Oh, Skank!
Fuck me!
Hey. What did you say?
You teach him that?
He heard it in the locker room, dad.
- From who? - Everyone.
You know what it's like in there.
He shoots. He scores!
Wouldn't start again?
- Was it the gas line? - I don't know. I'll ask Tinker.
Mmm. Mmm.
Take the sled, will ya? I wanna wait for the mail.
- The magazine's supposed to be here, express. - Better be good.
Of course it's gonna be good. That's the whole point.
Well, I don't exactly trust Chuckie boy.
Come on. Pass it off.
All right. Let's go again.
Bailey!
Hi, Bailey.
Fat men don't shovel, Bailey.
No, it's dry. It's dry.
- Ew! - That's a lung biscuit. - Fuck me!
Joey!
That's it. Neither of you guys are coming to the locker room again.
John?
Have a good game today.
- God, it's cold! - Taters are hot.
Right here, Connor. Thanks. Hot, hot, hot!
- What the hell kind of bird is that? - Bobby, throw some tape.
- It's gonna be a hot one today. - Hey, tape!
- Hey, is the magazine out yet? - Monday.
- Johnny's supposed to get a copy expressed. - Maybe we made the cover.
- We ain't on the cover. - He said it would be a big story with pictures.
Yeah, Chuck exaggerates.
Hey, guys, you are not gonna believe this.
Sarah Heinz.
I know! She's supposed to be this shy girl.
I figure, what the hell. I ain't that attracted.
I'll vaccinate her quick, get home for an early sack, beat what's left of the bishop.
Like this?
She's much fatter naked.
- No. - Yeah!
I'm telling you, she got her February fat now in the second week in December.
She's riding me like a wet walrus,
making these fat sounds.
- Thwap, thwap, thwap. - The boy's got no shame.
You're a sick man, Skank.
- Hey, you got the magazine? - The mail didn't come yet. - Damn.
- Hey. - What?
- You kill one more wolf... - Ain't no sheriffin' in here.
I ain't sheriffin'. I'm just a teammate concerned for his freedom.
Come on, boys. Let's move it.
It's two tenths below zero. The committee won't be happy.
- The committee. - You seen Weeks lately? He's been skating the river.
I don't care. I'm about to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
That photographer said I have one of those expressive faces.
- A face that tells a story. - Too bad it's a tragedy.
- A comedy. - A horror story.
Come on, guys. Let's start gettin' our heads into it.
Like Connor says, that Weeks kid, he's got jump.
I'm tellin' you, Tree, there's rumors.
One of us is going down.
Let's go! Let's move!
Let's go!
Good game! Good game!
Bring it in, bring it in. Stretch 'em out.
- Let's do it, sheriff. - Sticks!
- Line 'em up, Michael! - Don't give me Tree. I wanna win this week.
- I win no matter what side, huh? - Win this, Tree.
- Maybe it's you and me, huh? - Winetka.
Here.
- Paul. - Brown's the winner.
- Dad! - Thanks, Mikey.
- Tree! - Don't fall asleep back here, huh?
- You see Stevie Weeks yesterday? - Jump.
You think we gotta do it?
- Birdie! - Try to get past me!
- Give it to me! - Try it! Try it!
- Pass! - Damn!
Whoo! All right!
Soon, it'll be you out there.
Oh, I don't know. It will, Stevie.
- Ow! - Daddy!
There are things you do in public... And things you don't.
We're just kissing.
God's sakes.
Geez.
Very effective, Walter.
Nipped in the bud.
- Mary Jane! - You got it?
I got it. Look. It's three pages with pictures and profiles.
- There's John. - A mix between Bobby Bond and Moose Dupark.
Yeah, he won't like that.
"Clears the crease like a snowplow." Well, he can't not like that.
Come on.
- Honey. Look at this. - Hey.
- The mayor should get first look. Not bad, right? - Wow.
Son of a piss whore. Our town in Sports Illustrated.
Listen to this.
"The legendary hockey players of Mystery, Alaska, were born on skates...
"In a world perpetually covered with ice and snow.
"Isolated by rugged mountains and vast glaciers,
"they hone their skills by playing each other,
"Saturday after Saturday, for as long as anyone can remember.
"The citizens attend with religious devotion in sub-zero weather.
"A committee of town fathers decides who plays and by what rules.
"The game has become more than a sport.
It's a weekly ritual celebration."
"The Winetka brothers forecheck like gophers.
"When a puck goes into a corner, a Winetka comes out with it.
Yeah! Read. Read!
"And then there's Connor Banks."
- Connor! - What about Connor Banks?
"Montreal had its rocket. Mystery has its cruise missile!"
The only rocket you got is your meat whistle.
Hang on. Hang on. "Perfecting the art of the pass is John Biebe,
"whose precision and accuracy more than compensate for slowness of foot.
- "The only player without lightning speed." - Every team needs its thumper, Johnny.
Fuck 'em, Johnny. Fuck 'em.
"On pure skating ability, the boys of Mystery, Alaska...
"rival any team in the National Hockey League!"
That's us! That's us!
And isn't it exciting for Charlie...
Getting his article published in Sports Illustrated?
I bet this is a big accomplishment for him.
He kind of embellished a little.
He's always been so smart, that Charlie. I knew when he left he'd make it big.
Well, actually, I heard he left 'cause he skated like a homosexual.
You think because you scored two goals today, you played a good game?
We don't talk about hockey at the table.
We've been talking about it for 20 minutes.
We've been talking about the magazine.
Which is about hockey.
Can't we just enjoy the attention tonight?
Sports Illustrated, God's sakes.
Hockey is played at both ends of the ice.
You, you coast in your own zone.
You skate like a figure skater.
And when you get the puck, you don't pass.
More potatoes?
No.
I've lost my appetite.
Oh...
He never made the Saturday game.
That's what's bothering him. Why should he tell me how to play?
- He played college 2-A, birdie. - 2-A isn't the Saturday game.
- That's enough. - Well, he started it!
Margie has relatives in Waterville, Maine.
She said as soon as Price World moved in,
all the local shops went right out of business.
Price World's not gonna come, mom. We're not big enough, God's sakes.
Well, they've been sniffin'.
Oh, Skank.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
"On the left side,
Skank Marden is a master of sticky sores..."
No, no, Shawnette.
Um, remember, you want to sound out the words.
Okay. Let's try again.
"Skank Marden, a master of the stick,
scores on demand."
That's right. Good. Excellent.
Tommy! What?
Word is, Biebe's out, and Weeks is going up.
Really?
Don't get too far. Yeah, dad.
Hey, Johnny. Hey.
Thanks for coming, Johnny.
Well, we can't hold Stevie Weeks back any longer.
You'll be first alternate, of course.
That's...
There's more to the game than speed, Scott. Experience counts.
Which Stevie Weeks can't get till we call him up.
You've been in the Saturday game 13 years, Johnny.
- That's a record! - I can still play.
When was the last time you scored a goal?
Look, it's not fair to the Weeks boy to keep him back.
And it's not fair to the Saturday game.
Shit!
I gotta go.
Donna's inside, Johnny.
Hey. Hey.
I'm fine, Donna.
We talked about this.
We knew one day, eventually... I'm fine.
Don't tell me you're fine.
I better check on Mike.
- You could've told me. - I can't give you that kind of information.
We're sleeping together, God's sakes.
Skank, we're committing adultery. It's not like I threw in trust as a perk.
Honey.
Hi. Look, you, uh... you may have heard.
- We just did it. - I heard.
And so did I, and it's a big mistake.
John Biebe is the anchor, God's sakes!
Geez.
Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie!
Guys, it ain't my birthday.
It's better. You're in the Saturday game!
I-I could go down as fast as I come up.
- There's no way. - Hey, I'm next. They'll be callin' me next.
Hey, Mike.
- Hey. - Why don't you get yourself that milkshake?
Better not hear your grades are dropping off.
They-they won't, sir.
You skate like you can and you'll be fine.
- Boys. - Sheriff.
I ordered one for you too, dad. Thanks, Mike.
- Johnny? - Yeah?
You gotta get out to Gagney Grocers. Connor Banks just shot a guy.
Ow! Jesus! What, did you put your finger in it?
- Try and hold still. - Could you jam the oxygen tank...
a little further up my ass, please?
Have you done this before?
- Who is he? - A rep from Price World.
Good. Twist it! Yeah, that helps.
Think about trimming those nails too, Tarzan.
- Just try to hold it there. - Are you trying to hurt me?
Huh?
- You okay? - No, I'm not okay!
Do I look like I'm okay? The fucker shot me!
What the fuck-ass fuck of a bum-fuck, shithole town is this?
I make a business call. I give him my card.
And the hick-ass fucker shoots my foot off! Cock-fucking shit!
- John, it was an accident. - You read him his rights?
- You have the right to remain silent... - Oh, come on, John!
- I didn't mean to shoot him. - Call Bailey Pruitt. Talk to him.
Don't be saying anything to me.
Johnny, I-I heard.
- I'm sorry. - Connor, you just shot a guy.
- Take him. - Read him his rights.
Cock-fucking suck-ass fucker!
Have fun in jail, asshole!
They, uh, got into a beef.
Connor pulled a pistol. Happened over in feed.
Says he was aiming at a sack of puppy chow, trying to scare him.
He hit a wheelbarrow. It ricocheted.
- Ow! Ow, ow. - Johnny?
- Yeah? - There's a helicopter hovering over town hall. Looks Russian.
Whoa!
I'm slow in the feet?
That's it? That's all you got for me?
No, "Wow, nice helicopter"? No, "Hey, great article in Sports Illustrated"?
How's Donna doing? Does she miss me?
Twice in one year, Charlie. What do you want this time?
I come bearing the New York Rangers.
The New York Rangers?
Yeah, I was pretty blown away myself.
But the article sparked some kind of brainstorm at the NHL.
- Good writing, I guess. - The New York Rangers.
The New York Rangers.
- In Mystery, Alaska? - Right here.
To play against our boys?
The NHL feels it'll be great publicity,
and the network figures a 14 share, minimum.
All right.
What's in it for you, Charlie?
Community pride.
A sense of giving back to the place where I grew up.
Money.
If you all settle down, we'll, uh, we'll try to answer all your questions.
Now, nothing is definite.
There's still some dealing to be done with the players' unions and things.
But what needs to be decided first is, do we want this game?
I won't kid ya, it would be a goose to the economy.
What economy?
We can be serious about this,
or we can simply leave the decision to the committee, which I'm quite happy to do.
Yes, Miram?
The question is, "Do we really stand a chance?"
'Cause if all that's gonna happen is we'll get laughed at,
I'm not for it, at any price.
That's fair. That's fair. And to answer that,
I'd like to call up here someone we all know and...
well, we all know. Chu- Charles Danner.
Thanks. Um... Well, first of all, it's really great to be back.
Bullshit!
Uh... um, here's the thing.
On a standard ice rink, no, we don't come close.
But... our boys on a pond?
Now, hold on just one second.
You're using words like "we" and "our boys."
You left this town, Charlie Danner.
You can't even skate.
Plus, this may be an old lady talking,
but I've always thought you were a bit of a prick.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a town meeting.
Let's have some order, God's sakes! John.
Could we make a game of it?
Yeah, John.
Depends on rules.
We play four on four. They play five on five.
Boards, offsides, two-line passing.
Rules that keep everything bunched. It's a different kind of game.
John, excuse me, but this game is gonna be played on a pond.
- Hey, Chuck... - One second.
Everybody here always says on a pond, nobody beats us, right? Nobody.
Okay, well, you got a chance to prove it now.
John, can we win?
Shooting, passing, stick handling... the truth?
Except for Connor, nobody here comes close.
But on the pond,
black ice, wide open surface, it's all about skating.
And we can skate.
Yeah, we can. All right, man.
The New York Rangers are professionals.
Two things we've always had in Mystery:
Our dignity... and our illusions.
I suggest we cling to both.
Where's the dignity in not trying?
I'll play those Rangers.
- I'm in. - I'll play.
I'll beat 'em.
As Mayor of Mystery, Alaska,
I'm gonna extend a little invitation to the New York Rangers!
Hey, Johnny!
- This can't wait till tomorrow? - No, no, we gotta be on the ice at sunup.
If this game happens, it's only 32 days away.
We gotta get goin'.
- I bet you're back on the team now, right? - Maybe.
Well, they're not gonna play the Rangers with just ten guys.
Here he comes.
- John. Hey, Donna. - Hey, Scott.
- Witch-tit cold, huh? - Yeah.
Look, John, these are the developments.
Things have changed. We want you to coach.
Judge turn you down?
Yeah. He's got some bug up his colon.
But next to Judge Fucknut, you know most about hockey.
Scott, you'll need him to play, right?
Oh, uh...
Well, the committee feels you can best help the team by, you know, coaching.
You're the guy. They all look up to you.
Scott, I don't coach.
John, I'm asking you as Mayor of the town.
Will you coach?
Look, think about it.
Let me know, huh?
You know,
every ex-player turned coach says they prefer coaching to playing.
Why would they all say that?
Because they can't play.
So why'd you wanna come? You never wanna come when I plow.
- Well, um, could you pull over? - Sure.
What... what are you doing?
Um...
I thought, um...
I think we should celebrate you making the team.
N-now? Here?
I don't know where else to do it.
I got a condom too. So...
Marla...
With you on the team, Stevie, a lot of girls are gonna be,
you know, after you.
I don't wanna lose you to Jody Lange just 'cause she gives.
Marla.
I'm not gonna leave you on account of not having sex.
I love you.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
Oh!
Oh, I'm-I'm... I'm sorry.
That's okay. That's... that's okay.
Does this mean we're done?
I'm-I'm sorry. I must have...
That's okay.
It's okay, Stevie.
Hey, Sarah, sorry to be calling on you so late, but have you heard?
- The Rangers? - Yeah.
Yeah, good news makes the compass point north.
How 'bout a quick rattle?
After you, Skank.
"Mother walrus going thwap, thwap, thwap"?
- What? - You wanna hear a thwap?
Women don't like being referred to as fat mammals, Skank.
I never would've said that to her face.
- Are you gonna arrest me? - Do you want me to?
Well, if it's all over what he said, I'd just as soon it be all over that I hit him.
It will be.
You gonna let the kids keep the school?
We gotta have a new rink, Donna.
You want one of those goddamn TV trucks to fall through the ice?
Plus we need new boards, lights, and they're sending us a zamboni.
Oh, a zamboni. Gettin' wet just thinking about it.
Jesus!
- Donna. Hey. - Hey.
- How you doin'? - Hi. Good.
- How are you? - I'm good.
- You ran out before I could say Hi last night. - I know. Hi.
Hi. God, you look good.
How can you look this good? What do you have, like nine children now?
All right, well, we're not the Partridge family.
- Three kids. - I know how many kids you have.
So, you're a producer, huh?
Yeah, well, associate producer.
What's a producer do?
Uh, well, I'm-I'm doing it.
- Really? - Yes, I'm liaising with the locals.
I see.
And the helicopter was...
Well, you know, it's the kind of news you wanna deliver in person, you know,
and I can't help it if it impressed the hell out of you.
So, uh... well, so did it?
Do I look impressed?
You look good.
Your honor,
at this time I'd be asking the court to dismiss the charges...
on the grounds of patriotism.
I'm not in the mood, Mr. Pruitt.
If Price World did come here...
with the one-stop shopping and the low, low prices,
it would threaten to put every merchant in this town out of business,
as it has in so many communities across this country.
- Trial date? - This Tuesday.
Tuesday?
- Fine by me. - All right, next Tuesday.
And impanel Monday.
I don't want a trial now. Suppose I lose? I get jail, I miss the game.
Connor, trust me. They're not gonna lock up our leading scorer.
As the puck comes off the ice, the left wing will always drop back.
These four swing around here, try and force the puck this way.
So the puck carrier is always facing three defensemen.
- Are we gonna play it? - No.
We're gonna learn it so we can beat it.
It's five-man, not four. It's complicated.
Before we get into that,
There's one rule we got we live by.
What happens in this room,
what's said in this room, stays in this room.
Now, last night Skank took a shovel to the temple...
because somebody repeated what was said in the locker room.
Somebody repeated to Silvie Walker,
and Silvie Walker repeated it to Sarah Heinz.
- I told her confidentially. - Aw, Jesus.
What you say in the room stay in the room.
I didn't think she was gonna say anything.
Skank, I'm sorry.
She just smoked the hog, man. I wasn't myself.
- It's your call, Skank. - Oh, I want it.
Fuck!
Fuckin' wind-chill. This ain't right.
It's not that easy!
- One slip of the tongue. - Rules are rules! - All right, that's it.
Come on, guys!
Do it! Come on!
Aw, shit!
Oh, shit! Mother...
I hate you bastards! I hate you all!
All I did was suggest we meet, and then he pulled out a gun.
Did he say anything, Mr. Walsh?
Objection! Now, that question...
fuck it.
What did he say?
Well, he conveyed his anger at the idea of Price World moving into the community.
He threatened to shoot me if I didn't leave the premises, and then he shot me.
Thank you, Mr. Walsh. Reserve the right to recall, your honor.
Big doings we've got going here in Mystery these days, huh?
Price World wants to come here,
and now the New York Rangers want to come.
Mr. Pruitt, I don't want to hear anything about Price World.
I don't wanna hear another word about a hockey game. We talked about this.
Yeah, well, forgive me, your honor. I'm fat.
Mr. Walsh, that bullet that struck you,
did it appear to ricochet off a wheelbarrow?
It... maybe. So what?
Is it legal to shoot in the vicinity of people in this town?
You don't care very much for our community, do you, Mr. Walsh?
I have nothing against your community, Mr. Pruitt.
Did you say,
"What the fuck-ass fuck of a bum-fuck shithole town is this?"
Did you say that, Mr. Walsh?
The game is tentatively scheduled for January 16.
- Hey, this is it! - Sounds like fun, Barry, but evidently not for everyone.
No, I don't think so, Steve. No one thought...
to check with the New York Ranger players about this.
The bottom line is, you only get a few days off during this long season.
Now, instead of spending these days off at home with their families,
they're told they gotta go to Alaska and play a game of pond hockey.
- This is a joke. - Turning now to real hockey news,
the NHL named Wayne Gretzky as its player of the month.
The superstar scored 17 goals with 22 assists...
Yeah, wait till we beat 'em. Then we'll see who's a joke.
You guys know what you're made of. You know what you've got inside.
Nervous?
Come on, let's work it around. Don't leave him alone!
- Whoa. That guy can shoot, huh? - Yeah.
- Get on him! Get on him! - Okay, guys, come on, now!
- Fighting the puck a little. - Oh, let him find his legs.
Yeah, his first game. He'll be fine.
Go! Go! Go! Go!
STEVIE!
Get away! Get away!
- Give him some air. - Stevie? Stevie!
- Biebe. - Good work, Tree. You killed him.
- Head was down. - I know. I know.
I got the salts, dad.
- Stevie? - Huh?
- It's okay. It's all right. - Hello.
Stevie, how many fingers have I got? Hmm?
I'm a premature ejaculator.
Let's go, guys. Three on three.
- So? - So?
- Anyone special in New York? - Uh, no.
I don't... I don't want you to feel bad about that either,
just 'cause I haven't had a relationship that's lasted longer than six weeks...
since we broke up in the 12th grade.
- That's... the important thing is that you're happy. - Right.
You are... you are happy, I take it?
Yeah. I'm happy.
Good. Good.
How is your husband, anyway?
Appears to be, uh, well fed.
Of course he is.
I mean, what else do I have to do, really,
besides slave over a hot stove, rub my fat husband's feet,
dig splinters out of my ass that I get while sitting around pining for you?
Well, you said it, I didn't.
Seriously, though. I mean, forget about me.
Don't you ever wish you lived in a town that had a museum...
Or someplace where brothers and sisters were off-limits to each other sexually?
All right, just follow the light.
No, just over here. There you go. Over here. Come on.
Still sleepin'?
- How's he doin'? - He's a little happy.
No, no, no. Easy, son.
- I'm okay. - All right. - Birdie, I'm sorry.
I didn't even get the condom on.
It was 'cause of your sister's breasts. They're perky.
Well, he's out again.
- Honey, what's wrong? - Nothing.
- Sweetheart... - I don't wanna talk about it, okay?
Well, if you can't talk to your own mother...
Stevie doesn't wanna sleep with me.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Hmm.
So, uh, you two have already,
uh, you know, had relations?
No, he came in the condom.
Oh!
Where, uh, was the condom...
When he, uh, you know...
um...
on-on his, uh, serpent.
Hi.
What's wrong?
Uh, Walter, get out. This is private.
I'm entitled to know what's going on under this roof.
After all, I am the father of this child.
Walter, if you don't leave, I swear I'll tell you.
Right.
The defendant will please rise.
What say you, Karen?
The state of Alaska versus Connor Banks.
Second-degree assault.
We find the defendant
not guilty.
That's a not guilty verdict on Connor. Betty?
And we further order Price World to pay damages...
in the amount of $42,000.
- What? - 42,000 bucks?
They can't do that.
This is a criminal trial.
We don't award damages to criminal defendants.
The damage award is vacated.
What's that, "vacated"?
Look around. Look at yourselves.
You have exalted this game above what is right,
but you have your star center back.
The defendant is free to go.
You have embarrassed my courtroom.
Thanks a lot.
Fuckin' moron.
It's me that embarrasses you, isn't it?
- Did I say that, Brian? - I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.
I'm sorry I don't feel like goin' to college and getting some degree.
I'm sorry for only wanting to play hockey, and I'm sorry that you never played...
In the Saturday game, but I would think there are bigger tragedies in life!
Brian!
Scotty. Hey.
I want you to meet the folks from the network.
- That's Jonathan Slaven. Scott Pitcher. - Hi.
- And, uh, this is Janice Pettibone. - My nostrils just froze.
It's a pleasure to welcome a famous TV personality.
- Uh, hi. - Janice, see how everybody skates here?
- Yeah. - Even on the sidewalks. We should get some shots...
- of some people skating. - I can't feel my nose. - All right, then.
- She's cold. - She's weird.
"Eskimos on ice."
In fact, that's what we're calling the team: The Mystery Eskimos.
Well, we're not eskimos.
Well, I don't think it refers so much to your ethnicity...
And the Native Americans who do live here call themselves Inuit, Chuck meat.
The deal here is we're selling this as a human interest story.
The strange snowmen who play on a lake... the Mystery boys.
We don't know who they are or what they are.
All we know is they have poor dental health and can skate like the wind.
It's a hockey game.
- How does she know what kind of dental health we have? - Guys!
Guys! It's just a name, you know?
Nobody thinks the Dallas Cowboys are actually cowboys.
- If this ends up making fun of us... - Scott, it won't.
- You think I'd let that happen? - For business, who knows?
- Excuse me? - He's right.
- You'd bite off your own Jimmy if the price were right. - Really, Scott?
My own Jimmy? You know what? Why don't you go plan a rummage sale...
- or renew a fishing licence? - If you try pulling something, I'll be so far up your ass...
- Gentlemen. - You sorry piece of tit meat!
- Just talkin' about the game. - Yeah.
If nothing else, it's good for morale.
Good night.
No blood. Judge!
- He started it. - Don't!
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
I don't know how to coach.
You taught half the kids in this town how to skate. You played 2-A college.
You understand North American hockey.
Shit, they used to call you the Bear.
That was then.
Okay, judge.
If we're gonna make a game of it, it should be you.
It won't be, John.
Come on! Pull it off!
People of Mystery, I give you...
Your very own zamboni.
- Now, don't be alarmed. - It looks 100 years old.
Well, it works just like new,
and it's kind of in keeping with the whole idea, don't you think?
What whole idea?
Scott, you got a zamboni here. In Mystery, Alaska.
Yeah. The original.
Why'd you say yes to boards? Sponsors?
You guys have never played with boards. Won't that be a huge advantage to the Rangers?
John?
You've been smiling a lot lately.
- Excuse me? - Ever since he came back.
Charlie. You've been smiling a little more.
John, that was high school.
This is not a pond.
The fans are into it.
Let's play hockey.
Oh, there we go. Oh, Domi and Langdon.
Well, eight seconds in. Domi leads the league in penalty minutes.
A couple of short rights knocks the helmet off. Another one. Are they gonna get tired?
- I don't know. - We're playing these guys?
Oh, he's landing a couple of big ones, and so is Domi.
He's got the fans into this one early, Sam.
You know, maybe we should fast-forward to the hockey part.
Yeah. Good idea.
d You better watch out you better not cry d
d You better not pout I'm telling you why d Come on.
Come on! d Santa Claus is coming to town d
- Caboose, holding on back there? - Yeah.
Toot, toot! Uh-oh! We're gonna crash!
Aah! Oh, no!
What happened down here? d Santa Claus is coming d
Are you okay? Let me see. Are you all right?
d He sees you when you're sleeping d
It's a Rockewellian Christmas up here...
skating, barbecues, snow.
We're here with defenseman Matt Marden and...
- cut! - What?
I can't feel my fingers.
You need to rub 'em on a nice warm yuletide log.
d Santa Claus is coming to town dd
I beg your pardon?
Look. Christmas is a lonely day for a guy to be choking his own chicken.
And, as women reporters go, I find you supple.
Oh, that was lovely. It's a shame we weren't rolling for that.
I'm sure he'd be happy to repeat it.
- You need to relax. - Charles!
Do you like massages?
Tree, take the man up front! Defense!
Tree, you've got to take the man!
- Jesus! - All right, all right, all right, all right.
Sorry, Johnny.
- Don't say you're sorry. - Okay.
Sorry.
Tree, am I a big guy?
Yeah, Johnny.
No. Look.
See? You're the big guy.
And we need you to start playing like a big guy.
Okay? Are you a big guy?
- Yes, Johnny. - Come on. Say it.
Say it!
- I'm a big guy! - Okay!
- Okay? - Okay? - Okay.
Okay, hit me.
I don't want to hit you, Johnny.
- Come on, Tree. Hit me! - Johnny...
I'm not Johnny! I'm a New York Ranger!
- Hit me! - Stop it!
You look like the back end of a moose, sasquatch.
You all right?
Just like that, Tree.
You hit me like that, I'll kick your ass.
Eskimo soup.
I'm beginning to have second thoughts about this.
And having Chuck fuck as our liaison with the network doesn't help.
If they're gonna be pouring a lot of money into it,
- you have to let them sell it. - I suppose.
Besides, if they're going to be doing a profile on the town,
it's as good as a commercial.
Our tourism might grow.
You know, this is the kind of opportunity that...
What?
What's that?
Skank Marden's been in this bed.
You gotta be kidding me.
Well, that's just great.
Shit!
- What? - Uh, we got a problem.
- What problem? - Uh...
They're not coming.
What do you mean, not coming?
Evidently, the Ranger players...
filed some kind of grievance with the players' union,
- and, uh... - we tapped ourselves on the construction.
Are you saying that we're not going to get that money now?
Uh, I don't think so, no.
I'm really sorry, Scott. I don't... I don't even...
Jesus Christ, Scott! Ow!
Jesus! Oh, man!
Hey, hey. That's enough.
It's keeping the kids awake. Come on.
I should arrest him. That's what I should do.
Arrest him for what?
Fraud.
Hey, he promised something that he couldn't deliver.
This town spent money,
relying on Charlie Danner's word.
Flying in here on a helicopter,
- swinging the New York Rangers from his belt. - Come on, John.
- You can't blame Charlie for that. - Who else is there to blame?
You want to sympathize with the guy, fine.
But I really do not need you taking his side.
- Okay. What is going on? - You tell me.
Okay, I think I've been pretty patient with this little jealousy thing.
The truth is, I've been a little bit flattered. Now I'm getting insulted.
- You're insulted? - Yes, John.
When you read my smiling at him as a threat, that insults me.
It is not just a random smile, Donna.
Ever since he came back...
You've been walking around with a big "what if" on your face.
We've been married 12 years. Three kids.
Sweetheart, I know your smiles.
And that smile is not for me.
John, everyone in this goddamn town peeks over the snowbank and wonders.
Except you wonder what it would be like with him...
Charlie fuckin' Danner!
Don't talk to me about betrayal.
You became half dead the minute you were bumped from that team. You disappeared.
This is not an easy place for a woman, John.
I thank God every day I gave birth to boys.
I never chose to stay. I chose you.
Give me that, at least.
Move that puck, fellas! He's opening up!
Pass it out to the wing!
Pass the puck! Pass that puck! That a boy!
Over here! Whoo!
Hi.
Young man, lift your elbows.
And that'll keep the blade flat on the ice.
I mean, you paid for the whole stick.
You might as well use it all, huh? Try it.
Good! Good, McGowan! Good.
Hey. I'm goin' on a piss later. You wanna join me?
No.
The league is taking the players' union...
to federal court in New York on Tuesday.
It might help if Mystery had a face there.
There's an estoppel argument you could make.
Implied third-party contract too.
Hmm.
Well, now we really have something to talk about, don't we?
You slept with another man.
What's to talk about, Mary Jane?
All I've got...
is the notion that being adored by your husband...
is enough in life.
You never touch me.
Go ahead.
Nothing in the basic agreement allows them...
to schedule exhibition games.
- Of course we can schedule exhibition games. - Pre-season exhibition, but...
- Your honor, nothing has ever limited this to pre-season. You know this, Harold.
It's a cheap stunt, your honor, and everybody knows that.
They want the Ranger players to go up to the North Pole and play pond hockey...
with a bunch of Eskimos.
It's a big gimmick. I mean, Mr. Pruitt himself...
has brought one of his lumberjack players with him...
to help him further the exploitation.
Objection, your honor.
That's-that's not a very nice thing to say.
Your honor, we've already spent a lot of money on this game.
You can sue the league for restitution.
That's assuming that money damages could make us whole.
But our reputation has been hurt.
Reputation? Price World tried to move up there, you opened fire.
What reputation?
- Could I be heard? - Go ahead.
We do have our pride.
And...
and, uh, maybe sometimes it's a little too connected to how well we play hockey,
but we do have our pride.
And all of you, and all the TV commentators...
have been going around saying that this is a farce...
that this is all a big joke.
Our town is a big joke.
- Is there a legal argument coming? - It's estoppel.
It's-it's in my brief.
What-what did you call... you called my friend something before.
- What did you call him? - A lumberjack.
That boy has a heart bigger than this whole courtroom.
He plays to play.
He skates to skate!
He don't make a million bucks a year!
He loves the game of hockey!
He loves it.
Judge,
you can't take this game away from us.
You can't. It's not about money.
It's about hear--...
Mr. Pruitt? Are you all right?
- Bailey? - Mr. Pruitt?
- Bailey? Bailey? Bailey? - Somebody get this man some help!
He's having a heart attack! Somebody help him!
- Jesus Christ. - Bailiff, call 911.
- Bailey! - Give him some air!
Get somebody in here now!
He's not breathing!
Bailey! Bailey!
d Holy, holy d
d lord God almighty d
d early in the morning d
d the sun shall rise to thee d
d holy, holy, holy d
d merciful and mighty d
d God in three persons d
d blessed trinity d
My, uh...
My boy Mike once asked Bailey how he got to be so fat.
He said it was...
because every time he met somebody he liked,
his heart would grow a little.
There were just so many good people in Mystery...
that eventually his body had to expand to accommodate.
He could have left if he wanted, but he stayed.
Not because other worlds weren't available to him.
Because he loved this place.
"This is a hockey town," he'd say.
And he never said it like it was something we should have to apologize for.
We're a hockey town.
I love this town too, John.
You sent him, didn't you?
To New York.
He won.
Game's back on?
You're in this now, old Bear.
You have to coach.
If I'm coaching,
I need a Captain on the ice.
Move it!
Move it, Stevie!
Come on, Birdie!
Move it!
- Move it, Birdie! - I'm moving!
- Let's go, guys! - Let's do this!
Pick up your feet!
Push over!
Oh, man, I'm dying.
You lose a puck over there in the bank,
you give it to the other team.
If you lose a puck...
along the boards, you gotta fight for it!
Do you understand me?
- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir!
Come on, you guys! Pick 'em up!
Whoo!
So, who are you gonna get?
Oh, some celebrity.
- To sing the national anthem? - Uh-huh.
That's great.
Yeah. Yeah, it's good.
Coming!
Don't worry. I didn't come here to sleep with you.
I came to see your husband.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Uh...
I, uh,
I just wanted to say,
you know, that I'm sorry.
Uh, the truth is, I don't really think about anything.
I play hockey and I fornicate...
because those're the two most fun things in cold weather.
And...
When I get too old to play in the game,
I'll probably just end up a drunk, like my dad.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
And, uh,
I know that your being mayor and all,
this game is a real positive reflection on you.
Anyway, I'm gonna do everything I can to win this game...
for Mystery,
for dead Bailey,
for you.
That's all I came to say.
Oh, my God! Is the whole team in there?
- How are you? Welcome to Mystery. - Oh, my God! Sean Robertson!
- Steroids? - Yeah.
Big. Uh-huh. Yeah.
Not that big.
- Go for it! - Hey, what's your name?
- Make it out to Stevie. - Stevie.
- Here you go, Stevie. - Wow.
Uh, a little problem, Johnny.
d Ever since I was young it's been my dream d
d That I might drive the zamboni machine d Aah!
dd
d Yeah, I wanna drive the zamboni d
d well, I wanna drive the zamboni d
d yes, I do dd
- What the hell do you think you're doing? - I'm leaving town.
- What are you doing? - Come on. Get down.
Why? It's my zamboni, right? I brought it here.
- You want me to take you in? - What, are you gonna arrest me for reckless zamboni dri...
Fine. Take me in, John. I don't care.
Why don't you impound my helicopter?
Whoa. Why don't you break my goddamn nose too, huh?
They'd probably elect you mayor.
- You wanna get some coffee? - I... where's my parade? Huh?
I brought 'em here. Why don't I get a parade?
You know what I'd settle for is a "Thank you".
This fuckin' town.
You know, when I left, it-- This town rejected me.
Huh?
The day I chugged out of here, all I could think about...
was the day I would chug back in with a Pulitzer in my hand.
And I would step off that train and say,
"Why don't you skate on this, you re--..."
I'm sick. Oh, God, I'm sick. Oh, God.
So that's what this is all about, Charlie?
You saying "Fuck you" to all of us?
No, it's not.
Goddamn, John, what do I gotta do?
Huh? This town is hockey, hockey, hockey, right?
So I bring back the New York Rangers.
- The New York Rangers! - You don't get it, do you?
Oh, I... clearly not.
Well, leaving out the fact that you set all this up for your own benefit,
we agreed to a game of pond hockey,
on open ice.
Now we're playing on a rink in a box...
boards, blue lines, referees.
What if we lose this game 25-zip, Charlie?
You brought back the one thing...
that could tear the heart out of this place.
Now, either you thought about that,
or you didn't.
Finally got them down. Uh-huh.
Dear Abby.
All the words are crossed out.
Not the important ones.
Just read it.
"Radiant.
"Maximum.
"Madly.
"Fancy.
"Simple.
"Stamina.
Wedding." John.
Keep reading.
"Body.
"Baby son.
"Bedroom. Morning. Expressive. Tender.
"Take care.
"Love. Patience.
"Amends.
Human."
It's beautiful, honey.
John?
Hey!
Yeah. Heard you lost a little.
Ah! Whoo! You can't catch me!
Okay. All right. Okay.
Hmm.
Mmm!
Inuit, eskimo... whatever. Just zero in on faces that look local.
Okay, ready, five? Take five.
Welcome back. I'm Jim Fox.
And joining me right now is hockey legend Donnie Shulzhoffer...
in from Flin Flon, Manitoba.
Donnie, let's get right to it.
I've had a chance to see the Mystery team practice. They skate fast,
and a couple of guys can really shoot the puck.
Look, the Alaskans have never taken on a team of this size and skill before, okay?
And don't kid yourself. The New York Rangers are taking this game personal.
All right? It isn't exactly rocket surgery.
Now send the kids out of the room.
I don't care how fast a skater you are, if you don't play this game...
with a big heart and a big bag of knuckles...
in front of the net, you don't got dinky-do.
- He'll see you now. - Oh!
Oh, wow.
Uh, th... Thank you for seeing me, mister...
Little Richard.
This is an honor.
May I?
Little Richard, I'm from Mystery.
Now, this is a little town that derives...
Much of its esteem from hockey.
I was wondering.
When you're singing the national anthem...
- well... - I'm cold.
Yes.
Which makes what I'm about to ask...
seem like a monumental request.
- Can I get one? - Okay, everybody, get your newspapers here.
- One newspaper apiece. Hi. - Enjoy the game.
Hello. I'm Doug McLeod, and with me is NHL hall of famer...
and two-time Stanley cup winner, Phil Esposito.
It's the Great Alaskan Hockey Rush...
brought to you live by the National Hockey League...
and the Sports Broadcasting Corporation,
pitting the New York Rangers...
against a cinderella team from the tiny town of Mystery, Alaska.
And here come the red, white and blue.
d Start spreading the news d
d I'm leaving today d
d I want to be d
d a part of it d
d New York, New York d Look at this! No respect. I love it.
d These vagabond shoes d
d are longing to stray d
d Right through the very heart of it dd
And here come the boys of winter.
All right!
Well, there are only 11 skaters to the Rangers' 18,
but also, it's minus ten outside.
That kind of cold can be rough on the New Yorkers.
There's no doubt about it. But Mystery's going to need more than the cold on their side.
- Yeah, Stevie! - The town's grocer is their best scorer,
their fastest guy is a high school kid...
And the captain is the town sheriff.
Like we said, folks, this is a small town.
And the size of this ice surface could be an equalizer for the Mystery team.
It'll definitely help. I've never seen ice this big.
It's even bigger than the olympic rinks.
And now, to sing the national anthem, the one,
the only, Little Richard!
dd
"Tutti frutti"!
This is great, huh?
d Oh, say can d
d you see d
d by the dawn's d
d early light d
- d what so proudly d - d proudly d
Camera three, stay off the Rangers. They look miserable.
They're freezing already. Why the hell is he singing so goddamn slow?
d And the home d
d of the d
d brave d
- d Whoooo d - Yeah!
d Ooh-whoo dd
Wow! Maybe the cold slowed him down. Beautiful.
- All right, the starting lineups... - d oh d
- d Canada d - Great!
Starting to piss me off.
Where does it say Canadian national anthem?
d We stand d
d on guard d
- d for thee d - You all right?
The Mystery team has a shot, right?
- d Canada dd - A shot at what?
Hey, listen, buddy.
Do you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here?
What?
Here we go. Let's play hockey.
All the hoopla is over.
The puck drops here.
Jackson dumps Banks and gets the draw.
Back to Billy Wasson. He moves up and gives back to Jackson.
He takes it wide and gains the Mystery zone.
Down the borders with Lane checking Jackson around the net.
Back to Wasson, wide open. Shoots... what a save by Holt!
Get it out, guys! Get it out!
Mystery is rattled. They're running around like a house league.
- Don't chase! Don't chase! - Get it!
Jackson controls again. Over to King.
He moves it to Wasson, over to Robertson.
Nifty toe drag around Banks. Shoots! And a save by Holt.
Shit. Rangers in control. Holt with another save!
It's a shooting gallery out there!
Wasson, a shot. Jackson shooting.
Finally, Holt controls the rebound.
He dishes it around behind the net for John Biebe.
Take your time! Take your time! And the captain holds it there.
Rangers press as Mystery breaks out.
- Biebe on over to Banks in the corner. - Go to Connor!
And there's the pass.
Here comes Weeks. He is behind the advance.
It is one on one with Sam Gainer.
It is a two-man hockey game right here!
He leads left, goes right, shoots... scores!
Weeks scores on the breakaway, and Mystery leads, one to nothing.
- That's cool! - Unbelievable.
One step and he was gone.
That kid can actually fly.
Two minutes into the first period,
Mystery gets on the board first,
- and this home crowd is going crazy. - Whoo!
Here we go at center ice.
Rangers win again. Duffin chased into the Mystery zone.
Biebe back to get it. Neskorami on the porch.
And hard! He stamps the captain into the screen!
High sticking, fuck shit!
- No! -So much for a friendly exhibition game.
- Play the man! - Mystery has settled a bit,
but the Rangers continue to control.
This is Ranger hockey.
Wasson's back for a shot... and Winetka steals!
Here comes the odd-man rush. It is Ben and Galin.
Look at the passing here!
Connolly trailing. Drop, pass, shot.
- Saved by Gainer! - Shit!
He moves it around to Yeaton. Swings a pass on the take to Lovulette.
- Oh! - Oh, yes, Tree!
- Great hit. - Did you see that? That's my Tree!
And some Rangers take exception to that hit.
Okay, that's it! You're gone!
Outta here. Get out.
Hey, that one is too small, eh?
Next time send me a bigger one.
The biggest one you got.
Knock it off. That'll be enough.
Come on, this is your puck!
Banks wins the draw. Over to Marden, up toward Burns.
And here they come, five on four!
Burns lays it behind the net to Weeks.
Now Mystery sets off on the power play in the Ranger zone.
They're looking to find Connor Banks. He is the sniper.
Biebe. Banks. One-timer! Scores!
- Yes! - Yeah!
Connor Banks on a one-timer from Biebe! Wow!
Great pass! Great pass!
And it's Mystery two and the Rangers zero.
This kid Connor has got a shot like a bullet.
I mean, he's a grocery clerk, for crying out loud.
The Rangers look stunned, Doug.
We're bringing them down, guys!
Two-nothing. Let's keep it up!
Whoo! They act like lumberjacks!
dd
Donnie, the Mystery boys... two unanswered goals in the first period.
Jimmy, you gotta love these kids. God knows I do.
What is going on? Somebody lit a fire under their ass.
This is a-number one, first-class hockey.
You know I'm not a fan of that tippy-tappy,
tic-tac-toe, wide-open skating.
But I'm telling you, some pretty good goals. I'm loving these kids.
I want to adopt them. How's that?
I want to clean them up and raise them as my own.
Someone who's not surprised, Brian.
Donna Biebe, wife of captain John Biebe.
- Well, what a period. - Yes, it was.
What's it like seeing your husband out there with the New York Rangers?
It's great. It's something, actually.
Did you see your daddy out there?
I have a toy pony. He takes big shits.
Excellent. Back to you.
Defensemen...
Use each other as outlets.
- Yes, coach! - Hunt in corners!
They're not that good. We can beat these guys.
- They're not that good! - You're damn right we can!
Yeah!
- Come on, let's go! - Ready four? Take four.
- Come on, Stevie! - Steven Weeks, on the move.
Carries out of his own zone.
Look out! Yeaton rips the head off him!
Weeks over the boards and into the Ranger bench! Wow!
- Come on! - And now they help Weeks back onto the ice...
- in that New York way. - Give me my stick!
Man, he's lucky to get out of there alive.
Well, the Rangers have stepped it up, Phil.
Coach Higgins must have had one of his screaming fits...
Between periods. Now, look at this.
The Rangers are platooning back and forth...
between the warm dressing room.
- Well, that's something I've never seen. - That's not legal.
Is that legal? That's not legal.
The Rangers continue the pressure.
Pick up the man in front! Pick him up!
Scores!
And the Rangers are finally on the board.
Let's go, guys. Let's go!
Rangers on another rush. Three on two, wide across the ice.
Back into the slot, shot, scores!
The slap shot beats Holt on the stick side,
and that ties it up at two.
Put a body in front of him!
Rangers go back to work now. Robertson to Wasson.
There's a move behind the net to Rourke.
A puck shot to Touline, scores!
Yeah! That's hockey!
It's really starting to unravel for Mystery.
They just lost their composure, and now they are paying for it.
Rangers take their first lead of the game, three to two,
with 12 ? minutes left in the period.
And back comes Mystery. Birdie Burns with Biebe.
Burns shooting!
- What the fuck was that? - Biebe torpedoed into the net!
That sets off another scuffle.
Hey, fuck you!
He's back up and rejoins the play.
- Burns carries through centre ice. - Pass it!
He's got Banks on the wing. Pass to the middle. Robertson catches it.
Oh! What a hit!
Birdie Burns is caught trying to do it all by himself...
And he got his wings trimmed right there, man.
Birdie. You don't pass, you sit.
Now Skank Marden carries out.
Hooked by Neskorami, Marden goes down.
- Rangers score. - What the hell was that?
- Marden was hooked. - Are you crazy?
How many times are you gonna let him hook me?
- Jesus Christ! - Back off! Back off!
And another Ranger line comes back warm from the locker room.
Holt comes out and sheriff's deputy...
Bobby Michan goes in at goal.
Saved! Michan stacks the pads!
And Mystery comes streaking back the other way.
The Winetkas lead the way. They gain the zone.
Back over the blue line. And it's intercepted!
Jackson's on a breakaway! On center ice.
No way. And Lane chases.
He... scores!
Five unanswered goals, and the Rangers are steamrolling.
- Come on, Mystery! - Damn!
We'll be right back with the third period.
dd
Different story in the second period.
The Rangers have all the momentum now. Five straight goals.
I feel really bad for these boys, Jimmy. I really do.
Nobody told them it was just a show.
There's still a period to go. Twenty minutes. Any hope?
- I hate to say it. They're done like dinner. - Aw, bullshit.
Hey, we're on the air.
Don't panic. Don't panic.
We'll get our shots. We're not out.
Balls to the walls, huh?
- You'll need some stitches, John. - After.
Oh, Jesus. Can't hold a stick.
It might be broken.
Well, tape it, 'cause I'm not coming out.
- Tape it. - We'll look at it after the game, all right?
- You all right, John? - Yeah.
Here's what I want. One man in, wings on wings.
- Nobody pinches. Trap the neutral zone. - Why? We're down.
I want to keep the score close. As long as it's not a rout, we go home winners.
Now, if we gain the zone, you get across the blue line, you dump.
Send in only the first guy. What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about we're beaten. - We're not beaten.
I'm not beaten!
We're in this game!
- Anybody here tired? - No. No.
- Anybody fuckin' tired? - No!
- Holt? - I'm just warming up, sheriff.
- Connor? - I'm ready, John.
- Birdie, you with us? - Yup.
Good. The Rangers are starting to breathe through their mouths.
Their strides are getting shorter.
Do not give these guys too much respect.
- They didn't pull a dog sled, did they? - No.
- They didn't skate the river, did they? - No.
Forget about that fuckin' circus out there.
That's still black ice. This is our pond.
- You're goddamn right. - That's right.
Biebe's right. We gotta take it to these guys.
Heads up!
This is our pond.
Nice assist.
I will. I will. We gotta do it together, man.
Mystery is hoping the cold of night will stem this Ranger tide.
- Get it, John! - But the Rangers are right back on the attack.
Oh! And a huge hit by Biebe!
It's payback time, and that one's for Stevie Weeks.
Face-off on the Rangers' end. Rangers get the draw.
Cangrapoole along the boards. Lane pitches, and the puck squirts free.
- Jackson's got it! - Eleven, pick him up!
Come on, boys. Cover it!
He's gone on the breakaway. This could really put Mystery away.
They're chasing, but Jackson's all alone.
- Come on! - Jackson fakes and shoots!
A huge save by Holt!
Holt stood on his head. I've never seen a save like that!
Great save, Holt. Come on, guys.
Come on, Tree. Let's go, baby. Come on, Galin. Let's go now.
Face-off at the Mystery blue line.
Rangers win the draw. Back to Rory.
- And both Winetkas forecheck. - Take it in!
Galin knocks the puck to brother Ben and carries it into the zone.
Connolly trails. He has it in his sights.
He shoots... scores!
And he rips the shot over Gainer's glove!
Yeah! Ha! Yeah!
- Goal by 29. - All right, we're back in it, boys!
Wow, Johnny!
Go! Go, go, go, go, go! Let's go!
That makes it five to three, and Mystery has a pulse again.
But the Rangers control the puck.
Back to Wasson. He winds for the shot. Marden drops to block.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, man! Does that gotta hurt!
- Oh, mommy. - He really took one in the seeds for the team.
Mystery gets the loose puck and heads the other way.
Now Marden is slow to get up.
And Phil, you don't see a guy just lie down in front of a Billy Wasson...
90-mile-an-hour slap shot very often.
Mystery is giving everything they've got. This is great hockey.
Everybody in!
As soon as you cross the blue line,
- Holt, you come, Skank, you go. - Yeah.
Three men on the puck. Defense, you gotta pinch!
Throw it at the net. Everybody's gotta crash.
- Come on, let's go! - Right with you, sir.
- Hang if you have to, Connor. - Got it.
Blow it out your ass.
Plenty of time. Plenty of time. Let's go! Come on, guys!
1:26. Two goals down.
- And time is running out for Mystery. - Desperation time, Doug.
Look for Burns to pull their goalie.
They want to get that extra attacker into the play.
Come on! It's not over! Mystery! Mystery!
Mystery! Mystery!
Let's rock, boys. Let's get it going!
Mystery! Mystery!
And Banks wins it. Biebe carries.
- And there goes holt. - Six attackers. The net's empty.
On the wing to Weeks. He gains the zone.
And here comes Mystery. Let's see how they work the puck.
From right wing to right point, down low to Birdie Burns.
Here comes Burns, working for a shot. He's gonna shoot.
No, he passes the puck to Biebe! Shoots!
- Scores! - Yea!
Biebe scores off a great pass from Birdie Burns.
- Yeah! - Five to four, Mystery down by one,
and now, 43 seconds to play.
- It's not over yet! - Who would have ever guessed it would get to this?
- Did you see that? - Mystery, Alaska, one goal away from tying the New York Rangers.
Come on! One more! One more!
Don't rush the shot. Three men across the blue line.
- Skank, you in the middle. - Yeah.
Work it down low, look for Connor. Don't rush it.
Forty-three seconds,
and then the rest of your lives.
Forty-three seconds. You own that time.
It's your time. Am I right?
Right on! Take it! Take it!
Mystery's gonna keep their goalie on the bench.
Six on five, with the empty net behind.
I love it, Doug. They're going for it. Everything's on the line!
This is what this game is all about.
Rangers win the draw. Robertson for the empty net!
And he just missed it!
Plenty of time! Plenty of time!
Biebe slowing it down behind the net.
Stay high. All the way in, Stevie.
Now Weeks takes it and carries it on down the wing.
- This kid still has got the jets. - Yes! Yes!
They'll be working to free up Connor Banks in the slot.
Here comes Mystery. Banks trying to get free.
Biebe's got it! Here comes Connor Banks!
He's got a shot!
Wow.
Mystery! Mystery!
Good game. Good game.
Nice game.
Great game, son.
Great game, judge.
Stevie! Hey.
I can't believe you're leaving. I know.
We never even had sex.
I'll be back in a couple of months.
You better.
- For real? - Can you believe it?
- Oh, man! - Yeah, I know.
Your little garden is gonna have fun.
There's some serious turnip to hoe in New York City.
I'm not going to the New York Rangers right away.
They're sending me to Binghamton, which is like the AHL.
Yeah! Nice!
Stevie Weeks too? Yeah.
Both to Binghamton, huh? Two-way contracts.
To start with. They'll make it.
They won't be coming back.
Shame they couldn't take Skank with them, huh?
Well, good for you, John. You'll be back in the Saturday game then.
Uh-huh. Yeah. Until you can find a way to bump me again.
All right, folks. Gotta go.
Love to stay, but, uh, gotta go.
You're not going on the helicopter?
No, there's no room on that thing. I got a car waiting to take me to Fairbanks.
- Hey, Charlie. - Yeah?
Thank you.
Yeah.
I'm gonna say goodbye to Connor.
He's a...
You got a great family there.
- I do. - Yeah.
Well, we don't have to say goodbye, really. I hope to be back in June.
Don't bring the Yankees.
I love you.
Bye.
John.
d I just want to see you d
d When you're all alone d
d I just want to catch you if I can d
Bye. d I just want to be there when the morning light explodes d
d on your face, it radiates d
d I can't escape I love you 'till the end d
d I just want to tell you nothing You don't want to hear d
d All I want is for you to say d
d "Oh, why don't you just take me where I've never been before?" d
d I know you want to hear me catch my breath d
so that blocked shot must have really hurt, huh?
Not too bad.
'Cause I have three hours till my crew's ready to leave.
d I love you till the end d
d I just want to be there d
d when we're caught in the rain d
d I just want to see you laugh not cry d
d I just want to feel you d
d when the night puts on its cloak d
d I'm lost for words don't tell me d
d 'cause all I can say I love you till the end d
d I love you till the end d
d I'll love you till the end d
d all I can say I'll love you till the end dd