here's the address.
PENNY: Oh, I know this place. I used to come here when I was a kid.
-Isn't it beautiful? -JULIA: But it isn't a restaurant, is it?
MILO: Nah, it's full of plants and flowers and stuff.
You know what? I broke into this joint. Mid-'50s, Valentine's Day.
-My girlfriend needed flowers. -HARRISON: At least it's not crowded here.
I hate it when people walk through me.
MILO: It depends on who it is.
HARRISON: That's another place where we're different, Milo.
I always considered it an invasion of my personal space.
(ROMANTIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
THOMAS: Sorry I'm late, honey.
God, how did you get them to let you use this place?
-They owe me. -Yeah?
Yeah, I did the PR for their fundraiser last year.
-Huh. -Mmm.
Stop it with your "What's she getting me into?" look.
Oh, come on, Anne. You know, you're... You're doing something here.
Yeah, lunch.
Well, it looks good.
(THOMAS CLEARS THROAT)
-Ah! Barbados. -Right. (CHUCKLING) Very good.
Yeah, it was the closest I could come on my lunch break.
(SIGHS) So, relax, eat.
Thank you.
I'm just trying to get us out of our routine.
Barbados?
Where they first met. Don't you remember anything?
I like this girl.
Hmm. Much better than little Miss Look-At-My-Butt.
(MOCKINGLY) "Everybody, Thomas, look at my butt."
What about the other one with the legs? I'm telling you,
this is the one.
You don't think she's getting fed up with him already, do you?
Just because we do the same thing over and over again doesn't, you know...
You call that routine?
Well, yeah, sure, anybody would. I mean, so would my parents.
-Speaking of my parents. -Mmm-hmm.
They're gonna be in town tomorrow night, and we'd love you to stop by. I mean...
I mean, you know, it's no big deal. If you're around and...
-Uh-huh. -Bingo. 30 seconds, he's out of here.
No! It's high time. He should meet her parents.
Oh, God. The parent moment, right?
Come on, Thomas, she's not gonna wait around forever. Don't blow it!
HARRISON: Marry her, don't marry her. MILO: Phone me when it's over.
Oh, okay, the parent moment.
I don't have any problem with meeting your parents.
At some point.
"At some point"?
God, you know, listen to you.
Anytime things get remotely serious, you start...
I don't know, wiggling around.
-Hmm? -(CHUCKLING)
I thought you liked it when I wiggled around.
God, where did I go wrong?
Guy likes to play the field, you know. Takes after me.
A baboon in heat takes after you.
(LAUGHING) Oh, Julia, you're killing me.
(PENNY AND MILO LAUGHING)
You're killing me. Oh, yeah, I'm already dead. I forgot.
Huh.
(CLEARING THROAT) You guys.
(SPOOKILY) It is time! Whoo!
"It's time, whoo"?
All right, all right, all right, I'm a little late.
I should have picked you up about 15 or 20 years ago,
but, you know, up there, time's a little relative.
Let's go, dead people.
Time to, you know, to go.
I'm taking you onwards.
I know you.
You're the bus driver.
Very good. Now come on.
You're the idiot that got us all killed.
Yeah. You lousy bastard.
Because of you, I've spent the last 30 years
coolin' my heels with Mr. Excitement here.
I... I can't get a decent meal,
I can't get a smoke, and especially, I can't get laid.
You've turned me into a goddamn monk!
Hey, back off! I died in that crash, too.
We are so sorry.
Aren't you even gonna apologize for what you did?
Well, I'm doing penance.
I'm driving this bus around for the next 500 years.
Believe me, I'm sorry.
And it's not like they gave me the opportunities that you got.
-Opportunities? -Yeah.
For what?
We know we're not dead.
We know we're not alive. We know we're not there.
For that matter, we're not here. We're... What?
-What? -What?
What? What? What? What is this? What am I, in The Twilight Zone here?
I'm talking about the opportunity to resolve your lives.
You know, you get to do the one thing you would've done before you died.
Except you didn't get to do it on account of some guy
unintentionally cut your lives a little short.
We haven't done anything. We haven't resolved anything!
You're joking.
(SIGHS)
I mean, you were told about this?
(STUTTERING) The angel, he came down, he explained it to you?
Hold it, hold it, hold it. All right, all right, hold it, hold it.
All right, back off, back off. All right, all right! Okay, okay.
(THOMAS AND ANNE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
I mean, you've been hanging around in Limboville here since the '50s,
just wondering what gives?
(SIGHING)
Well, you see, what you're supposed to have done
is to take care of the one thing that would've made your lives complete.
You know, I'm not talking about making a million dollars,
or shacking up with some pinup girl or something.
Shackin' up with some pinup girl doesn't...
ALL: Shut up.
Well, how in the world are we supposed to do that? We're spirits!
Yeah, we can't make a phone call, we can't...
Punch some bus driver in the chops.
Hmm.
Your corporeal being.
You're supposed to use him as a vehicle.
And if he won't do it, you enter his body and you make him do it.
Enter his body?
We can take him over?
Well, that would've been helpful to know.
I knew there was a reason for all of this.
Yeah, yeah, sure. It's all part of the grand scheme of things.
Which is worth diddly if someone doesn't get his halo down here
and tell you what's going on.
Oh, thank God. I thought we were gonna be stuck here forever!
-Oh, this is great. -My kids! I can find out about my kids!
No. No, no. No, no, no.
Wait a second now. It's too late now. I mean, I got the bus. It's right here.
PENNY: What? You can't take us now.
JULIA: Now that we know?
I gotta take you now. I mean, it's time.
And you know, there are new babies on the way,
and you guys are my responsibility.
It's your fault we're here! I mean, don't you have a conscience?
Everybody gets cancellations.
Not everybody.
(ALL PLEADING)
-Think of your guilt. -Just a little while longer.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Think about your guilt.
All right. Maybe, maybe I can hold off until each one of you is actually needed.
-(JULIA SIGHING) -Would you? You would!
I would, but it's not gonna be long, I'm warning you.
(GRUMBLING) I can't believe I'm even doing this. It's crazy.
You know, I'm sticking my neck out here,
and when I come back for you, you better be ready.
-I got first dibs on him. -JULIA: Oh, no, you don't!
-Hey, Thomas! -Thomas!
Hey, man! Remember me? It's Milo.
-Long time no see, huh? -I've missed you.
...the greatest times of my life.
-Long time, still no see. -Oh, you're not doing it right. Let me try!
Exactly what I'm saying is that, you know, when we met, you had this
-spark. -Sure.
MILO: Spark? What is she talking about?
-I'm just trying to bring that back. -JULIA: Thomas, can you hear us?
I'll meet your parents tomorrow night.
-(ALL SIGH) -We're screwed.
We're screwed. The guy's brain dead.
-Are you concentrating like we used to? -Yes, I'm concentrating.
(ARGUING)
We don't just scream at him.
(SCREAMING) Thomas! Hey, wake up!
-Milo, Milo, stop it. Sit down! -Shh!
You can't just yell at him.
Come on, we have to concentrate together like we used to.
It's a lot easier to disappear than to appear.
Sing Walk Like A Man.
-Walk Like A Man? -JULIA: Good idea.
Concentrate.
Okay. Okay, okay, concentrate.
(SINGING WALK LIKE A MAN)
This isn't working.
(VOCALIZING WALK LIKE A MAN)
ALL: (YELLING) Thomas! Thomas!
Thomas, it's me.
It's Milo. It's not about the radio. It's me!
(GRUNTING IN EXASPERATION)
Oh! Contact.
Hope he doesn't take this badly.
(ALL SCREAMING)
You yelled at him in a moving car!
I did not yell! I was just a bit loud.
You did! You always yell everything!
It wasn't even my idea, okay? It was Penny's. She was the one going...
(INTERRUPTS) Don't try to blame me, boy.
Well, how long's he gonna be out?
What do I look like, an anesthesiologist?
I mean, we've lost a whole night already!
(GROANING)
My car. What happened to my car?
Thomas?
(SOFTLY) He may be a tad upset.
Thomas?
Sweetie pie, can you hear us?
We're so sorry, Thomas. Don't worry, you're gonna be okay.
Okay, what have they got me on?
How are you?
You just cracked a couple of ribs, but you're gonna be okay.
Oh, my God!
Thomas, it's been a very long time.
We hope you haven't forgotten us. We really need your help, Tom.
Oh, God, they're back.
He remembers us!
(EXCITED SCREAMS)
He remembers us!
The hallucinations are back.
HARRISON: I never thought of us as hallucinations.
MILO: Me, neither. Where's he going? JULIA: Wait!
-Thomas? -Where are you going?
-Bathroom down here? -We finally figured out
what we're supposed to do!
You're supposed to stay deep, deep in my subconscious.
-Don't run away from us! -HARRISON: Don't jabber at him.
PENNY: I haven't talked to him in so long!
(ALL CHATTERING)
He's ignoring us. He's completely ignoring us!
MILO: Pretending he don't know us.
HARRISON: Oh, straitjacket city! THOMAS: La, la, la, la, la...
HARRISON: Thomas, you're not crazy! We're real, in our way.
Hi, guys.
-He's a lucky one. -Yeah, sure. Yeah.
He gets visitors. I never get visitors.
Yeah.
(NURSE TALKING INDISTINCTLY ON PA)
Hi.
No, not today. I'm off medication.
(SIGHING)
(WHISPERING) Look, this is gonna sound crazy.
-Hmm? -Do you see any other people with me?
-No. Nobody. -(SIGHS)
Besides those four.
Do you really see them?
Yes.
What do they look like?
There's a gentleman in a brown hat, a nice-looking black lady,
a blonde lady with a pink doily, and a young buck in a leather jacket.
I'm available.
Oh, and the naked guy with the nose ring.
Hmm? No, there's no naked guy...
I know that.
You double check me, I double check you.
(LAUGHING)
You're lucky.
Well, the ones I see aren't real.
The ones I see come to me in the daytime and sometimes they stay around.
Like other planets. The stuff they said!
I mean, people from other places, well, things from other places.
-You don't know which... -You're real.
We've always thought so.
Yeah. I mean, we can't do much.
-We can't do much. -No.
(SIGHS) See, I thought I had these serious emotional problems.
And so, I convinced myself that I'd made you up.
No, sweetie, no. We've been here right beside you all the time, Thomas.
We were supposed to have you help finish things for us, things we needed to do.
This is so amazing.
Isn't it wonderful, Thomas?
I mean, the way the pieces all fit, you and us... I mean...
What on earth makes you think I would do anything to help you?
Thomas Kenneth Reilly, you get back here!
I told you, I told you! Don't leave him, he's gonna be mad!
Whoa! Help... Oh!
MILO: I'm real sorry. Really. You have insurance though, right?
THOMAS: You may not ride in the car.
PENNY: You drive too fast anyway.
Look, I said I was sorry, and I have a name, you know.
I am not going to run all over the place
trying to fix things that you should have fixed years ago.
Find some other little kid and screw up his life.
Sorry, Cosmo, but we're stuck to you like glue.
Where do you get off being so pissed? We had great times together.
That's true. I mean, you did things with us no other kid ever got to do.
Yeah, right. And then you left me! You left me all alone!
JULIA: No, we didn't leave you.
Oh, yeah, well, you disappeared when I was seven years old.
PENNY: We felt we had to, Thomas. THOMAS: God, I've had no privacy.
-You've been with me on my dates. -MILO: But we didn't look.
JULIA: Yes, we did. MILO: Well, once.
I was in therapy for years trying to figure out what the hell happened to me.
We know. We were there.
I got more out of it than you did.
You got something out of his therapy?
That whole self-esteem thing? I really got in touch...
Excuse me, could you not speak for like an hour? I have a life to lead here.
Oh, is that what you call it?
Do me a favor, fade out again.
(SIGHING)
He's not that happy to see us.
So, let's table that until next week and give Jim a chance
to analyze the prospectus.
Now, Thomas...
We're gonna be with you forever unless you help us!
-Thomas! -He's speaking to you!
-Yeah? -Where are we with Stellar Aviation?
Are we still going for liquidation?
Oh, yeah, well, if we want to get our money back, yes.
I was actually just going over the figures that I gave to the judge...
The last quarter alone, Stellar lost $3 million. These clowns are going down fast.
-No. -I can't believe he won't help us.
You know, the bus driver said we could just take over his body.
Without his permission?
That's fairly aggressive.
-Can we do that? -Let's find out.
The judge is very much with us on this one. He's a reasonable man...
Okay, here goes.
He realizes that the longer we delay
the worse it is for us
(IN FEMININE TONE) and our
creditors.
Oh!
But enough about them.
Mmm. Oh, God, it feels so good.
You know, Mitchell, for an older man, you really are quite attractive.
-(CLEARS THROAT) Thomas... -I'm sorry.
You know,
11 men and only one woman?
I think we can do a little better than that. Don't you, Jim?
Jesus, Thomas, what is this?
(ALL LAUGHING)
-It works. -It's nothing.
We're still going to the game on Saturday, right?
It feels really weird.
Look, you, this is my livelihood. You can't do this.
JULIA: Oh, Thomas, you look so cute when you get mad.
-Look, this is my livelihood! -MITCHELL: Thomas!
What is going on?
I'm just... I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Look, this is all very illuminating, all this business mumbo jumbo,
but basically, who gives a shit,
when there's a beautiful dish like you in the room?
-(GASPS) -(GRUNTS)
You know how long it's been since I've had sex?
(GASPS)
Reportedly, I'm quite a master. I'll tell you what, I'll give you a preview.
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTING AND GROANING)
(LAUGHS)
Don't go anywhere. I'll be back in a minute for you.
Get out of my body!
It's just the beginning, pal.
(GROANS)
Myself, now I don't run into walls. It hurts.
Listen, you jerk, you know that happens to be the Vice President of Corporate Finance
you were coming on to in there!
(EXCLAIMING) Oh, yeah? Well, you better help us.
Frankly, Thomas, you deserved it.
What? You're not gonna bully me into this.
You're not gonna push me into anything.
Oh, yeah? I think it's time to go tell your boss what you really think of him.
How about that, huh?
-Maybe I'll take your car for a spin. -Yeah.
I didn't know you knew how to drive.
I'll take a shot at it. (LAUGHS)
Now, listen, listen. Okay, okay? All right.
We're gonna work something out. We're gonna work something out.
I am in such trouble. I have no idea how to explain what just happened in there.
You were in a car accident.
The doctors mistakenly prescribed morphine and Percodan,
causing temporary (STUTTERS) hallucinations.
Percodan and morphine, right.
-Could that happen? -I have no idea.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
MILO: Turn the page! Turn the page! THOMAS: Okay.
So this guy takes you to heaven on a bus?
A bus. Go figure.
MILO: Marco! Here he is. Here he is. THOMAS: That's odd, isn't it?
The bastard's still alive, still living at the same address.
-Okay, let's go. Come on, let's go! -THOMAS: Let's go? Wait, wait!
What? Where? When? You know, what are you getting me into here?
(SIGHS)
Okay.
I stole a lot of things in my life.
But just from rich people, you know. But this one time, I, um,
I went too far. I...
I was doing a job for this guy, and, uh, he wanted to buy these stamps
from a 10-year-old kid.
Stamps? This is about postage stamps? That's great.
Excuse me, the 1930 Airmail Zeppelin stamp, full sheet.
It's gotta be worth today, $100,000.
Huh.
-See? -So?
So, um, anyway.
The kid won't sell 'em, no way, so, the guy has me go back
and steal 'em.
Lowest thing I ever did.
Once I gave them back, I was gonna go straight, but...
The next thing I know, I'm dead.
I'm a bad guy forever.
Let's go.
JULIA: He's coming back. He looks happy.
-I found them. He's still got 'em. Let's go. -Yes!
I can't do it. I'm sorry. You know what this is? This is grand larceny.
No, it's not. It's breaking and entering. It's 90 days to a year, max.
Milo, you understand, if you get caught, Thomas goes to jail.
Well, we're not gonna get caught, okay?
I'm a professional. All right?
Now, Marco's upstairs taking a shower. That gives us five minutes.
We're in, we're out. Piece of cake. Let's go.
No, I'm... God, you know,
this happened 33 years ago. Does it even matter now?
Thomas, I gotta set it right, okay?
You don't get it? It matters to me.
Okay, but if I'm gonna let you in my body, you have to behave.
-I will. -Okay.
-And be careful.
-Okay. -Okay.
I will behave.
Thomas, I want your body.
(LAUGHS) It's not funny.
Just get in and get it over with.
Where's that little kid I had so much fun with, huh?
Where did he go?
God, the man's tense, you know what I mean?
Okay, ah, where's that stuff you...
Oh, I forgot, I'm him. (CHUCKLES)
JULIA: Let's go.
Let me go.
Okay, come on.
(BARKING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
HARRISON: Piece of cake? I'm a piece of dog food!
-We're okay. -(BARKING CONTINUES)
Hey, shut up, you little Chihuahua!
HARRISON: Thomas! JULIA: Hey, hey, hey!
What the hell?
Who the hell do you think you are?
Hey, hey, watch out! Watch out!
(GRUNTS) Not this time, Marco.
Who are you?
Oh, it's Milo. Remember me?
Milo? No, that guy's dead.
Well, not at the moment.
(GRUNTS)
Milo!
Stealing from a kid? You oughta be ashamed of yourself.
(BARKING)
There was a house. Y'know, it had a house here.
Is this the way professionals do it?
Because I have never met a professional who has fouled up this big!
You didn't see a dog. You didn't check for a dog!
Don't yell at a man on a ledge.
Come on, don't get so upset. I'll just do a little...
-Acrobatic type thing. -Acrobatic type thing?
PENNY: Milo, what do you think you're doing?
HARRISON: Milo, he's not a Flying Wallenda!
Here, you wanna take over, Harrison?
Oh, I hope you know what you're doing. That's not your body you're messing with.
-No problem. -(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
-I'm okay. -(ALL SCREAMING)
I got it. I got it.
(SCREAMING)
Hey, what'd I tell you? I'm a professional.
-(WOOD SNAPPING) -You gotta be... (SHRIEKS)
(GRUNTS) Whew. And not a bruise on him. Mostly.
You're lucky you're already dead.
JULIA: You're impulsive and you don't think, Milo.
HARRISON: Thomas could have been killed, Milo.
Right, Milo, let's not kill me until everyone else has had a chance.
We got the stamps. We didn't get caught. What's the big deal?
COP: Excuse me, sir?
Is there a problem, Officer?
I'd say so. Doesn't seem to be your day. You're parked next to a fire hydrant.
-(SIGHS) -(ALL LAUGHING)
Is that all?
Well, it would be, except for the $2,600 you have in outstanding parking tickets.
You see? You get in trouble without me, too.
-Shut up. -What?
HARRISON: Milo, if it weren't for you,
I would never have gotten to ride on one of these things.
You see? Something good comes outta everything.
SERGEANT BARCLAY: That's $2,600 for the tickets.
Now, with interest and penalty fees that comes with $3,228.
THOMAS: 10% interest? In this economy?
-Just say, "Thank you, Sergeant." -THOMAS: Thank you, Sergeant.
And thank you for shopping with us.
MILO: So far, so good, huh? THOMAS: Shut up! I'm out $3,000!
MILO: Put it on my tab, okay, Tommy? THOMAS: Tab? What tab?
By the way, don't call me Tommy! You are not my friends!
HARRISON: It's exactly that attitude that alienates people.
THOMAS: Anne! I forgot about Anne! I'm supposed to meet her parents!
-(CARS HONKING) -(ALL CLAMORING)
HARRISON: Is it just me or does it bother anyone else that this is a one-way street?
ANNE: He gets so busy. He never knows what his schedule's gonna be.
They really rely on him at work.
Don't you worry about it, darling. Maybe we'll meet him tomorrow.
-Mmm. -Bye.
Yeah, he really wants to meet you.
-Bye-bye, sweetie. -Bye.
You know, it must have been some kind of emergency at work.
Uh-huh.
Those bankruptcies can be really unpredictable.
Relax, honey.
We'll give him another chance, then we'll kill him.
(ANNE LAUGHS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
THOMAS: You jerk!
MILO: So, great, how long is this gonna take?
Hey. I happen to care about this woman. Okay?
Do you mind if I keep one thing in my life on track?
MILO: Okay, okay.
Anne!
Hi. I'm sorry.
-I'm really, really sorry. -Don't be sorry.
-You're angry. I can tell you're angry -I was angry.
I've been through concern, worry, annoyance.
Where are you now?
I'm fine.
Yeah, I had a great time with my parents.
Uh-huh.
-You could have called. -I know, I should have called.
-I'm sorry, I didn't... -I mean, Thomas, let's just face it, okay.
We get along okay, but things are just not going...
Wait. What do you mean, "okay"? I think there's more here than just okay.
-For me, you know... -Things aren't going anywhere.
I mean, our relationship is not proceeding along normal lines.
What is that supposed to mean?
Well, when normal people get involved,
they just naturally take a natural course.
Yeah, it's like your keys.
My keys?
Yes. I don't even have the keys to your apartment.
Okay, you want my keys.
No. No, it's a symbol.
A symbol of a relationship that is going somewhere.
(MOUTHING)
-Are you listening? -Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm here, I'm here.
We meet, we are attracted, we trade keys and you meet my parents.
I'm aware of the significance of parent-meeting.
You think that I haven't screwed up enough relationships to know that?
-I want to meet your parents. -You do?
Mmm-hmm.
Well, they have tickets to a concert tomorrow night.
-Great. -No way. We can't.
Thomas, we really need you.
Mmm, I can't do it tomorrow night.
(SCOFFS)
Aw, Jesus.
Anne, please. Things are really complicated for me, at work.
Okay? There are these people in town.
These four very pushy and annoying people, okay,
from this damn bankruptcy. But I swear to God I wanna meet your parents.
I'll walk to San Diego on my knees to meet them.
-On your knees? -Yes.
In a new suit, I hope?
Yes, in a new suit. You have no idea. They're... You know.
-I'm still mad. -I know and you have every right to be.
-Good night. -Good night. I'll call you.
-Good night. -Night.
-I like her. -Hmm.
She's strong without being pushy.
I like her, too, but I gotta return these stamps. I'm sorry.
-Very nice. -JULIA: Yes.
Let's go. I'll be very brief.
DUANE: Okay, now, you stay in bed.
God, I hope it's the right guy.
PENNY: Milo, how many Duane Dortmuellers could there be?
Yeah?
It's him.
Look down. Look down, for God sakes!
-(RATTLE FALLS) -What... Gimme...
Honey!
-Look at this! It's the stamps! -(DOOR CLOSING)
(SIGHS)
MILO: I did it! (LAUGHING)
(LAUGHS) That was great! Wasn't that great? I'd say, that was great.
-HARRISON: That was great. -He looked so happy.
-This is gonna work! We can do this! -(MILO VOCALIZING)
You did a good thing. Smile! You remember smiling?
Open your lips, show your teeth.
(ALL SINGING WALK LIKE A MAN)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Oh, my God.
I need one of you now.
Hello?
Guess we're thinking about me, huh?
(SIGHS)
Hey. We had fun, huh?
Yeah.
Bugging you is what kept me going all these years.
You're the best mom I ever knew, Penny.
-You go find your kids, okay? -Oh, Milo.
-(SIGHING) -Milo,
-try not to... -What?
All of the above.
(MILO LAUGHS)
Hope you meet a good-looking angel up there.
Go get 'em, buddy.
Good luck, you know. I mean, whatever. This is strange.
I know. (LAUGHS)
(CLEARS THROAT)
MILO: Uh, listen. (CHUCKLES)
Listen to this. Now, why don't you come back when we're all done?
And then you could take us all at once, you know?
Save you a lot of mileage.
Hey, look, pal.
I bought you every second I could,
but a new life's being created and it needs a soul now!
You try to be a nice guy.
I'll be back for you guys soon.
Hey, buckaroo.
You really came through for me back there. That meant a lot to me.
-Hey, Milo. -What?
(BOTH MIMICKING GUNSHOT)
-So who's next? -Who's next?
Excuse me. Excuse me. I know I'm in the minority,
being the only living person here,
but I do have a life and I have a job that I occasionally go to.
PENNY: Thomas Reilly.
All right. I'll cancel the morning. I'll cancel the day.
HARRISON: (CLEARS THROAT) I'm, uh... I'm not really comfortable...
JULIA: Will you stop making excuses?
There are plenty of places to sing.
There's jazz clubs, those karaoke things.
Shoot, we could crash a wedding.
Julia, at 7:30 in the morning, the only people singing are drunk.
All right. So, look, we'll postpone the singing, all right?
So what about you two? Penny, Julia?
John's farm is a couple hours' drive. Let's try and find Penny's kids.
-It's okay? -JULIA: Yeah.
Yeah? Okay, let's go for it.
Nothing could be harder than getting those damn stamps.
Adoption records from the 1950s are sealed.
Even the adopted children themselves need a court order to open them,
if they're lucky.
A court order, how long does that take?
RECORDS BUREAUCRAT: Too long. Plus a month.
THOMAS: Do you live around here? MAN: Who are you, the man?
THOMAS: No. I'm not a cop. I'm trying to help this lady find her kids.
MAN: What lady? That lady?
THOMAS: Yeah. Right over there. She's...
She lived here in the '50s. Her name is...
HARRISON: Oh, boy! This is something.
A bunch of people that don't exist, looking for children that don't exist.
-We'll never find her kids. -JULIA: Here she comes. Shh!
PENNY: It's no use.
Nobody around here will ever remember me or my children.
JULIA: Oh, Penny, come on. We just started.
We'll try a couple of other places.
Was there a store you went to a lot?
We could go by, ask there. Or church? Did you go to church?
(CATS MEWING)
Could she still be alive?
I know where the girls are.
(GASPS)
-Where? -They sent me birthday cards for a while.
-What sweet children. -Yes, they are.
-Especially Diane. She's so thoughtful. -Where?
Oh, they sent them to Sacramento.
There was a nice family there.
Name of, uh... Name of...
Timmer. Timmerson. That's it, Timmerson.
Little Billy, though, I lost track of him.
-They put him in a foster home. -Oh!
And then they kept moving him around.
-Thomas, what are we gonna do about Billy? -(MUTTERING)
Those girls might know where he is, though.
-PENNY: Honk, honk, honk at him! -(HORN HONKING)
I don't believe this damn traffic!
Where are they all going?
JULIA: Don't worry, Penny. It's gonna be okay.
We're gonna get there.
This is silly. We can't drive two hours to Sacramento.
It's not fair to you. It's not fair to Harrison.
Now, don't worry about me. I'm perfectly happy to go last.
In fact, I've always wanted to see Sacramento.
I can't believe you're trying to wiggle out of it.
You're wiggling out of it. Talk about your last chance.
What do you mean? John's farm is on the way, isn't it?
-I've always wanted to see John's farm. -Wait a minute. Thomas.
Find someplace to pull over. Come on, pull over.
Look where these people are going.
HARRISON: I don't wanna be here. I really don't feel that well.
I think I have a cold coming on. A flu, actually! (CLEARS THROAT)
JULIA: Stop complaining.
Nah. They're sold out.
-That's it, let's go. -Will you stop it?
They're sold out! We can't get in.
-He's right. We gotta find another place. -No, we don't.
No, we don't. You just need a little help.
-No, no, no. -Do it!
-Don't look at me like that. -Do it!
-May I please? -Oh, God. No!
Knock, knock. Who's there?
-(SCREAMS) -It's sold out!
Excuse me. If you're gonna be back here, you have to have a pass.
A pass?
A pass!
I'm gonna pass some information onto you.
These bozos outside got their trucks blocking my car in.
My Rolls Royce.
What're you talking about? Where did you park?
Are you listening to me?
I just said I parked between your trucks! That's why I can't move.
Don't you give me attitude. I'm a mother!
No, I mean, I'm a... I'm a doctor!
I'm a surgeon. I come down here as a favor to Mr. King.
You see, his hands are insured for a million dollars.
Now, the insurance company's not gonna let him walk out on stage until
they had him checked out by me!
Meanwhile, I got a medical emergency downtown, but I can't get my damn car out!
Sir, just calm down.
Calm down? I am calm. You want me to get loud?
I will get loud. I will get loud!
-If you want me to get loud! -No, no, no! I, uh...
You get that manager right now and get his butt down here and I might calm down.
Fine. I'll take you to him.
I'm not going anywhere! You bring him to me. I'm a doctor!
GUARD: I'll be right back.
-Not bad. -Drama class, City College.
-THOMAS: You got us in. -Harrison, take it away!
What? You expect me to get up in front of all those people?
-They don't wanna see me. -They can't see you!
Yeah, but I can see them!
Penny, what exactly is your plan?
My plan was to get you in here.
You're in here, now you two get out there and sing!
The second I walk out there, they're gonna grab me.
Exactly, we should be in Sacramento.
Thomas, you gotta make him do it.
It's very important to him, whether he admits it or not.
HARRISON: Oh, it's not that important.
What? No! No! No! Ooh, no!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Please rise for our national anthem.
Dear God, Thomas, that's an incredibly difficult piece!
JULIA: Perfect! Sing it right, and they're gonna know you're good!
They bought it.
-JULIA: You're on. -Okay, Harrison, I'm all yours.
-I can't even remember the words. -Get your butt in there.
MAN 1: Come on, man! WOMAN: Came to see B.B. King!
MAN 2: What's going on? MAN 3: Come on, man!
MAN 4: Let's go!
I can't. I can't!
What are you doing?
Look at me. I'm not even alive and I'm perspiring!
You better not do this, Harrison.
Listen! This is it!
Who came up with this ridiculous concept anyway?
Resolve your entire life in one bold stroke? What if I fail?
And I will, I'll fail. I'm telling you, I always fail.
Then my whole life will be a complete failure.
No offense, Harrison, but you died a failure because you never tried.
(CROWD MURMURING IMPATIENTLY)
(SINGING AMERICAN NATIONAL ANTHEM)
(STUTTERS)
BOTH: "What so proudly we hailed..."
(CONTINUES SINGING)
(PLAYING BLUESY SOLO)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Harrison, you did it!
Bravo! Bravo, Harrison!
(BLUES SONG PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Thank you, Thomas. Thank you for believing in me.
I'm going on tour, you know.
(B.B. KING SINGING)
Don't get him mad, just be really, really nice, Thomas.
We have to get out of here fast.
Welcome back, Mr. Reilly. How's showbiz?
I assure you, Sergeant. I'm not drunk, I'm not on drugs.
Your blood test shows that. So what is wrong with you?
It was just somethin' I had to do.
I'm going to assume that you've gotten whatever it is out of your system.
-Oh, yeah. -I'm gonna release you.
Thank you, Sergeant. It's the last you'll see of me.
Bail is set at $300.
All right. But can I get something to eat?
-It has to be to go. -God!
-Oh, Thomas. -Anne! Hi!
God, what a night! God.
-How did you know I was here? -I saw you get arrested.
Yes, I was at the concert with my mother and...
-THOMAS AND ANNE: Father... -Oh!
-This is really unfair. -How could you do that to me?
-Baby... -Don't call me baby.
I have hung in there with you for a really long time.
I know!
-And you lied to me! -I'm sorry.
You said you had to go to work.
You didn't say that you had to go sing the national anthem and get arrested!
But I didn't know I was gonna do that!
It was just a spur of the moment thing?
Yeah! Actually, actually, it was.
And how come I don't even know you can sing like that, huh?
-You keep that a secret? -Because, because...
Because I don't do it very often. That's why!
-Was it okay? -Yeah, it was good. It was really good.
You know, it's like you're leading a double life.
Banker, lunatic performance artist.
Damn it, Anne, are you gonna let me explain?
Yes! Explain. I'm ready.
-Well, that just about clears it up for me! -Anne, come on.
-Oh, God, I feel like such a jerk. -Sweetheart!
Oh, come on, you're acting like this is Days Of Our Lives!
PENNY: Thomas, do not argue with a woman in this condition. Just apologize!
-Goodbye, Thomas. -Anne, I'm sorry. I apologize.
Yeah, do this to me. Go away. Run away. Anne.
Let's be grown-ups.
-Anne! -(TIRES SCREECHING)
Shit!
-You let her go. -I did not let her go.
BOTH: You did.
What am I supposed to do? Like, jump in front of the car?
(SCOFFS) You guys are a lot of help. Come on.
-Maybe you should call her. -Yeah, we think you should call her.
-No. Enough! -You'd feel better. She'd feel better.
Have we forgotten your basic problem here? We've gotta keep moving.
(GASPS)
Oh, boy. Bad sound.
That's all right. I'll be quick. I'll just give him the rest of my money.
Mr. Reilly, is it something genetic with you?
Tell me you're not insured, Mr. Reilly, and you'll be three for three.
No, I'm heavily insured, I promise you.
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) -Ouch! Ah!
-Penny, I'll tell him to take me. -No, no.
-Maybe he'll take me. -No, I should go.
I am so sorry.
All right, you're sorry. Can we get on with this, please?
(BABY CRYING)
-MRS. BARCLAY: She wants you. -It's all right, sweetheart.
Look, I really got to go. Can I give you my license and insurance?
(SINGING "HUGABUG" LULLABY)
-Thomas! That's... -That's the song.
That's the song you used to sing to Thomas.
-I remember. -Remember what?
I made that up! I used to sing it to my kids before I put 'em to bed.
They loved it. Especially Billy.
-Why? Wait a minute. We had a deal. -Wait.
-Now, come on... -Give her a minute.
-(THOMAS ARGUING INDISTINCTLY) -What is the matter with him?
I have only myself to blame. I put him back out on the street.
Ask him. Ask him if he's Billy!
Are you Billy?
-I mean... Is your name Billy? Your first name? -To my friends.
Ask him, Thomas. Ask him if he was adopted.
Sergeant Barclay, I was wondering if you ever might happen to maybe be adopted?
Look here, man, if you don't shut up I'm gonna take you back inside.
He was! You can tell, Thomas! You can tell.
I know I sound absolutely nuts, but was your mother's name Penny Washington?
Billy!
(SCREAMING EXCITEDLY) This is my... This is...
All right now. What is this about?
You've got two older sisters, right? Shirley and...
THOMAS AND PENNY: Diane!
-Am I right? -PENNY: He's so big!
-He's a cop. -Who are you?
Is this some sort of sick joke? Did I lock your brother up or something?
-Do you know where your sisters are? -No.
-I do. -That's ridiculous.
I've tried to find my sisters for the last 20 years.
The records are sealed, even for a cop.
Okay, all right. But do you remember this lady?
This lady with a million cats. Her name is Agnes Miller.
She still lives in your old neighborhood.
-Cats... -(PENNY MUTTERING)
I do remember a lady with cats.
I know you remember Agnes.
Go call her. Her name's Agnes Miller.
Then call a family named Timmerson in Sacramento.
I swear to God, that's where your sisters grew up.
-How can you possibly know any of this? -This is my grandbaby!
Because I...
My goodness! Look at her.
PENNY: Julia, she's so cute.
-She's adorable. -That's his wife. Come here.
-Come here. -No, I don't want involvement.
-No, please. But this is... -No, really. I'm gonna... Come on, we...
Anyway, your mother and my mother wound up in the same emergency room.
My parents told me that before she died,
she was talking about her kids,
and all she wanted in the world was just to make sure that her kids were all right,
and she sang that song.
I guess she must have been delirious by then.
(PENNY SINGING LULLABY)
But my mom taught it to me. So when I heard you singing it, I just knew.
Your mother loved you very much.
She would have been real proud of you.
-Thomas, I have to do this. -No!
I never left you.
-Can you just get off of me? -Yeah, I'm sorry, that was...
It's an emotional time for us all.
I'm gonna check this out, Reilly.
-And if it isn't true... -It's true. Believe me, it's true.
Come on, sweetheart.
He's such a cop! "I'm gonna check this out, Reilly."
That was really humiliating.
(SIGHS)
-Okay, I'm ready. -Finally!
Goodbye, darling. You take care.
I'll remember you, Julia.
I'm really gonna miss you.
I'm saying goodbye to both my sons.
-Thomas, don't work too hard. -Okay.
And it's okay to be a good guy.
Pay more attention to what you're eating. Julia, hi to John.
You stop driving so fast and call your mother once in a while.
I love you guys!
Hit it.
(SIGHS)
(ROOSTER CROWING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
-Think it's okay? -Uh, yeah. It's good.
He'll believe it?
Come on, he's gotta recognize your handwriting.
Let's go.
All right. Here's what we'll do. I'll tell him that after the bus accident,
your stuff got mixed up with my mom's stuff at the hospital,
and I just happened to find this letter.
-What? -He'll buy it.
I'll be convincing.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
-(GASPS) -Oh, shit!
They're trying to lose me?
THOMAS: Come on.
I do you a favor, you run from me like rabbits.
-Five minutes, okay? -No.
Just give us five minutes!
No! It's time on the big clock.
You take her over my dead body!
Great. I got the bus right here. I don't care. Come on.
Don't threaten me. We're talking about right and wrong here! Right and wrong!
-Look, you watch it, mortal. -I can't believe you.
You've got eternity on your hands, she's asking for five lousy minutes. Come on.
I'm sorry, I find it hard to believe you can't find five minutes.
I don't have the authority.
THOMAS: Authority for what? HAL: I can't just change everything.
-How do you think I can do that? -Be creative. Stall.
Stall?
Stall Him?
What?
He's probably got a wife and kids. I don't wanna...
I don't wanna cause a problem.
Oh, come on. He'd still wanna know that you cared about him.
He'd wanna know that you loved him.
What if he's forgotten all about me?
Julia, no one could forget about you.
(DOOR OPENING)
Can I help you?
My name's Thomas Reilly and I have a personal letter for John McBride.
Oh, well. I bought this place from him seven years ago.
Uh-huh. Do you know where he is now?
Sorry to have to say it, but he died soon after he sold it to me.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Are you sure?
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure about that. He wasn't well.
I guess things were kinda rough on him.
This place was kinda falling apart when I got it.
Anyway, he moved down to San Leandro and rented a little apartment.
(CRYING)
Well, that's where they found him.
Oh. I, uh...
-Thanks. -Sorry.
The rotor. Maybe it's the rotor.
-Hey! -Huh?
What is this crap?
What? I beg your pardon?
-It didn't work! She can't fix anything! -Go on.
-It always works. -No!
I mean, sure, it might seem like these things are going down to the wire...
-Wrong! -...but they always work out.
The guy's dead, all right? He's been dead for seven years!
-But... That can't be. -What do you mean, that can't be?
No, you know what? Or he had to be the wrong guy.
No, it's not the wrong guy!
It's not the wrong guy, you idiot!
-How can it be the wrong guy? -I don't know.
Thomas.
It's you.
-What's me? -You and Anne.
-That's what I'm supposed to do. -Meaning?
I made the same mistake with John that you're making with Anne.
I pushed him away, I kept him at arm's length and finally, he just left.
Only you've got the chance to fix it.
No. See, Julia, this isn't about me.
Yes, it is.
I've watched you all these years.
You know how painful it's been to know who you really are,
and watch you keep it hidden from people?
I don't hide. I protect myself. I'm cautious.
You're so afraid of being hurt, you're gonna end up all alone.
It doesn't matter if she says yes or no.
Don't let her go without telling her how you really feel.
Promise me you're gonna go to her.
Promise me you're gonna live the life that I didn't get to live.
I promise.
Good.
I like that.
It has unity.
I can go now.
Oh! I wish I could just give you a big hug.
Oh, wow.
(LAUGHING)
Thanks.
HAL: I'll be back for you.
In 50, 60 years.
I was afraid you weren't gonna come.
Well, I wasn't going to, but it was hard to ignore
the three phone messages, the fax, telegram, homing pigeon.
I, uh, I got you this.
I've loved people before and they went away.
So a long time ago, I made a decision that I wasn't gonna need anyone anymore.
I wasted most of my life that way.
And I know I'm late and I know I don't deserve it.
I need you.
And I love you.